How much trouble can a trauma cause you? Mine made me almost lose the one that I love. It was so horrible, how one bad thing that had happened in your life could stuck on your memory like a sticker.

I hate it. How the bad moment that happened for so many times in my past chose to stay deep in me while I thought I had vanished them away. But it didn't. Some wounds are harder to cure than the others. And that wound became hatred.

Someone (whose name shouldn't be said) in my past had hurt me so deep and for so many times it now made me so hard to deal with anything about possessiveness. I can become very sensitive about it, when someone forbids me (or sounds or seems like it) to hang out with new/unknown/lots of guy friends.

So when my love sounded suspicious about who I was going with tonight at Hyper Square, I subconsciously remembered the trauma and became sensitive. Then when he said a wrong word (in a wrong intonation, too) the fire was kindled and I didn't realize that my mind was replaying the trauma because all I could feel then was anger.

I really gotta forget it wholly and totally because I'm now in a new life with my future and I gotta remind myself how different my lover is with my past. He's an adorable young guy who just loves me so much he's so scares of losing me. I'm afraid to lose him, too. I just wanna hang out with friendsss (with many 's'es to show how 'many' they are) and it's just so my nature to love networking so much.

Oh God please take those trauma away cuz I really want to live peacefully with my lovely husband (-to-be) and I really don't want any single piece of the past go on with us. I've removed all of the pictures, contacts, and even the fb accounts. And now, my task is to erase all of the memory so the trauma will be gone as well. Oh Lord please help me with this..