5 Whys Cross-Gender Friendship Is Not Working
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They say this kind of friendship is impossible (especially after you watch these movies above.) But I should disagree. In fact, I got more male than female close friends that I keep around me. For me, having male friends is my benefit to have different kind of fun: go on adventures, laugh about stuff, make fun of each other, get logical explanations and practical solutions, and moments when I don't have to talk about touchy-feely kind of thing, while female friends feed my emotional needs when I need to discuss about feelings and certainly a place to get fashion/beauty tips.
I know, having a best friend of opposite sex is hard to maintain. In most cases one party would have more feeling than the other and this would ruin the friendship. In order to keep it, one should bury his/her feelings--or otherwise would lose the other person for nothing.
In my opinion, the attraction one/both party/ies would feel toward the/each other in this case is nothing at all like a crush. It could start with an interest similar to a crush, but in time you'll realize that it's more like an admiration. Those people who say that it's impossible certainly never have this kind of friendship. I'd say, friendship with opposite sex member is possible, true, and sometimes could give you much more fun/benefit than a homogeneous friendship.
Cross-gender friendship is only possible when two mature people get aside genders and look at each other as human being as smart, civilized and fun persons instead of a lust object or sex buddy. I know it's really hard to tell, but in my whole life I can say the platonic friendships I have with my male friends really warm my heart in a way; knowing there's a slight chance of pure friendship in the world full of lust.
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| via wikihow |
Great friendship is certainly a place where you can talk, discuss and have fun about anything together. You can read how to keep the friendship here. But from my own experiences, here are the 5 reasons why cross-gender friendship is failing.. or 5 things to avoid if you want to keep your heterogeneous friendship to go on:
1. Undetermined feelings
For me it's easy to know the difference between friendship and love: if you want to fuck their mind/character/soul but don't want to deal with any of their physical (body, family, occupation, social status, financial condition, and so on), then s/he is your best friend. In the opposite, if you just want to fuck their body and not their soul, it's clearly just lust and does not worth any of friendship or serious relationship. Once you can recognize your own feeling toward them, you can set boundaries and define how you treat them--as friends.
2. Undefined positions
Now that you know your feelings, you have to let them know. Make clear boundaries, treat them right, or even discuss it with them. Never flirt or give false hope. If the other party is the one who has feeling more than friendship, make sure they got the message and give them time to neutralize their feeling. If you're the one who like them more but they consider you just as friend, get yourself some distance and get new circle of friends until you are certain you have a mutual platonic feeling. If you can't get rid of that feeling, it's going to be hard to maintain a friendship.
3. Physical touch
Avoid unnecessary hugs, embraces, or any kind of touch. Limit it only for greetings and not more than that. Avoid sensual touches, even when they are crying their heart out. Don't lend them a shoulder to cry on if you know it could mislead their feelings. Show or tell them your empathy to their situation in a proper amount but don't get carried away. Give the logical or emotional solutions they need, but don't give the kind of touch they crave for. Let them seek for it someplace else; not from you.
4. Romantic situation
Don't go to romantic places or intimate situation together. If you want to have a one-on-one conversation, do it in public places or if it's at either one's house, do it at the living room or kitchen, and make sure there are other people around. If things are getting hotter, simply leave the room. Keep yourself away from them for a while if you must. Do anything that can keep your relationship as casual as you can by giving time and space to keep it cool.
5. Excluding your partners
If either or both of you have significant others, acknowledge this friendship to the partner(s) and include them in it. If your partner doesn't approve, tell your friend about the condition so they could at least make an effort to win your partner's heart. Or vice versa: try to befriend your friend's partner if they tend to be suspicious on you. True friends should always have each others' back, even when they need to be away from their lives for a while. Don't worry about that: the people who really care for you won't leave your life no matter what!
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