Another Victoria's Secrets

I forgot to announce it here; my friends and I managed to settle a new web containing information about Bali and how to survive living there. The target is domestic (Indonesian) immigrants or backpackers, that's why it's written in Indonesian. But if you wanna ask anything about it in English, just send email to balihacks@gmail.com.

Basically it's all based on our experience being immigrants in Bali as well, so we'd like to share some info with the newbies. The web was launched on October 22, so it's just a week old now (;

Check it here.

This island is my home.

Since 2012 I've been going back and forth from Jakarta to Bali, trying to settle down on my own. Yes, I much prefer to live in Bali, but somehow I still have some kind of emotional bond with my hometown that made me have to go back to Jakarta once in a while. I don't really have much here except that I rent a studio apartment to stay and a motorbike to get me places. These have made me claiming Bali to be a place that I call home.

I may not get to live here forever either; who knows where life would lead you to, right?
But having to always missing Bali every time I'm away makes me ask myself this question: why do I love Bali so much? What's keeping me in this beautiful island? Why does it always calling me to come back, even that I didn't grow up here?

So I'm listing my reasons here, of why Bali is such a home for me:

1. Every place is within reach: the city, beaches, mountains, lakes, cliffs, forests, rice fields, waterfalls, temples.. I can simply ride a motorbike within 2 hours to get to every tourism destination and don't even have to stay over the night if I go early in the morning. And it's easy to rent a car if I'm not in the mood for a bike ride. Also, they're affordable!
2. Everybody is here: the local Balinese, migrants from all over Indonesia, tourists from all over the world.. It's the best place to meet everyone and learn about the world from them. Plus, almost everyone is going for a holiday or work in Bali, and eventually you'll meet your friends or reunite with old mates here. One can never be lonely in Bali.
3. Everything is so serene: Most of Balinese are Hindu and the religion taught peace, karma, and love. I think these are the foundation to such peaceful life--the peace that starts from within. Although it's not so good when it comes to business (that people are so slow here) but it's good for soul (and heart) repairing. The 'Bali therapy' is simply what tired souls need.
4. Freedom for everyone. I just feel free from any judgment, moral obligation, or any social system that applies in both Jakarta and Bandung where I lived. I can wear any outfit that I want, from bikini and flip-flops to evening dress and high heels. I can stay single and befriends with anyone, I can go all week or stay at home.. But most importantly, I'm stress-free!
5. I can focus on myself. Being away from the family means more time for myself. It's not that I don't care about my family; in fact I care too much that I need the space and time to be on my own to keep my balance. I am a loner sometimes, and I need my solo moment once in a while. Being in Bali, with all my physical, emotional, and social needs fulfilled, is a blessing.

via wikihow

Great friendship is certainly a place where you can talk, discuss and have fun about anything together. You can read how to keep the friendship here. But from my own experiences, here are the 5 reasons why cross-gender friendship is failing.. or 5 things to avoid if you want to keep your heterogeneous friendship to go on:

1. Undetermined feelings

For me it's easy to know the difference between friendship and love: if you want to fuck their mind/character/soul but don't want to deal with any of their physical (body, family, occupation, social status, financial condition, and so on), then s/he is your best friend. In the opposite, if you just want to fuck their body and not their soul, it's clearly just lust and does not worth any of friendship or serious relationship. Once you can recognize your own feeling toward them, you can set boundaries and define how you treat them--as friends.

2. Undefined positions

Now that you know your feelings, you have to let them know. Make clear boundaries, treat them right, or even discuss it with them. Never flirt or give false hope. If the other party is the one who has feeling more than friendship, make sure they got the message and give them time to neutralize their feeling. If you're the one who like them more but they consider you just as friend, get yourself some distance and get new circle of friends until you are certain you have a mutual platonic feeling. If you can't get rid of that feeling, it's going to be hard to maintain a friendship.

3. Physical touch

Avoid unnecessary hugs, embraces, or any kind of touch. Limit it only for greetings and not more than that. Avoid sensual touches, even when they are crying their heart out. Don't lend them a shoulder to cry on if you know it could mislead their feelings. Show or tell them your empathy to their situation in a proper amount but don't get carried away. Give the logical or emotional solutions they need, but don't give the kind of touch they crave for. Let them seek for it someplace else; not from you.

4. Romantic situation

Don't go to romantic places or intimate situation together. If you want to have a one-on-one conversation, do it in public places or if it's at either one's house, do it at the living room or kitchen, and make sure there are other people around. If things are getting hotter, simply leave the room. Keep yourself away from them for a while if you must. Do anything that can keep your relationship as casual as you can by giving time and space to keep it cool.

5. Excluding your partners

If either or both of you have significant others, acknowledge this friendship to the partner(s) and include them in it. If your partner doesn't approve, tell your friend about the condition so they could at least make an effort to win your partner's heart. Or vice versa: try to befriend your friend's partner if they tend to be suspicious on you. True friends should always have each others' back, even when they need to be away from their lives for a while. Don't worry about that: the people who really care for you won't leave your life no matter what!

Again, I'm writing this post in Indonesian. Also, it's the translation to my previous post. But this one is re-written for my Indonesian fellas.

via quora

Ini adalah kerisauan saya yang lain tentang perilaku 'tipikal' di Indonesia. Beberapa bulan silam, saya bertemu dengan seorang gadis berusia 26 tahun yang baru pindah dari Jakarta ke Bali. Mimpi yang mendorongnya pindah ke Bali sesimpel "menemukan pria bule yang bisa memberinya bayi blasteran yang lucu". Sayangnya, hampir semua wanita muda Indonesia pindah ke Bali dengan impian serupa. Tidak semuanya, tapi hampir semua yang saya temui.

Ini juga bukan salah mereka sepenuhnya, tentu. Kebanyakan lingkungan pergaulan di Indonesia membesarkan anak gadis mereka untuk segera menikah dan memberi cucu bagi orang tua. Sementara kebanyakan memenuhi harapan ini, ada juga yang tidak cukup beruntung menemukan calon suami di usia muda. Banyak gadis yang merasa tidak cukup cantik untuk mendapatkan pria lalu 'kabur' ke Bali yang terkenal sebagai tempat menemukan cowok bule, karena mereka juga tahu betapa para bule itu mengagumi wanita Indonesia yang eksotis.

Saya kehilangan respek saya pada gadis yang saya temui ini, atau mungkin kecewa pada cita-citanya. Banyak kasus pernikahan yang gagal karena alasan-alasan seperti ini: menikah sebelum usia 25 tahun, segera memberi orang tua cucu, mencari suami ganteng supaya bisa dapat anak yang lucu, 'memperbaiki keturunan', dan seterusnya. Siapapun yang mengajari konsep ini pada para gadis, saya ingin bilang: itu bukan jawabannya. Hal-hal ini bukan jawaban untuk kehidupan bahagia yang penuh makna. Cinta, kasih sayang dan perhatian adalah jawabannya.

Ketika orang menikah karena 'sudah umurnya', hanya demi punya keturunan, atau kebetulan ada bule yang mau... apa yang akan terjadi jika pernikahan itu tidak bahagia karena tidak ada cinta yang mendasarinya? Apa yang akan terjadi jika pasanganmu tidak bisa punya keturunan--dan kalaupun kalian punya anak, apakah kalian siap menjadi orang tua yang baik? Dan bagaimana kalau bule itu hanya memanfaatkan kita demi mendapatkan hak kependudukan WNI?

Saya tahu, saya sangat sinis dan skeptis mengenai hal ini, tapi ini benar terjadi di depan mata saya. Saya tidak bilang kalau semua pernikahan antar ras hanya berdasarkan 'mutual benefit' atau dengan tujuan yang menguntungkan kedua belah pihak. Dalam beberapa kasus, saya bisa melihat cinta sejati dan saya berbahagia bagi mereka yang menikah atas nama cinta.

Tapi bener deh, itu hanya karena mereka mujur menemukan cinta di dalam diri seseorang yang kebetulan bule. Itu tidak berarti kamu harus iri atau melakukan apapun untuk mendapatkan kehidupan yang sama. Ini sama saja seperti membeli sepasang sepatu trendi yang tidak nyaman dipakai tapi kamu tetap memakainya supaya terlihat modis. Beneran, saya sungguh muak dengan orang-orang seperti ini.

Ayah saya seorang 'blasteran' ras Banten dari ayahnya dan Inggris dari ibunya. Hal ini memberi saya seperempat darah bule yang cukup membuat saya berbeda dengan orang lain di sekitar saya, terutama dari jenis kulit saya dan cara saya berpikir. Terlihat menarik memang, tapi hal-hal ini menjadikan masa kecil saya penuh tantangan, karena di Bandung tempat saya tumbuh sejak usia 8 tahun mengharuskan orang harus berpenampilan, bersikap dan berpikir cenderung serupa. Untuk waktu yang cukup lama, saya merasa tersiksa dengan 'hukuman' ini.

Tapi toh saya berhasil melewati itu semua, dengan kasih dan dukungan dari keluarga--terutama orang tua saya. Saya cukup beruntung memiliki mereka yang peduli akan kesejahteraan dan kedamaian pikiran saya, walaupun mereka juga tidak sempurna. Kami belajar dan mencoba menjadi lebih baik setiap hari.

Tapi kenyataan yang saya dapati dari sekitar saya adalah, orang-orang lebih terfokus pada memiliki anak lucu (yang pastinya lebih lucu kalau blasteran bule). Akhirnya yang kita dapatkan adalah anak-anak berwajah menarik tapi karakter atau jiwanya tidak. Saya tahu ini karena pernah berkencan dengan salah satu dari anak-anak ini. Dan kita semua tahu beberapa selebritis Indonesia yang dibesarkan seperti ini: wajah rupawan tapi otaknya kosong. Saya mengasihani mereka, tapi untungnya masyarakat kita masih sangat menghargai wajah-wajah yang cantik dan ganteng.

Anda mungkin heran kenapa saya begitu peduli soal ini sementara saya sendiri tidak punya anak. Yah satu hal yang pasti, saya tidak perlu punya anak untuk membuktikan apapun pada siapapun. Saya seorang egois yang tidak (atau belum) mau membagi waktu dan perhatian saya pada anak-anak sementara saya masih ingin berkarya lebih banyak lagi. Dan poin kedua adalah: orang-orang dengan karakter lemah akan memberi kita banyak masalah. Salah satu cara menghindarinya yang paling mujarab adalah dengan mendidik mereka sejak dini.

Kembali ke persoalan menikahi bule 'hanya untuk punya bayi lucu', saya ingin menarik topik pembicaraan ini ke akarnya. Kebanyakan orang tua jaman sekarang (termasuk ortu dan kakek-nenek saya), tidak punya pengetahuan mendalam soal nenek moyang atau sejarah, budaya dan peninggalan sejati bangsa kita. Kebanyakan dari kita terpukau dengan gaya hidup modern kebarat-baratan yang membuat kita lupa kulit. Dan kebanyakan dari kita menganggap para bule itu lebih keren dari Indonesia. Tanpa cinta pada negara ini, kita cenderung menerima bulat-bulat semua yang para bule itu berikan pada kita. Tanpa mengetahui identitas sejati bangsa ini, kita kekurangan prinsip dan akhirnya kurang mampu menanamkan nilai-nilai ini pada anak kita.

Sebagai imbasnya, para perempuan yang merasa kurang 'laku' di antara pria Indonesia akan mencoba peruntungan mereka dengan pria asing yang lebih menghargai perbedaan dan lebih tertarik untuk mempelajari budaya Indonesia. Hal ini bisa menjadi hubungan yang menarik jika dilakukan dengan benar. Tapi yang terjadi kebanyakan adalah para perempuan ini terlalu mengagungkan pria-pria asing ini dan rela melakukan apa saja untuk menjadi istri mereka dan punya bayi dari mereka.

Saya melihat banyak orang seumuran saya, sebagai 'blasteran' yang sangat rupawan tapi tidak cerdas, karena orang tua mereka tidak terlalu mempedulikan perkembangan karakter mereka. Sayang aja, kebanyakan orang yang hidupnya 'hancur' adalah orang-orang dengan wajah paling cantik/ganteng. Identitas, harga diri atau karakter mereka kurang terbentuk.

Apakah ini yang kita inginkan untuk generasi penerus? Di TV kita menonton wajah-wajah indah, yang kebanyakan hasil dari pernikahan antar ras. Tapi kita juga bisa melihat betapa rendahnya kualitas pendidikan dari acara TV itu. Yang dipedulikan hanya penampilan dan gaya. Kehidupan orang kaya yang diumbar berlebihan padahal semuanya palsu.

Kita dibuat lupa, bahwa yang lebih penting adalah apa yang ada di dalam otak dan hati. Kita tidak perlu anak-anak bodoh bertampang keren. Dan kita juga tidak mau generasi cerdas tapi tidak berhati. Jadi sepertinya yang harus kita pertanyakan adalah: apa benar anak-anak lucu adalah satu-satunya yang kita inginkan untuk membentuk sebuah keluarga? Atau cinta sejati kah yang kita cari?

This post is actually dedicated for my fellows Indonesian so I'll write this one in Indonesian.

via firsttoknow

Tabel di bawah ini saya buat sebagai bentuk protes saya terhadap pola berpikir dan bersikap masyarakat Indonesia dewasa ini. Lahir sebagai anak generasi '90an, saya yakin bukan hanya saya yang punya pola pikir memberontak dari norma budaya yang sudah mendarah daging dengan 'basa-basi busuk' yang belakangan sering kita sebut 'kepo' ini. Kepo, atau dalam bahasa Inggris disebut nosy, adalah perilaku super penasaran akan apa yang terjadi di dalam hidup orang lain.

Terus terang, sudah lama saya kesal dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan basa-basi yang isinya hanya untuk mengorek kisah hidup sesama yang menarik untuk dibahas, tapi ya sebatas itu saja. Kebiasaan mayoritas manusia Indonesia yang 'mendengar untuk menjawab' dan bukan sebagai 'mendengar untuk mendengar' menjadi latar belakangnya. Jelas, tujuan dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini hanyalah untuk mengomentari, bukan memahami alasan di balik jawabannya.

Hal yang paling mengganggu saya akhir-akhir ini adalah soal anak. Memang, tidak semua orang tahu bagaimana pandangan saya terhadap anak. Tapi saya suka anak-anak. Saya sudah menggendong dan bantu mengasuh adik-adik saya sejak saya berumur 4 tahun. Saya merayakan kelahiran bayi, senang menggendong beberapa bayi, gemas akan tingkah laku mereka yang lucu. Tapi itu bukan berarti saya mau dan harus punya anak sendiri.

Kebiasaan manusia Indonesia yang suka 'kaget' dengan foto-foto bayi membuat saya sering kesal. Terutama ketika saya mengunggah foto menggendong bayi sepupu jauh saya tempo hari.
Mungkin banyak orang yang baru pernah memegang bayi ketika punya sendiri, atau waktu keponakan lahir. Yang harus diingat adalah, tidak semua orang begitu. Menggendong bayi bukan hal baru bagi saya, tapi saya paling sering mendengar orang berkomentar 'wah sudah cocok gendong bayi', lalu pertanyaan yang mengikuti biasanya 'kapan punya sendiri nih?'

Hal ini sangat mengganggu otak saya yang setengah kritis. Kalian tidak kenal saya dekat, tidak tahu seberapa sering saya sudah menggendong bayi (yang merupakan hal biasa buat saya), dan bisa-bisanya berkomentar 'sudah cocok'. Memangnya ada orang yang tidak cocok menggendong bayi? Bahkan Presiden Putin yang terlihat dingin saja bisa menggendong anjing dan menurut saya itu hal yang normal. Manusiawi. (Seakan selama ini saya tidak manusiawi ya.) Lalu jika saya cocok menggendong bayi, haruskah saya punya bayi sendiri? It doesn't work that way, people.

Dan yang paling mengganggu saya adalah, kenapa harus bertanya 'kapan punya sendiri' seakan itu adalah sebuah keharusan dalam kehidupan manusia bahwa di suatu saat semua orang wajib punya bayi dan satu-satunya pertanyaan adalah kapan hal itu akan terjadi. Mungkin 99% orang di dunia mengikuti sistem ini, tapi bukan berarti yg 1% tidak hadir di dunia ini. Ada orang-orang yang memang sama sekali tidak tertarik sama urusan anak, ada yang suka anak-anak tapi tidak mau punya anak, ada yang tidak mampu punya anak, ada yang belum siap punya anak. Kenapa harus kita urusin?

Lalu, ada banyak lagi pertanyaan kepo yang saya tidak tahan mendengarnya, baik ditujukan pada saya maupun pada orang lain di sekitar saya. Ketika ada yang ulang tahun, permintaan 'makan-makan donk' kerap mengikuti, seakan si empunya hajat wajib menghamburkan uang untuk menjamu semua orang, termasuk yang tidak begitu dekat (kalau memang dekat biasanya akan diundang atau tahu diri tidak meminta diajak makan.) Mending kalau punya kado untuk yang berulang tahun ya, yang minta makan-makan ini biasanya cuma ingin makan gratis saja. Sementara di luar negeri, ketika ada yang berulang tahun selayaknya teman-teman yang urunan membuat pesta, jamuan makan atau kejutan untuk yang ultah ini.

Lebih dalam lagi mengenai kasus kepo ini, saya selalu melihat orang-orang kepo sebagai manusia-manusia tidak bahagia. Bagi saya, kehidupan mereka begitu membosankan dan menyebalkannya sampai harus ribet ngurusin kehidupan orang lain. Mungkin mereka ingin punya anak tapi tidak bisa, jadi penasaran siapa saja yang senasib dengan mereka. Menurut saya, pertanyaan kepo seperti ini hanya membuat orang memandang kasihan pada si penanya yang mungkin tidak ia sadari.

Beberapa, memang punya anak dan bahagia dengan hal itu, tapi salahnya mereka menyamaratakan bahwa semua orang pun harus mengalami hal yang sama untuk bahagia. Tidak. Tidak semua orang kunci kebahagiaannya terletak pada anak, Kawan! Tolong jangan disamaratakan bahwa semua orang punya pola pikir, prinsip hidup dan tujuan yang sama dengan Anda. Manusia diciptakan berbeda, dan ketika kita menghargai perbedaan itulah keindahan hidup bersama tercipta. Jika Anda menyamaratakan prinsip hidup semua orang dengan prinsip Anda, artinya Anda memang tidak peduli dan tidak (mau) memahami orang lain di sekitar Anda. Alias, Anda hidup di dunia Anda sendiri!

Saya yakin semua pertanyaan kepo ini bukan dengan tujuan buruk. Masalahnya, kebiasaan ini sudah mendarah daging di negeri Indonesia seakan hal-hal ini memang wajar dipertanyakan. Sebagai orang Indonesia berdarah seperempat bule, saya punya cara berpikir lain yang tidak cocok dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan mengganggu seperti ini. Walau untuk sebagian besar ini merupakan bagian dari 'perhatian' terhadap orang lain, bagi saya jika memang benar ada perhatian yang tulus, bentuk pertanyaannya akan berubah dengan nuansa kedekatan yang bisa dirasakan. Jadi, pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini memang terdengar sangat basa-basi.

Baiklah sekarang kita lihat dari sudut pandang lain yang bukan saya. Bagi beberapa orang (dan menurut saya ini terjadi pada kebanyakan manusia Indonesia yang sering galau), pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini mungkin tidak dirasa mengganggu seperti yang saya rasakan, tapi lebih buruk lagi, menekan perasaan mereka secara tidak disadari. Bagi orang-orang yang tidak pede, belum menemukan jati diri, tidak punya prinsip, masih ikut-ikutan arus, pertanyaan-pertanyaan kepo bisa menjadi tuntutan hidup yang mereka pikir mereka harus penuhi. Social pressure, bahasa Inggris-nya.

Alhasil, mereka galau ketika belum punya pacar, ditinggalkan kekasih (yang menyebabkan banyak lahirnya lagu-lagu alay mengasihani diri sendiri), belum dikaruniai momongan, bertambah bobot tubuh, lagi jerawatan, dst dst. Padahal, jika mereka sudah tahu apa yang mereka mau lakukan dan capai dalam hidup, mereka tidak perlu galau. Sayangnya kepercayaan diri dan keteguhan hati masih menjadi hal yang jarang bisa ditemui di Indonesia. Atas dasar itu mungkin saya ingin jadi pahlawan yang melindungi orang-orang yang masih mencari arah hidup ini dari social pressure tadi. Kalau bisa, jangan sampai pertanyaan kepo Anda menjadi sumber ketidakbahagiaan orang lain.

Dari situlah saya terdorong untuk membuat tabel perbandingan antara komen kepo dan komen keren yang mungkin bisa sedikit menginspirasi dalam mengubah cara bertanya, cara berkomentar dan cara menyikapi kondisi seseorang (terutama yang kita tidak kenal dekat). Saya harap tabel ini bisa setidaknya membuat hubungan sosial dalam pertemanan di Indonesia ini terasa sedikit lebih nyaman, terutama bagi orang-orang yang mendapatkan 'perhatian' kalian:

(klik tabel untuk melihat lebih jelas)

Silakan di-save atau share jika kalian setuju. Let's make this world a bit better to live in together (;

women-only home spa

Actually I'm still on my recovery phase from the typhus + dengue fever combo I got last month. But last Tuesday I felt fit enough so I decided to go on a trip to Mengwi. The next day I got so limp, weak and exhausted. I tried ordering a home massage from Go-Massage application but couldn't get any masseuse. I really needed a massage so I browsed online for another option... which led me to Wangi Spa, a home spa only for women.

I ordered for an hour of full body massage and another half hour of reflexology. Within an hour after my phone call, a masseuse came with her massage kit: a big stone bowl for hot water feet bath; a plastic box containing portable speaker, aromatherapy container, lotions and oils; a mattress and its cover; and a hot water flask.

She started by giving me a disposable panties and a batik cloth to cover my body while she lit the aromatherapy candle and play relaxing music from the speaker. Then, she washed my feet in the stone bowl. It's like having a reflexology parlor in my very own room. I then laid on the mattress and she started the massage. It was a perfect 1.5 hours as I expected it to be, and even better from other massage centers because I don't have to ride home after. The best thing is that I could fall asleep right after the therapy!

After it's all done and my body was all refreshed, the therapist even gave me a bottle of jamu kunyit (turmeric drink). The prices are IDR 135,000 for a 90 minutes body massage and/or reflexology, while a 60-minutes body scrub is only IDR 85,000, plus the masseuse transportation. I'm super relaxed and refreshed after the therapy and definitely would be their loyal customer. You should try it!

via slodive

"The people you know, you'll know them for life," Dad used to tell me when I was in junior high school. I had some problems with the people in school; bullied and vilified. Junior high school in Bandung was the toughest school years for me, despite the fact that I hated my family's decision to move to Bandung in 1992 from my huge-but-warm Jakarta, the city I always call as home.

My Dad's words are the first to hit me in the past month, as people from the past keep on coming back to my life; my ex, his friends, my junior high schoolmates, and even my neighbour in BSD City I haven't keep contact since last year. I went to Jakarta for a 'recovery' from the typhus + dengue fever I had, and after I was strong enough to go I revisited those people.

Some people, tho, belong to be in our life forever. Like my schoolmates/old neighbour/family friend The Setiawans. I guess my childhood in Bandung felt much better and easier to bear by having them. When Andrew got married in Bogor I went there with Mum and Aunt Lena and it just felt like home to me; the warmth of family-friendship from the four brothers I consider my own.

Then I had my last week in Jakarta full of meetings (and spared me no rest at all) with my muay thai fella, a few of junior high friends who are in Jakarta, my colleagues in Brilio.net, my new friend Zia from Cosmo Girl, my ex's friend, my elementary schoolmate on his wedding, and my cousins. While there are so many new people in my life, the people I've known but lost years ago are coming back.

"Life is like a moving wheel," Dad also said. "Sometimes you're on top, the next you're at the bottom. That's why you should never despise people. One day they're annoying, the next day you're the one who needs them. You don't wanna be the one to beg for their mercy in your difficult times."

I'm keeping my old man's words by heart and I think they keep on proving their values in my life. I was bullied and vilified in junior high school. Alienated for being different in my high school. Ignored for being minority in my years after graduation in that town I've left for good. But the people I knew from my 20 years in Bandung kept coming back and they all offer nostalgia to what I better leave behind.

As I'm meeting these people from my past, I see my past reflected. I see how different a person I've become, how different my life values had changed. And somehow, there are people who keep bringing pain, bitter memory I don't think worth fixing, the past I've learned so much from but better to be left behind. There are people I better exclude from my life.

Life works in such funny way that you could never understand and you keep learning from it. For the past week I've been visited by another old friend from Jakarta. He's the guy I've always enjoyed talking with, the one who first showed me the greatness of being Indonesian, the one who always gives me different perspective on seeing things, the one who I can always rely on when it comes to friendship.

It's been more than 3 years since the last time I met him, and before that perhaps another few years. But every time we meet, it feels like years had never went between us. I guess that's what distinguish true friends from acquaintances. In life, especially after 30, we tend to be more selective when it comes to friends. You'll just know who your friends are by recognizing what you feel when you're around them.

via venturesafrica

Most of us are packing for traveling, but there are times when we need to pack for hospitals, and here's the list of what you should bring to stay for your recovery:

1. Clean, loose and comfortable outfits for 4-5 days
2. Underwear
3. Facial wash
4. Facial towel
5. Basic make up, to make you look (and feel) fresh!
6. Toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash
7. Dry shampoo
8. Comb or hairbrush
9. Body towel, although you aren't likely to be allowed to shower with an IV tube attached on your hand
10. Slippers/flip-flops, opt for easy-to-wear footwear
11. Socks for sleeping, in case you need extra warmth
12. Easy-to-digest snacks, in case you get hungry between meals or if you don't like the meals they serve
13. Big bottles of mineral water, because you'll need to drink a lot
14. Book for reading, writing or coloring
15. Insurance card and number

Surya Husadha Hospital Denpasar--view from my room

This was my first time ever hospitalized. It was all began Sunday night last week, July 24, that I went home from meeting some Bandung friends at Canggu. I was shivering and my body got high fever. I slept it over and the next day woke up so heavily with terrible headache, nausea and ache all over my body. I had a masseuse came over for a whole body massage, then got Mom's friend, Tante Sisca, drove me to a clinic for a check up.

The doctor gave me medication and had me rest for the next two days, only that my nausea got worse. I saw my skin turned red and my tongue was white. My sister warned me: it could be the symptoms of typhus. So I went back to the clinic all by myself that night and had the blood test. The result came out at 9 p.m. and it terrified me: a positive 4 (out of 10) for the typhus, while my Thrombocyte was as low as 121,000 (the normal amount is between 150,000-400,000).

first time got infused

So the next day, Thursday July 28, I went to Surya Husadha Hospital at 10 a.m. and registered myself in. I had to wait for the doctor at Observation Room, and after my internist, dr. Jaowenny Lolo came, I still had to wait until 4 p.m. until I got a room. It was a sharing room of 2 but I was alone that afternoon. At 10.30 p.m. a man (diagnosed with diabetes) checked in as my roommate, accompanied with 2 ladies who slept on the carpet they brought along. They were so loud, had a supper picnic in that room, and didn't stop talking until 12 a.m.

I woke up the next day at 6 a.m. as nurse woke me up for the blood pressure, blood sample and breakfast. And my neighbor was already so loud, which became worse as 3-4 more of them came at 8 a.m. and they literally didn't stop talking. I had to yell at them to shut up to make them silent because the nurse's warning couldn't silent them. Visiting hours start at 11a.m.-2p.m. but they seemed to be illiterate. Even more men came at 3 p.m. and I had to shout to them for the second time to make them quiet! What ignorant people they are!

waiting at the observation room

My mom and sister came at 5.30 p.m. on Friday and I thanked God for that, because I was so tired of doing everything by myself since Sunday night. My loud neighbor and his ladies groupie was moved to other room and I got my peace. At 12 a.m. that night I got an upgrade room for my own and I had better sleep since. I got my mom stayed over on the couch and it was really nice having her around.

I stayed in the hospital for a total of 5 nights until my platelet went back to normal and the nausea gone completely. The typhus bacteria (Salmonella typhi) infected my intestines and they said if the treatment isn't thorough, it can relapse and I really don't want that to happen so I stayed until doctor said I could go home. The most horrible things are to have the IV tube attached on my left hand and that I couldn't wash my hair.


But I was glad with the choice of hospital I got. Surya Husadha has the best, pretty and friendly nurses, and they serve yummy food (opt for the soft rice instead of the porridge!) and the room price is relatively affordable. Thank God that my office paid for an insurance to cover 2/3 of my bill there (I upgraded the room so I had to pay the difference.) But more or less my stay in the hospital was quite pleasant, I must say.

Plus, I got visited by friends. First, Andi, Nita and Adit who came on Saturday morning. Then, our family friend Nadya, her husband Cahyo and daughter Tori came in the afternoon. Both of the group really brought laughter and joy to my room and I felt much less sick. This is also the first time I ever got visited. Ever!

the coloring book Nadya bought to kill my boredom

I have some tips here if you get sick while you're on your own:

1. Listen to your body. You will always get alarm when you're too tired, hungry, or need rest. Don't neglect the signs and wait until it gets worse. Take as much rest and eat healthy and regularly to avoid hospital. (Now I can say this.)
2. Always check your symptoms via Internet: you might get sick without having to get high fever like I did. My highest temperature was 36.7C degree--not even 37C--so always be aware with the other symptoms and go to doctor right away. 
3. Be sure which doctor/hospital/clinic you're registered by the BPJS or which one your insurance would cover. If you can't drive/ride by yourself, take public transportation to get you there. Be sure your health insurance card, ID, and policy are within your reach and bring them in your purse.
4. Pack your stuff with change clothes and underwear for at least 4-5 days, toothbrush and mouthwash, face wash, socks and sweater (and eye mask if possible.) 
5. Bring snacks such as biscuit and big bottles of mineral water, in case you don't like the food they serve, get hungry between meals, and simply to hydrate yourself.
6. Bring book to read/write/color on because there will be times that you'll get bored but can't sleep. Or bring any distraction as you wish.
7. Always pay attention to the infusion (it's best if you have someone stay over to check it every once in a while, but then again you can't rely on people. Always check it yourself): nurses might get busy with other patients and you must check the tube all the time: don't let it get dry and don't let bubbles get in.

Being hospitalized is really sucks, but if you have to, just go for it. At least they take care of you with medication and healthy food. It's always better than having to take care of yourself, so always make sure that your insurance is active and ready to use. And most important thing is, keep being healthy and keep your environment clean!

 
Last week was kind of crazy for me. I got a new Editor in Chief at work, got my aunt and her friends came to Bali (which isn't really that crazy but I had to manage one thing or two for their business here), and got my first event coverage task going on. So the Viral Fest Asia 2016 was held in Bali and I got this job to do together with my colleague from Jakarta, Aldio. While the group from Jakarta stayed in Bali Paragon Hotel for 3 nights, I had to go back and forth for two days all the way from Denpasar to Jimbaran.

one of the Thai artists I interviewed: the talented 18-year old Jannine Weigel

Aldio, Bang Rizki, Sheilla, Bara, Prisca, Bang Rizal, Alex, Zia, Anda, Levi and me

The first day of the session was Rise of Asia Forum which was held in Golden Tulip Bay View Hotel. I brought my motorbike and had Aldio rode it (and I was on the back) to go to GWK instead, to interview some of the artists. We had to wait for a while but when the other Indonesian press came we made new friends there while having our lunch at Bebek Bengil. The interview stuff finished at around 4 p.m. and we continued on tour around the GWK statue before we go back.

cool entrance setting

new friends, Indonesian press

The next day (I didn't get a passage for gala dinner that night so I went home) we started late and I got to the hotel at 4, after accompanying my new friends, the Global TV press, shopping for souvenirs. Anyway we all went to GWK at 6 p.m. and the event was about to start. I wrote the whole story at Brilio.net and the photos of the event there too. Still, I got some more here that I want to show off. So, enjoy these:

the colourful & shiny stage

me with Suran, Korean singer/songwriter

food truck

our dinner: pork noodle

JW from Hong Kong

the red carpet backdrop

Noh Salleh from Malaysia--I love his indie-folk songs!

 

press among the audiences

The concert finished at 12 a.m. and the EDM party continued till 2 a.m. But we decided call it a day and loaded a bus to get us to the hotel. Funny enough, the driver took us to the 24-h souvenir shop instead. It took us another hour to go back and forth from Jimbaran-Tuban-Jimbaran-Denpasar and I could finally get home at 2:30 a.m. It was so tiring, but I'm glad that I could make so many new friends now. This is what I like about working in the media (;


The vlog above is made by my friend Adit Comma who apparently also came to the gig. I was there on minute 5:08!

via squarespace

Life is full of changes. For a moment, you are a sweet, naïve girl brokenhearted by a dickhead and 6 years later you are transformed into a fierce, strong woman standing up for your rights and voice. "Life is such an absurd journey," as I quoted from a schoolmate's travel blog title. Nobody knows what the next 5 minutes of one's will bring and neither do I.

6 years ago, in 2010, I had my heart broken badly by the boyfriend I loved so much. I thought what we had was serious and special, only that I found out about him cheating on me with more than 3 girls in 8 months. Well, that sucks. But that could be the whole life-changing experience one should have in order to be stronger. We all have this jerk in our lives. Someone whom we trust the most, who later turned up become the biggest betrayer behind our backs.

The whole disgrace he gave me had made me feel deeply broken, unwanted, humiliated, and scattered. But I chose to stand up tall and developed myself into being an extremely independent woman who is living her dream life in Bali by herself, building the world around her as she wanted it. I guess I've become a completely different person than who I was 6 years ago, crying for the guy who didn't love me back as I did to him.

via springtide

But you know how all the story goes. Villains would reign for a while, but the good guy wins eventually. Affairs might break someone's heart, but karma knows how to work its way best. So the girl who told me that she had been sleeping with my ex during my relationship with him had the chance to date him for the past year now. Some of my friends told me they even planned to get married next year and few months ago they seemed to be the happiest couple in the world, according to what I heard. I didn't mind, tho. I was way over him by then.

However, about a week ago, he reappeared in my life. My 'dickhead ex' contacted me only days after I heard from another friend that he just broke up with that girl. Rumors said that it was the debt stuff that made them broke up, but he confirmed to me that karma had just knocked on his door. Apparently everything that he did to me before now happened to him. All the pain, shock and humiliation from the collapsed dream is now on his side. He even told me a few times: Karma is real.

via majasdiary

I don't know how to react to this actually. If this happened few years back when I still had a vengeance toward him, I would cheer up and dancing triumphantly on this. But now that I don't longer have any feeling toward him, I feel pity. So for me it's kind of adding another burden for having someone relying their hope on me. I feel a responsibility to help him get up again, because I know how suck it is to be in that position and somehow he was special to me at some point in my life. But it doesn't mean that I want him back. Not after the damage he did to me, not after what I have become of now.

Well I guess this is a good lesson for all cheaters, that eventually you'll be in the position where you can't do nothing but regret. And it's not a good feeling to have, especially to feel both brokenhearted and regretting an old mistake. Guess karma really knows how to serve people just how they deserve it, so we better get our action right in the eyes of human and God--because Karma sees everything.

It should be another ordinary vacation day in Bali for me, but something in the air says something else. From the mesmerizing sunset to the colourful twilight sky that I just witnessed on the beach, I know there should be something special about the day. But my whole day already went on like any regular day... until it was dinner time.

"Excuse me," a man softly touches the back of my lower left arm. I glance at him with a plate full of the dish I picked from the food counter on my left hand. My right hand is grabbing the utensils from a smaller counter. I stare at him for two seconds, waiting for the reason of why he provoked me.

"Deidre," he looks relieved when I look back. But it's not my name he just called. I stare at him for a longer bit. There is something in his eyes that sends me a shiver. A strange warm sensation that makes me shiver.

"I'm sorry, wrong person," I smile, both to cover the awkwardness and to get rid of the strange vibration that I'm feeling. I walk away from him, heading to an empty table that I've aimed before he interrupted me.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you look so much like her..." he insists, catching up with my pace. I turn around, trying to be polite.

"Your... wife?" I have a guess. He nods. So he has a wife already.

"Was," he adds. Now I feel a bit of sympathy.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that," I respond spontaneously.

"Don't worry. It was a long time ago," he shakes his head and makes an expression that I shouldn't feel sorry about it. "Anyway, can I sit with you?"

This is a first time a stranger would ask to sit with me. I pause for a while to think of the consequences, but my head nods much quickly than my brain could even process the thought. He follows me to my target seat.

"It's so nice to see you again... um, I mean, it's nice to see you," he starts. I smile at him, not knowing what to say. It is nice to see him, to have him sit with me and stuff, but to tell him all about this is way too early. I guess.

"Aren't you eating?" I ask instead. I spoon a bit of my quinoa and stir-fried spinach into my mouth.

"Yeah," he responds, glancing at the food counter that is full with a bunch of people queuing. "After the group's done."

I follow his glance and nod. "Oh, okay."

For the next ten minutes we are involved in a delightful conversation. He excuses himself to grab food from the counter and when he comes back we talk briefly about our backgrounds, origin countries, interests and hobbies, which then leads to our life principles and dreams. I feel like I've known this person for a long time, but clearly I haven't met him before few moments ago.

"I'd really like to marry you," he finally said, as if he has been holding the words from coming out of his mouth for the past hour, after we finished our meals and just ordered a second round of drinks.

"That's a very odd thing to say at a first meeting," I try to neutralize the situation.

"I've said it every time I met you before," now his words make me confused. "And it had always been working."

"Every single time?" I provoke him, getting along with whatever his game is about.

"Well, no. Not all the time. The last time was 200 years ago, and I've lost you three times in the following incarnations," he says that with bright hazelnut eyes, looking deep into my soul. Maybe he knows I'm scared now. Maybe he can sense my insecurity. I feel his stare becomes more intense, as if he is looking for something inside of my heart.

"You.. lost me three times?" I repeat, trying to understand but still playing his game.

"Yes. I didn't look for you fast enough that I had to see you marry other men. Now looking at your bare fingers, I take it that I'm not late now."

I look at my empty ring finger. There isn't any hint of a ring ever stay long enough to make a mark there. I pull my hands to my lap, under the table, and make my right hand covering the left one.

"But you are," I whisper slowly. He doesn't seem to hear that.

"It's really hurt to lose you and have to wait for another incarnation to find you again," he says this as if he is saying the truth. As if his game is real.

"So I had been your wife--wait, 200 years ago?" he nods.

"And for so many times before. We've been together in every of your lives since the very beginning until I failed three lives ago," he says this with an affection in both his words and eyes which makes me feel so calm. "But the punishment days are over. We can be together again now."

"And why should we be punished?" I still don't get what conversation I am in.

"Another woman appeared and I made a mistake. A highly costed mistake that I have to pay off for nearly 200 years now," his gaze ponders. On his eyes I see pain, love, and yearn mix altogether. How strange it is that all I want to do is to hold him tight, calm his nerves and tell him that I'm here now and everything's gonna be alright. But I hold the feeling and try to divert the urge.

"And you didn't marry anyone else in the past 200 years?"

"I did when I knew I lost you the first time. And it just costed me another lives to bear without you. That's why I've been single for the past 120 years," he answered. I feel like I'm talking to an Edward Cullen. Or Connor MacLeod character in Highlander played by Christopher Lambert. What is he? "It's just different if not with you."

"Why should I trust you?" I really don't know what to think now. His words are all every woman wants to hear about. And I feel the peacefulness I haven't feel all my life, until now.

"You don't have to trust me. You just have to trust your feeling," he answers. "What's inside your heart?"

"I do believe you," I told him truthfully. Then slowly and unwillingly I continued, "But I just got married and this is my honeymoon I'm having in Bali. My newlywed husband is now in the jewelry store, fixing the diamond that fell off from my wedding ring. I am sorry."

"Oh," is all that he says. "Imbroglio."

"What is that?"

"A complicated situation," he smiles as he says this.

"What happens now?" I ask, fearful of hearing the answer.

"I'll wait until your next incarnation."

"No other way to fix this?"

"Dear, I've tried so many ways before and each mistake just brought me farther from you. Apparently the punishment is not over yet. We have to pay this off. From my experience, forcing anything won't do any good. We have to accept this and let the Universe work in its own way. If we're not meant to be together in this life, we wait for the next one. Don't you worry now. It's still not our time. But it will be, soon. The first time I found you married to someone else, you've had two kids already. Now I found you just newlywed. So our next meeting will be before any wedding."

I look at him, bizarrely hurt yet consoled at the same time.

"Until our next meeting," he says as he kisses the back of my right hand. I repeat his words in a whisper.

"By the way, your dinner is on me," he smiles at me, blinks an eye and turns back to disappear among the crowding customers around the food counter.

I am not sure what to feel now. It feels like losing a big lottery that I just won for only five minutes. A brief moment of possessing something so valuable that makes the loss feels even heavier. It feels like falling off a ride that had just started. A fleeting excitement that ends with a painful landing on the solid, rocky earth. And what scares me the most is, how to face my newlywed husband--a person whom I'm married to for the next coming years but had never makes me feel anything close to the feeling I got with the person whom I just had dinner with; the person I might never see again in this life, whose name I don't even know--whose identity I'm not certain of. If this life is a punishment for our love as he said, then I guess I can't wait until my next life.


~

via squarespace

I've met so many different kids along June as I taught the 6-12 year-olds in the summer program at My After School Club and had friends and family coming to Bali with their kids. I had close interaction with them, much closer than I've been in the past 15 years, since my younger siblings and cousins whom I used to babysit have all grown up now.

The first thing I noticed was that I'm still that good dealing with kids (not babies or toddlers--only kids) no matter how long I haven't deal with them. The second thing I noticed was that kids are shaped by their parents' teaching at home, way before school days start. The values that parents plant in their children's minds in the early years will help develop the kids' character to the next 20-50 years. That is how important

A 5.5-year old boy I met was so bossy to everyone around because of being treated like a little prince at his luxurious home. While a 5-year old girl can get along very well with older kids, being smart and self-responsible. An 8-year old boy can be so mature, caring and responsible as he has younger siblings and has a very disciplined father. A kid the same age of 8 can also be so annoying, selfish, narcissistic and like to play victim/blame others as he is raised by a single working mom (who is clearly doesn't have enough time to pay enough attention to the kid.)

Those are the examples I saw at the school club. As my friends and family visit me with their kids, I can see closer how different parenting styles can be, no matter the same life principles I share with them. Being a parent is a whole different thing. As the oldest daughter/granddaughter in my family, I've helped my mom and aunts babysit and nurture their kids. More or less I've learned parenting since my childhood that I still carry with me until now. Every time I meet a kid, I treat them the same way as my parents did to me.

Another thing that I noticed these days was how people tend to see children as "cute young people" while I see them as human beings with a potential to become great adults if nurtured with good knowledge and conscience. I treat kids as I treat other people according to their situation--which is related with not only age but also the brain development, IQ and EQ levels, and their interests of life.

Maybe that's why I don't easily get swooned or drooled by their cuteness. I'm more likely to treat them as a buddy; a friend--because that's how my mom treats me and because that's what everybody in this world need the most: a friend. And a good friend knows when to teach/show good examples to the other, be fun, be protective, or simply be a playmate.

Sadly, not all parents have enough knowledge of the good/ideal parenting even though they are capable to produce as many kids they want. In the Catholic premarital courses, for example (I take Catholic as the only one I know), the religion values are highlighted to be the basic of Catholic marriage, but they don't mention about the parenting theories. I got the day-course about children psychology before I started teaching to prepare the teachers to deal with kids according to their age in the most proper way. This is initial, because teachers are the representation of parents at school. But I guess there aren't parenting class ever given to prepare parents to deal with kids.

I had another experience with that, as my peers are mostly parents now. We had this discussion about parenting at a chat group with dozens of my schoolmates and some of them really don't have a clue about educating their children. They know how to take care and nurture them, but not educating them. No wonder there are a lot of the young generations who don't have a clue about morals, norms, values or principles these days.

My mom always said that children are the young humans that God trusted the parents to take care of them, but children are really God's. Parents are actually the child's guidance in this world, but not to own the kid, as everything in this world really belongs to the Almighty God. Therefore parents should take full responsibility of their children's health, welfare, and character building.

I know some of you will say that I won't know because I don't have a kid myself. Well, I started those stuff much earlier than most of them. And some of them say that if I had a kid, I'd know how hard it is to be a parent. Ha-of course I know how hard it is. That's one of the basic reason why I don't want to have a kid. It's much more than giving birth. It's about the unconditional love, life commitment and responsibility. Maybe they are the ones who didn't know how hard it was or what to do with them before the kid actually appeared in their lives. Hey, I got it all prepared, yo! I'm avoiding it because I know I don't want to deal with those stuff.

Some people say I'd be a good parent. Yea, that could be true. But still, I don't have to prove anyone anything. And being a parent doesn't always have to give birth to one. A dream I have since I was a kid is to give love to the children who need affection. There are already so many children who are abandoned, lacking of attention, or abused. It will be much better to give them the love they deserve than to add another kid in this world just because we had to.

And if people say it's much easier to say than do, I agree. That's why I think that people need to fully understand how to be a good parent and the best way to prepare and educate them to be wonderful people before they plan to have kids. I guess that's all I got to say now. I wish more parents are aware of their parenting style and the effect for their kids. (;

via godupdates

Lately I hear and read rape cases more than ever before. From my childhood, of all other criminality, I fear rape the most. Robbery takes what is replaceable to the victim. Hitting hurts but human organs can heal in time. Killing ends life right away, which takes one's right to live but at least the business doesn't belong in this world or this life anymore. But rape and sexual assault are the worst of all: it is taking something very intimate and personal of someone's life and the damage is felt within.

Unlike physical organs, the broken human's soul and heart cannot heal as fast and the treatment is not as simple. As complicated as the nervous system and organs in human body can be, human's soul and heart are much more complicated. And what is not seen is always the hardest to understand, as humans also have their own free-will and wild imaginations that are different to each of us.

Last night I spent over one hour reading the open letter from the Stanford rape victim to her rapist. It is a heartbreaking yet powerful letter of over 7,000 words that explains what happened to every details, including those that are usually unable for us to put in words. The victim, having her name kept secret for her privacy, has taken the case so bravely, maturely and fairly. She had dealt with her fear, loss, disgrace, for over a year and won. As the law gives light punishment of only 6 months in jail, she sends a letter through the judge so everyone can at least know how it is to be at her position.

We all can see how luxury and lenience will never raise children in a good way. The rapist, Brock Allen Turner, is a freshman and swimming athlete that is said to have 'so much at stake' as this rape case come to the surface. Both of his parents wrote letter as they are trying to get Brock away from punishment and explained how it made their kid lost appetite and spirit to go through the days. Both of the parents, and their son as he said in his defendant's statement on the court, are failed to see the case as a sexual assault that has ruined a girl's life. They consider it merely as a 20-minute actions that had ruined Brock's life and blame it on the campus drinking culture. They don't consider anything about the victim as in their mind their son is the victim here.