Another Victoria's Secrets

Mid October 2017, I signed up for and got this opportunity to join the Robinson Journey team. This is a TV program that runs on Metro TV every Saturday at 3:30 p.m. that involves four 4x4-drive vehicles on a road trip tour around Sumatra this season (gonna end this December.) They open registration for public to join them as guest star on each episode. Click here to sign up!

www.robinsonjourney.com

Bang Robinson Telaumbanua both owns and hosts the program, joining with him 11 crews, among them are the drivers (Bang Pice, Kang Abah, Kang Asep and Kang Olot), assistants (Acenk, Irfan), director/producer (Kang Yaya), cameramen (Kang Dimas, Erlangga), location sound recordist (Sedayu), and a drone pilot (Ary). The other co-host is the legendary biker Ajisela Agrippina who drives one of the Mitsubishi Triton. The rest of the vehicles got their own drivers.



I was meant to join them in Jambi Province with the talented, sporty Miss Indonesia 2015, Anindya Putri. I had never heard about her before due to my lack interest on celebrities and local news, so when I met her for the first time at the airport that Sunday morning, Oct 15, I went like 'Wow, you're so pretty--and so tall!' Yep, she's 176cm tall while I'm just 159!

porridge breakfast at the airport

We flew with Garuda Indonesia from the Terminal 3 Ultimate. I wasn't feeling well that morning and spent my time waiting for Anin having porridge for breakfast at Tjap Toean resto. I met Anin at Hong Tang Dessert a few moments before we take off, and arrived at Sultan Thaha Airport in Jambi at around 12:20 p.m.

my lunch

dendeng rabu

The Aston Hotel's PR, Mba Nana, welcomed us and ushered us for lunch at Damiatim Resto & Café. The menu was unfamiliar to me, but interesting indeed: dendeng rabu, gulai pucuk ubi, and sambalado ijo; all Jambinese food. It tastes like the famous Padangese food that is rich with coconut milk, spices, and herbs, but still tasted new to me. But yes, I like that gulai pucuk ubi!

This was our room for two nights

 

the view from our room

We arrived at the hotel at around 2 p.m. and took nap because we were both exhausted and Anin was having cough. The Robinson Journey team arrived in Jambi at around 7 p.m. and we greeted them on the lobby before dinner.

Chelsea, Anindya and me

meeting the Robinson Journey team and Dinpar Jambi

It was the first time that we met all of the team. The officials from Dinas Pariwisata Jambi (the Tourism Department), Mr. Amril and Mr. Amrillah, gave us introduction of both the city and province of Jambi, and we were accompanied by the winner of Jambi's top model Chelsea (who appears to be 183cm tall and is only 14 years old--check the pic above!)

shabu-shabu and yakiniku dinner in the hotel

Upon dinner with all crew we got briefing for our next day's schedule. It's how they do it, so up until then I didn't know our itinerary or what I was going to do in that province at all (read this to prepare yours, if you're going on a trip with them.) Check more pics on my Instagram feed and read about our second day here. Watch my journey with the team next Saturday (Dec 2) on Metro TV at 3:30 p.m.!

What an ideal life it is if we have parents who love each other and raise us with all the love we need, and we meet our soulmate within the first ten years of our lives, grow up and old together, get married and have children, grandchildren, and live long enough to see your family expand and grow to say that your life was a happy one.

But life is never that ideal. Your parents may get divorce or one of them passes away sooner than you expect. You may never meet your soulmate until your thirties, and when you meet him/her, they're happily married with the spouse they chose (or it could be you who's married.) You decide to leave them alone, committing to wait for another soulmate to arrive, which could be another thirty years of uncertainty--or maybe three. Or you decide to marry anyone available, just to kill the loneliness or simply because you're no longer that young to have children.

You go on, live your life, only to meet that one love that burns your heart out when everything seems to be going on well, leaving you wondering: why now? You come to the verge of leaving the family you've built or to say goodbye to the love of your life, consoling yourself that it's best to keep it with yourself without hurting your spouse. One way or another, someone must get hurt. We feel, we choose. Sometimes they go along together, but most of the time you must choose an option contrary to what you feel. Well, c'est la vie. That's life.

For so many years of my life, I've been questioning the 'why's. But now that I've seen so much, I learn to understand life better and go along with it instead of questioning or fighting against it. Although I still want to protest on how far apart my life has come from how I idealized it twenty years back, I've learned to accept, be grateful and just living it. Sounds so easy, but it demanded lots of blood, if I may hyperbole this.

My life is far from ideal. I may post magnificent images on my Instagram account and you may say what a great life I am having. But I'm a human too, and it's humane to always wanting something more. Of all the things in life, I'm longing for love. A passionate, true, long-lasting love. And as if teasing me, The Universe has been keeping it away from me the most. Love comes and goes, found and lost, never to stay.

Just a month ago, I had to say goodbye to a karmic relationship (I'd classify him as a kindred spirit), because apparently we weren't standing on the same boat. It was hard, painful, but I was glad it was over so I could start another chapter of my life--which I did. Two weeks ago, I found another person I claim as my soulmate (FYI, a friend said in this life we'd meet 49 people from our past lives, ranging from twin flame, soulmates, kindred spirits, enemy, and many more. Read this.) Why is this guy a soulmate? Well, we clicked. Just like that. With no effort, we are attracted to and understand each other in a surprisingly deep level. It is such a wonderful, peaceful feeling, especially if you've spent years longing for it and now it presents itself before you when you least expect it.

Sounds great? Of course it is, if we focus only on that feeling. But then again, life is never that simple. Sometimes life gives you rose with so many thorns that prick and bleed you if you insist to touch it (let alone to grab and hold it.) Sometimes life wants us to just admire the rose and leave it as it is, to come back to it as memory so we can be grateful, and go on with the life designed for us (or the one we've chosen.)

Love requires understanding, acceptance, and sacrifice. And we need to keep it undemanding so it can stay in its happiest, most beautiful form, because once you decide to grab and take it home, you bleed. Once you demand things more than what you're allowed, you get disappointed and hurt. What was once a beautiful rose becomes a dying flower that withered and hated. What a waste.

It's never easy when it comes to this one and greatest feeling in the world: love. But with some exercise, we can recognize and differentiate our emotions from feelings (read my old post here) and by understanding those differences, we can focus only on the good and get rid of the unnecessary. This way, it's easier for us to be grateful for what we're given and although the favour is still not on our side, we don't lose hope. Because love demands nothing but the happiness of our other half, and to love means to do anything right to make them happy. Even if it excludes us on the future plan.

To my soulmate, someone whom I just met and have to lose so fast, do know that I love you. There ain't so much that I can do or say now that this isn't my domain, but I know that my soul rejoices when we met, cherishes our short time together, and grateful for the unexpected encounter. It is such a serendipity to have known you, but our paths go on differently and we have to learn to let go of each other. I'll carry you on as a sweet memory as you'll do to me, and we shall meet again in happier circumstances. And all that I can do now is to pray for you.

Sometimes it's better to leave the rose on its stem to decorate the garden rather than to pick and bring it home. Let's just leave it as it is and carry on.


*) image via saga.

Last Saturday our family came to my sister's house to celebrate her baby shower. She decided to do it in Batak tradition, following her husband's ethnic. So my mom had to prepare an ulos (Batak's handwoven fabric that literally means 'blanket') and cook fish to visit her pregnant daughter.

Our family, from the expecting mother's side

For a couple's first pregnancy, the ulos given is Ragi Hidup, which literally means 'pattern of life'. The ulos is (supposed to be) made in group, by the pregnant woman's mother by the time she receives the news that her daughter is expecting. On the seventh month pregnancy, the mother and family brings the ulos to her daughter to celebrate and pray for the safety of childbirth.

The 'mangupa tondi' ceremony

Mom covering the expecting parents with ulos

The ceremony 'mangupa tondi' means to reaffirms the spirit for a newborn child. The blanket is given by the mother of the expecting lady as a prayer that the child would be the warmth this new parents would have. The mother also brings a cooked goldfish they call 'ikan arsik' as an advice to follow the nature of goldfish: no matter how far they separate, they always find a way to return to the family and gathering again.

Mom giving the fish with some advice

The couple give back pork in return of the fish to celebrate the visit

After the small ceremony, we had lunch as the host had prepared pork to welcome and feast the guests. Some of Clemy's and Maruli's friends come and the party became merrier.

Grandmothers cut the cake to reveal.. Is it Ucok or Butet?

After lunch, the expecting parents revealed the baby gender for us by the cake. Both grandmothers cut the cake and voila! Inside the cute cake, we saw pink candies as a symbol of baby girl. So we're officially expecting a Butet (Ucok is a Batak calling for a son, Butet is for a daughter.)
 

Pink candies mean baby girl!

Singing the song for unborn little one

Now that we know we are expecting a Butet, Clemy and Maruli sang a Batak song 'Boru Panggoaran', a song of prayers and hopes for first daughter to succeed in life despite all of the obstacles. And as Clemy's and Maruli's friends already gathered, each of us took turns to give our hopes, prayers and advice for both the parents and unborn child.

Cousins giving their hopes and prayers

Oma is excited to welcome her first great granddaughter!

My Mom gives a bunch of advice for the new parents

I think this is a beautiful tradition to keep, since our family never had such thing before. This way, we value the norms and traditions more, especially in this era where people tend to be ignorant. It was an honour that I could participate in such event, because--simple as it may seem--it could really enhance our love to each other, bond the ties of hospitality between family, and learn how to raise children from each other.

With Clemy's friends

Congratulations to the happy parents Clemency and Maruli Panggabean. We are excited to welcome our Butet in December!

On the meditation class I attended two weeks ago, we had this sharing session and among the topics was this important question we must ask ourselves: "Is our action based on fear? Or is it love?"

I think I've lived long enough to see various kinds of people around me. At first I never analyzed it, but now that I'm more aware, it's easier for me to differentiate people based on their reason/purpose. I call it the energy, and put them into two categories: the good energy and the bad energy. But the question from the meditation class made me think more about it: these energies must come from the basic of one's thoughts/words/action.

Let's talk about fear. I see the easiest association of this with religion, which is the base of almost everyone's way of thinking in this country. Some (if not most) religions doctrine their people to apply order, with 'threat' such as 'fear of God' and 'fear of going to Hell instead of Heaven when one dies'. You may have also seen people live in fear all their lives: fear of committing sin that makes one live inside the box because if one crosses the line one will be condemned, fear of being oneself because if one reveals themselves they might be expelled by their community, and many other fears.

I believed in this teaching for years, but then I questioned it when I watch Disney's Frozen movie. The message was delivered clearly there: the only thing that blocks love is fear. So the opposite of love is not hate, but fear. The only thing that keeps you from your happiness is fear. And tho I've heard and understood this for so many times, I still need to be reminded of it, for fear comes by each time I have doubt, and it can be really manipulating.

In the meditation class we were asked about love or fear that became the foundation of our action. We may do good deeds to people everyday, but are those actions conducted because we fear of losing a friendship, fear of being stamped a rigid and boring person, fear of going to hell, fear of God's wrath? If so, then you're doing it wrong.

If you're doing things just because you're scared, you're missing the whole point and essence of doing it. You'd be focused more to avoiding the fear or the result that you fear, rather than to experience the process and learn from it, and receiving the love from The Higher Force. You'd miss the lesson and more likely to have the same thing to happen again in your life--one thing that would repeat until you know how to deal with it. It's just how the Universe make us learn the things we must experience in order to be 'perfect' (or, in softer word: to be whole.)

It's not easy to do things based on love. But it's not impossible. The key is to connect to the 5th dimension where it's all about love. We, human, live in the 3rd dimension (3D) which allows all emotions around, including sorrow and fear. Love comes from the higher place, so we need to let go of emotions (which is mostly the product of mind) and ego. By releasing any attachment to worldly stuff, we allow the Higher Force to fill us up and take control of our actions. We let go of any negativity to fulfill ourselves with love and let it take over from there.

We shouldn't worry about anything once love takes control, because anything does in the name of love will only produce and spread goodness. But you must differ the pure love to 'false' love. Many people think they do certain things because of love, but what they do is actually just to satisfy their ego. So we need to be careful here: is it really love? is it part of self-love? or is it fear instead? Be clear with your energy and awareness, so you can give out clear result too.

Remember, the key to a mindfulness life is to be healthy in these three areas: body, mind and soul. Make sure you get these three aspects always positively functioning, and you'll see how much easier you will to feel, receive and spread love. Next step, you can try to meditate or seek any other spiritual guidance to your preference to level up your game. It's actually so easy to have a happy life if you know how, isn't it? Share with me your own experience on the comment box (click here to comment) or simply email me.

Namaste!
_/|\_


*) main image via pinterest.

I was talking with my best friend Rachelle during my stay in her house last weekend and we discussed names. She has a sister who is named after two great European queens, Regina and Elizabeth, while Rachelle's name was taken from French. Her sister's behaviour is like a queen, she said, while Rachelle loves everything about French: its architecture, culture, fashion, and style.

I just realized this: every baby must have chosen his/her name and whispered it through their parents' ears. This must be it, because my name wasn't given by my parents; a Polish priest told them so before my parents even knew they were pregnant with me (Mom was only few weeks pregnant by that time.) I suppose it must've been me telling Pater Glinka of the name I chose -- and I told him because he was the one who could 'hear' me (he had sixth sense.)

I went home from Rachelle's house on Sunday evening and spent the next day watching movies, to continue the first few episodes of The O.C. we watched together. So it was peculiar to come upon this series Victoria on ITV instead. I didn't know they were making this series (I knew there is Emily Blunt's Young Victoria.) It took only few seconds for me to switch from The O.C. to Victoria because clearly, apart from having my name written on it, I do love watching kingdom-based movies much better than about the wrecked teenage life.

So there I went, watching the whole eight episodes of the first season within a week, and fixated by the charm of this lovely film about Queen Victoria. Before this week, all I know about her was as simply as that she once ruled England and her time was called the Victorian era. But watching the film now got me better understanding about her.

via mirror

You don't have to ask me about the setting. I love all kingdom-setting movies, especially for the fashion and manner. Although I may find it's boring sometimes, but imagining to be living in that time makes me excited. I love the dresses, especially the 1700s-1800s dresses -- and this movie's particular off-shoulder gowns. I even have this Victorian Lady Barbie, the only surviving Barbie doll I keep for the past 20 years.

And I love the cast. I love that Jenna Coleman got the role. She has the perfect height, face expression (not to mention that she is pretty), and I love her deep and authoritative voice. And her chemistry with the Prime Minister Lord Melbourne (yep, I now have a crush on Rufus Sewell.) Aaaaand, of course Tom Hughes as Prince Albert. I wondered when did I see that face and just realized he was in Cemetery Junction and I had a huge crush on him back then. So, yeah, I love all of the cast of this film!

The more I watch, the more I found connection between me and the queen, besides that we share the same name. In Indonesian, Ratu means Queen. And in Bantenese tradition, women of royal blood are named Ratu while the men named Tubagus. So basically we share the same name and title: as the female ruler (who inherits the position by birth.) Not that I'm saying I'm a queen in real life/kingdom. I just carry the royal blood from my ancestors.

It was surprising for me to learn that Queen Victoria herself didn't like children (contrary to the fact that she gave birth to healthy nine kids) and much preferred to work instead of spending time in the nursery. I love children. But to have my own will be a burden because I've no interest nor passion at all to spend time on their well-being and give the right amount of affection to those little humans. I just think that it's gonna be a waste of my time and energy. But she had to have children, while I don't.

It's not that I'm saying I'm the incarnation of Queen Victoria. As far as I see it, I guess my soul understood the life I was about to have in this incarnation -- all of the tasks and obstacles -- and she saw a lot of resemblance with Queen Victoria's character, thus she picked that name. I'm glad that the queen had a merciful, gentle, and authoritative personality, and she was open to learn new things. I guess I have these qualities.

Some things I found we share in common are our love for art, and our gentle hearts. Tho we think in different methods, there are lots of similarities between Gemini (the queen) and Pisces (me!) We also might seem unattached from the outside, but we keep those we love close and around, tho we keep physical contact at minimum. We dislike our childhood nicknames and prefer to be called as simple as Victoria (but in Indonesia 80% people call me Veronica instead--thus I prefer Tori than Vicky.)

I hope I can live as big as she did, and have my name written in the hearts of those around me even after I'm long gone, just as she had. And the one thing that she confirmed me, is to wait for a Prince Albert to come my way, rather than to marry without love. Perhaps this is one of the most similarities I get from her name -- or an affirmation that I shall be loved and to always have companions, now that I may only have 20 years together with 'Prince Albert' (check out Lord M, John Brown and Abdul Karim, if you get what I mean.) The great queen is now my great inspiration.


*) main image via cliqueimg.

Last night I joined the meditation class that Clarissa brought me to and the topic was 'Deal With It'. I didn't know what to expect at first, but after the meditation we had this sharing session and the instructor asked us: What is your spiritual saving account? The things that help your spiritual grows. And what are the things you need to do to improve your spiritual account? What should you do next?

As they started to share one by one in turns, I was searching at the back of my mind and looking into my heart: what is my spiritual account? The answer came right after. It was the topic I just discussed with my sister earlier that day; I am a caring person (sometimes even too much) and I am willing to help just anyone who comes asking for my help. Most of times it go well. But sometimes I ended up cutting off people (and it's way too often) in my life. After two cases at the end of last year, I just did once last week and was about to do it again to another person, probably this week. How could this be a new habit of mine? It's such an unhealthy thing to do, I was thinking.

And as my turn came and I shared with the group, I realized then: it's not a right thing to do to cut people off. It could bring me peace for a moment (or permanently) but it doesn't solve anything. It means that I walk away from the problem and neither of the party learn anything to improve their characters. I was just adding heartaches and detachment, which means I cut off the flowing energy/the blessings we might get from each other. This must stop.

(note: a friend just reminded me, that some people are simply just toxic and sometimes it's much better to just avoid them because maybe it's not your task to help them and keeping them could drag you into their ocean of negative energy and drown you; so ask yourself whether this person still worth of your friendship or not. If they do, make some amends. If they don't, just cut them off, let go -- read my previous article here -- and move on with your life.)

So later on last night I called a dear friend I had problems with and I made amends with him. We worked things out after I popped him the crucial question I didn't dare to ask for almost half a year before. We were orbiting around the main problem but dared not to go into the heart of the matter to settle things up. So I did last night and through few arguments and some heart-to-heart confession and reconciliation, I got my best friend back. We agreed to behave better as adults and just face and deal with this feelings we've been denying, which had made us feeling exhausted for months.

It has something to do with the Greater Force. This friend and I, we've been denying the facts that we are supposed to 'work together' as a team at this particular time in this life--as a soul friend (check out this one and my previous post about karmic relationship.) It's like having to be coupled with the unlikely working partner in the police movies, I guess. Some of those films show us how the chief would put two totally different characters as a team and they had to work on some issues at first but could manage to see the good in each other, learn from each other, and finally produce the solid partnership they need to have. It's not easy, but we have to 1) embrace it, 2) deal with it, and 3) thrive through it.

We learn most lessons in life through the things we don't like:

• Anything that annoys you is teaching you patience
• Anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness and compassion
• Anyone who leaves you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet
• Anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take that power back
• Anything you hate is teaching you how to love unconditionally
• Anything you fear is teaching you courage how to overcome it
• Anything you can't control is teaching you how to let go

What should I do then?

What we need to do is to transform these negative vibes into inspiration and keep moving. The key is to first acknowledge the situation (the awareness), then shift the way we feel (the action). You can see how much things can change and problems can be solved just by changing the way we feel toward something/someone. Use your heart, but also use your logic and reasoning. Set aside your ego and emotions, because they can mislead us. Remember: feelings are low-key, stable and sustained over time, while emotions are intense but temporary. (Read this.)

I used this method to the second person I made amend with this morning. I just cut him off because I feel that he just crossed the line. But the fact is, I never told him the line. I never set boundaries and he didn't know what annoys me. It doesn't cost me so much to lose an acquaintance like him, but it surely cut something off: friendship, love spreading (love in general; we talk about compassion here), and change/transition cycle; not to mention his own character building.

As I reconciliate with him, (I hope that) I am healing the broken cycle back into work. But this time, I made a new rule: I set boundaries with him. I told him the things I cannot tolerate, and thank God that he wants to cooperate with me and work on my terms. This way, both parties happy and we just practiced a win-win solutions. It sounds easy, but has a lot of work and selflessness here. But it's doable, so don't stop trying if you need to make a healing like this. Just shift the way we feel and ask yourself: what should I do to make it better? Come on, you can do it!


Finally, I want to share with you this lesson I got this morning:
"Whatever you are receiving, just accept it. Go with the flow. Follow the energy. Resistance can only block your blessings."
God bless us! Namaste.

*) main image via spiritualunite.

This is not an easy thing to do, but letting go is an essential key toward a change (read my previous article about 'Change' here if you haven't.) In order to get a grip on something better (if not the best), all you need to do is to hold nothing else at the moment. So like it or not, you just gotta loosen your grip and let go. And this works with everything in life.

Letting go is never easy. The first time I had to do it, I remember it took me seven years to finally letting go of the memories of my first boyfriend. What a waste of time those seven years was, while that other person had moved on with his life, with his new girlfriends, and with his other stories of life. But then again, it was my process of learning. It's gonna be different for everyone anyway. I got better in time, reducing the loss duration from seven years to less than a year now, with the past break ups I had.

I always remember this particular story I heard when I was a teenager about letting go:

Once upon a time there was a girl who really loves the pearl necklace toy her mother gave to her for her plays. She loved the gift so much and she wore it anytime, anywhere: in the house, in the school, and to the malls or to friends' birthday parties on weekends.

One day, her father came to her room and asked: "Baby girl, do you love me?" 
And the little girl would answer: "Yes, Father. I do love you." 
Then, her father would say: "If you love me, would you give me your pearl necklace then?" 

The little girl was both shocked and sad. She knew that her father knew she loved that necklace very much.
She would say: "I love you, Father. But I also love this necklace. I'm sorry, I cannot give it to you."
Her father was patient and told her: "It's alright, Sweetie. I understand."

Then he would go and leave her alone. But the next day, he returned to her room and asked the same questions.
The little girl would reply: "I love you, Father. But I really love this necklace. I could give you something else, tho. You can have one of my dolls, if you want."
But the father answered patiently: "It's okay, my Darling. I understand."

Then he left her alone. But he came back to her room the next day, asking the very same questions, and got the same answer. And this happened repeatedly everyday, which made the little girl felt uneasy and thought deeply. 

One day, upon her father coming to her room, instead of giving him the same answer, she would say: "I love this necklace so dearly, Father, but I love you more. Here, if you really want this necklace."
She handed him her lovely pearl necklace while sobbing. Her father took the necklace in one hand, but his other hand reaches for his pocket, and from the pocket he produced a small box. 

He gave it to the girl by saying: "I know you love the necklace so much, that's why I bought you something much better, something for you to wear everyday and worth your love for it. I couldn't give it to you earlier, because I don't want you to have two similar things at once, because you cannot wear two necklaces at one time, and you deserve to have only the best. Now that you can let go of the old one, I know you deserve to have this one."

The little girl opened the box and saw a beautiful, shiny, real pearl necklace in it. She wondered why was it so hard to let go of the fake one when she could have the real one? But then again, she wouldn't know what her father had for her before she gave up for the new thing.

She wore the necklace, which made her face glowing and her smile brighter, and hugged her father who smiled to see her so happy. 
"I love you, Little One."

And so does God. Or the Universe. Or whatever you are calling that Greater Force out there. They love us so much that they only want the best for us, but only give us what we really need when we are ready to let go of what is no longer necessary/working in our lives: boyfriend, girlfriend, job, or even the smallest object of our possession. It's not easy to let go, but to know that God has something much better in store would make it easier for us to let go. Because it's very humane to fear the unknown, but it will bring peace if we try to think like the Angels (it's how my friend William would say it.)

'To have faith' is the other term for this act of trusting. It is partly trusting God/the Universe, but most importantly, to trust yourself. It is an act of detachment of material things/possession, an act of releasing the negative energy and to prepare your body/mind/soul to welcome the new, positive ones. It is an act of loving yourself so dearly that you can see which things can still be allowed to be in your life, and which things should go.

via pinterest

To be able to let go, you must first acknowledge of your self worth. And you must be willing to really lose the things that no longer serve you any good; all those toxic feelings/people, the object/job that brings more negativity than do you good. You must see it from the bigger picture, all the pros and cons of keeping them around. Ask yourselves: Will it make me a better person? Will it do good for my surroundings? Will it sacrifice my happiness and peace, above all?

Then, you must prepare your heart. Letting go, no matter how toxic the object is, would cost you some loss. Anything that is, had been a part of yourself for some time now, and letting go means to lose a part of you. You may grief for it for a while, suck it up that some things could only be in your memory and no longer in your life, but you must stand back up, because you know better things are coming your way. Give yourself a day or two--or even a week if you must--to soak on this, but give yourself a deadline and start your new life right back in.

You can browse for quotes of 'letting go' on the Internet to back you up each time you get down. You can print the quotes and stick it beside your bed or on your desk for moral support. But one thing you cannot let go is your faith. You just have to continually believe, even if you're feeling so weak, that you deserve the best and it's not the end yet and that tomorrow will bring you a new day and new hope to go. You just can't quit now, because things aren't right yet. You should be happy first then your story could have a 'happily ever after'. Before that, it's not over. It's just a phase of struggle that you need to go through, because there ain't no story that ends in the battle, or when the hero lose. There should be a closure, of how the protagonist won the battle, of how he/she makes things right, or to make peace with his/her life, then it could be 'the end'.

I know, letting go is not easy. It is an act not many would master. It is not the same like walking away (from responsibilities), because letting go means you've been holding on for some time and it had cost you something (feelings, time, energy, etc.) Letting go means you've tried your best to deal and fix things, but the other person/situation just wouldn't allow it to happen/be better. Then, if you're ready to thrive, to move on to the next level of your life journey, to change; you let go.

Letting go is also not the same like giving up. Giving up means you lose, you walk away from the battle feeling lost/defeated, and might have regret upon doing so (which could appear in many years after.) Letting go is a way of accepting things that you cannot force. Letting go means to make peace of the situation and accept it fully that it doesn't meant for you. Letting go means that you feel perfectly fine that the thing would no longer be in your life, especially in your future, and you are ready for new chapter/adventure/things that are coming into your life. Letting go means you are willing to accept the changes and to change yourself in order to thrive. (Again, have you read my previous article about 'Change' here?)

Some people refuse to let go because they don't like changes. They don't like to lose something or the feeling of loss itself (then again, who does?) They want better things to come, but they won't let go of the old ones. Then how would the new thing can enter your life, if you're so afraid to let go? How could you get on to the next level, if you like so much being in your current situation, no matter how bad it causes you?

That's why people say the act of letting go is an act braver than defending/holding on. It requires greater power to let go, because you need to trust God and trust yourself to detach from the current situation and to embrace the unknown. It is scary, because you don't know what awaits you on the other side. You must think that there is no way that things could get better, because this was the best thing that ever happened to you. But what if you're wrong? What if you just hasn't seen the plan that God has prepared for you? What if you must go on this path first in order to be ready to get the best thing in your life? What if the 'better things' won't come because you refuse to really let go?

One thing you must always remember is: God always has something better for you, even if you can't see it now (and think that what you have is already the best it could get--but hey, you're wrong!) So don't be afraid to let go when it's time (you know, when things bring you more unhappiness than positive vibes) and just empty your room (this could be a place in your heart) for better things to come. Good luck!


*) Main image via cooldigital.

Have you ever meet someone, dislike him/her for some reasons, but keep looking for them, care for them, and can't get them out of your head/heart? No matter how they hurt you, you still love them anyway. Well, this person could be someone you've met before (and I mean before this lifetime) and you still have some unfinished business you have to resolve in this lifetime. It can be called as a karmic relationship; which has something that you need to finish.

I just read this great article about the difference between karmic, soulmate and twin flame relationships. But let's save the soulmate and twin flame ones for another discussion, and let's now talk about the karmic relationship. So far, I have had this type of relationship, both with female friend and with love partner. With one of the boyfriends I had, I remember having this thought at the beginning of our 3-year relationship: I know I won't marry this guy, but I have to be in a relationship with him because I need to learn something from him and he from me.

At that time, I wasn't so aware of my spirituality, but I remember the message echoed clearly in my head and I told my best friend at the time, Tessa, about that. And by the time my relationship ended with him, I was changed. I learned how to be bold, brave, to stand on my ground, to speak up, and to forgive (the latter, I couldn't do it until years later, because I found it was rather hard to forgive someone who hurt you constantly for the mistakes you didn't commit just because he was lack of love and you were just the victim of his poor self-loving situation.)

Author Mitch Albom beautifully wrote a bit about this in his book, my favourite of his, The Five People You Meet In Heaven. The book explains how we learn things from the people we meet in this life, be it 'coincidentally' or not, that was arranged by the Universe. Life is all about learning after all. To learn and 'be perfect as His image'. And if we fail, the same lessons will repeat again and again until we pass the test and get on to the next level.

via consciouscoolchic

Karmic relationships are mostly paid by getting married to one who seems to be 'the wrong person'. At one point they seemed to be The One, and we married/get into a relationship with them, then hurt each other along the way. Some people passed this by accepting the situation and learning to love and forgive each other no matter what. Some other decided to cut the bond and choose to get divorce/break up. The decision, however, is all in your hands.

But I would suggest that you don't quit until things are resolved and you've learned and balanced from the situation, and thrive from it, because all of the problems that occur in your relationship is the only way you can learn about the things you must learn in this life. How else would you learn, if not by the daily problems that you must face anyway? Different from the school tests, life give us first the test, and the lesson later. So it depends on your sensitivity/stubbornness to learn from it.

Karmic relationships, as upsetting it could be, can be the best way for us to learn things. For me it is. And thriving from this test could be one of the most victorious feeling you could ever feel, despite the pain and wound and tears, because if you learn well, you'll see that it all would make you stronger. So if life is throwing you lemons, just make the lemonade and put some ice on it. Drink it, and be refreshed. Take it as the bittersweet medicine you must take in order to be better. Read my thoughts about thriving from the obstacles here.

Paying off karma, as far as I see, can be various. A couple I know are married without kids. It is a part of paying the husband's karma because once upon a time he had killed people in his past incarnation and now he has to deal with the fact that his wife cannot give birth. How do I know his karma? Well, I got my sources alright. But let's just take it as an example.

An Indonesian book Reinkarnasi by D. Indrahartanto explained some karmic relationship cases. A woman who cannot get away from an abusive relationship, a pervert man who now has to live with HIV in the present day, or a 2-year old child who insisted that his father was someone else than his biological father and that he was murdered in his previous life, just six months before he was reborn. If you can read Indonesian, you can check out the review here. Or, you can read these books by Herwiratno to know more about 'the after life and releasing karma'.

One thing I can say about karmic relationship, as also explained here, is that it will change how you view the world, the things outside of us, about the other people, of our place in this world, and how we could handle certain situations. It really make us learn a lot about how the Universe works, but not all of it. There are still lots of things that we don't know about this world, so just wait for your next lesson(s).

You could hate this person you have this karmic relationship so much, but please never regret things that happened because at that point of your life, you needed it. Because you needed to learn and thrive from it and move on to the next level. A wise man once told me: we are all just playing a role in this world. We could get the good character, but sometimes we can make awful decision, and other time we be the victim. It's all just the role we play.

Check out if your relationship now is karmic:

via blogspot

By knowing the type of relationship we are in now, we can get a better vision/picture about our situation and know the best way to fix/finish it -- anything that's necessary. I hope we can all resolve the problems in our lives and thrive from the troubles, and be better each time.
I am sending you all love!<3 p=""><3 p=""> 


<3 p="">P.S. For a fun reference, watch this old movie I love here:
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<3 p="">*) main image via pinterest.

I was talking to my best friend last Monday (after like months) and this time, our theme was 'change'. As a Sagittarian, she loves being in her skin so much and simply believes that people don't change. But as life happened, she started to question the statement. Being 32 now, she has now changed and see that people actually do change, whether if they want to or (in most case) if they have to.

I have a Sagittarian aunt and she, too, believes that people don't change. Whenever she had a chance to do so, she refused and chose to stay the same. Now that she is above 50 and she had not changed so much since she was in her youth made her certain that people don't (just) change (which assured me that Sagittarians don't like/want to change.) But clearly, my dear friend just proved that people can change.

I'll explain this a bit: (most) Sagittarians are not really considerate people and all they like/want is to have fun. But now, circumstances had crushed my friend's little bubbly world and had reshaped her into a new person: she is now more aware of the things that happened around her and far more considerate than ever (I have known her for almost 15 years now, so I know.)

As she has been too comfortable of being herself for over 30 years now, the change had made her feel uncomfortable. It's like having a new personality and she misses her old self. She was questioning herself: Have I pushed myself too far? She knows the changes have made her a better person. But is this for real? Should she wear this 'new personality' for good?

I think I've changed way too many times now (if you've read this blog since 2005 then you know how much changed I am.) I was a weak person then and life happened and here I am: standing strong on my own built ground and let no one telling me I can't. I know where I am going, I know my virtues and strength, and I don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. But my journey wasn't smooth and easy. It demanded tears, sweat, and blood (to be a bit hyperbolic.) And it required a determination of a student to learn and cope with the lessons from the Universe. I am willing to thrive, so I am willing to change.

So if you are dealing with so much pain that pushes you to your edges, and requires you to change, just do it. Because life is all about learning and paying karma, and we need to change to get to the next level (to stop the same situation from happening again and again.) If you keep dealing with the same situation, only perhaps in different cases, it means that there is something that you need to learn from the situation and need you to change in order to accomplish it, so you can move on.

I really don't know how many times I had changed. The 'change' here means the way I see the world/situation/case, how I deal with things/people, how I see myself. I don't change my character -- I enhanced it instead, I make myself stronger yet still gentle. I don't change the goodness in me, I don't get bitter; I just add wisdom and patience to it. I think it's some of the lessons we need to learn in this life.

I remember the first time I had to change (mostly involving love and current partner) and I strived so much to get through it but eventually I thrived. I didn't recognize myself at first and it felt weird to be the 'new' me, but I got used to it and I feel better. After that, the changes get easier. Each time, I just have to accept the situation, accept the way I am, and surrender to the Higher Force and go with the flow. Sometimes, I insisted to stay on my ground, but I know that in time I have to take the leap to get to the higher level.

Change is not an easy thing. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying (if you don't, ask me) but I know, everybody will need to change at some point of his/her life. And I know that I have to change again some time soon, perhaps sooner than I thought. It scares the hell out of me too, but my faith is larger than that. Let's see if we (you and I, and everybody else) can get thru this. I know we can. Because as they said: every next level of your life will demand a different you. And the only way to get there is by the change.

The only way to accept new things is by emptying your cup, let things go (read my new article here) and the only way to go higher is by learning new things. It works the same with your study or career, and so does it with your life. So don't be afraid. Embrace your fear and anxiety and just believe that everything will be okay. You'll survive this, and the only thing you'll lose is the unnecessary baggage that you need to leave behind. And be ready to get renewed: not as a different person, but a better version of yourself. Are you in for this?


Image via twimg.

Mr. Carey gave the lecture in the middle of Alun-Alun Lor

We started our third and last day of the tour very early (read our first day here and second day here.) Woke up at 4.30 a.m. and ready at 5.30 a.m., we went straight to Gusti Yudho's house. From there, we walked to Plengkung Anom, then to the North Square (Alun-Alun Lor) of Keraton.

Morning briefing at Plengkung Anom

Quick briefing before crossing to Alun-Alun Lor

We walked all the way from North Square to the South Square!

The pilgrimage followed the chronology of the British troop's invasion to Yogyakarta's Keraon back in 1811. It was really fun how we could trace it back step-by-step, along the route.

Stopping by at Prasasti Geger Spei

Prasasti Geger Sepoy -- the inscription of Sepoy Incident

 

Catching up with history on this cute village road

It was barely 7 a.m. and the sun was rising

Carried on -- we left those flowers behind

Arrived at the southeast corner of the Keraton fort

Pojok Benteng Wetan -- the southeast fort corner

Margie and I -- we were roasted hot, literally!

Walking along the fort

The stairs at Plengkung Gading

The lecture above the Plengkung Gading

The view inside the fort from Plengkung Gading

Plengkung Gading

Becak (rickshaw) is the traditional transport that is well-preserved in Yogya

Walking to the South Square

The lecture in South Square

Don't we love seeing Mr. Carey's passion in Javanese history? It really questions our interest on our nation's past!

The situation of South Square --  I haven't been here in day time!

Crossing through the Plengkung Gading tunnel

Plengkung Gading, seen from the south/outside

See Mr. Jongkie looks so happy riding with becak

We arrived at the South Square (Alun-Alun Kidul) at 8.30 a.m. and went by bus to the West side of Keraton complex to have breakfast at Soto Pak Marto. It was a nice breakfast, after burning so much calories by walking so many kilometers that morning.

Soto Pak Marto at Jl. Mayjend S. Parman

The interior of this warung soto

The soto contains beef, beansprout, and other vegetables with broth soup

After the meal, we went to Taman Sari just to get the feel of how it was back then; the beautiful water palace had once been a place for gunpowder and weapons. Kinda hard to imagine, isn't it? This was also a place where Prince Panular hid the crown prince when the war went on. Check out more about it on Mr. Carey's book Inggris Di Jawa.

We walked about 200 metres from the bus parking spot to Taman Sari

The entrance to Taman Sari

Mr. Carey gave the briefing before we enter the water palace

What a refreshing sight!

It was weekday but lots of visitors were seen on site

Once, King's concubines would swim in the pool and the King would peek from this tower and throw a flower to the chosen one (to spend that night together)

The inner courtyard

The wayang kulit maker

The inner courtyard

Local community live side-by-side with the tourism destination

We explored what's on the other side of this Gerbang Carik

And found this old building across the local village

The old well would look spooky at night!

The abandoned part of the complex

Back to the pool

The inscription in front of the Taman Sari gate

To close our morning session, we went to Fort Vredeburg. Although I've passed this fort so many times, this was my first time entering it. Inside, school children were around--perhaps on a class tour or something--but it was too hot at 11 a.m. so Margie and I went to Indische Koffie instead.

Arrived at Fort Vredeburg

The entrance

The entry fee is free during the independence month!

School girls on tandem bike

The front building, seen from inside

Statue of General Soedirman

One of our tour participant, Mr. Tjahjono and his camera

The inner courtyard

One of the buildings at the back

The inner courtyard

A cannon

After a while, the rest of our group joined and we had a review about the tour. For myself, this tour is a great idea to promote history to those who don't like to read--or to those who want to relive the events from the past. Together we discussed how this could be developed, enhanced, and enjoyed by everyone. I hope you'll join the next tour, too!

The café signage

Can you imagine sipping coffee in the afternoon here?

Indische Koffie

The door

The outdoor seating

Our snacks -- bitterballen and tempe mendoan

The interior of Indische Koffie

Filling in review form

We got about 1.5 hour to shop and get ready before check out, so I made a quick trip to Hamzah Batik Malioboro to buy a friend's souvenir, but didn't have time to get anything for myself. With Bu Ratna, the only participant who went for shopping, we went back to hotel and I took shower. At 1.30 p.m., we were all set.

Malioboro street -- tho I spent just half hour here, it's a must!

Me and Bu Ratna, riding the motorized rickshaw

I just found out that instead of pedaling now rickshaw rider has motor to ease their job

I was ready to go! (bought the batik shirt at Semarang Restaurant the other day)

We departed to Warung Bu Ageng at Jl. Tirtodipuran for lunch, and there was already Romo C.B. Kusmaryanto, another writer of PBK. We didn't stay long at the lovely open-space and wooden restaurant because we didn't want to be late for our flight. But before, we made our last stop at Jejeran.

Inside of Warung Bu Ageng

The open kitchen

Chit-chat after meal

Lunch was great here!

Bu Ageng's signature mixed rice

The backyard of Warung Bu Ageng

Yogyakarta is famous for its art and here drawings of local 'heroes' are displayed

The farewell poetry

We had to come to Panglima Sumodiningrat's tomb at the cemetery ground behind the mosque. After giving his last lecture in the tour, Mr. Carey went into the small and only housed tomb and made a small ceremony to apology on behalf the British troop of what had happened back then.

Walking to the Sawo Jejeran Cemetery

The arched gateway

The bridge's sign

The walk was about 300 metres from the main road

Nice joglo corner of the street

The mosque in front of the cemetery complex

The tombs of the regents

The tombs from 18th and 19th century

Mr. Carey and his students

It was a touching moment how he'd have the heart to make the apology, while he himself wasn't involved in the war at all. But then again, it's the secret of life how he could be interested in studying about Javanese history despite his Caucasian ethnic.

The low house of the tomb

The tomb of Panglima Sumodiningrat

The situation inside the tomb house. Image via @eldidito

Mr. Carey just finished performing the ceremony. Mas Jipi was spreading the remaining flowers to other tombs

We said our farewell to Romo Kus, and headed to Adisucipto Airport. The bus couldn't get inside, so we had to walk all the way from the bus drop off to Terminal A and on to Terminal B -- while carrying our heavy luggage! What a poor facility of the airport; I hope they'd take notice and would fix this soon.

Me and Romo Kus

Adisucipto Airport Terminal B

Our flight was supposed to be 6.25 p.m. by Sriwijaya Air, but we had a little delay. It was not too bad actually -- I slept almost all the way home. We arrived in Cengkareng at 8.30 p.m. and made our own ways home. I shared a taxi ride with Mas Didit, a writer for Kompas.id and arrived home at around 9.30 p.m. 

One of the unique street music art we'd find in Yogyakarta's roads

It was a full, tight-scheduled and such an exhausting trip, but I didn't regret it a bit. I had experienced so much in those 3 days, and am so grateful for the chance I got with this tour. I hope I'll be able to join their next tour on November, and I hope you'd join us too! Read here why. (And check out more pics on my Instagram!)



P.S. It was so funny how I happened to meet a relative in this tour. This man, Benny Satrio, is my the cousin of my uncle's wife. So, yeah, we're related in an extended family line, but it's always hilarious when you find out how large (and random) a family could be.