Oh dear, I don't know why but I can feel myself being such a grunting person lately. Especially at the office where I complain like all the time, and maybe in twitter where I litter way too much. I don't know when or how I am becoming where I am now, but I think my recent past had a lot to do about this.

The other night, I had a short conversation with Iyay and we discussed about half-breeds like I am, you know, those kids whose parents came from different races/nationality, especially us Asian mixed with Caucasian. I thought it was just me who got troubled growing up.

I, having three different bloods running through my veins--English, Bantenese and a bit Chinese--had never felt belonged to any circle until I figured out the way to love myself the way I am and stopped trying to fit in. Ever since, I tried to stand out and I made it here, thankfully.

Not every half-breeds is as lucky as I am, having found her own spot in the world and living it to the max. Most of my kind are lost and I just knew it from Iyay that there are other people who are like me. I thought it only happened in my Tunggono family (mostly being half-breeds with Javanese or Chinese).

This fact calmed me down a little, knowing that I'm not all alone. But then I'm concerned about "my kind", about dealing with circumstances that are mostly contrary to what inside our hearts and minds. I found that it was horrible to be in my shoes, and bet it can be harder on others, thanks to my wise parents.

I think this post has no essence at all, I was just wanna say stuff for now I don't have no diary book at all. I don't have any conclusion nor advice for the matters, for my grunting and me being a problematic half breed. I just wanna thank God for leading me get thru it all and keep alive. Thank God :)