Another Victoria's Secrets

, by Victoria Tunggono

5 Whys

5 Movies That Surprisingly Teach You Spirituality

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Thoughts

My Fear for Marriage

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It is perfectly human to fear things. Each one of us must have that one thing we fear the most. One may fear the clown, another the dark or the height. Well I've always consider myself as a fearless person. But to me, my one biggest fear is to have children. This has been my fear since I was in junior high school, as I can recall. But this morning a stranger's message on my Facebook page asked me if I have this gamophobia.

via deskgram

Maybe not precisely a gamophobia, because marriage had been one of my biggest dreams ever since I've watched Disney princesses movies. Unlike the usual symptoms, I don't really fear the commitment out of trauma or insecurity. It is the responsibility that comes with it that scares the hell out of me. And the thought of being a "mother". As the stranger described on his message: I fear it because of my perfection on the concept of life. In my mind, children is never part of my concept of a perfect life.

He also said that this symptom is common to be found on genius people, those with high IQ. Well I never assume myself as a genius, especially because I am not. I am just overly analytical, over thinking and over feeling about things. And now it all gets to me as if I need to resolve this glitch in order to get to that level of perfection.

Meanwhile I see my Gemini friends, the people known to fear commitment the most, are getting married. Two of them this month, and another next month. Those are the closest Gemini friends that I know: the people who seem to never gonna get laid because they are scared to lose their freedom. But they are taking the chances and they are making the commitment. They tie the knot.

via ayakbilegiprotezi

Last week I met yet another person who told me this: "fear not." Isn't the Bible also say this for 365 times? Whatever is it to fear in a commitment (marriage) anyway? It really is a part of life and there is nothing to be feared about. Or to be more precise: "think not!" People had been telling me this, but my mind still cannot accept it. Or perhaps, in my defense, "I just haven't met the one."

Well I never thought that this is a phobia that I must deal with. But I guess one way or another, sooner or later, I need to get over this fear by jumping into it and just do it (the marriage, not the children thing, I mean). Perhaps so. Or maybe it'll come in a package. Well, let's just see shall we..

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, by Victoria Tunggono

About Movies

The Hero Within Us

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, by Victoria Tunggono

Interior and Architecture

A Tour To Our New Abode

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Thoughts

Role of Life

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Thoughts

Why Always Me?

This question might get to you sooner or later. But this specific question bothered me since I just entered college. I don't really remember why, but I remember consulting to our lecturer for Character Building class, Kak Keyren. So it was in 2002, or I was 18-19 years old.

(Kalau nggak ngerti, baca Bahasa Indonesia-nya di sini.)

I remember asking her:

Why am I always the only one who cares the most but get nothing in return?

Why did people disappear when I need them, while I was always there when they needed me?

I don't really remember what Kak Keyren told me at that time. But the answer that really satisfies me came in years after that, in a life process that happened through the years. And that's what makes the answer sticks with me, because I learned it through life events and experiences.

Along the years, I found this 'formula' of life: We care the most because we are the ones who are granted such big heart and it is our duty to help others with our gift. We all have our own gifts and tasks. Talents and passion. And it is our tools for use to help people (read my previous post.)

via topbestalternatives

I remember reading The Smurf comics, where one of the Smurfs asked Papa Smurf why they must go to Chef Smurf for food, to Tailor Smurf for clothes, and so on (I forgot the exact case but this is what I remember) then Papa Smurf made them all do everything by themselves. It went chaotic because at the end of the day they realized that they may look alike but they don't have the same ability.

Some are good with poems or drawings, some are good with machines or heavy duty. Some are thinkers, the others are doers. They are created with uniqueness and different gifts. So if they try to do things by themselves, it is chaotic; if they work together, hand-in-hand helping one another, there's harmony. Therefore they continued to do things like they always do: focus on their speciality and help others with that.

I think it's really good lesson for children (I read this when I was a kid) that people are born different and unique, but also that we are not living for our own. We live to help the others with what we have. If we have money, it's good to share some with the less fortunate. And we can always help others with our skills. But sometimes we don't have any money or skill, but we have time. It's okay -- rather it's much more valued -- because once lost, we cannot get our time back. And if what we have is 'just' the caring and understanding, it's already more than enough to start helping the others. And one can never be lacked of these.

In one of my favourite articles about horoscope, it reads:

via themindsjournal

I think it is this article that really soothed me with 'the answer', but you may not a Piscean so this article may mean nothing for you (check yours here!) But it's okay. We have our own task and values in life, so I'm not going to say that we are the same or to doctrine anyone about anything. Just keep on reading...

Anyway, that article also tells me that it is the reason why there is nobody can really understand a Pisces' mellow heart. I guess that's why I've always felt lonely and misunderstood.. until I found the answer that created this state of mind called 'inner peace'. And with that, I guess it is our job as Pisceans to bring understanding to all humankind with the language understood by all: art.

So I figure that our job is not to preach people with this knowledge or whatever gift we have. People won't listen, or they may not understand anyway. But we must develop and turn it into art, so then people will know and understand by their senses. I guess that's why most Pisceans are born artist: poets, painters, sculptors, dancers, musicians, and even novelists. Some of us may not have the ability to tell, therefore we show.

Enough about Pisces, now how about you? Well back to the article, you are granted with one of these: Self-Esteem, Strength, Knowledge, Family, Honour, Purity of Thought, Love, Purpose, Inifinite Abundance, Responsibility or Freedom. Each of the gift has its own strength but also their weaknesses. That's why it's important for us to learn to own this gift, to control and master it, and to use it as a tool to help the others.

via Pinterest

Go to a Sag when you need to be cheered up and go to an Aquarius when you need to let loose. Go to a Gemini when you want to know things, and go to a Libra when you need to feel love. Go to a Virgo for wisdom, and go to a Leo to learn dignity. And so on, and so on. These are all the equipment that God prepare for us to survive life: learn from one another in order to achieve a higher understanding of life.

So I hope there should be no more 'why me?' questions in the future for us. We are 'granted with the gifts' according to our capacity and character. We are 'chosen' to do some tasks because we are able to do it, and may be the only one who is able to execute it. That's why it seems like sometimes all we do is to give without receiving. One thing we must remember is, that we also receive from the others in other form.

We may keep on giving them food and fortune, but we'd receive joy and peace in return. We may keep on giving people our skills and time, but then we'd receive money as payment, or network/connection, or rare opportunity, or other things we sometimes don't realize is our reward. It works like that: God fills us with infinite ability in one thing (called as talent or advantage) so we can keep on giving it to people; then we would receive something else in return so we are never empty. But we can never do it all alone. Life needs to be done with a good teamwork.

via Bedok Church Tampines

And if this question appears in other context, as in 'Why do I get this trials? Why God let this happen to me? Why me?' the answer is simple: because you can get thru it. Always remember that God will never put you through anything you can't handle. So you are already equipped with the tools inside of you to get thru all this. And when it gets too heavy a burden, you can always seek for help.

And if the next thing you think is that 'God must hate me that he let this happen to me', the answer is: No. God loves you so much instead that He let this happened in order to teach you strength, perseverance, faith, hope, and love. God loves you so much that He use your story to inspire the others, to show the world of your capacity, of how much strength lies in a person when one has faith.

So it really is up to us to act on it; whether to lose it or to victor it, and use it as a chance to declare His glory. I hope this message can inspire or remind all of us to keep on doing good and to share love everywhere we go. God bless. Namaste. Rahayu.

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Thoughts

Not About You

Last night my best friend Ana and I discussed about one interesting topic in our Midnight Ramblings session. Although this time we did it through phone call, it's still counts because it's done by midnight (okay, this detail is not important LOL.) Anyway, the topic was related to the Infinity Wars movie that is still playing on the theatres now, so I guess it's still updated.

(Kalau nggak ngerti, baca bahasa Indonesia-nya di sini.)

So we discussed about Thanos, the antagonist character, and what he had done (because the movie has been playing for some time, so I reckon this not as a spoiler..) So the point is, Thanos saw something bad was happening: the starving and lacking of natural resources, while the amount of human keep on adding. His idealism about the perfect life is threatened. He thought that if the amount of human is not that many so maybe the resources for food will be enough for everyone. He then found a solution: eliminate half the population so the rest could survive.

What made us all pissed of is: why could he think that he had the right to eliminate people as he wishes, while it was God's job to keep the balance in the world. Perhaps Thanos had hoped and waited, but the justice never came. Perhaps that's why he thought that God didn't do anything and he had to take over.

Perhaps Thanos is right. But I guess we will all more agree that Thanos is not being patience. He sees only part of the problem and decides the instant exit way. He decided that he is authorized to do things on behalf of other people and their lives, forgetting his position and portion as God's creation.

We thought this is what also happening in this country, especially for the last week with terrorism cases here and there. People drunk of dogma, losing their common sense and thinking that they had the right to decide on other people's fate and life. They understate God's greatness by thinking that He is too weak to manage this Universe. The result is chaos. Another imbalance of the world.

Last night I re-watched the movie Doctor Strange and re-absorbing the whole journey of Dr. Stephen Stange to Kathmandu and meeting The Ancient One. There was one thing that made The Ancient One to doubt Dr. Strange at first: his big ego. But apparently through a series of events, Dr. Strange then realized that everything will be easier if he just surrender to his heart. Here's the quote:

The Ancient One: Arrogance and fear still keep you from learning the simplest and most significant lesson of all

Dr. Stephen Strange: Which is?

The Ancient One: It's not about you.

Ego. Every humankind possess this, and the ones who can cope with ego can be praised as a humble person. The Ancient One told Mordo this: "We never lose our demons, Mordo. We only learn to live above them." It means, we have to do and live higher than our weaknesses: the ego and seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth.) By overcoming all this, we can be an ego-less person.

The whole Doctor Strange movie is full of meaning for me personally. Especially in this spiritual journey (well, two weeks ago Mas Muke called me as the Spiritual Wanderer anyway.) That there are still so many realities unknown even to the great neurologist Dr. Strange. That there are still so many things in this world that are beyond our sense, but they are all exist and real. It's only a matter of how we react to it that determines it to be seen by our eyes or not.

The Ancient One: [on magic] You cannot beat a river into submission; you have to surrender to its current, and use its power as your own.

Dr. Stephen Strange: I control it by surrendering control? That doesn't make any sense.

The Ancient One: Not everything does. Not everything has to. Your intellect has taken you far in life, but it will take you no further. Surrender, Stephen.

The point is: surrender. Give in to God. Eliminate the ego and focus on the purity of soul and consciousness. The movie also taught us not to cult anyone in life: president, beautiful celebrity, great guitarist, a famous person, or even a supreme master like The Ancient One. Because they are all also human naturally, just like us all. Maybe they are the ones who 'get there' sooner, or it is us who learn and catching up later.

Sometimes we are too drunk with the title of 'guru' that it could lead us to disappointment in the end. Because those teachers are also human, with secrets and weaknesses. They could stay above those weaknesses, or stop trying and blinded by other things that would make them following back their ego. When it happens, their reputation is broken and we all realize that they too are human with all of their limits. This is a reminder for us to always be introspective.

via failedcritics

This is the real key of life: how much are we willing to sacrifice or defeat our ego for the sake of many people? Because just like The Ancient One said: this is not about you. Life is not just for ourselves but also for many other people. Because when we give, it's when we receive; one of the most ancient, just, and beautiful natural laws there are.

But back again, how do we do this? Well if it has violence, by sacrificing other's happiness, importance, or lives, it means that our thought is not right. Something needs to be fixed here. Because based on what I've read and experienced before, the answer to all trouble is LOVE. All you need is (always) LOVE!

Faith, hope, and love. These are three of the most important thing in life that we can use as a grip for everything. If whatever we are doing or questioning is not directed to these, it means that we have been going off the line. Try to ponder and ask the purpose, the reason, and the way to do what we are doing. Keep on digging until you get to the three: faith, hope, and love. And the most important among all is love.

We could think short or shallow like Thanos, although our purpose/reason is good, but when the way doesn't mirror the faith, hope and love, then we are doing it wrong. We could find the easiest way out because we are lazy to think (remember, sloth is one of the 7 deadly sins!) but we can think longer, harder, broader, higher to find the better solution. Instead of spreading hate and fear, isn't it better if we keep on spreading love?

I believe more people are now willing to sacrifice for others: willing to lose a dear daughter for the sake of world's salvation, willing to die with suicide bomb for the sake of religion's victory, and many other things we have witness that ends with grief. But is it really the right way? Is God that evil that He wants to ask for others' lives to fulfill His promise to us? Is He that limited? Or is it just our false perspective, that apparently is still far from God's level?

If there is a requirement that suggests that 'God will give you His promise if you are willing to give up the most precious / beloved in your life', please don't put your children/parents/friends/other's lives into the list of your most beloved things in life. Think of other things that stick more tightly on you: anger, ambition, achievement, dream, or ego. These are the most precious and beloved things in our lives.

This morning I talked with my old buddy Joey and we discussed about the terrorism cases that are happening in this beloved country. Joey asked me if I was anxious enough to be politically sensitive. Well actually I know whatever happens because I monitor them through the social media (because I don't watch TV -- I'm sorry, my media worker friends) but I refuse to be dragged into the negative wave of politics.

Although politic is one way to fight for our voice to be heard by the government and public, but it's not the only way. There are many other ways, and one of them is to work and create. Dance, music, literature, painting, drawing, comic, sculpture, and many others. If you're not artsy, there are other works as simple as activating a community, or anything that creates or make out something that can mean a lot for many people, or at least the people around us. And I'm certain the effect of this work will be much more positive than for me to enter the government's politics (once again, I'm sorry my political fighter friends, but this is me we're speaking, working in my own field.)

Why create? Because creating is a real result of a process of thinking, contemplation, and maturing up that takes form in a beautiful thing. And this beauty is what will touch people's consciousness, opening their mind, and moving their sould. Creating is one of the forms of trigger, or inspiration, to raise something inside human through sense. Because sometimes there are no words left to speak in order to make changes, but through sense.

So let's focus ourselves to feel love, spreading compassion, and create to inspire. Because if not us (who cares enough to change the world), who else?

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Thoughts

Kandani

via Pinterest

Once, there was a guy I knew who liked to use this term a lot, a Javanese word means "I told you!", and this term always reminds me of him. I once read an article in a magazine saying 'Never use this term in any relationship if you want to keep the relationship healthy' but there he went, saying kandani almost all the time. Which made me thinking, how could this short, simple term causes deep impact on people?

The answer came in years of process. A 'kandani' or 'tuh kan' (in Indonesian) or 'told you so' is usually spoken as a spontaneous reaction toward something that happened that is already predicted by one. When this prediction comes true, there is a natural urge from one person to claim of his/her prediction/product of thinking; that they knew this was coming; that they were right.

But then again, we are reminded that each people has their own time; their own path; their own journey. The beauty of Javanese wisdom is that it is so spiritual it is a whole different experience to everyone. There is no certain rule that everybody should graduate at 22, get married at 25, have kids at 27, becomes a manager at 35, and die at 70. No. People have this free will to choose their own ways. And even when they can choose, there is still another factor, like God's will, to 'permit' things to happen to people.

I often hear that word 'tuh kan' being said a lot in my own surroundings, which is such a bossy attitude, actually. It's like we don't allow mistakes to happen; that other should do things the way we want and not letting them to learn the process by their own way. I really think this attitude keeps other people from developing and growing in their own terms. So now I see, how toxic this term 'kandani' can be to ruin a relationship.

It's like we're not patient enough to be a parent toward our children, to be a child to our parent(s), to be a boss (not a leader) toward our subordinate, to be a friend, to be a partner, to be a spouse. It's like we're not allowing them to thrive by controlling each and every single thing of their action. And it shows how arrogant we are, thinking we know everything there is to know in the world.

But what if everything that we know is only 4-10% of the whole secrets in this Universe? Who are we to tell other people what to do? Yes, we are obliged to teach and show, to right the wrongs, to nurture when needed. But how the things are processed in other's mind/heart/life is none of our business.

So how if we do a little practice now, to reduce the use of 'told ya' that one day that term can really disappear from our lives forever? What if we give a chance for other people to learn things their own way, that it may be different from what we had, but in the end we're all learning the same things. What if we give a space for God to work on us as He does to other people in the way that is more fitting for them?

If we can predict something and it is important to tell or warn the others, do it. But what the other person decides to do about it is not our business. It's not for us to control, and it's called to take things easy, to go with the flow, to give in to God's will, or in another word: to have faith. Faith in people and faith in God's plan.

After all, isn't our God so Almighty that everything in this life happens by His plan and His permission? Isn't God so All-Knowing that He knows precisely who we are, each and every one of us, down to our favours, our dreams, and our needs? Even better, He knows more about us than we do because He created us; He planned for us; and He sees things from the bigger picture. So let's praise for His greatness and let him do His thing. Do our part and surrender the rest. I think it's one of the least things we can do to help Him make this world a better place to live. Don't you think?