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The ending wasn't something that I expected (nor was the story) and it brought me to some questions. I am wondering, which one is more painful: to know that your spouse is cheating on you or to see them commit a suicide?
Both reflects how unsatisfying you are as a partner, or how you couldn't understand your spouse's heart, mind or soul. Both explained to the world that you are unable to make them happy or simply to comfort their weary heart.
For me, I think it's way better to see them cheating (tho, of course, the least I'd expect from my partner) than to see them commiting a suicide. By ending one's life, it means there were no more hope for them, not any slightest chance to make their life happier or feeling useful or worth.
But to let them cheat, that means they still have a chance to live a happier life, but not with us. I think this one is more bearable, tho there must be a lot of pain for us to accept it. At least by letting them go we can give them happiness we couldn't give.
As for me cheating = goodbye forever, I am so not accepting back 'used' item. Once cheating, no door will open up again. If they'd find happiness somewhere else, then go. Don't ever think of going back. In the movie's case, I'd team April. I'd do the same thing as April did, I think..
(made me rethink; am I as insane as her? But at those time of 50's I guess it's a normal thing to do for a woman like her..)
But I have not to worry cuz my man now isn't anyone like Frank Wheeler in the movie. I am so glad that I have Ara now :)
- I am going to build my own businesses
- I want to accompany my mother at home
- I need to clean up my face from polluted air
- I want to continue my french course
- I need to enhance my relationship with my bf
[still don't wanna admit that love and relationship is actually my numero uno concern. lol. but i love you babe, you know i do. that's why i'm posting it here.]
All my life I've been a nomad and went here and there for a short time (Dipta said I work for my self-existence only.) I've always wanted to leave Bandung ASAP and had prepared myself to go broader than just Jakarta but now I have to go back to Bandung...
Well I am just thinking how things go in circle. What comes around goes around. Like it or not, the path of your life will somehow go to the places you dislike the most. Not that I am anti-Bandung, but I've dreamt of bigger things than this.
What I'm worrying about is not the regretting stuff. I know that everything happens for a reason and there ain't no regret needed. What bothers me is the fear. I'm afraid that I'd miss Jakarta with all of its good and bad. I've adapted with its lifestyle especially for the last one and a half year and now I have to let it go.
I am afraid, because I've settled my lifestyle here. I had officially moved over from Bandung and left my life there. I've started a new life here. I've left my room unoccupied and the house never feels the same. I am afraid that I'd feel bored or lonely or miss Jakarta more than ever.
Actually I really hate living in two cities at one time but both cities have their own spots in my heart. Yet I need to fulfill my destiny; I need to go back to Bandung and start building my own business world. People have different purposes and I guess this is mine. Guess I need to put the fear behind and face the new beginning whatever it takes.



























