[meet little hayden]

Ester gave birth finally. It was by 8.17 a.m. on November 18th, 2007 when she survived the Caesar operation. The boy was freshly pink and chubby and weighs 3.5 kg. They named him Hayden Benedict Joswara. The father is so proud and happy and also the grandpa was so excited to carry him.

I watched the mom fed Hayden, and stayed to take care of her till Boyank came by 4 p.m. It was funny to see my best friend finally gave birth after being pregnant for 9 months (supposedly it’s a normal case but she is my best friend and it made everything feels so weird and funny and beyond imagination). Well she’s my age and it feels so different now; having a newborn baby and the whole feeding and caring thing… it felt so scary to me; I think I will never be pregnant and give birth and feeding anyone. It’s just soooo weird and scary!

But it’s another joy for her; it’s her dream by the way; to have a happy little family of her own. And to see her father in law so happy about his newborn grandson; it made me rethink about getting married; surely all parents expect their daughter in law to give them descendant. They must expect newborn babies to cheer up their old days.

It’s so scary to me tho I’ve thought about this about a week ago with a guy I really fall with. But the whole scene I saw at RS Limijati made me rethink about my goals in life and maybe I shouldn’t ever get married. But it also hurts. So I cried myself out last nite for the reason I didn’t really sure. I just put some of my new music collection I got from Yodi on, burnt the fragranced candle and the aromatherapy hio, and lighted my new purple decoration lamps to calm my veins and nerve.

Well maybe I just shouldn’t think too much. Maybe I just have to let it flow. But surely my mind’s not in my real age (most girls at my age are planning to get married and having their babies while I still think to play with guys under my age such as Yodi and friends and also my cousins). I feel like I’m still a sixteen year old with lots of high dreams ahead of going abroad, get a job and being independent of my own, and collect as much money to get me around the world. I’ve no intention of getting married at all. I’m far beyond my girl friends at my age.