Another Victoria's Secrets

I used Absinthe by Pulp Riot on previously ash brown hair

Underlights. via pinterest

Cek Google search, Instagram, Pinterest atau gudang ide lain sebanyak-banyaknya supaya kamu yakin memilih warna yang terbaik untukmu. Perhatikan panjang dan model rambutmu, warna kulit muka, dan gaya/teknik yang paling kamu suka. Sesuaikan dengan wajah dan gaya berpakaianmu, juga warna pakaianmu yang paling sering kamu gunakan.

Untuk kulit Asia, saranku sih cari warna gelap seperti biru tua, hijau tua, atau merah supaya kontras dengan warna kulitmu dan tidak perlu terlalu banyak bleaching. Warna rambut muda/pastel akan membuat wajah tampak lebih pucat, tapi semua sah aja kok, tergantung selera.

Jangan terlalu banyak lihat model bule, karena apa yang bagus di mereka belum tentu bagus untuk kita. Cari model Korea kalau kulitmu putih, model Amerika Latin/African-American kalau kulitmu sawo matang. Cari model yang kira-kira paling mendekati warna kulitmu.

Kalau kulit wajahmu cenderung merah/bersemu alami, pertahankan warna hitam asli rambut yang membingkai wajah dan warnai (dengan warna gelap/vivid) hanya di bagian bawah rambut. Kalau kulitmu cenderung putih/pucat, kamu bisa memilih warna terang/pastel.


2. Get Your Style.

via pinterest

Ada banyak banget teknik mewarnai rambut dan kamu harus tahu bedanya:

• Full hair: teknik konvensional mengecat seluruh rambut dengan satu warna sampai ke akarnya. Cocok kalau kamu sudah pede dengan warna baru yang kamu pengen.
• Highlight: cat rambut warna yang lebih terang dari warna rambut asli di beberapa helai yang berfungsi sebagai aksen pemanis. Teknik ini populer sejak 10-15 tahun yang lalu.
• Lowlight: sama seperti highlight, tapi catnya berwarna lebih tua dari rambut asli. Karena warna rambut orang Indonesia gelap, teknik ini tidak dikenal di sini.
• Roots color: teknik pewarnaan hanya dari akar sampai beberapa sentimeter dari pangkal rambut. Tidak begitu nge-trend di Indonesia, tapi kalau rambutmu berwarna terang, roots coloring bisa digunakan untuk membuat bagian akar rambut lebih gelap.
• Dip Dye: cat rambut sebagian dengan peralihan warna yang tegas/kontras seakan-akan rambutmu dicelup ke kaleng cat atau seakan rambutmu yang dicat sudah tumbuh selama beberapa bulan.
• Ombre: cat rambut bergradasi dua tingkat dengan peralihan warna yang lembut/tidak kontras, biasanya dari warna tua di atas, medium di tengah dan warna terang di bawah (cek foto di atas).
• Balayage: teknik cat yang menggabungkan teknik ombre dan highlight yang dimulai di bagian tengah rambut ke bawah sehingga terkesan lebih "asal" daripada ombre.
• Underlights: pewarnaan rambut hanya pada bagian dalam, sehingga kalau rambut digerai tidak terlihat berwarna atau hanya terlihat sedikit (cek foto di point 1.) Cocok untuk kamu yang kurang pede dengan rambut berwarna.
• Rainbow: pewarnaan rambut dengan lebih dari dua warna yang berseling (bukan ombre--lihat foto di bawah). Cocok untuk kamu yang super pede, senang bereksperimen dan berekspresi.

Rainbow Hair. via pinterest.

3. Buy The Dye.

Pravana. via binkdotz

Ada beberapa merk hair dye yang beredar di Indonesia. Merk favoritku: Manic Panic, Pravana, atau Pulp Riot.
 Manic Panic bisa dibilang pewarna rambut pertama dengan varian warna dan jenis yang banyak banget, tapi tahan hanya 2-3 bulan. Pravana punya variasi warna yang lebih sedikit, tapi mengandung bahan vegan yang menutrisi rambut sehingga rambut tidak rusak/kasar, dan bisa bertahan s/d 6 bulan. Sedangkan Pulp Riot mirip Pravana, tapi penggunaannya paling mudah karena tidak perlu dicampur lagi dengan developer. Cukup pencet pewarna dari tubenya dan langsung aplikasikan pada rambut. Praktis!

Kalau kamu udah yakin warna dan merk yang kamu mau beli, ini saatnya mengontak distributor penjual hair dye ini. Saat ini penjual dengan track record terbaik di Indonesia untuk ketiga merk ini dipegang oleh Binkdotz Kingdom (bisa dikontak di LINE +Binkdotz Channel).

Untuk bleaching, beli yang murah aja ga masalah kok. Ada merk Sasha, Samantha atau Miranda yang dijual di supermarket dan harganya cuma sekitar Rp 10.000. Kalau mau bleaching vegan yang aman untuk rambut, ada produk Pravana yang bisa kamu cari di Binkdotz, cuma harganya emang agak mahal sih.


4. .. And The Tools!

Mangkok plastik dan sisir cat rambut. via bukalapak

Handuk salon Good Morning. via outofman

Kalau mau DIY, jelas kita harus sedikit repot dan investasi perlengkapan. Yang kamu butuhkan:

• mangkuk cat dari plastik atau kaca (bisa dibeli di toko bahan salon/pasar modern, harganya murah banget sekitar Rp 5.000-an)
• sisir cat (beli di toko bahan salon/pasar modern juga, harganya Rp 3.000-an)
• sarung tangan karet (biasanya dikasih di kemasan bleaching/cat rambut yang dibeli di swalayan, tapi ga ada salahnya punya sendiri dengan bahan yang lebih awet)
• handuk kecil (beli yang warna putih dengan tulisan cina Good Morning merah a la salon yang murah aja, harganya Rp 10.000-an juga--handuk ini akan jadi kotor jadi jangan gunakan handuk kesayanganmu!)
• aluminum foil, untuk memisahkan warna pada teknik highlight atau balayage (tentatif, beli di supermarket yang gulungan)
• jepit rambut, untuk memisahkan layer rambut yang belum diwarna.

5. Bleaching Process.

via blogspot

Proses ini bisa dibilang paling bikin deg-degan karena kabarnya bisa bikin rambut rusak. Iya sih, proses bleaching adalah penghilangan pigmen rambut yang menyebabkan warna rambut semakin terang. Akibatnya, helai rambut akan terasa kasar/rusak. Tapi kalau kamu memilih cat rambut vegan, hasilnya akan jadi lembut lagi kok. Jadi ngga usah terlalu khawatir.

Terus terang bagian bleaching ini awalnya paling sulit kupahami, so stick with me here! Di atas ini ada tabel sistem yang bisa kamu jadikan panduan. Kalau rambutmu hitam legam, proses 1x bleaching akan membuat warna rambut jadi tembaga/cokelat tua (level 5-6), lalu proses kedua jadi warna cokelat muda (level 7-8), dan proses ketiga jadi warna putih (level 9-10).

Bleaching mengandung zat kimia keras yang bisa membuat kulit perih, jadi hindari pemakaian kalau kamu ada luka di kepala/leher. Usapkan lotion di sekitar rambut: di dahi, di balik kuping dan di tengkuk untuk mengurangi resiko perih. Ingat, semua cat rambut dilarang diaplikasikan di alis apalagi bulu mata, jadi warnai hanya di rambut kepalamu saja ya.

Kamu bisa buka referensi teknik yang kamu inginkan dan pelajari pola pewarnaannya. Perhatikan bagian mana saja yang harus kamu warnai, dan aplikasikan dari proses bleaching ini. Di bawah ini ada 2 contoh foto proses teknik pewarnaan balayage, di mana pewarnaan tidak merata dan warna muda mengumpul di bawah dengan pendekatan berbeda.

Balayage process. via pinterest

Balayage process. via pinterest

Ikuti petunjuk pemakaian di kemasan: campurkan bubuk bleaching dengan krim developer di dalam mangkuk plastik, ratakan dengan sendok plastik. Gunakan sisir cat untuk memilah rambut dengan ujung tangkai, mengoleskan cat dengan bagian kuas, lalu gunakan bagian sisir untuk meratakan warna pada rambut. Diamkan 30-45 menit (jangan sampai lebih!) lalu bilas rambut dan keringkan dengan handuk. Jangan gunakan hair dryer atau pemanas lain karena bisa merusak rambut.

Tunggu rambut kering dan bandingkan dengan tabel sistem di atas. Kalau hasilnya masih level 6, artinya kamu harus mengulang proses bleaching 1-2x lagi, tergantung dengan warna cat yang kamu inginkan. Kalau warna cat yang kamu mau berwarna gelap, level 6-7 saja cukup. Kalau kamu pengen silver/light ash hair, bleach sampai level 10 alias sampai 3x proses. Jadi semakin muda warnanya, semakin banyak proses bleaching-nya.

Supaya kamu bisa cek sendiri kebutuhan bleaching tiap warna, digit pertama dari kode cat rambut adalah level warna rambut/bleaching yang perlu kamu capai sebelum pewarnaan. Kode 8.11 atau 8.7 membutuhkan bleaching sampai level 8, dan kode 10.23 atau 10.9 butuh bleaching sampai level 10. Sementara kode 2.33 atau kode 4.20 tidak perlu di-bleaching. Jelas kan?

Kalau kamu pengen hasil warna paling tua/gelap, mungkin kamu bisa skip proses bleaching ini, tapi resiko-nya warna yang dihasilkan hampir tidak terlihat.


6. Coloring!

via pinterest

Sebenarnya proses ini bisa dibilang paling mudah, karena kamu tinggal mengulang proses bleaching tadi sekali lagi, tapi kali ini menggunakan cat rambut warna pilihanmu. Kalau kamu menggunakan teknik balayage, warnai pada bagian yang sudah ter-bleaching saja. Untuk hasil yang lebih ombre, warnai juga bagian yang tidak ter-bleaching (alias masih berwarna asli) sekitar 7-10 cm sebagai peralihan warna gelap ke muda.

Untuk teknik pewarnaan rambut rainbow hair, gunakan imajinasimu! Campurkan 2-3 warna untuk menghasilkan 5-6 warna baru dan aplikasikan semuanya di rambutmu. Atau sisakan layer paling atas warna asli rambutmu untuk hasil teknik underlight.

Ikuti petunjuk pemakaian di kemasan: campurkan bubuk warna dengan krim developer di dalam mangkuk plastik, ratakan dengan sendok plastik. Gunakan sisir cat untuk memilah rambut dengan ujung tangkai, mengoleskan cat dengan bagian kuas, lalu gunakan bagian sisir untuk meratakan warna pada rambut. Diamkan 30-45 menit, lalu bilas rambut sampai pewarna luntur seluruhnya (air bilasan bening tanpa warna).

Keringkan dengan handuk, lalu aplikasikan vitamin. Kalau sudah hampir kering, kamu bisa styling dengan alat catok atau blow dry supaya hasilnya terlihat semakin indah (terutama untuk difoto dan dipamerkan di medsos).


Gampang kan? So, selamat berkreasi dan beraksi!
 P.S. Kalau kamu perlu bantuan bikin rambut keren kayak gini, kontak aja ya!

via divorcedover

On my post last month I wrote about Losing Friends; now I want to specify the types of toxic people that we need to lose. It may make you feel cruel to detach yourself from certain people, but sometimes it's a necessary thing to do in order to save yourself. Because we're the only person who knows best about ourselves and we're the only one who should decide the people whom we let entering our closest circle.

From my experiences of having tons of friends and lost some on the way, now I keep my circle small yet strong. Now I filter the types of people who can get near me, and the ones I keep close. It was hard for me at first to "eliminate" some people, but it's just a matter of priority. Remember that our closest 5 people are the ones that represent who we are. Whether you realize it or not, they share some influence to your mind, energy, and aura. Thus we must keep our environment bright, clean and toxic-free.

To help you out sorting out your "people", here are the list of people you must get rid of:

1. The people who always criticize you.
Yes, it is a friend's obligation to correct our wrongs. But when someone's been criticizing too much, and it's even much more than they ever praise you, well there's something wrong with this people. It's either they're being an unhappy person or they simply don't like you that much. Just get out of there. It's necessary to get a critic once in a while, but you don't need to hear about your weaknesses (in their eyes) all the time. You need to be praised too!

2. The people who never listen to you.
Some say this kind of people is an askhole; a person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them (or simply ignore your words completely). Well, it turns out being an askhole could really cost a friendship. Of course, not all of your advice must be taken but if it happens all the time and they never seem to appreciate your advice, thoughts, and--most importantly--time, it's time to remove them from your list. They don't need you as a friend; they just need you as a trash can. You clearly could use your energy for something/someone else. 

via simplereminders

3. The people who ask too much.
"It takes two to tango," they said. Friendship is "a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations" and relationship goes to "the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected." These "ships" acquire mutual feelings, concepts, and actions in order to achieve a satisfaction, rewarding state of being connected. It's understandable if one party would give more for some time, but turns will come around. If you're the one who always gives too much and the other party enjoys only receiving, it's time to find another who'll do just the same as you do.

4. The people who aren't supportive.
We mostly need support from our closest circle, be it from partner, family or friends. So if they can't be supportive, just leave (or stay away for a while). If they truly love us, they will always find a way to make us feel better, be better and do better. We need to be surrounded with the people who can help us thrive, either personally or business-wise. Moreover, we need the people who will be there for us. If they can't appreciate who we are, what we feel, or what we do, then they don't deserve our affection. We deserve to be appreciated and supported, like (almost) all the time!

5. The people who are fake.
Seriously, who can enjoy spending time with a fake? If you're surrounded with the people who always say too nice things as if they're sugar-coating it too much, you better stay away before you get a disease. As too much critic can do you no good, too much praise is as unhealthy. If you need to always dress up and make up, both physically and verbally with them, then you're not being completely yourself--and it means you're faking it. And one can only go for some length for such mask and drama. Let loose, be yourself, and see who still stick around. Then you'll find your true friends!

via savingadvice

"Considerate" is a quite new word to my dictionary, since my best friend's been talking about it for the past year. She's been discussing about being considerate with her boyfriend, having their personalities completely different; having one of them always being inconsiderate. I'm not gonna talk about their relationship/personality. Let's just talk about being considerate.

But what is "considerate", actually?
The dictionary said it's being "careful not to cause inconvenience or hurt to others."

So. It's all about thinking in other people's shoes, to consider their feelings, to see things from their perspective. Doesn't sound so hard, does it? Apparently, so many people fail to do this. It might not be in the first lessons we learn in school, but mostly we could learn from home, from our parents and neighborhood.

via boardofwisdom

Although the word may be "new" to me, the meaning isn't so new. I've always thought it's because I'm a Pisces (water element) that I was born a pro in being considerate. But then again, there are lots of other Pisceans that are inconsiderate. It's just me, probably. So maybe it's from one of the initial lessons I got from my childhood.

As far back as I could remember, my parents didn't really taught me that literally by saying "you must be considerate bla bla bla..." Instead they showed me, and I copied them. But then again, it's all in the scriptures. If your religion is Abrahamic, you should've read the Bible, right? (which should be compulsory in both Christianity and Islam.)

The Bible wrote so many verses about considerate actually:

• "Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:31, NIV)
• "We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves." (Romans 15:1, NIV)
• "On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”" (Romans 12:20, NIV)
• "No one should seek their own good, but the good of others." (1 Corinthians 10:24, NIV)
• "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31, NIV)
• "A man reaps what he sows." (Galatians 6:7, NIV) 
• "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)
• "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." (Philippians 4:5, NIV)
• "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds," (Hebrews 10:24, NIV)
• "You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone." (James 2:24, NIV)
• "Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." (James 3:18, NIV)
• "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." (James 4:17, NIV)
• ... and sooo many others you can find in the Bible.

via quoteaddicts

And below is my favorite poem "Do Good Anyway" from the world's beloved Catholic nun Mother Teresa:

via quoteaddicts

I always thought that consideration is what makes us human. I've been taught that our purpose in life is how we interact with the others, what we give to the society, how we make the world a better place (if the world is too big, we can scale it down to our neighborhood/family first). "We treat others as how we want to be treated" has been taught in the Bible and the more famous phrase is "We reap what we sow" (Gal 6:7-9). In Hinduism, it's called "the law of karma". I guess it's taught in (almost) all religions.

So it really is disturbing for me to see how inconsiderate a person can be, regardless their religion. Well, it's not for religious purpose anyway. It's should be a basic in all human's common sense. It's human. It should come naturally. But at least that's what I thought. As I grow up I found it's curious, if not disturbing, how people can be so inconsiderate among the others.

I was a bit annoyed when my friend's boyfriend said that she was inconsiderate because she was Indonesian--as if being inconsiderate is a typical Indonesian. But now, in 2016, I sadly realized that most Indonesian people I know are indeed being so inconsiderate. I could talk all day about inconsideration in Indonesian politics (which is a hot topic this year) but I prefer to avoid politics. Now that we see the fact, how can we make the world more considerate?

	via yimg

It really isn't hard, being considerate. We simply have to respect people, do to them what we want them to do to us, and be concern to their feelings/needs. We must remember that every our little word/action will make an impact on them; so we must make the impact a positive one. If it's all too hard for you to do, you can start by stopping yourself from saying anything negative. Always try to find at least one good thing about the others.



I don't want to be the only one who's being too considerate in the world of inconsiderate people. I know I'm the one who feels too much, when I shouldn't. But being considerate shouldn't be one person's job. We are all born different--each one of us; but if we can start being more considerate to each other, on the smallest scale, in the smallest circle--can you imagine how great this world will be?


I guess it's better to just fix ourselves into a more compassionate person than to worry about other people's inconsideration or hoping for them to ever change--because it's simply exhausting and useless.. So now let's start a new "me" in 2017: keep being considerate and loving, just for the sake of our own inner peace and our value in God's eyes.

Happy new year!

I know it's kind of late but it's still 2016 so allow me to say:
May the jolly festive season raises our spirit to welcome the new coming year.

I didn't go home for Christmas last year, so I do this year. I came to Jakarta last Wednesday and when I got home I found that Mom had decorated the house with Christmas ornaments. It won't be close to our old house in Awiligar, but at least there's a glimpse of joyful holiday atmosphere in the barren Serpong area. Well at least we tried. I just love the warmth of red and green colors that adds the festivity to even the humblest home.

Here's how our home situation for Christmas 2016:

me, Adit, Dita, Damar just arriving with our welcome drinks

Actually I didn't really want to post this elephant tour stuff because I had to lose a friend because of this. He was being very cynical about me posting pics with the elephant on Instagram because he thinks it's a torture for the poor animal. I actually considering his thoughts about exploiting the elephants and stuff but I don't appreciate his way to quip me on his account instead of telling the matter right on to my face (so much of a man huh).

Anyway: If you're one of those who think that elephant tour shouldn't be done in the first place, if you really want to make a change, please protest straight to the tour facility, raise an awareness, fight for a cause, or make yourself heard in any other proper way instead of sulking around on people. If you think it's important for your friends not to support such thing, please tell them right away--if you consider them your friend. They'd accept any input/critic as long as it's a right thing, is positive and delivered with good deed. Don't satirize and dramatize things because it would just make yourself lose friend(s) due to such 'heroic' act of yours.. And by what I saw, the elephants here weren't being tortured. They could eat and do things they seem to enjoy. If I saw the tamer being hard on them I wouldn't agree with them and told them on the spot.

group selfie before we go home

We left the facility at around 5 p.m. and carried home with us the whole new experience. It was really fun and you should consider especially for the rafting experience. The water is clean, not perfectly white but a little brownish (perhaps because of the rain) but the whole rafting journey was indeed cool and you just have to try it yourself.

Contact the Bakas Levi Adventure here for information and bookings.

via youthministry

Is it even a term, 'losing friends'? I suppose I didn't have the term in my dictionary when I was a kid, but the life after 30 seems to offer different things. During the past 5 years I've lost at least 3 of my close friends; two of them are both Aries girls who had shared some great years as my best friends since we were 16 until 30, and the last one is a boy from school who happens to live in Bali now and with whom I had some great adventure together. Alas, I had to cut my friendship with them due to certain circumstances.

To me friendship is a relationship where the two persons share the same interest/value and make an equal effort to be of use for each other. If there's only a person who makes the effort while the other is taking advantage, or talking of the other behind their backs, or is simply selfish; it's not a friendship after all. And for me it matters most, for both parties to give at least an effort for the friendship to work out and last.

I've heard or read somewhere that in life we have limited 'seats' for closest people around us. If we have new friend, we must lose an old one. Something like that, I'm not sure. But the thing is, people change. We all change. We learn, we grow, we adapt, we thrive. Those who fail to catch up should be left behind because we have our own pace. Well I guess that's how life works in social aspect.

On this BBN Community site, the reasons we are losing friends are because:

1. You don’t tolerate insincerity anymore 
As we grow older and wiser, we stop ignoring faults and incompatibilities with the people in our lives, we start to lose patience for insincere and false friends. We learn that “quality over quantity” applies to friendships too. You’d rather have a genuine and sincere conversation with a good friend rather than put up a front and be with superficial people. 

2. You’ve got less time 
With age comes responsibility and lack of time, socializing generally takes a back seat. When this happens, we start to value our free time and realize that wasting it on friends whose company we don’t really enjoy anymore is not an option. Spending our limited free time with people who we like and who matter is far more important and rewarding. 

3. Your friendships deepened with time 
The friends who stuck around through the bad and not only the good have seemed to stay in your life. As we get older the “fare weather friends” start to disappear. Our deeper bonds and connections hold and we stop looking for more as we start to see who our real friends are. And those bonds just keep getting stronger! 

4. You’ve got more experience on your back 
We all need a friend to provide support sometimes, and as you grow older you start to see who you can rely on! This helps you see who’s worth keeping and who isn’t, and it’s more than likely the list of friends who you can really rely on isn’t a very long one!


I guess that's true. We filter friends as we grow up because we get to know ourselves much better; those who are no longer in tune with us will be sorted out no matter how. It is actually sad for me to have to lose friends. But being a Pisces, I'm the person who cares too much that I'm easily fall into negative aura and I really don't need more drama in my life.. That's why I cut some friends off (and I guess another one to be cut soon). Maybe we need to do that at one point in life. We all want to live in peace, harmony and more positivity after all. 

the sea view from Anantara Uluwatu Resort

party people down there

My vlogger friend Adit Comma asked me to join him to Hard Rock FM Bali's 17th birthday celebration last week and I did. We came there at around 5 p.m. and enjoyed the party until 8 p.m. It was so hot we all got sweaty because there was no breeze. But it's a great thing that Adit is vlogging that I don't have to write much here. Check his vlog here:

via benebellwen blog

How wrong can one be to be read with Tarot cards? I know most religions forbid anything doing with foreseeing but I've been familiar with sixth sense people around me since I was a kid so I can't see Tarot reading as a sin. And as a Pisces, I have huge curiosity for such magick. But what makes Tarot reading so fearful to some (or most) people?

I guess the answer comes to: it might shock people out to death of something that isn't even true (because Tarot is built by the things around us--including our own thoughts and fears). I experienced it myself last week. Of all the Tarot readings and foreseeing stuff I've had, the one I had that night turned out to be the worst of all. I didn't plan to be read though, but I came anyway to Ingka Restaurant, where my friends came to be read. I got carried away listening to them reporting and discussing results, and so I thought, why not?

I just needed a few first minutes on my session to get perplexed. I didn't expect my reading would be that horrible though. Everything that I've feared in life was there on the cards and she (the Tarot reader) read it to me: I'd have a baby. For a moment I was stunned, as millions of my thoughts came swirling on my head and she said she could feel the battle inside me--it drained her energy as well.

As many people already know now, I don't want to have kids. Don't get me wrong; it's not that I hate them--I simply don't want to have my own: to carry them for 9 months, to give birth, to have to care and nurture them--and to have the responsibility, the unbreakable bond, the emotions and all those stuff till the end of my life. Meanwhile we can always divorce, parent-child bond is for ever. It sounds so scary to me. And I don't even have a yearning to hold a baby in my arms every time I watch movies about babies or bump into friends who have one.

I called my Mom to ask for some comfort. She knows better about these stuff anyway--and she knows best her daughter. My Mom asked me lightly: what's so scary about having kids? I really dunno which one is the scariest--but everything about it is scary for me. I've been carrying this idea for almost my whole life now. Not only that I fear that (1) my body would change with the pregnancy, (2) the pain of labor, (3) the first few years of sleepless nights and restless days, (4) the responsibility for nurturing and educating them right.. and mostly, (5) to have that new status as a mother (that eternal bond between mother and child is just unbearable for me).

While it's every other women's dream, it doesn't work that way for me. I guess I found the answer just few years back, as someone told me that I was male in my past incarnations. Perhaps that's why giving birth sounds so scary to me. I know by then, God must have something in mind for making me born female in this life. It could be something to do with being a mother, but I guess not. The idea is still awfully scary for me. You must think that I'm exaggerating stuff here, but each person has their own demons. This one's my demon.

As years went by I tried to calm it. I tried to ignore it and shove it under the bed. But the monster would get out sooner or later and we're left with no choice but to fight it. One just have to make peace with it for them be free from the haunting feeling. I guess this is the time for me to conquer it. Perhaps I've been denying it (the motherhood) all my life. I also know that the more I fear it, the more it would likely to come true. It really is a mind game, I thought. I slept that night trying to calm my nerves, thinking that I could somehow try to surrender.

But the horror continued the next day. Earlier that morning I woke up horrified, although I didn't dream of anything scary. I felt that morning that I didn't recognize myself--or at least the future life that the Tarot reader told me of. I felt so strange, so distant, so foreign. I went back to sleep out of exhaustion, and when I woke up again I almost scream. The dream wasn't even an awful one--it was just a casual walk along Denpasar roads. But I felt terrified nonetheless.

I directly called my Mom again, sobbing hard and shaking, reporting to her my fear. This time, she took my agony seriously. I guess this was the first time that she thinks my fear of having child is real. After a while she told me: "God will never give child to those who cannot bear it. You will not have a child, my daughter." I was suddenly calmed. But apparently my mind was not.

Later that day I went to see a friend who has this sixth sense kind of thing. I've known him for four years now and trust him enough for spiritual things. He explained to me, which brought huge relief to me: that my soul was rebelling to the words of what that Tarot reader told me. My soul was protesting to the things that aren't "me". And of my fear he said: my soul is refusing to be reborn and feels an agony of being reborn. I did feel this when I was a child: I saw and feel enough to think that there is no way that I would ever want to repeat any childhood and adolescence phases again. Not as myself, not as a parent. I don't have sixth sense whatsoever but being a sensitive Pisces I know exactly when I don't want certain things in my life, even when I don't know why.

And he repeated the words my mother said that morning: God will not give me a child if I don't want it. It took me a long moment to trust him this time, suspicious that it was just the words he said to comfort me; but then again his words was similar to my Mom's. I chose to believe it; no longer as denial but as my soul's true calling. This time, I know exactly the reasons I don't want children is not as shallow/simply as refusing the idea of being a mother but it's a thing that's been inside of me my whole life--probably my true calling (but I keep most of the details of this for myself) and gradually I could feel peace entering myself once again. I guess it's the best feeling to have; to completely understand the reasons of why we are being us. Well you might not understand my thoughts for this particular case tho.

At this point it came to me that it's not that I'm so afraid of being given a child. I guess if I really had to, I'd be a wonderful parent and nurture my child the best way possible. I know, the pain of pregnancy lasts only 9 months and the nurturing part will be hardest for the first ten years. But it's not being afraid of becoming a parent. I simply don't want to. Every single cell of me refuses the idea, not because of the responsibility that comes with it, but the idea of repeating life again that is unbearable to me. It is the idea of another reincarnation that I can't take. For a person who feels it all, it's just too much for me to endure. My friend says there's only one in a million person could feel/think the way I do. I watch millions of movies about babies and new families and enjoyed all of it. I just never see or feel myself as the parent in that movie (perhaps I was more likely the director or script writer). I never long to have a child.

Meanwhile the explanation of why the Tarot reader told me stuff (now that I replayed the scene in my head, a bit slower and detailed this time), was because one of the cards I picked contained a picture of a pregnant woman (which could have both literal and metaphoric meanings--and the question to this card was "would there be another guy in the future for me?") Two cards later, I casually asked for children in my future and she pointed the already-opened-card with pregnant woman instead of asking me to open another card. "Obviously," she said. My mind instantly connected all the dots and combined them with all of my lifetime experiences, memories, and fears, along with my recent thoughts--the result was quite horrible for my own imagination. I guess this is why some religions strictly ban Tarot readings (read here for what to expect from Tarot readings).

For some time I thought it was such a bad idea for me to have the Tarot reading that night--but then again it resulted a bigger answer of which I haven't been searching for but have been inside of me for a long time (just like Tarot, life . Maybe that Tarot cards played the role as a way for me to acknowledge myself and my soul better. But if you don't have people to ask for second, third, fourth opinions: don't even try to have any Tarot reading session!

via Pinterest

www.balihacks.com

Do you have a company, brand or portfolio? If you want to keep up with the globalization, you have to publish them online. The most common thing to do is to create your own website, and it's not as hard as it sounds. Actually it's so easy that you don't need to hire anyone to do it, just DIY!
(as this post would mostly serve Indonesian, I'll continue write this in Indonesian)

Saya punya beberapa blog dan website yang saya kelola sendiri. Blog ini, contohnya, sudah aktif sejak November 2, 2005 (hey, it just celebrated its 11th anniversary!)--dan meskipun saya sempat mengalami kendala dan harus memindahkan kontennya dari "Victoria's Secrets" ke "Another Victoria's Secrets" (juga kadang terlalu sibuk untuk menulis sampai berminggu-minggu) saya akan terus mempertahankan blog ini "for the love of writing".

Blog saya yang lain di antaranya Kumpulan Puisi (of which I've stopped posting for a while for lacking of inspiration) dan Pélopé Shop (the ideal product shop I'm pending for lacking of money and time now). Sementara itu saya juga punya dua website: tentang buku/tulisan saya yang diterbitkan, dan yang terbaru tentang asemua hal yang perlu kamu tahu untuk survive hidup di Bali.

Web saya yang terakhir, #balihacks, adalah web yang paling membuat saya senang dan bersemangat dalam meng-update nya. Selain karena saya jadi punya wadah khusus untuk membagikan informasi yang selama empat tahun terakhir saya kumpulkan tentang Bali, saya juga puas dengan tampilannya yang bersih--dan terutama karena nama yang saya pilih belum terpakai orang lain.

Kedua website saya, saya operasikan dari hosting yang berbeda (satu dari Wix.com dan satunya dengan blogger.com). Tapi saya mendaftarkan domain keduanya di domainesia.com. Dari semua provider domain, saya melihat harga di DomaiNesia paling murah, pendaftaran cepat dan mudah, dan terutama mudah dalam pengaplikasian ke web host saya. Bahkan saya, yang bukan seorang IT developer, tidak perlu bantuan siapapun untuk menyambungkan alamat domain ke web hosting saya!


CARA MEMBUAT WEBSITE



To make my post is even more resourceful, saya akan bantu menuliskan step-by-step tutorials cara membuat website sendiri. Untuk hal ini, saya pilihkan cara yang paling murah. Cek cara membuat website mudah di bawah ini:


1.
Tentukan hosting web yang kamu inginkan. Silakan cari hosting murah Indonesia pilihanmu. Saya menyarankan www.blogger.com karena saya sudah punya akun Google yang bisa dan mudah dipakai untuk login ke semua app Google, mudah dalam pembuatan, pengaturan dan penambahan apapun, dan yang paling penting: gratis!

Tapi kamu juga bisa memakai wordpress, tumblr, Wix, atau blogging web lainnya sesuai seleramu.

Pic 1

2.
Buka www.blogger.com, klik tombol "Create Your Blog" warna jingga di tengah page (lihat Pic 1), lalu login dengan akun Google kamu. Kalau belum punya, klik "Sign Up" atau "Daftar". Isi semua form dengan datamu, tapi kalau masih mau diubah nanti bisa diedit lagi kok.


3.
Setelah masuk ke dashboard blogger, klik tombol "New Blog" warna abu di bagian kiri atas, di bawah profile picture-mu. Di pop-up page, pilih judul blog-mu dan tuliskan di kolom "Title", lalu ketik alamat blog yang kamu inginkan di kolom "Address". Kamu bisa mengganti nama dan alamat ini nanti kalau berubah pikiran (lihat Pic 2).

Pic 2

4.
Setelah itu, ini dia bagian favorit saya: mendekorasi website. Pilih tombol "Template" (di deretan kiri, tombol kedua dari bawah - lihat Pic 3). Saran saya, pilih "Simple" saja dulu, nanti juga bisa diubah lagi kok. Pilih Template yang kamu suka, mudah dibaca, dan kalau bisa yang responsive (artinya bisa dibuka dari desktop/laptop, ponsel atau tablet).

Pic 3

Untuk pemakai blogger, kalau tidak ada template bawaan yang kamu suka untungnya banyak desainer yang membuatkan template indah yang bisa kamu pakai secara gratis. Favorit saya: www.gooyaabitemplates.com, www.colorlib.com/wp/free-blogger-templates, www.mybloggerthemes.com, www.themexpose.com, www.btemplates.com, www.bloggertemplates20.com, www.deluxetemplates.net.

Kalau sudah ketemu template yang kamu suka, klik "Download" dan simpan di folder khusus. Kalau formatnya .zip kamu masih harus membukanya sampai ada format .xml.


5.
Masih di bagian "Template".
Kalau kamu memilih template yang sudah ada (bawaan) blogger, kamu bisa sesuaikan desainnya sesuai selera dengan meng-klik tombol "Customize" di bawah tampilan blog-mu.

Pic 4

Kalau kamu memilih template dari tempat lain, klik tombol "Back Up/Restore" di bagian pojok kanan atas. Di pop-up page, klik tombol "Browse..." warna putih, dan pilih template yang sudah kamu download sebelumnya (dengan format .xml). Lalu klik tombol "Upload" warna jingga di bawahnya (lihat Pic 4).


6.
Klik pilihan "Layout" di bagian kiri (di atas "Template"). Tampilan Layout ini bisa berbeda-beda sesuai dengan jenis Template yang kamu pilih, terutama kalau kamu memilih Template dari luar blogger (lihat Pic 5).

Buka semua Gadget yang ada dengan meng-klik tombol "Edit", lalu pelajari bagaimana tampilan blog-mu berubah dengan meng-klik tombol "Preview" di bagian kanan atas. Kalau sudah suka, klik tombol "Save arrangement" warna jingga di bagian kanan atas.

Kamu bisa mengubah isi, urutan, bahkan menambah dan mengurangi Gadget dengan mengklik tombol "Add a Gadget" di setiap kolom.

Pic 5

7.
Kalau sudah siap menulis, klik bagian "Post" di bagian kiri (kedua dari atas), lalu klik tombol "New Post" warna jingga di atasnya.


8.
Kalau kamu tidak suka alamat blog-mu disertai .blogpost.com, saatnya mencari domain. Favorit saya di DomaiNesia karena murah, mudah dan cepat. Cari nama domain yang belum pernah dipakai orang (available). Kamu bisa memilih alamat yang kamu inginkan dengan mengetiknya di kolom "Cari" di tengah page (lihat Pic 6). Kamu bisa memilih domain .com, .net, .co.id, atau lainnya sesuai selera.

Pic 6

Kalau alamat yang kamu inginkan tidak tersedia, artinya sudah dipakai orang. Kalau sudah yakin dengan alamat yang kamu inginkan, klik tombol "Daftarkan domain" di sebelah alamat yang kamu inginkan (lihat Pic 7).

Pic 7

9.
Pada kolom pendaftaran, klik centang di "DNS Management" dan "Email Forwarding" (lihat Pic 8). Keduanya gratis dan akan memudahkanmu. Kamu bisa juga memilih "Privacy Protection" dengan harga tambahan yang tertera. Jangan lupa tentukan berapa tahun kamu mau membayar domain-mu.  Kalau belum yakin, bayar untuk 1 tahun saja dulu. Kalau sudah yakin dan tidak mau ribet setiap tahun, tambahkan jumlah tahun dibayarnya.
 

Pic 8

 
Kalau kamu sudah puas, lanjutkan dengan meng-klik tombol "Masukkan Troli" warna hijau di bawah.


10.
Di bagian "Troli", masukkan kode promo kalau ada (lihat Pic 9). Lanjutkan pembayaran dengan mengklik centang tulisan "Saya telah membaca, memahami, dan menyetujui Terms of Service" dan mengklik tombol "Selesaikan & Bayar" warna hijau. Selebihnya kamu bisa mengikuti arahan dari DomaiNesia.
 

Pic 9

11.
Setelah sukses membayar, kamu akan dikirimi email bukti pembayaran. Kalau sudah menerima email ini, kamu bisa lanjutkan dengan masuk ke www.blogger.com lagi. Di bagian kiri, pilih tombol "Settings" di paling bawah.

Di bagian "Publishing", klik tulisan "+ Set up a third-party URL for your blog" di bawah alamat blogmu. Masukkan Blog Address barumu (lihat Pic 10). Di bawahnya akan tertera dua alamat baru.

Pic 10

12.
Copas alamat baru ini dan masukkan satu per satu ke halaman "DNS Management" DomaiNesia di tab lain: 

Buka web DomaiNesia dan masuk ke akunmu (https://my.domainesia.com/clientarea.php) > Klik tombol "Domain" > "My Domains" di bagian atas > Pilih domain yang sudah kamu daftarkan, lalu klik tombol "Kelola Domain" warna biru (lihat Pic 11).

Pic 11

13.
Di halaman "Manage", klik tombol "Management Tools" lalu pilih "Kelola DNS". Masukkan alamat yang kamu dapatkan dari blogger.com sesuai petunjuk kolomnya: A (address) dan CNAME. Ganti "Host Name" sesuai keperluan (lihat Pic 12).

Pic 12

14.
Tunggu konfirmasi dari blogger. Biasanya perlu 1x48 jam untuk proses persetujuan alamat baru ini. Cek progress-nya di halaman "Basic Settings" blogger. Kalau belum berhasil juga, kamu bisa mengontak (email atau chat) tim DomaiNesia untuk dibantu kelancarannya.

Nah, website barumu sudah siap sekarang. Mudah kan?
Silakan eksplorasi dan berkarya ya!