It is true that time heals. But sometimes, alcohol can help and fasten it. I go out at night time and drink alcohol the most in 2011 all my life. I went out and drink even more when I am in Bandung, knowing where to go with friendly faces in OJ's Tavern and Sapulidi and some other beer houses.

I know most people in Indonesia still think that it's a negative thing to do for a young woman like me, but I do enjoy my time surrounded by friends, knowing about another kind of life I've never been before, and meeting new fun people. This is like an adventure to me.

I see my progress of healing in my behavior during the drinking. When I first join the bar life here, I was as passive and timid as I was the last few years. But in time, I started to open up, thanks to Cheryl and Agatha who brought the fun and energetic spirit to my atmosphere.

I started to sing along out loud when there was music, then started to move my body by the rhythm months ago. Cheryl thought I must be drunk when she first saw me doing that--all I felt was "free". Now, I started to sing on the stage again, in front of many people, singing Fireworks out loud with Nadia at OJ's on Christmas night. Again, Cheryl was surprised and thought I must be heavily drunk.

Inside, I feel freer and freer each day. I followed Fia's advice to "leave things when they make me stressed" and just loosen up. I try not to be too serious and take things more lightly. I let go of the past. I forgive and forget. I fill myself with just things that make me smile and all positive energy. I sing out loud due to Patrick's advice months ago. I am a step further from my wound.

FYI, I used to sing on the stage in front of people at school events or simply at cafe where there is live music band playing. I used to sing all the time, until a friend told me that my voice isn't good enough. I stupidly listened to her and stopped singing. Just like that. And my voice got uglier than before.

Now, I feel that I gained my usual self back. I don't longer listen to an over possessive boyfriend, I don't longer care about what my friends tell me what to or not do, and I do only what I love to do with people I love to be with. And I have a much happier life. A livelier life. And I'm loving it.

Sometimes we listen to those who wanted to bring us down more than to those who support us. Sometimes we choose to linger on the negative thoughts because we're afraid to prove them wrong. We are scared to leave our comfort zone, afraid to step on the strange area we've never been at. We are scared to stand out and win. We feel it's better to be ordinary like the most people around us are.

We are basically cowards--until we are pushed to leave the zone. Why should we wait for the push? Why not pushing ourselves to the stage and declare to the world how we deserve to be on top? Why don't we just step up and show people that we are able?

Because we're all chicken, that's why...
... until we are cornered and life give us no other choice than to act.

I was one of those people who listen to other's and lived in such an uniformed life. I was forced to do whatever people around me are doing. I was told to be like the others, while I was not.

Now, I am taking my stage back. I am gonna rise and shine. I will prove that I am able, and am much more than an ordinary. I will get out of my comfort zone, no matter how many people will push me back to the crowd. I will take my stage back and sing out loud up there!