Due to my recent probs and businesses, I got no time to keep this blog updated. Sorry for that but I'm trying my best to keep in touch. I dunno when it really started but I hadn't been myself lately. I guess it was because of the stress in the family and work that I seldom have fun, the thing I need the most in my life. Or perhaps because of the wrong people I've been keeping up with.. sometimes it influence the way of thinking and mood and aura.

So when last night friends of Ara called me to go, I thought, why not? So I rolled my silver Jazz to Warung Pasta where Gabby and Cheryl had already waited for me and we had a great girl talk session with baked pasta and when it was going to close, we moved to Ciwalk for more fun.

We had two-hours of karaoke at NAV, just the three of us, singing all genres of music from pop to rock, from hip-hop to alternative, from jazz to dangdut!!! I had such fun last night, excitement washed over me and an enlightenment came to me.. that I really wasn't being me for the last several months... or even years!

I just realized that I had a very seldom fun that I became such a boring person, a pessimist who was being too serious with her life. I realized that all these years I've becoming more a phlegmatic person than a sanguine, which was the 'real' me. I had been keeping myself away from people and fun and my own true character. And last night, I came back.

I had stopped going out till late in Bandung since I didn't really like the people I had been hanging out with, plus a restriction from ex-boyfriend about going out. I had stopped seeing people I like since I hang with more serious and 'homey' people. I had stopped singing since a friend told me that my voice was ugly and she always criticized me. I had stopped being myself since I start listening to people!

So when the heat was getting up and the music was banging out loud, I slowly came back to who I am. This was the person I had been whenever I hang out with Joey, Alex and Yodi in Jakarta or only with Rachelle in Bandung. This was the Victoria that I love, that I had been longing for for years that had been kept away, buried inside some years ago when things got more complicated in my life.

I had missed this side of Victoria, this part of me that keeps me whole and complete. And last night when I found all of the scattered pieces back, I made an oath to myself. That I will never ever listen to other people again telling me what to do or not to do, and I won't let them interfere again with my life because this is mine, and I am the one who's playing it and making rules in it. And I p
pledge now to myself, that I will always be me, the best of it. ^_^

I hope all of you had found your 'true' selves too! My prayers are with you.