Another Victoria's Secrets

Surya Husadha Hospital Denpasar--view from my room

This was my first time ever hospitalized. It was all began Sunday night last week, July 24, that I went home from meeting some Bandung friends at Canggu. I was shivering and my body got high fever. I slept it over and the next day woke up so heavily with terrible headache, nausea and ache all over my body. I had a masseuse came over for a whole body massage, then got Mom's friend, Tante Sisca, drove me to a clinic for a check up.

The doctor gave me medication and had me rest for the next two days, only that my nausea got worse. I saw my skin turned red and my tongue was white. My sister warned me: it could be the symptoms of typhus. So I went back to the clinic all by myself that night and had the blood test. The result came out at 9 p.m. and it terrified me: a positive 4 (out of 10) for the typhus, while my Thrombocyte was as low as 121,000 (the normal amount is between 150,000-400,000).

first time got infused

So the next day, Thursday July 28, I went to Surya Husadha Hospital at 10 a.m. and registered myself in. I had to wait for the doctor at Observation Room, and after my internist, dr. Jaowenny Lolo came, I still had to wait until 4 p.m. until I got a room. It was a sharing room of 2 but I was alone that afternoon. At 10.30 p.m. a man (diagnosed with diabetes) checked in as my roommate, accompanied with 2 ladies who slept on the carpet they brought along. They were so loud, had a supper picnic in that room, and didn't stop talking until 12 a.m.

I woke up the next day at 6 a.m. as nurse woke me up for the blood pressure, blood sample and breakfast. And my neighbor was already so loud, which became worse as 3-4 more of them came at 8 a.m. and they literally didn't stop talking. I had to yell at them to shut up to make them silent because the nurse's warning couldn't silent them. Visiting hours start at 11a.m.-2p.m. but they seemed to be illiterate. Even more men came at 3 p.m. and I had to shout to them for the second time to make them quiet! What ignorant people they are!

waiting at the observation room

My mom and sister came at 5.30 p.m. on Friday and I thanked God for that, because I was so tired of doing everything by myself since Sunday night. My loud neighbor and his ladies groupie was moved to other room and I got my peace. At 12 a.m. that night I got an upgrade room for my own and I had better sleep since. I got my mom stayed over on the couch and it was really nice having her around.

I stayed in the hospital for a total of 5 nights until my platelet went back to normal and the nausea gone completely. The typhus bacteria (Salmonella typhi) infected my intestines and they said if the treatment isn't thorough, it can relapse and I really don't want that to happen so I stayed until doctor said I could go home. The most horrible things are to have the IV tube attached on my left hand and that I couldn't wash my hair.


But I was glad with the choice of hospital I got. Surya Husadha has the best, pretty and friendly nurses, and they serve yummy food (opt for the soft rice instead of the porridge!) and the room price is relatively affordable. Thank God that my office paid for an insurance to cover 2/3 of my bill there (I upgraded the room so I had to pay the difference.) But more or less my stay in the hospital was quite pleasant, I must say.

Plus, I got visited by friends. First, Andi, Nita and Adit who came on Saturday morning. Then, our family friend Nadya, her husband Cahyo and daughter Tori came in the afternoon. Both of the group really brought laughter and joy to my room and I felt much less sick. This is also the first time I ever got visited. Ever!

the coloring book Nadya bought to kill my boredom

I have some tips here if you get sick while you're on your own:

1. Listen to your body. You will always get alarm when you're too tired, hungry, or need rest. Don't neglect the signs and wait until it gets worse. Take as much rest and eat healthy and regularly to avoid hospital. (Now I can say this.)
2. Always check your symptoms via Internet: you might get sick without having to get high fever like I did. My highest temperature was 36.7C degree--not even 37C--so always be aware with the other symptoms and go to doctor right away. 
3. Be sure which doctor/hospital/clinic you're registered by the BPJS or which one your insurance would cover. If you can't drive/ride by yourself, take public transportation to get you there. Be sure your health insurance card, ID, and policy are within your reach and bring them in your purse.
4. Pack your stuff with change clothes and underwear for at least 4-5 days, toothbrush and mouthwash, face wash, socks and sweater (and eye mask if possible.) 
5. Bring snacks such as biscuit and big bottles of mineral water, in case you don't like the food they serve, get hungry between meals, and simply to hydrate yourself.
6. Bring book to read/write/color on because there will be times that you'll get bored but can't sleep. Or bring any distraction as you wish.
7. Always pay attention to the infusion (it's best if you have someone stay over to check it every once in a while, but then again you can't rely on people. Always check it yourself): nurses might get busy with other patients and you must check the tube all the time: don't let it get dry and don't let bubbles get in.

Being hospitalized is really sucks, but if you have to, just go for it. At least they take care of you with medication and healthy food. It's always better than having to take care of yourself, so always make sure that your insurance is active and ready to use. And most important thing is, keep being healthy and keep your environment clean!

 
Last week was kind of crazy for me. I got a new Editor in Chief at work, got my aunt and her friends came to Bali (which isn't really that crazy but I had to manage one thing or two for their business here), and got my first event coverage task going on. So the Viral Fest Asia 2016 was held in Bali and I got this job to do together with my colleague from Jakarta, Aldio. While the group from Jakarta stayed in Bali Paragon Hotel for 3 nights, I had to go back and forth for two days all the way from Denpasar to Jimbaran.

one of the Thai artists I interviewed: the talented 18-year old Jannine Weigel

Aldio, Bang Rizki, Sheilla, Bara, Prisca, Bang Rizal, Alex, Zia, Anda, Levi and me

The first day of the session was Rise of Asia Forum which was held in Golden Tulip Bay View Hotel. I brought my motorbike and had Aldio rode it (and I was on the back) to go to GWK instead, to interview some of the artists. We had to wait for a while but when the other Indonesian press came we made new friends there while having our lunch at Bebek Bengil. The interview stuff finished at around 4 p.m. and we continued on tour around the GWK statue before we go back.

cool entrance setting

new friends, Indonesian press

The next day (I didn't get a passage for gala dinner that night so I went home) we started late and I got to the hotel at 4, after accompanying my new friends, the Global TV press, shopping for souvenirs. Anyway we all went to GWK at 6 p.m. and the event was about to start. I wrote the whole story at Brilio.net and the photos of the event there too. Still, I got some more here that I want to show off. So, enjoy these:

the colourful & shiny stage

me with Suran, Korean singer/songwriter

food truck

our dinner: pork noodle

JW from Hong Kong

the red carpet backdrop

Noh Salleh from Malaysia--I love his indie-folk songs!

 

press among the audiences

The concert finished at 12 a.m. and the EDM party continued till 2 a.m. But we decided call it a day and loaded a bus to get us to the hotel. Funny enough, the driver took us to the 24-h souvenir shop instead. It took us another hour to go back and forth from Jimbaran-Tuban-Jimbaran-Denpasar and I could finally get home at 2:30 a.m. It was so tiring, but I'm glad that I could make so many new friends now. This is what I like about working in the media (;


The vlog above is made by my friend Adit Comma who apparently also came to the gig. I was there on minute 5:08!

via squarespace

Life is full of changes. For a moment, you are a sweet, naïve girl brokenhearted by a dickhead and 6 years later you are transformed into a fierce, strong woman standing up for your rights and voice. "Life is such an absurd journey," as I quoted from a schoolmate's travel blog title. Nobody knows what the next 5 minutes of one's will bring and neither do I.

6 years ago, in 2010, I had my heart broken badly by the boyfriend I loved so much. I thought what we had was serious and special, only that I found out about him cheating on me with more than 3 girls in 8 months. Well, that sucks. But that could be the whole life-changing experience one should have in order to be stronger. We all have this jerk in our lives. Someone whom we trust the most, who later turned up become the biggest betrayer behind our backs.

The whole disgrace he gave me had made me feel deeply broken, unwanted, humiliated, and scattered. But I chose to stand up tall and developed myself into being an extremely independent woman who is living her dream life in Bali by herself, building the world around her as she wanted it. I guess I've become a completely different person than who I was 6 years ago, crying for the guy who didn't love me back as I did to him.

via springtide

But you know how all the story goes. Villains would reign for a while, but the good guy wins eventually. Affairs might break someone's heart, but karma knows how to work its way best. So the girl who told me that she had been sleeping with my ex during my relationship with him had the chance to date him for the past year now. Some of my friends told me they even planned to get married next year and few months ago they seemed to be the happiest couple in the world, according to what I heard. I didn't mind, tho. I was way over him by then.

However, about a week ago, he reappeared in my life. My 'dickhead ex' contacted me only days after I heard from another friend that he just broke up with that girl. Rumors said that it was the debt stuff that made them broke up, but he confirmed to me that karma had just knocked on his door. Apparently everything that he did to me before now happened to him. All the pain, shock and humiliation from the collapsed dream is now on his side. He even told me a few times: Karma is real.

via majasdiary

I don't know how to react to this actually. If this happened few years back when I still had a vengeance toward him, I would cheer up and dancing triumphantly on this. But now that I don't longer have any feeling toward him, I feel pity. So for me it's kind of adding another burden for having someone relying their hope on me. I feel a responsibility to help him get up again, because I know how suck it is to be in that position and somehow he was special to me at some point in my life. But it doesn't mean that I want him back. Not after the damage he did to me, not after what I have become of now.

Well I guess this is a good lesson for all cheaters, that eventually you'll be in the position where you can't do nothing but regret. And it's not a good feeling to have, especially to feel both brokenhearted and regretting an old mistake. Guess karma really knows how to serve people just how they deserve it, so we better get our action right in the eyes of human and God--because Karma sees everything.

It should be another ordinary vacation day in Bali for me, but something in the air says something else. From the mesmerizing sunset to the colourful twilight sky that I just witnessed on the beach, I know there should be something special about the day. But my whole day already went on like any regular day... until it was dinner time.

"Excuse me," a man softly touches the back of my lower left arm. I glance at him with a plate full of the dish I picked from the food counter on my left hand. My right hand is grabbing the utensils from a smaller counter. I stare at him for two seconds, waiting for the reason of why he provoked me.

"Deidre," he looks relieved when I look back. But it's not my name he just called. I stare at him for a longer bit. There is something in his eyes that sends me a shiver. A strange warm sensation that makes me shiver.

"I'm sorry, wrong person," I smile, both to cover the awkwardness and to get rid of the strange vibration that I'm feeling. I walk away from him, heading to an empty table that I've aimed before he interrupted me.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you look so much like her..." he insists, catching up with my pace. I turn around, trying to be polite.

"Your... wife?" I have a guess. He nods. So he has a wife already.

"Was," he adds. Now I feel a bit of sympathy.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that," I respond spontaneously.

"Don't worry. It was a long time ago," he shakes his head and makes an expression that I shouldn't feel sorry about it. "Anyway, can I sit with you?"

This is a first time a stranger would ask to sit with me. I pause for a while to think of the consequences, but my head nods much quickly than my brain could even process the thought. He follows me to my target seat.

"It's so nice to see you again... um, I mean, it's nice to see you," he starts. I smile at him, not knowing what to say. It is nice to see him, to have him sit with me and stuff, but to tell him all about this is way too early. I guess.

"Aren't you eating?" I ask instead. I spoon a bit of my quinoa and stir-fried spinach into my mouth.

"Yeah," he responds, glancing at the food counter that is full with a bunch of people queuing. "After the group's done."

I follow his glance and nod. "Oh, okay."

For the next ten minutes we are involved in a delightful conversation. He excuses himself to grab food from the counter and when he comes back we talk briefly about our backgrounds, origin countries, interests and hobbies, which then leads to our life principles and dreams. I feel like I've known this person for a long time, but clearly I haven't met him before few moments ago.

"I'd really like to marry you," he finally said, as if he has been holding the words from coming out of his mouth for the past hour, after we finished our meals and just ordered a second round of drinks.

"That's a very odd thing to say at a first meeting," I try to neutralize the situation.

"I've said it every time I met you before," now his words make me confused. "And it had always been working."

"Every single time?" I provoke him, getting along with whatever his game is about.

"Well, no. Not all the time. The last time was 200 years ago, and I've lost you three times in the following incarnations," he says that with bright hazelnut eyes, looking deep into my soul. Maybe he knows I'm scared now. Maybe he can sense my insecurity. I feel his stare becomes more intense, as if he is looking for something inside of my heart.

"You.. lost me three times?" I repeat, trying to understand but still playing his game.

"Yes. I didn't look for you fast enough that I had to see you marry other men. Now looking at your bare fingers, I take it that I'm not late now."

I look at my empty ring finger. There isn't any hint of a ring ever stay long enough to make a mark there. I pull my hands to my lap, under the table, and make my right hand covering the left one.

"But you are," I whisper slowly. He doesn't seem to hear that.

"It's really hurt to lose you and have to wait for another incarnation to find you again," he says this as if he is saying the truth. As if his game is real.

"So I had been your wife--wait, 200 years ago?" he nods.

"And for so many times before. We've been together in every of your lives since the very beginning until I failed three lives ago," he says this with an affection in both his words and eyes which makes me feel so calm. "But the punishment days are over. We can be together again now."

"And why should we be punished?" I still don't get what conversation I am in.

"Another woman appeared and I made a mistake. A highly costed mistake that I have to pay off for nearly 200 years now," his gaze ponders. On his eyes I see pain, love, and yearn mix altogether. How strange it is that all I want to do is to hold him tight, calm his nerves and tell him that I'm here now and everything's gonna be alright. But I hold the feeling and try to divert the urge.

"And you didn't marry anyone else in the past 200 years?"

"I did when I knew I lost you the first time. And it just costed me another lives to bear without you. That's why I've been single for the past 120 years," he answered. I feel like I'm talking to an Edward Cullen. Or Connor MacLeod character in Highlander played by Christopher Lambert. What is he? "It's just different if not with you."

"Why should I trust you?" I really don't know what to think now. His words are all every woman wants to hear about. And I feel the peacefulness I haven't feel all my life, until now.

"You don't have to trust me. You just have to trust your feeling," he answers. "What's inside your heart?"

"I do believe you," I told him truthfully. Then slowly and unwillingly I continued, "But I just got married and this is my honeymoon I'm having in Bali. My newlywed husband is now in the jewelry store, fixing the diamond that fell off from my wedding ring. I am sorry."

"Oh," is all that he says. "Imbroglio."

"What is that?"

"A complicated situation," he smiles as he says this.

"What happens now?" I ask, fearful of hearing the answer.

"I'll wait until your next incarnation."

"No other way to fix this?"

"Dear, I've tried so many ways before and each mistake just brought me farther from you. Apparently the punishment is not over yet. We have to pay this off. From my experience, forcing anything won't do any good. We have to accept this and let the Universe work in its own way. If we're not meant to be together in this life, we wait for the next one. Don't you worry now. It's still not our time. But it will be, soon. The first time I found you married to someone else, you've had two kids already. Now I found you just newlywed. So our next meeting will be before any wedding."

I look at him, bizarrely hurt yet consoled at the same time.

"Until our next meeting," he says as he kisses the back of my right hand. I repeat his words in a whisper.

"By the way, your dinner is on me," he smiles at me, blinks an eye and turns back to disappear among the crowding customers around the food counter.

I am not sure what to feel now. It feels like losing a big lottery that I just won for only five minutes. A brief moment of possessing something so valuable that makes the loss feels even heavier. It feels like falling off a ride that had just started. A fleeting excitement that ends with a painful landing on the solid, rocky earth. And what scares me the most is, how to face my newlywed husband--a person whom I'm married to for the next coming years but had never makes me feel anything close to the feeling I got with the person whom I just had dinner with; the person I might never see again in this life, whose name I don't even know--whose identity I'm not certain of. If this life is a punishment for our love as he said, then I guess I can't wait until my next life.


~

via squarespace

I've met so many different kids along June as I taught the 6-12 year-olds in the summer program at My After School Club and had friends and family coming to Bali with their kids. I had close interaction with them, much closer than I've been in the past 15 years, since my younger siblings and cousins whom I used to babysit have all grown up now.

The first thing I noticed was that I'm still that good dealing with kids (not babies or toddlers--only kids) no matter how long I haven't deal with them. The second thing I noticed was that kids are shaped by their parents' teaching at home, way before school days start. The values that parents plant in their children's minds in the early years will help develop the kids' character to the next 20-50 years. That is how important

A 5.5-year old boy I met was so bossy to everyone around because of being treated like a little prince at his luxurious home. While a 5-year old girl can get along very well with older kids, being smart and self-responsible. An 8-year old boy can be so mature, caring and responsible as he has younger siblings and has a very disciplined father. A kid the same age of 8 can also be so annoying, selfish, narcissistic and like to play victim/blame others as he is raised by a single working mom (who is clearly doesn't have enough time to pay enough attention to the kid.)

Those are the examples I saw at the school club. As my friends and family visit me with their kids, I can see closer how different parenting styles can be, no matter the same life principles I share with them. Being a parent is a whole different thing. As the oldest daughter/granddaughter in my family, I've helped my mom and aunts babysit and nurture their kids. More or less I've learned parenting since my childhood that I still carry with me until now. Every time I meet a kid, I treat them the same way as my parents did to me.

Another thing that I noticed these days was how people tend to see children as "cute young people" while I see them as human beings with a potential to become great adults if nurtured with good knowledge and conscience. I treat kids as I treat other people according to their situation--which is related with not only age but also the brain development, IQ and EQ levels, and their interests of life.

Maybe that's why I don't easily get swooned or drooled by their cuteness. I'm more likely to treat them as a buddy; a friend--because that's how my mom treats me and because that's what everybody in this world need the most: a friend. And a good friend knows when to teach/show good examples to the other, be fun, be protective, or simply be a playmate.

Sadly, not all parents have enough knowledge of the good/ideal parenting even though they are capable to produce as many kids they want. In the Catholic premarital courses, for example (I take Catholic as the only one I know), the religion values are highlighted to be the basic of Catholic marriage, but they don't mention about the parenting theories. I got the day-course about children psychology before I started teaching to prepare the teachers to deal with kids according to their age in the most proper way. This is initial, because teachers are the representation of parents at school. But I guess there aren't parenting class ever given to prepare parents to deal with kids.

I had another experience with that, as my peers are mostly parents now. We had this discussion about parenting at a chat group with dozens of my schoolmates and some of them really don't have a clue about educating their children. They know how to take care and nurture them, but not educating them. No wonder there are a lot of the young generations who don't have a clue about morals, norms, values or principles these days.

My mom always said that children are the young humans that God trusted the parents to take care of them, but children are really God's. Parents are actually the child's guidance in this world, but not to own the kid, as everything in this world really belongs to the Almighty God. Therefore parents should take full responsibility of their children's health, welfare, and character building.

I know some of you will say that I won't know because I don't have a kid myself. Well, I started those stuff much earlier than most of them. And some of them say that if I had a kid, I'd know how hard it is to be a parent. Ha-of course I know how hard it is. That's one of the basic reason why I don't want to have a kid. It's much more than giving birth. It's about the unconditional love, life commitment and responsibility. Maybe they are the ones who didn't know how hard it was or what to do with them before the kid actually appeared in their lives. Hey, I got it all prepared, yo! I'm avoiding it because I know I don't want to deal with those stuff.

Some people say I'd be a good parent. Yea, that could be true. But still, I don't have to prove anyone anything. And being a parent doesn't always have to give birth to one. A dream I have since I was a kid is to give love to the children who need affection. There are already so many children who are abandoned, lacking of attention, or abused. It will be much better to give them the love they deserve than to add another kid in this world just because we had to.

And if people say it's much easier to say than do, I agree. That's why I think that people need to fully understand how to be a good parent and the best way to prepare and educate them to be wonderful people before they plan to have kids. I guess that's all I got to say now. I wish more parents are aware of their parenting style and the effect for their kids. (;

via godupdates

Lately I hear and read rape cases more than ever before. From my childhood, of all other criminality, I fear rape the most. Robbery takes what is replaceable to the victim. Hitting hurts but human organs can heal in time. Killing ends life right away, which takes one's right to live but at least the business doesn't belong in this world or this life anymore. But rape and sexual assault are the worst of all: it is taking something very intimate and personal of someone's life and the damage is felt within.

Unlike physical organs, the broken human's soul and heart cannot heal as fast and the treatment is not as simple. As complicated as the nervous system and organs in human body can be, human's soul and heart are much more complicated. And what is not seen is always the hardest to understand, as humans also have their own free-will and wild imaginations that are different to each of us.

Last night I spent over one hour reading the open letter from the Stanford rape victim to her rapist. It is a heartbreaking yet powerful letter of over 7,000 words that explains what happened to every details, including those that are usually unable for us to put in words. The victim, having her name kept secret for her privacy, has taken the case so bravely, maturely and fairly. She had dealt with her fear, loss, disgrace, for over a year and won. As the law gives light punishment of only 6 months in jail, she sends a letter through the judge so everyone can at least know how it is to be at her position.

We all can see how luxury and lenience will never raise children in a good way. The rapist, Brock Allen Turner, is a freshman and swimming athlete that is said to have 'so much at stake' as this rape case come to the surface. Both of his parents wrote letter as they are trying to get Brock away from punishment and explained how it made their kid lost appetite and spirit to go through the days. Both of the parents, and their son as he said in his defendant's statement on the court, are failed to see the case as a sexual assault that has ruined a girl's life. They consider it merely as a 20-minute actions that had ruined Brock's life and blame it on the campus drinking culture. They don't consider anything about the victim as in their mind their son is the victim here.

the entrance, garden and playground

After giving two 50-minute classes for Dyatmika Junior High School last month (that I shared my experience of being a writer to those 14-year olds), I took another challenge to teach primary school kids art. The summer program started earlier this week at My After School Club, with Master Art theme for the week. I taught 2-D and 3-D arts with other teachers in the first 2 days.

I was scared at first, knowing nothing to handle 6-12 year olds (that are not my cousins) but they gave all teachers small seminars of children psychology and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. That, combined with my experiences with my younger siblings and cousins as I grew up--and my general knowledge of psychology--made me pretty much well-prepared for the teaching. The reason why I'm taking this freelance job is not about the money, but the idea of helping shape good characters for the kids through playing.

waiting area

The Club aims to bridge the problems that working parents have with their growing up kids. School usually ends at 11a.m. to 1p.m. and children wouldn't have adult supervisions until the parents go home, so they could come to the Club instead. It is not an extra-curricular or course program. It is a place where kids can have healthy lunch, get helped with their homework, and develop their art and nature skills with light practices. There will be no extra lessons for them, only creative and active ways to kill time and to get them away from gadgets.

kids are meant to play actively outdoor

The implementation of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People will also be applied here through daily and casual interactions, that we all aim to shape future leaders from their childhood moments. I think this is the main reason why I'm supporting this program, although I'm only active for their summer program for now. I want children to spend their time learning by playing, being active, proactive and creative, blend in with nature, before time will come and introduce them to the real world, technologies and problems.

the art room--they also have the music room

This is a CSR to me, as an act of giving back to the others of the blessings that I have for having happy childhood, although I didn't have all the facilities the children have today. Plus, I guess I'm doing pretty good with children, thanks to the experience I had with my younger cousins back then. Of course, being a teacher is never a one-way education. Being a teacher--next to being a parent--is a privilege to have us taught simple things from the kids.

explore new things and don't be afraid to get dirty

Through my 2-days experience I already witness the 7-8 kids play, get excited to some things, lost interest and tired of other things, get competitive, accusing the others to cheat, being accused of cheating, play fair, laugh, cry, get mad at each other, comforting the ones who cry, take sides, not taking sides, make up with each other, following instructions and requests, being responsible and other things.

library and indoor playroom

If there are things that I learn from these kids is how easy they are to let go of anger within half hour in order to be able to go play again. How they cherish the fun more than holding grudge, is one of the best things we can learn from them. Letting go, based on my own experience, is one of the hardest things any adult can do in life. I guess it's good to have interactions with kids from time to time, to rise our inner child and just let loose. Although being a regular teacher is never on my plan or intention, it is fun to do this once in a while.

Should you be interested to register your kids to the Club, contact them here, or visit them at Jl. Hayam Wuruk No. 93, Denpasar, Bali. Their Summer Program is still going for 2 more weeks before the Lebaran (Eid Al-Fitr) holiday and 3 weeks after. Then, they will begin the after school club for the new semester. Let's give children the childhood they deserve!

Don't look at me that way. Yes, I watched the movie. It was last Monday, and it seems like I still can't move on from that. Well, I actually do. But the movie brings many thoughts that bother me. As a '90s kids of course I watched the first movie AADC. I was as old as Cinta's character in the movie: at my last year in high school. The simple story plot and the natural acts made this a good movie. They were the trend that brought back passion in cinema life to Indonesia filmmakers. Plus, unlike other quality romance drama movies that I watch that mostly came from Hollywood, this movie sets in the familiar city that I've lived in. But I didn't have a life anywhere near Cinta's so the movie wasn't really memorable to me.

So when they were so hyped with the sequel--14 years later--I wasn't really eager to watch it, too. But eventually, after hearing so many testimonials from friends, and that I got a free movie ticket, I watched it anyway. And, as everybody else who watched this, I was emotional too. Perhaps because Cinta's life is more applicable to my life: an person of art, single in her 30s, traces of past love that can't seem to be done, my love for both cities Jakarta and Yogyakarta, and all other details in the movie that are close to my life. I even watch the AADC movie again to make a comparison.

What I noticed is that they care about every single details that I often found in most Indonesian movies that sometimes don't make sense at all or not applicable in daily Indonesian life. For example, they repeat some details from the AADC in AADC2: the phrase Cinta said about how annoying Rangga is when he's confused; the expression of "Lalu?" (and then?) they both shared of asking the next step; the way Cinta erased her bight-coloured lipstick before both dates with Rangga; the speeding up on the highway to the airport and the "failed" effort to relive the scene in the airport (which is a good thing)... Although you don't really notice them at first, if you watch both movies in an adjacent time you'll appreciate these details more. And the most important thing is the same people behind the soundtrack music, that strengthened the character of the movie.

Through this sequel I got to reflect on my own love life in the past 14 years. Unlike Cinta, I don't have a Rangga figure in my life. But I saw how much progress I had made. All the mistakes in my life, the stupid things we did in the name of love, or the pride we held that kept us from love.. I guess just like Cinta and Rangga who are more mature than how they reacted in AADC, we also have wiser ways to settle for things in life.

As a fan of the movie, I also regret the fact that Dian Sastro didn't end up marrying Nicholas Saputra. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wish for that. But also I realized that Dian Sastro is not Cinta, and Nicholas Saputra is not Rangga. It's just that the filmmakers are so good at delivering perfect scenes that makes us convinced that this story could be real. (And if you do this could be real, stop that thought now. It isn't real. Don't daydream about it because it's a made up story. But if you want to get something out of it, take the lessons instead).

So I guess the fever of AADC2 will soon be over as the movie is taken out from the theatres. As real life is happening now, we need to get back and focus on our lives now. But good thing about movies are the messages they are giving us. Through the wide screen at least we can try reflecting by looking at our own lives in different perspective, to appreciate every little detail (as how I admire how detailed the movie is done for Indonesian production), and perhaps to give soundtrack to our daily life for the fun of it. At least watching this movie triggered me to writing poems again... Thank you, AADC2 team! (;

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I have a concern about this issue for a long time, but only last week that I got to meet a young girl that just moved to Bali that forced me to write this post. She is 26 years old and has a big dream that made her want to live in Bali: to find a Caucasian man so she could have a mix baby. This, sadly, has been the dream for most of Javanese (or other) women who are now in Bali. Not all of them, but I know so many young women came to Bali for this reason.

It might not be their fault completely. Most societies in Indonesia raise their daughters to get married soon and the goal is to give parents grandchildren. While many girls follow this demand, some girls are just not as lucky to find husband at their early adulthood. Girls who think they're not pretty enough to get husband would then 'run away' to Bali, which is famous as a place to find interracial spouse because they know how much Caucasian guys adore exotic Indonesian girls.

I lost respect to the girl right away (or perhaps disappointed), of her possibly biggest dream. Many of failed marriage cases caused by this kind of reasons: to be married before 25, to give grandchildren for parents, to find handsome guy "so I can get cute babies from him", to 'fix' their descendants' looks (seriously, this is a true term "memperbaiki keturunan")... and so on. Whoever told the girls about this conception, I would say: it is not the answer. It's never the answer to a happy, meaningful life. Love is. Compassion is. Care is.

When people are forced to get married by age "that is getting old", to get married to get descendants, to find Caucasian men because they happen to be so handsome... what will happen if your marriage end up in unhappiness because there hasn't been love between you at first place? So what will happen if your spouse is unable to reproduce--and if he/she does, are you ready to be a good parent anyway? And what will happen if the Caucasian guy only use you to get the Indonesian citizenship?

I know I am being very cynical and skeptical but THIS HAPPENS! I'm not saying that all interracial marriage are based on barely the mutual benefits. In some cases I can see that true love exists and I'm happy for them who are married in the name of love. But really, it's just their luck to find love with the Caucasian guys. It doesn't mean that you should be jealous or willing to do anything to get the same kind of life. It's like buying an ultra fashionable pair of shoes even they are so uncomfortable but you wear them anyway to show them off. Really. I'm so done with these kinds of people.

My dad was a mix child of British mom and Bantenese dad. Having a quarter of English blood running in my vessels made me quite different than my peers, especially on my skin and way of thinking. This gave me a very hard time growing up, in a uniformed culture like Bandung where I had lived since I was 8 years old. In the environment that demands everything to be (or at least look) the same, being different was like a punishment.

But I managed to survived that, by the endless love and support from my family, especially my parents. I am quite lucky to have them concerning about my well-being, although they are still not perfect and I'm far from that either. We're learning and trying to be better each day. The fact that I see around me are parents who focus only to have cute kids--which will be even cuter if they're mix-racial. What we'll get are gorgeous looking kids with pathetic soul or character. I know; I dated one of those kids. And you all know some Indonesian celebrities who were raised this way: pretty face with zero intelligence. I pity them, but they are lucky that our society still look up for good looks.

You may be wondering why I care so much about this, when I don't have a kid myself. Well first of all, I don't need to have a kid to prove anything to anyone. I'm a selfish person who doesn't want to share my time and attention to take care of kids when I can do something else. And second of all, broken people will cause a lot more trouble for us, and how to avoid that is by nurturing them the right way since early age. I got another issue with the trend with Indonesian people to put their kids in the school before 5 years old. But we'll discuss about that later. I'm just so outraged about the way people think these days!

Back to marrying a Caucasian guy "in order to get cute babies from them". Really. I will pull the matter far back into its roots. Most parents (including my own parent and grandparents) don't longer know the family roots and they don't understand our nation's real history, heritage and legacy. We are mostly blinded with the cool, modern, western lifestyle that we forget to care for our own culture. We think that westerners are always greater than Indonesians. Without the love for our nation, we tend to give in to anything they taught us. Without knowing our nation's true identity, we lack of principles and therefore incapable of being a good parent to our kids.

As the impact, those women who think they're not attractive enough for Indonesian men will try their luck on foreigner men who respect differences and eager to know more about Indonesian culture. It's a great companionship if it's done right. But what concerns me is if the women praise those foreigner men so much that they'd do anything to be their wife and has a goal to get baby from those men. I saw a lot of people my age, born as mix-racial, to be stunningly beautiful but empty inside because their parents don't really care about their well-being. It's just sad to see how the most people with mislead lives are those with the most beautiful faces. Many of them are lacking of identity, integrity and character.

Is it really what we want from our next generation? In the television we see more beautiful faces, mostly from interracial marriages. But we can also see how low-educated the television programs are. All that matters for people are in the looks and style. Thanks to the Kardashians who support such a fake super lifestyle. We forget that what really matters is inside our brain and heart. We don't want to have good-looking but stupid kids. We also don't want to raise intelligent but heartless generation. Seek inside yourself: is it really cute looking kids that we want in a marriage? Or is it true love that we are after?

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I'm a family person. I have always been a person who puts family before any other things. And as long as I remember, I'm quite patient and merciful in most things. I also try to avoid negativity and dependence. But I guess I gave my patience and loyalty to the wrong people after all. Only yesterday that I realized: Family isn't just about blood. Blood makes you relative, loyalty makes you family. Only yesterday that I had to experience this myself.

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And it is true that "hard times always reveal true friends". It also reveals true characters of the people around you, even when they are your own family. I really get disappointed when I know that the people I stood for are turning their backs on me when they know that I'm not in a really good condition (financially). And the fact that they are talking bad about me without knowing the real situation is just disappointing. I might be insulted for this jibe, which it is. But I feel more disappointed on this.

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It just proves that people only get close to us when we have money and will go away when we don't. Although that I never beg or ask anything from them anyway, narcissistic people get threatened when they know we are broke. I'm just truly disappointed that this came from the people that I always help. And if your family is in trouble, if you can't (or won't) help, can you just please don't say hurtful things? It's just funny how true the sayings of "the saddest thing about betrayal (or disappointment) is that it never comes from your enemy."

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People judge way too easily, because for most people it is just hard to think. It is hard to understand. But it's easy to hear things and judge. I'm also disappointed that when I always talk about the value of humanity and dignity, some members my own family are the ones who measure things materially. I guess I have just lost the faith in my own family. It is true of what Frank Lloyd Wright had once said: "there is nothing more uncommon than common sense."

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But then again I realize: stupidity is limitless. If the person(s) just don't reach certain standard (of common sense), they just won't get anything you're trying to tell them, be it the good deeds or good advice. At least I've tried. Sometimes people just don't understand how to cherish things until people walk away from them. I remember a verse in the Bible saying: "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

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It's a waste of time to stay in hatred and vengeance. I am disappointed at the fact but now I know the true colours of the people around me. There is always blessings in disguise and in this case I am thankful for the hard times that I'm being through now because I can see the people who are sincere to me and those who are narcissists. And I make this post as a reminder to me as the day that I have stopped caring.

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I chose paisley to fit the shape of the propeller

A fan that I ordered came yesterday in spare parts and I needed to assemble it myself. I just bought a spray paint so I got a spontaneous idea of painting the silvers to black because it looked cheap and I didn't like it. Luckily I bought a matte black paint, so it matches with the other parts of the fan. I painted just the propeller and iron base because everything else was already black. Then, I added a paisley pattern on it with white, silver and gold markers that I bought few weeks ago.

this is the fan's original look

If you want to get the perfect result, use paints and brushes instead of markers for the drawing, or if you want to get colorful effect when the fan is on, try coloring in radial sections. I made this within 24 hours, with the longest duration is to wait for the paint to get dry and make sure it's even. It's so easy to do you can start without even having art basics (this was my first attempt also). Check out the steps on image below:


Some tips:

1. The fan I use is Indonesian made Sekai table fan HFN 1210.
2. Get matte look paint if you want to draw on it after. Glossy look may be good too if you use acrylic paint after. Apply soft, thin layers on spraying instead of a single thick one for better result. Wait for 10-15 minutes before applying another layer. Have used newspaper as the base of your working floor/desk. Be sure you do it outdoor to avoid inhaling too much of the gas odor.
3. I use Pylox Basic PB 102 A Matt Black spray paint, UNI Posca all-surface white marker 8mm, Artline 990XF permanent gold marker No. 1.2 and Snowman permanent silver marker No. SP. I don't recommend the 8mm Posca because it's too big with square tip (but I only had this). If you want to use markers like I did, use ones with smaller tip. If you have time and want perfection, use paint and brush.
4. Drawing on the propeller with pencil first can be great for a more precise result. I didn't. At least have it designed on a paper first what you want to do on the media.
5. Use the paper tape to secure the parts you don't want to get painted, if there is any. I didn't use it for this project, but it is useful for other projects.
6. There are some simple basic lines to make a mandala/paisley pattern. Take all the natural essence around you and use creativity to combine all together. Here's a diagram for easy basic mandala drawing, you can start here and improvise yourself:
   
7. You may add a clear spray paint once you finish, to lock the colours from decaying. I don't use it and it still looks good (I love the matte finish). Let's see how long it can last.

Happy DIY!

It's been almost 5 months that I'm back staying in Bali again, after 2 whole years living in Jakarta due to some personal and project problems. Going back to my dream island is something that I didn't expect could happen so soon. I was thinking that the soonest I could go back here maybe after another 5 years in Jakarta. But then again, I'm back here!

In the past 5 months I've experienced so many things, much more than I did in the 2 previous years when I lived in Jakarta. It was the Ubud Writers and Readers Festival 2015 that brought me back. I was pennyless but fortunately a friend offered me a holiday ticket to Bali--and I took it. So I flew to Bali with him and his family, bringing a big suitcase to fit my needs for a month. I was planning for a 3-weeks holiday.

Arriving in Bali, I stayed in Sanur with my ex-roommate. It made me had to go back and forth to Ubud for the first few days by motorbike (because Uber services didn't want to drop me there) and luckily my publisher came from Jakarta to support me with accommodation. My book launching went well and we had fun in the UWRF but we didn't spend the last day in Ubud because my publisher wanted to explore Seminyak.

I didn't go back to Jakarta with my publisher but stayed in Sanur at my roommate's for another month. She traveled a lot back then so the room was entirely mine. I rented a motorbike to get me places and meeting with people. I did some writing, spent hours in cheap cafés all day just to keep me sane. I needed money so I looked for a job.

Then, by early December, I got a job at an art gallery in Seminyak. I thought it would allow me some peaceful time to write when there are no guests (like how I knew it should be at other art galleries) but I was wrong. The art gallery I worked at didn't give me a rest at all. I couldn't write at all and it made me kind of stressed. So I quit the job after 2 months.

I began to regretting having to work at the gallery but when I think about it, the job taught me much about patience, humility, and how to survive when I hit rock bottom. In order to be a leader, first I had to be a servant. And like what people say: when you're down under, there's no other way but to go up. And so I did. Slowly I regained my pace to get up again. I got much better job starting by mid January, so I did a double "full-time" jobs for 2 weeks.

A thing about my new job is way much more than I thought I could have. It allows me to write about anything that I want--anything. And I can work at anytime that I want, anywhere that I could be. It's a mobile job because I stay in Bali while my offices are in Jakarta and Yogya. So yeah, this is the best job that I've ever had. It gives me freedom in any way to do the thing I love the most: writing (while exploring Bali). And though I thought the job is keeping me from finishing my second novel, it is indeed increasing my writing skill and sharpening my senses for the upcoming projects.

I still have discussions with my spiritual gurus. In a discussion he said that last year was a challenge for me. It was a declining path for me as all things went so wrong and I got totally broke in every way possible. November was my lowest point and in December I saw a light--but my actual inclining point started on January. It was all so true of what he said (which he said by early November).

Actually it pains me to know that I have to start over from zero again: work, place to stay, the furniture, motorbike--and even friends (my old ones are now spread everywhere else). Now I had to find everything from zero again, but I am thankful for getting a privilege of having kind friends (new ones too) around me. They lend me their rooms, motorbikes and even some bike rides. Just at the time when I need it, all are provided for me.

Now that I got all the privileges that I "deserve", it's because I dealt with all the difficulties with patience. I got through all the desperation, hard times, stress, bankruptcy and loneliness quite well (yeah I called all of my family everyday to keep me feel accompanied and to get through the lonely nights but I guess it was okay) so I guess it's a "payback" time. So the starting over isn't really bad at all. It just means an upgraded life, in other perspective.

I really am grateful for the life I have now. The past five months had been hell, but I'm so going up and above from now on. And I got travel buddies to accompany me exploring Bali on weekends so it's just getting even better here. Above all, I just want to thank God for giving me lessons and to remind me of being humble all the time. Remember that the road of life is spinning and nothing in this world will remain the same. Be thankful and spread love everyday, I think is really the simplest key to a happy life.