Have you watched the La La Land? Well I watched it for the second time last night with my mom. I didn't want to, because I knew it'd make me emotional again, but there weren't much choices for her but the action movies she doesn't like. So we watched the award-winning movie together.

Watching the movie for the second time makes me look at more details and simple things that I forgot from the first watch, just like the mentioning of Indonesia that I didn't remember before. And just returning from Universal Studios Singapore made me realize that one of the settings was around a studio, the Warner Bros.

But the main thing that makes this movie special for me (and being reminded last night) is the story. It talks about dreamers, about making their dreams come true, about choosing between lover vs ambition. It made me really think: what do I value more in life; is it more to keep the love of my life, or to have the life that I've always dreamed of?

If you ask me the question, my answer would be to have my love forever in my arms. But in reality, I just realized, it doesn't go that way. The older I get the more I realized that most of my childhood plans don't work out. I dreamed of getting married with the first and only guy I date--but life happened and I'm already on my eleventh guy now at the age of (almost) 33.

Instead, my younger sister got married first almost two years ago, and I'm still single now. In fact, almost all of the theories and principals I had in mind when I was a little girl had changed now into the opposites. I've realized many years ago that life isn't as pretty as those fairy tales or Disney princess' stories. The happy-ever-after kinda life, I know now, happens just for a glimpse, for once in a lifetime, and could live forever only in our minds--just like Seb and Mia's fantasy when Seb played their song in his club at the end. Sad, isn't it?

But I'm a dreamer. Boy, I'm such a terrible dreamer. Deep in my heart I believe that I'd have that kind of ending; the happy-ever-after one. I know that I deserve such happy ending. So what if my last boyfriend chose his career over me, just like Mia chose to pursue her dream, got married with another man, and left Seb with nothing but his own dream to chase? Well, I might be Seb here, and I know I'm gonna have that club of my own. But unlike Seb, I believe I'll have another Mia in my life.

The last paragraph might sound delusional or like a denial, but I prefer to think of it as hopeful. At least to keep me going on for now. For the past two years I'd been lamenting my fate for being so unlucky with love life and repenting on why did he left me. But the movie--despite depicting my story in a grand musical way--reminded me that I, too, have a choice to make in this life. I have the power to rewrite my story, to reset my destiny, to change the plot anytime that I want.

Most people, after experiencing such great love and have lost it, choose to give in to life and surrender to the system: find any next eligible one available, marry them, have kids, and die old. I guess I'm never a fan to that theory. Maybe I'm really born a rebel. I prefer to experience greatness than mere goodness. Maybe I'll end up just like Seb: having my dream comes true for my career, without a family to build. I guess a family is not necessary to make, isn't it?

La La Land movie reminds us about choices in life. We are always offered with options, and each has its own consequences. It's just which consequence we want to live in better. And when we're the one who have to accept the other one's choice, we still have choices on how we'd live with that option. Because life is all about choices and consequences.