Another Victoria's Secrets

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I have a concern about this issue for a long time, but only last week that I got to meet a young girl that just moved to Bali that forced me to write this post. She is 26 years old and has a big dream that made her want to live in Bali: to find a Caucasian man so she could have a mix baby. This, sadly, has been the dream for most of Javanese (or other) women who are now in Bali. Not all of them, but I know so many young women came to Bali for this reason.

It might not be their fault completely. Most societies in Indonesia raise their daughters to get married soon and the goal is to give parents grandchildren. While many girls follow this demand, some girls are just not as lucky to find husband at their early adulthood. Girls who think they're not pretty enough to get husband would then 'run away' to Bali, which is famous as a place to find interracial spouse because they know how much Caucasian guys adore exotic Indonesian girls.

I lost respect to the girl right away (or perhaps disappointed), of her possibly biggest dream. Many of failed marriage cases caused by this kind of reasons: to be married before 25, to give grandchildren for parents, to find handsome guy "so I can get cute babies from him", to 'fix' their descendants' looks (seriously, this is a true term "memperbaiki keturunan")... and so on. Whoever told the girls about this conception, I would say: it is not the answer. It's never the answer to a happy, meaningful life. Love is. Compassion is. Care is.

When people are forced to get married by age "that is getting old", to get married to get descendants, to find Caucasian men because they happen to be so handsome... what will happen if your marriage end up in unhappiness because there hasn't been love between you at first place? So what will happen if your spouse is unable to reproduce--and if he/she does, are you ready to be a good parent anyway? And what will happen if the Caucasian guy only use you to get the Indonesian citizenship?

I know I am being very cynical and skeptical but THIS HAPPENS! I'm not saying that all interracial marriage are based on barely the mutual benefits. In some cases I can see that true love exists and I'm happy for them who are married in the name of love. But really, it's just their luck to find love with the Caucasian guys. It doesn't mean that you should be jealous or willing to do anything to get the same kind of life. It's like buying an ultra fashionable pair of shoes even they are so uncomfortable but you wear them anyway to show them off. Really. I'm so done with these kinds of people.

My dad was a mix child of British mom and Bantenese dad. Having a quarter of English blood running in my vessels made me quite different than my peers, especially on my skin and way of thinking. This gave me a very hard time growing up, in a uniformed culture like Bandung where I had lived since I was 8 years old. In the environment that demands everything to be (or at least look) the same, being different was like a punishment.

But I managed to survived that, by the endless love and support from my family, especially my parents. I am quite lucky to have them concerning about my well-being, although they are still not perfect and I'm far from that either. We're learning and trying to be better each day. The fact that I see around me are parents who focus only to have cute kids--which will be even cuter if they're mix-racial. What we'll get are gorgeous looking kids with pathetic soul or character. I know; I dated one of those kids. And you all know some Indonesian celebrities who were raised this way: pretty face with zero intelligence. I pity them, but they are lucky that our society still look up for good looks.

You may be wondering why I care so much about this, when I don't have a kid myself. Well first of all, I don't need to have a kid to prove anything to anyone. I'm a selfish person who doesn't want to share my time and attention to take care of kids when I can do something else. And second of all, broken people will cause a lot more trouble for us, and how to avoid that is by nurturing them the right way since early age. I got another issue with the trend with Indonesian people to put their kids in the school before 5 years old. But we'll discuss about that later. I'm just so outraged about the way people think these days!

Back to marrying a Caucasian guy "in order to get cute babies from them". Really. I will pull the matter far back into its roots. Most parents (including my own parent and grandparents) don't longer know the family roots and they don't understand our nation's real history, heritage and legacy. We are mostly blinded with the cool, modern, western lifestyle that we forget to care for our own culture. We think that westerners are always greater than Indonesians. Without the love for our nation, we tend to give in to anything they taught us. Without knowing our nation's true identity, we lack of principles and therefore incapable of being a good parent to our kids.

As the impact, those women who think they're not attractive enough for Indonesian men will try their luck on foreigner men who respect differences and eager to know more about Indonesian culture. It's a great companionship if it's done right. But what concerns me is if the women praise those foreigner men so much that they'd do anything to be their wife and has a goal to get baby from those men. I saw a lot of people my age, born as mix-racial, to be stunningly beautiful but empty inside because their parents don't really care about their well-being. It's just sad to see how the most people with mislead lives are those with the most beautiful faces. Many of them are lacking of identity, integrity and character.

Is it really what we want from our next generation? In the television we see more beautiful faces, mostly from interracial marriages. But we can also see how low-educated the television programs are. All that matters for people are in the looks and style. Thanks to the Kardashians who support such a fake super lifestyle. We forget that what really matters is inside our brain and heart. We don't want to have good-looking but stupid kids. We also don't want to raise intelligent but heartless generation. Seek inside yourself: is it really cute looking kids that we want in a marriage? Or is it true love that we are after?

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I'm a family person. I have always been a person who puts family before any other things. And as long as I remember, I'm quite patient and merciful in most things. I also try to avoid negativity and dependence. But I guess I gave my patience and loyalty to the wrong people after all. Only yesterday that I realized: Family isn't just about blood. Blood makes you relative, loyalty makes you family. Only yesterday that I had to experience this myself.

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And it is true that "hard times always reveal true friends". It also reveals true characters of the people around you, even when they are your own family. I really get disappointed when I know that the people I stood for are turning their backs on me when they know that I'm not in a really good condition (financially). And the fact that they are talking bad about me without knowing the real situation is just disappointing. I might be insulted for this jibe, which it is. But I feel more disappointed on this.

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It just proves that people only get close to us when we have money and will go away when we don't. Although that I never beg or ask anything from them anyway, narcissistic people get threatened when they know we are broke. I'm just truly disappointed that this came from the people that I always help. And if your family is in trouble, if you can't (or won't) help, can you just please don't say hurtful things? It's just funny how true the sayings of "the saddest thing about betrayal (or disappointment) is that it never comes from your enemy."

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People judge way too easily, because for most people it is just hard to think. It is hard to understand. But it's easy to hear things and judge. I'm also disappointed that when I always talk about the value of humanity and dignity, some members my own family are the ones who measure things materially. I guess I have just lost the faith in my own family. It is true of what Frank Lloyd Wright had once said: "there is nothing more uncommon than common sense."

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But then again I realize: stupidity is limitless. If the person(s) just don't reach certain standard (of common sense), they just won't get anything you're trying to tell them, be it the good deeds or good advice. At least I've tried. Sometimes people just don't understand how to cherish things until people walk away from them. I remember a verse in the Bible saying: "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

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It's a waste of time to stay in hatred and vengeance. I am disappointed at the fact but now I know the true colours of the people around me. There is always blessings in disguise and in this case I am thankful for the hard times that I'm being through now because I can see the people who are sincere to me and those who are narcissists. And I make this post as a reminder to me as the day that I have stopped caring.

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I chose paisley to fit the shape of the propeller

A fan that I ordered came yesterday in spare parts and I needed to assemble it myself. I just bought a spray paint so I got a spontaneous idea of painting the silvers to black because it looked cheap and I didn't like it. Luckily I bought a matte black paint, so it matches with the other parts of the fan. I painted just the propeller and iron base because everything else was already black. Then, I added a paisley pattern on it with white, silver and gold markers that I bought few weeks ago.

this is the fan's original look

If you want to get the perfect result, use paints and brushes instead of markers for the drawing, or if you want to get colorful effect when the fan is on, try coloring in radial sections. I made this within 24 hours, with the longest duration is to wait for the paint to get dry and make sure it's even. It's so easy to do you can start without even having art basics (this was my first attempt also). Check out the steps on image below:


Some tips:

1. The fan I use is Indonesian made Sekai table fan HFN 1210.
2. Get matte look paint if you want to draw on it after. Glossy look may be good too if you use acrylic paint after. Apply soft, thin layers on spraying instead of a single thick one for better result. Wait for 10-15 minutes before applying another layer. Have used newspaper as the base of your working floor/desk. Be sure you do it outdoor to avoid inhaling too much of the gas odor.
3. I use Pylox Basic PB 102 A Matt Black spray paint, UNI Posca all-surface white marker 8mm, Artline 990XF permanent gold marker No. 1.2 and Snowman permanent silver marker No. SP. I don't recommend the 8mm Posca because it's too big with square tip (but I only had this). If you want to use markers like I did, use ones with smaller tip. If you have time and want perfection, use paint and brush.
4. Drawing on the propeller with pencil first can be great for a more precise result. I didn't. At least have it designed on a paper first what you want to do on the media.
5. Use the paper tape to secure the parts you don't want to get painted, if there is any. I didn't use it for this project, but it is useful for other projects.
6. There are some simple basic lines to make a mandala/paisley pattern. Take all the natural essence around you and use creativity to combine all together. Here's a diagram for easy basic mandala drawing, you can start here and improvise yourself:
   
7. You may add a clear spray paint once you finish, to lock the colours from decaying. I don't use it and it still looks good (I love the matte finish). Let's see how long it can last.

Happy DIY!

It's been almost 5 months that I'm back staying in Bali again, after 2 whole years living in Jakarta due to some personal and project problems. Going back to my dream island is something that I didn't expect could happen so soon. I was thinking that the soonest I could go back here maybe after another 5 years in Jakarta. But then again, I'm back here!

In the past 5 months I've experienced so many things, much more than I did in the 2 previous years when I lived in Jakarta. It was the Ubud Writers and Readers Festival 2015 that brought me back. I was pennyless but fortunately a friend offered me a holiday ticket to Bali--and I took it. So I flew to Bali with him and his family, bringing a big suitcase to fit my needs for a month. I was planning for a 3-weeks holiday.

Arriving in Bali, I stayed in Sanur with my ex-roommate. It made me had to go back and forth to Ubud for the first few days by motorbike (because Uber services didn't want to drop me there) and luckily my publisher came from Jakarta to support me with accommodation. My book launching went well and we had fun in the UWRF but we didn't spend the last day in Ubud because my publisher wanted to explore Seminyak.

I didn't go back to Jakarta with my publisher but stayed in Sanur at my roommate's for another month. She traveled a lot back then so the room was entirely mine. I rented a motorbike to get me places and meeting with people. I did some writing, spent hours in cheap cafés all day just to keep me sane. I needed money so I looked for a job.

Then, by early December, I got a job at an art gallery in Seminyak. I thought it would allow me some peaceful time to write when there are no guests (like how I knew it should be at other art galleries) but I was wrong. The art gallery I worked at didn't give me a rest at all. I couldn't write at all and it made me kind of stressed. So I quit the job after 2 months.

I began to regretting having to work at the gallery but when I think about it, the job taught me much about patience, humility, and how to survive when I hit rock bottom. In order to be a leader, first I had to be a servant. And like what people say: when you're down under, there's no other way but to go up. And so I did. Slowly I regained my pace to get up again. I got much better job starting by mid January, so I did a double "full-time" jobs for 2 weeks.

A thing about my new job is way much more than I thought I could have. It allows me to write about anything that I want--anything. And I can work at anytime that I want, anywhere that I could be. It's a mobile job because I stay in Bali while my offices are in Jakarta and Yogya. So yeah, this is the best job that I've ever had. It gives me freedom in any way to do the thing I love the most: writing (while exploring Bali). And though I thought the job is keeping me from finishing my second novel, it is indeed increasing my writing skill and sharpening my senses for the upcoming projects.

I still have discussions with my spiritual gurus. In a discussion he said that last year was a challenge for me. It was a declining path for me as all things went so wrong and I got totally broke in every way possible. November was my lowest point and in December I saw a light--but my actual inclining point started on January. It was all so true of what he said (which he said by early November).

Actually it pains me to know that I have to start over from zero again: work, place to stay, the furniture, motorbike--and even friends (my old ones are now spread everywhere else). Now I had to find everything from zero again, but I am thankful for getting a privilege of having kind friends (new ones too) around me. They lend me their rooms, motorbikes and even some bike rides. Just at the time when I need it, all are provided for me.

Now that I got all the privileges that I "deserve", it's because I dealt with all the difficulties with patience. I got through all the desperation, hard times, stress, bankruptcy and loneliness quite well (yeah I called all of my family everyday to keep me feel accompanied and to get through the lonely nights but I guess it was okay) so I guess it's a "payback" time. So the starting over isn't really bad at all. It just means an upgraded life, in other perspective.

I really am grateful for the life I have now. The past five months had been hell, but I'm so going up and above from now on. And I got travel buddies to accompany me exploring Bali on weekends so it's just getting even better here. Above all, I just want to thank God for giving me lessons and to remind me of being humble all the time. Remember that the road of life is spinning and nothing in this world will remain the same. Be thankful and spread love everyday, I think is really the simplest key to a happy life.

This actually happened more than two weeks ago (Mar 3-5, 2016) but I hadn't have time to write about it so I will now. The company I work for, Brilio.net, bought me a ticket to Yogyakarta so I went there by 7 a.m. AirAsia flight. I was told to wait for the Jakarta group but apparently someone from the tour & travel company picked me up and drove me to the hotel.

nobody was there so I had free breakfast alone

So I got in the Neo+ Awana Hotel by around 9 a.m. and nobody from the company was there. But at around 11.00 the groups from both Yogyakarta and Jakarta came. I knew only Ivana at first, my colleague in Bali. Then I got to know more of the English team and then a lot more. For the first day we stayed mostly in the hotel's meeting room, listening to presentations and had group discussion.

Mang Engking castle restaurant

At dinner time we went by bus to Mang Engking restaurant in Jl. Soragan, Godean. It is a Sundanese restaurant but what made it special was the old castle in the complex. The dinner was served as the band played music for us, then one by one stepped on the stage to do karaoke for ice breaking. After that most of the people went back to hotel rooms, but I went to Alun-Alun Kidul with 3 others.

Maria, Aldio, two guys from next table, Ivana and me at Alun-Alun Kidul

It was Aldio's idea at first and Maria, Ivana and I came along. Our goal was to pass the blind-walking through the twin trees from north to south, but none of us made it. Ivana and Maria turned to the east while Aldio and I to the west. Apparently none of us had such peaceful mind that we all failed. After that we had some hot drinks by lesehan at the east part of the field.

Slili beach

The next day we all woke up early and by 7.30 two buses departed to Gunung Kidul (South Mountains), in Bantul area in the south. I was again in the Jakarta bus because the Yogya bus was all packed. We headed first to Slili beach, next to Krakal, in line with Baron beach, east of Parangtritis. I went to Krakal in 2011 with my cousin Anna and her Dutch friends, and this time I had more time to explore the two beaches (read here for the story and here for some tips while in Yogyakarta).

Krakal beach

We had lunch at Goa Pindul tour by Wirawisata and had some outdoor fun activity before we went to the Pindul Cave by small trucks. The cave has a river flowing underneath and we could float through it using tire tubes the tour company provides, complete with life vest and rubber shoes. We had to hold hands to keep the flow in line and the guys next to me were Aldio and Yoshi. At the end of the cave the guide made us get off the tubes so we got all wet there.

via traveleastjogja.xyz

The trip wasn't over though. We had to walk a little bit and had another truck brought us to a bigger brown-water river where we could continue floating on tubes. It is a bit like rafting but we don't have to row--just lie relaxed on the tube and enjoy the scenery around--it was splendid when you face backwards. There are some 5-7 meters high cliffs people can jump off and a short waterfall we could feel the water bumps on our heads and shoulders. The tubing wasn't far but it was nice already. Read more about Pindul Cave here.

they got me duet singing with Yoshi

Sekar Kedhaton

  
We headed back to the city that took about 2 hours drive and had a stop at Tugu Chocolate shop at Kotagede area before the Javanese gala dinner at Sekar Kedhaton just across the street. It was another karaoke night and they got me sing for 2 songs (I hope they could bear the torture). We called it a day earlier and headed back to the hotel because we still had some group task for the next day.

the presentation on last day

gudeg tahu at Yu Djum

The last day went quickly because after breakfast and photo session we were back to the meeting room and had each group presenting the task given. I had to leave early at around 12.30 p.m. and went to the airport with the same driver who picked me on first day. We had a quick gudeg lunch at Gudeg Yu Djum on the way and got in the airport in time.

the souvenir I placed on my TV cabinet now

I flew back to Bali by myself but brought back a lot of nice memories with new friends home. I think this is the best company I've ever work for, because we share the same vision--which is important for efficient work between employer and employees. Well, I hope to stay long here!

my prayer for the day went with an offering to the sea

Guess I was still in the mood of Nyepi (Hindu's Silence Day that happened last week on Mar 9th) so I decided to spend my 32nd birthday just by myself. I turned my birthday notification in Facebook private and started the date by midnight in silence. It was surprising to see who really remembers and without any notification. Some of the close family forgot but unexpected friends remembered. It just so random it's fun to know. Ironically, none of the people that I meet daily here knows/remembers my birthday. Well, it's okay tho.

to have someone who looks up to you like this is the most precious birthday gift ever

I also just figured out that I share the same birth date with two new friends: Ratna whom I met casually few months back and Dhea Seto, the young artist. The latter one I found pretty hilarious, because I think we are admiring each other. Dhea said that I inspired her and I think she's an amazing talented young person herself. She's just 18 while I'm 32.

another lovely & touching birthday greeting that I got from my cousin <3 i=""> <3 br="">

I woke up earlier than usual to enjoy the 'silence' and as the day went by I had fun having unexpected people greeted me. But at around 2-3 p.m. people started to broke the silence and posted on my timeline, on Whatsapp groups and suddenly messages were coming in. After working at home like usual, at 4 p.m. I decided to go to the beach and so I went.

Sanur beach

I went to Sanur beach instead of my favorite sunset spot, Petitenget. Sanur has its own beauty and magical force that I picked it as I really needed the magic back then. The calm beach really made my day, and I spent my grateful moment there for another 30 minutes enjoying the bluish scenery before I had to go back home.


The rest of my birthday was just like any ordinary day, only that I got some surprises as the day was ending. An old friend came unexpectedly and he brought a lot of laughter to brightened up my night. The next day, an ex told me that "awesome people celebrate birthday in one week" so therefore I extended the celebration for the next day, which made my last 3 birthdays really blessed and complete.

wonderful birthday dinner by the beach at Mano<3 i="">

So for everyone who greeted me a happy birthday, I thank thee. For someone who took part in celebrating my day and complemented it, I am forever grateful, loved and naz*. And for everyone who's reading this, I wish you the happiness that I feel now--may the odds be ever in your favor!

Thank you!<3 i="">
<3 i="">

<3 i="">

<3 i="">*) Naz (n.) means the pride that comes from knowing that you are loved no matter what you do.

 
It's been a while for me to write stuff for my own pleasure. I'm now writing articles daily for Brilio.net and just found the pattern that works for me as I am working remotely. Last night, a scriptwriter friend invited me to his friend's place (where he stayed for Nyepi) and we chatted from 11 p.m. until almost 4 a.m.--the time when he had to be heading to the airport and go back to Jakarta.

I think among all of the character studies, the most interesting one is when someone is giving their perspective on you. You will always hear something new about yourself, the sides you didn't see before. And last night, along with 2 cans of Bintang beer, I got myself zapped back to the literary world. We discussed a lot about life and its many perspectives.

Last night Ipang (famous with his real name M. Irfan Ramli) said some interesting stuff about me, exactly the same thing an Uber driver said to me just about a week earlier. It's just interesting to find two different people say about the same thing, isn't it? He said that I am a structured person, both from my gestures and words. I guess that also makes me a quite conservative person, which he also said. And that I was a very calm person, which made me wonder how restless the people he'd met.

I don't really like to labeling something, especially to describe myself--the thing I often have trouble with. People say you can trust people you can have conversation with until 3 a.m. because they will talk the truth. And you just got to trust your gut in trusting a person. Your radar will warn you if it's the otherwise.

Anyway, it's not that I'm taking all that people said about me, and neither should you. I'm just saying that it's interesting to hear how people see you from their perspective. Sometimes new adjectives are given, making you wonder if your character/personality is really like that. But most of all, the discussion really intrigued me to write about something other than the Nuswantara trilogy and articles for Brilio. So I guess I should thank him for the time and worth discussion!

I am currently in Jakarta now since Friday night, caught the night flight back to hometown. I have planned this trip but was quite burdened to have to go but I did anyway--after being soaked wet in rain on the way for lunch at Whale & Co. that day. So long story short, I'm home. My brother also came home so we were gathered that weekend, with my sister and her husband coming the next day.

brother, Mom, in-laws, sister and me

On Saturday we had lunch together with my sister's parents-in-law at Pondok Kemangi, then had some coffee at Living World mall. It was an all-day family day and it felt really good to be together again with the people who love me. I felt the love, really. And to celebrate the lovey dovey day, we had a Black Valentine's Movie Night at CGV Blitz for Deadpool with Mom and my brother. Perfect!


The next day I went with my brother and picked up Alif, my schoolmate, on our way to Kempinski Grand Ballroom at Grand Indonesia for Jovita's wedding with Chris. This was my first reason to come home this time. It was a romantic Valentine's wedding full of pink flowers and lots of meat. LOL. Yes, that's the romantic part to have great meal on this particular day (;

Alif, Alex, Sandria, me and Natalie

I was happy to have attended this wedding because Alif is going to go to Japan for 2 years and Jovita is going to Australia with her newly-wedded husband, while Alex will be busy preparing his wedding with Sandria. This might be our last reunion (of my Jakarta schoolmates) for some time now. And in the party I had a chance to meet Natalie, another schoolmate I didn't remember. That was also a nice thing to have.


I had some business meetings on Monday and all work at home on Tuesday. But I got to visit IKEA store on Tuesday night (and this morning as well, for it is never enough to visit it for only 1-2 hours. We need at least 4--especially when you just moved in to a new home. You must be agree with me!) So basically I'm happy to have found the stuff I'm needing in Bali.

Tisa, Angelika, my aunts & Mom, me and Lauren

Andreas, Toba and me

Later today, I went to The Foundry No. 8 at SCBD with Mom. There I met my big family (aunts, cousins and girlfriends) and also my childhood friends Andre and Toba. It was Toba's band Zealspeaks' album launching with Dimas (drum) and Danny (vocal). Andre and I came to support Toba (guitarist) and also Hizkia--my cousin--for some of his paintings were displayed there.

Gilang, Samuel, David and me

I also met Dimas' friends Gilang (bassist), Samuel and David (the latter two were also supporting) so I felt more like a reunion with old friends there. I do have a lot of new friends but old friends always feel like home. I guess you know what I mean. Perhaps if you know someone long enough, although you don't get to meet them so often, they become a part of you that irreplaceable. Especially childhood friends.

the famous St. Marc Café from Japan

yummy chococro that you must try!

www.twitter.com

Oh My God! Really, I was that shocked when I read that Twitter notification I got from National Library of Australia this morning saying that my book Gateway To Nuswantara is now available in their catalog in Canberra. I'm all excited, glad, proud, happy and can't help but think "how could it be" but be so grateful for this opportunity not all Indonesian writer could get. I believe I'm not lucky but blessed! _/|\_ #thankyou #millionthanks

www.brilio.net

By the way I apologize if I haven't posted on my blog for a while. I've been writing articles for Brilio.Net (which is part of KapanLagi.com) since last week and have been working remotely from Bali (their offices are in Jakarta and Yogyakarta). I find this is really fun: doing the things I love (which is writing) in a place I love (Bali, definitely) at anytime that I can, and getting well paid for it!

I guess God has finally answered my prayer for a perfect job, and here it is--comes to me just as the new year started. I hope I can have this job for a long period because the demand is quite high, too!
So if you want to check my writings, tips and tricks, stuff about Bali--everything that comes up in my mind--just check here. Stay tuned there, guys!

me and my new friend at my other new friend's café

New Year Eve dinner with Mom at Nirvana, Seminyak

before counting down to 2016