Another Victoria's Secrets

Oh, I forgot to tell you that I'm now back together again with my boyfriend. Truth was, that we were both stressed out about our own businesses and got drown into the depressions that we lost the communication and understanding. Now that everything was over, I try to analyze and take lessons from it. Tho it was hard to get thru and wasn't pleasing at all, I am glad we had the fight.

The basic reason why we were having the quarrel was because I was being a woman and he was being a man. One thing that I knew but forgot was the difference between that. I reread the "Why Men Don't Listen And Women Can't Read Maps" book by Allan + Barbara Pease and found the root problem of it all: that a woman will keep on talking to release the tension when they were stressed while a man needs the silence and his time alone to think.

That was what happened: I kept on talking about this and that, nagging about this and that, discussing about this and that... stuff that weren't important and had nothing to do with any of us and actually wasn't worth the discussion at all. But that was me, as a woman, feeling that it was necessary to pour out all of the contains of my memory of the day to the only person I want to be heard by, while he was already fully-contained by his own problems, work loads and stress.

And when it kept on going for a while, the lady will keep on blabbing and makes the gentleman too tired to think of too many things and at last shutting off all of his senses to the 'troublemaker', going up to his 'thinking stone' (or 'cave') and think. He'll need the full concentration for this and hearing the woman's voice will distract him.

Of course, this makes the woman feels not being loved, unimportant, unwanted and the worst is anxious whether the man has another woman. Which was not (always) true. The more the woman talks, the more the man pulls himself off. But the more the man shuts down the communication, the more the woman worries and tries to find out what's happening--usually by chasing the man and bothering his thinking moment.

They said this is a usual problem that happens in man-woman relationship--that's why there are lots of divorce cases in the whole world, because they didn't know about this basic characters of mars and venus. And as for me, I forgot about this when the case came to us and there we were, dragged into the most fatal phase in our relationship.

Another thing to be concerned about was that I am a sanguine-phlegmatic while he's the melancholy-phlegmatic that made us completely two different characters who are bond in the same passive character of phlegm. So while I was being a hyperactive sanguine woman (being a woman itself has already made me an extrovert, plus the sanguine side made it double), Ara was the total opposite of me: the melancholy man (the gender made him born a thinker and the melancholy perfects it all)

We do need each other in our life together: I bring the dynamics into his life while he puts the orders, plans, goals and rules between the lines for me. He comforts and calms me while I support and encourage him, and vice versa. When one speeding up, the other hits the brake. But when in stress, we can really (want to) kill each other. Scary, it is, but if we love each other so much and understand about the character differences, everything is just gonna be fine.

When we were both getting hard on our own opinions, wills, ideals and principals, we got lost. We held on our own theories and the chaos emerged. But after several days of being away from each other, the void bothered us and the love came back and as what John Lennon once sang: all we need is love! 
And love indeed conquers all.

Now that the storm had passed, I can say that sometime love does need a break; to see if it can be mended, to know if it's true, to test how strong the power is to regather the broken hearts. When love do conquers it all, then it's what they call as true love. And when it's true, nothing can ever come in between. Now I'm certain about it... and about us.

So for couples out there who are facing problems, please don't do the same mistake we did. For women, please respect and trust your man to think and solve his own problems; give him space and in no time he'll return to you, happily unburdened to love you. He just needs to concentrate with his work load because it is his nature to think and earn money--which are for your sake, too.

For men, well, all you need to do is loving her so deeply and be patient to her nags and stories--no matter how boring or unimportant they are--and don't try to think or give solutions. What a girl needs is just an ear with no brain or mouth. They only need (at least to think that she's) being heard. Pretend that you listen and try not to think about it at all to ease your mind.

Then, with the love that you two have, I believe you guys will be okay in time. Just keep the faith and trust of each other and have a great communication between you two. I hope you guys are wise enough to put love on your first list before the ideals, principals and other unnecessary theories that could keep the true love of yours away. I pray for each of your love to be found--just like I had found mine.. thank God for that!

Tho it had brought me bitterness at the beginning, I still love March so much. :)

I went surfing the net and found this cute cartoon of Secret Friend Society. I love the first image especially, and it's from the Salamander Dream, beside of the creator's comic Jellaby. They're pretty much interesting and nice to look at. Enjoy!




And below are some of the Jellaby:

I think God really work in a strange way, way beyond our imagination. I just started to decide that I was going to do things my way, but then I got down and just when I thought of shutting off myself from the world, God sent me angels to make me fly again. And the way God is working always beyond our imagination. Even the angels that He sent are barely the people we expect them to.

Two nights ago I went to hang out with my new friends Cheryl and Rachelle at Cafe Halaman and met several new friends there. Tutu and Iyai, Rama's friends, came and joined us, as well as Aris and Kevin, my 'twitter' friends with their friend Daniel, and also Kiki, Rama's off-roader friend. Rama himself joined us after two hours full, and we discussed business opportunity in the middle of the night.

We came home and slept for few hours and in the morning we got prepared and Rachelle fetched us all and finally we were all gathered at Rama's house. Then by around 2 p.m. we departed for Sukawana, way up beyond Cihideung. It's an off road track for jeeps and motocross but we went there anyway, in order to see the site of an upcoming event for our business's first project.

But nothing we can expect from an off-road experience but failures. So after we actually met the site, it was still another long four hours of waiting and pushing and trying to get back to the city, thank God for sending us a group of Jimnies who just came back from the 'Tower' who went passed us. They stopped and helped and dropped me at Cheryl's house.

I went to Ara's house right after, feeling exhausted and missing my baby very much. I had been in the forest for hours and all that I longed for was a bear hug from my boyfriend so that was what I seek first once I get to the city. For my surprise, he already prepared a birthday present for me and guess what? I love it very much!


My brother fetched me up past midnight and when we got home, Mom had already prepared the delicious blueberry cheesecake from Cizz and sparkling wine. So the three of us celebrated the small feast and all that I could feel was joy. God put some burden for me, tasks for me to get passed through, and after it all said and done, He grant me beautiful reward of love, friendship and joy. God is good. Thank you, Lord!

Due to my recent probs and businesses, I got no time to keep this blog updated. Sorry for that but I'm trying my best to keep in touch. I dunno when it really started but I hadn't been myself lately. I guess it was because of the stress in the family and work that I seldom have fun, the thing I need the most in my life. Or perhaps because of the wrong people I've been keeping up with.. sometimes it influence the way of thinking and mood and aura.


So when last night friends of Ara called me to go, I thought, why not? So I rolled my silver Jazz to Warung Pasta where Gabby and Cheryl had already waited for me and we had a great girl talk session with baked pasta and when it was going to close, we moved to Ciwalk for more fun.

We had two-hours of karaoke at NAV, just the three of us, singing all genres of music from pop to rock, from hip-hop to alternative, from jazz to dangdut!!! I had such fun last night, excitement washed over me and an enlightenment came to me.. that I really wasn't being me for the last several months... or even years!

I just realized that I had a very seldom fun that I became such a boring person, a pessimist who was being too serious with her life. I realized that all these years I've becoming more a phlegmatic person than a sanguine, which was the 'real' me. I had been keeping myself away from people and fun and my own true character. And last night, I came back.

I had stopped going out till late in Bandung since I didn't really like the people I had been hanging out with, plus a restriction from ex-boyfriend about going out. I had stopped seeing people I like since I hang with more serious and 'homey' people. I had stopped singing since a friend told me that my voice was ugly and she always criticized me. I had stopped being myself since I start listening to people!

So when the heat was getting up and the music was banging out loud, I slowly came back to who I am. This was the person I had been whenever I hang out with Joey, Alex and Yodi in Jakarta or only with Rachelle in Bandung. This was the Victoria that I love, that I had been longing for for years that had been kept away, buried inside some years ago when things got more complicated in my life.

I had missed this side of Victoria, this part of me that keeps me whole and complete. And last night when I found all of the scattered pieces back, I made an oath to myself. That I will never ever listen to other people again telling me what to do or not to do, and I won't let them interfere again with my life because this is mine, and I am the one who's playing it and making rules in it. And I p
pledge now to myself, that I will always be me, the best of it. ^_^

I hope all of you had found your 'true' selves too! My prayers are with you.

Not too officially, though, but I said goodbye to my greatest lover last night. It was totally unexpected, actually, but somehow I knew that this was coming. He sent the signals for the past two weeks by ignoring me and avoiding meetings with me. I knew it, and thank God I've prepared for it.

He was choosing a side--the religion which had been his--and he was too afraid that I wouldn't be able to accept it that he'd been (kind of) avoiding me for the last two weeks. Well, I'm not a girl who can be treated like that. I'm so not a type who's just sit waiting for the boyfriend to come to see me and do nothing about it. I'm the type who fights back and finds to know the problem.

Actually, it didn't really matter if he took the different way--it's his belief and I can't do anything but accept it, which I already had since the beginning--perhaps it was only 10% of all the factors that had made me decided. But it was more about the disappointment. The way he kept things from me, the way he stood me up for the WHOLE TWO WEEKS! How could this not make me upset?

Maybe I'm living my real world while also being in my dream world. It had been like that, the way I live my life. And for the last one year Ara had been my biggest, happiest fantasy in that other world that made it easier to bear, living in the real one. It didn't matter if he's in different religion--I've accepted it long before he knew it, I could truly accept that cuz I love him for him, not for anything else. And it didn't matter at all for him being younger than me. I always think that he's actually older and more mature than me in most of everything.

But when he decided on two things last night, I simply felt that he's no longer a partner to live in my 'dream' world. I used to think that two can play the game and he was the perfect match to live the dream. Not that I'm playing any game here, but it's fun for me to see things more hyperbolic in fantasy, giving me more vivid reasons to live and fight in the real world, like some motivation or goal to be made. I've made Ara the King of my Fantasy World but he just decided to quit the fight with me, so not just he disappointed me to the bottom, the position is no longer his.

And it was the way he treated me. No boys would expect what a two weeks of ignorance can do to a girl. Well, this is one. The girl can really be upset--so upset that she has no longer will or passion to continue with all of what once been the biggest dream of her life. It's true. I feel no more compassion about whatever it is that he's offering. I suddenly felt numb that I chose to walk away.

I was too disappointed about the way he turned me down, knowing for in those two weeks that I wasn't that worth fighting for, knowing that for in that two weeks he's been choosing every other things instead of me, especially now that I just lost my Dad and need support so badly. And it hurts, it hurts damn so much. I could feel that in the last couple weeks that I was no longer in his life, I was no longer a part, I was no longer important. And it was enough--I could see the picture of the next ten/twenty years in my marriage that I weren't nobody but just a 'wife' title, when he won't be around when I really need him.

It's just not what I want in a marriage. I want a happy one, the one where my part and his were equal. I want it to be filled with love and love only. I want it to be as perfect as what fairy tales said about 'happily ever after'. But after these tiring two weeks I know that this isn't longer anything like that. I know that someday he'll turn away from me again and I'm no stupid girl to let it happen twice.

I guess I'm totally a hard girl, a stubborn one. I pledged my principal and I stick with it. I'm the one who can really separate the word 'love' and 'relationship'. I want 'love' to be in the 'relationship' but don't feel the 'relationship' is necessarily needed in 'love'. This confuse a lot of people but I've been living in this principal for so long. I love Ara so much, but I just can't stand seeing him break my heart in the future.

It's so nothing about the religion. But it did help me to decide... his decision made it easier for me to choose. That I love him truly, but I love myself more. I know nothing about future or if we're truly destined to be together, but for now I think I'll manage with myself.

Forgive my long absent here but I've been super busy earning money and stuff and bla bla bla which left me only few minutes in a week to post an article here..


However, weeks went by so quick and it's already a summer here (today's the first day rainless in Bandung) and there are more things to do for me. I don't really have much time to have fun since it's all about the money for me this year. I went to have fun with friends in Jakarta last weekend, meeting up with Lita on Friday in Taman Anggrek Mall and the rest of the gang on Saturday night in PX, before finally went back to Bandung on Sunday morning with Mom and Ben.


Days after that short refreshing weekend were filled with business; and it had been 9 days since I last meet my boyfriend ):
However, food have been my greatest compensation and the only pleasing moment I can really enjoy during the business and these are few of delightful meals I had during the last week. Enjoy them with me!

There's something--which I don't certain what--about this movie that made me LOVE it so much: perhaps it's because of the youth's night life in NYC or because of Michael Cera (Juno) played in it... or perhaps because of the band concerts that were in it. But I do love Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist so much!

The movie's about a guy named Nick who incidentally likes his ex's friend Norah in just one night where they were looking for their favorite band's concert venue and got into some scenes they didn't plan before. The movie is so youthful, half indie and they don't involve cheerleaders/sport game like any other teenage movies. I love the fresh idea of this movie and it really brought me back to the past when it was my time hopping around clubs after midnight and also reminded me a lot of Singapore (since I had never been to any other countries that have such streets and nightlife.)


For those who love fresh youth indie movies, this is the perfect movie for you to watch. Kudos!

My sister said that I'm a sky-person; a person who likes to watch the sky and admires its beauty. Well I do love to see the sky and the shapes of the clouds and the color palette of it when the sun sets. I love to see how beautifully they look and these pictures were taken before and during the Katrina struck.

A man in Magee, MS, took this picture about 150 miles North of Waveland, Mississippi, where the Hurricane made landfall. The dance with Katrina, part of her beauty as she left destruction on her exit. They're remarkably dramatic and I love how the sky looked during the great hurricane. It was indeed both awesome and terrifying!







by courtesy of Uncle Pat.

I've been super busy from the beginning of this month and it's good sometimes to spend spare time with old friends. Like what I did last Monday after all the stomachache, heavy rainstorm and got locked-in the house. I went to Diana's parents-in-law's house to see her 29 days old daughter Gwen Edler.

There in the house were already my schoolmates Livia, Beatrix and Liana talking with Diana. I went to the room and found Freddy, Diana's husband, was companying the cute baby girl sleeping in her cradle. It's always lovely to see newborns but nothing compares the delightful of reuniting with old fellas. It had been perhaps 7 years since our last gathering and life had taken us to different paths during the lost years. It was nice to be together again somehow.. knowing that we're still the same person after all.

After the small reunion we went to Sushi Tei for dinner (without Diana) and I continued my journey of the day to Ara's house, getting closer with his family and himself after his holiday last weekend.

I dunno whether it was because I met two super-hyperactive toddlers earlier today or was it because my BBM is error or because my man's going out of town that made me super cranky now. Or was it because of listening to two different stories about assholes that made me joined the 'broken heart club' with my girls? I dunno.

But today I met my best friend Siska who is only a day in Bandung and she'll return to Aussie soon so I am very happy to have met her today even it was only for an hour of coffee at Black Canyon, PVJ. We had only short time of a meeting but I know we'll still be best friends for a long time after today. She's one of the greatest girls I have ever had as a friend.

Well I am still in my cranky mood actually but it's much better after I chatted with my girls and poured some of the burdens here in my almost-forgotten blog.. Sorry to share this with you but well, I guess once in a while I really need to get cranky here. I wish all of you a better mood than mine and wish you well. God bless!!

My boyfriend created this denim & cloth brand of Creative Ambiguous that sells raw jeans for guys. The upcoming web will be launched soon in this month and the pre-sale jeans are now in facebook group and page. Please feel free to drop comments here while the web is under construction to order the stuff in pre-sale promo price until Feb 15th, 2010. After that date, the jeans will be sold in normal price. Details for your currency will be added by request. Thanks for the support and have a fun shopping for guys!

My sister made me posed and captured some of my images wearing my new Agnes B. Voyage purple tote bag. I wore my favorite green dress and khaki colored jacket and a pair of VNC peep-toe heels. Guess I'm a bit fashionholic now but seriously, I love my new tote!!