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Now that I live nearby my aunts and friends in Jakarta, I notice how dramatic, unhappy and stressful lives they have. For the past year I see that they love watching/reading drama or any real stories sprinkled with dramatic elements. Those youtube short videos and TV programs that highlights the sympathetic lives of the poor, of parents left by grown-up children and other similar things are very common to see and produced here in Asia.

The yearn of having consolation--or in other words "play victim"--is getting popular and usual. This attitude leads to laziness and demands for people to be merciful, pitiful and--in extreme cases--be generous "because" they are the poor ones, the downtrodden, the left-behinds, the small people. These people (which I call as "sudra" caste) think they are the most suffering human beings in the world, demanding people to be kind and soft toward them. They crave for stories that made them cry, touched and call it as "humanity" side.

Meanwhile in the western world, the most popular theme for videos and TV programs are the inspiring ones; the ones that show that no matter how low life can be, there is always a turning point, a brighter day, a chance to start over. Instead of crying for pity, they act. People are pushed to try their best, not sit-and-rotten to pity their lives but to do something about it. The difference between the eastern and western characters is that the western don't stop at the problem. They stand up and try fixing the problem. They get up and decide to win the obstacles, changing the term "obstacle" into a "challenge". They triumph over the life test. And that's what makes them tough and firm.

Recently I was taught about the difference between "nice/kind" and "right". Being nice/kind (baik) is all about the surface, how we represent our intention in such a kind manner that pleases our interlocutor. Being right (benar) is about doing what is fair, just, appropriate, good, honest, honorable, legal, legitimate, proper, suitable, true, etc (via thesaurus). By being nice, we do/speak just to please the other people--which always depends on the intention/perspective, but being right fits to all of the participants. Being right cannot be argued because it is not subjective.

In Indonesia, we've been taught to always be "nice and right". Be nice first, and it's surely be right (for certain party). But lately I figured that it's more proper to "be right first, then nice if possible". Being nice is connected closely to emotions (read my recent post here). In Indonesia, we are used to equalize the meaning of emotion (emosi) and feeling (perasaan/intuisi) while in fact they are far different. Emotion is all that short-term spontaneous urge from our nerve system while feeling is the stable, sustainable indication that comes from our heart. That is why, the term of "baik dan benar" has been used as advise on well-behaving in Indonesia. We are never taught the differences between these words.

As further study, I checked the synonym of "drama". It goes to "theatrical piece", acting, comedy, farce, play, scene, show, etc (via thesaurus). It means that drama is the "add-ons" to make things more seasoned, nicely-packaged, in order to meet the audiences' expectation. It means, that drama isn't really necessary in our daily lives as humans. It means, drama is what makes life more complicated for girls and hard to understand for guys. It means, drama is what makes people miserable. Don't you agree?


Now I challenge all of you to live a less dramatic life from now on. Starting with simple exercises in five simple steps as follows:

1. Avoid watching dramas (or sinetron in Indonesia), including those touchy-feely videos people are forwarding in social media. Not that I suggest people to "not have a heart" but rather to act more rationally, being more aware and responsible. In high dosage, drama can seriously injure people's mental and hurt relationships with others.

2. Have a written notes/journal to recognize and differentiate between emotions and feelings we experience everyday. By writing the journal, we can keep track of our progress from time to time.

3. Try to hold our emotions the moment we feel it and sort the proper action to follow. Remember: "fear is normal, but panic is deadly". To act out of panic would lead us to unpleasant things.

4. Perhaps you can try to meditate. There are plenty of choices out there, from yoga to transcendental, Buddhism or Hinduism, and many other ways. Find one that fits you best.

5. Then finally, you can divert your need for drama to a more useful thing. For instance, you can start doing the no.1 from your bucket list, or joining the social project that can help many people. Or simply focusing to your hobbies. That way, we get happy and have less time to be dramatic or to be nosy to others' problems.

Can you do that? Share your experiences/thoughts to victoria.marsiana@gmail.com and I'll post them in my blog!