Another Victoria's Secrets

I had never realized that I am an over-possessive person until a new friend, Adit, said it to my face two months ago. Since my first relationship with boys 13 years ago, I had read so many relationship tips articles in Mom's women magazines and I knew that guys don't like over-possessive girls. That's why I tried my best not to become one. Apparently, I was wrong.

Apparently, I still have that sense of too-much on owning something mostly over the people I care about--not only my boyfriend, but also my best friends. I just realized now that I had been pretty much a little too possessive. Actually sometimes it's good, but sometimes it's not really that good. Especially when I try to control their lives.

I think it's because I care too much. Although sometimes I seem to not caring at all. But I do. And sometimes, it's over the limit. Now I learn to accept things the way they are and to give more space to them to expand and thrive in their own lives, with their own way. Because we all are unique and we have different ways of our own. I still need to learn more in life..

Found these cool vintage-looking synthetic leather pair of boots yesterday at Forever 21, PIM. Loved it from the first sight and I didn't need second thought to buy them. Only a bit confusion when I saw the black ones and had to choose just a pair because the black were gorgeous also. But I've already known my heart wanted the brown one from the beginning. So, voilà, the boots are mine now!

I've been in Jakarta a month full now, enjoying meeting up with best friends Rachelle, Cheryl, Alexandre, Alex Samosir and few others. I went to Solo and Purwokerto for few days also, but I didn't touch Bandung. It might sound weird for you, knowing that I've been living in that city for about 20 years and it's only 2 hours away from where I'm staying now.

Maybe I've had enough with the city. I had to wait for 20 years to get completely out of there and now that Mom had moved to Tangerang, I'm not going back. I am still in touch with my friends there, but only by messages. I know I have to visit them for their second child's birth, for keeping up with recent stories, for whatever it needed between friends. But I don't.

And there are old friends who are in Jakarta, too, but I don't keep up with. They already have husbands and babies, and I don't think spending time with them would give me any benefit at all. I don't like babies and I much prefer talks about art, ideas and big discussions than family problems--which my old friends never interested about.

I know I sound a little too cold about this, but I also have projects and meetings to be done here and I don't like going to Bandung on weekends due to traffic jams. Maybe these are just my alibis, but I really don't feel like going 'back' there. Even that I had sweet memories, too, things had changed. The people I knew would change, too, and sometimes things are best kept just as memories. I'm not reliving it.

I hope you forgive me.

I just watched Java Heat, the first Indonesian action movie that have two Hollywood stars playing: Kellan Lutz and Mickey Rourke. The Indonesian young stars include Ario Bayu, Atiqah Hasiholan and Rio Dewanto, who are all the good new rising stars. I think Lutz played really well here, much better than in drama with Mandy Moore in Love Wedding Marriage. Too bad, Bayu who plays as the main role from Indonesian part is still far to be compared to Lutz's.

I also think the story is not strong enough. Maybe it's interesting enough to use Yogyakartan Keraton (kingdom) as the main background of the story and Borobudur as the final setting, but it's just not strong enough. Perhaps because of the players. Watching Lutz's natural act beside Bayu's stiff act was pretty much annoying. I don't think it's a natural Indonesian cops' character the way he is being very hard on Lutz. I just say he's still too stiff and awkward here.


Also Rourke is a little slow here than in his many other movies. Perhaps the director couldn't direct him better that made every scene is not connected to the other. But actually it's interesting to know, for this another Indonesian action movie after The Raid: Redemption. For The Raid, I think it's pretty good for the acts, quite natural although it's not really a common Indonesian habit to use weapons and that much. Joe Taslim fought pretty good there, although still need improvement when he speaks. No wonder he was recruited by the Fast and Furious.

I have only a few lists of good Indonesian movie so far, including Catatan Harian Si Boy (also starred Ario Bayu, which performed much better in this than in Java Heat) from action genre, AADC from drama and 30 Hari Mencari Cinta from the comedy. The others are okay, but not really that good enough. I hope the next Indonesian movies will get better after this. Let's cross our fingers!

Related to my recent post about Marriage and Divorcement, I found this article on internet about Ayu Utami's opinion on Faith and Sin. Recently I've been learning a lot about love, life, nature and God, and I will say I agree with her.

I remember I've post a blog about her, few years before she got married. I just found out today that I was surfing the internet that she was finally married her lover Erik Prasetya. I was very amazed by her opinion of love, marriage and sex even I haven't read any of her books. I am amazed because she vocalized the principle I was trying to make people around me to accept as one of the options.

What made it different about now and then is that now I agree with her view on Catholic, also. It has and always been our base, no matter what we believe in now. She really has a free mind and she is not afraid of voicing it. I wish I could be that vocal, but I am not her--we have different approaches and ways on delivering a message. I am just agree for what she said mostly, but about God, I have a slightly different opinion.

Anyway, I learned something new today. It's about being right or wrong. I think it's very close with sin. My lover taught me a lot of things about love and life, and the one I want to share here is that 'being right or wrong is human. For God, it's about choices with different consequences'. Therefore we should never judge anything in this world, for it is God's part.

By the way I really am happy with Ayu's marriage. It really brings a different perspective about her, in a refreshing way. At least her journey 'ends' up happily. Like her, I'm not anti marriage. I'm just being very careful of committing myself to it. I know I will be happy like she is, because I am following my heart, too. God bless!

Here are videos no. 52-55..

Let's talk about marriage. Again. I've posted some of my thoughts about this topic for the past few years (click here) and I wanna update my recent thoughts about it.

As I wrote before, I am a big believer of love, but carry a big question mark about marriage. Not that I don't want a marriage. Every girl dreams about her big day, including me. I had some vision about the party, but never been vivid about the spouse I'm gonna marry. I am still open for that.

But as life happens around me and having most of my family failed their marriage in the past two years, I decided to take a closer look about it before I dig myself into it. Nobody wants to be divorced, but as sad as it is, divorcement is something so common to happen these days, not to mention those from Catholic, the religion that strongly opposed divorcement.

I happen to meet some people that brought enlightenment in me, thank God, that explained to me how the nature/world/life/God works. People are made to love and be loved. Marriage foundation is provided to strengthen it. As world is evolving, religions became the base of this marriage thing; that a spouse should be married under the 'confirmation' of a religion they choose.

But before and above the religion, there is God who created us all and made us meet our so called 'soul mate'. We don't meet just randomly with each person throughout our lives. We have tasks and purposes to be done, and with each encounter we enrich the other person and be enriched in return.

A marriage should be a relationship between two loving people. If a marriage is no longer filled with love, what is the purpose of keeping it just to be seen by people or as a proof that actually nobody really care about? In life I've seen so many cases of marriages and I saw there is no such a perfect marriage. Behind the perfect smiling couples there are dirty little secrets they hold.

I had always seen divorcement as such a distant case I could ever imagine to happen in my life. Nobody in my family was divorced.. until the death of my father. Then one by one of my aunts got to experience it. And my perspective of this whole marriage, divorcement and life completely changed. People say, human cannot tolerate things until they experience it themselves. I think it's true.

Now that this case is being a part of my family's problems, I don't see divorcement as something so awful anymore. Let's talk about this one by one.

1. Kids
Children is the main reason of a marriage to be kept. People say children is the one who suffer in divorcement. Well, I don't wholly agree on this but also don't oppose this. As I see the case of one of my cousins, she thinks and lives a much better life after their parents got divorced. She is only 16.5 years old when it happened but she admits that she prefers to have their parents being just friends like they are now than as a spouse. She knows that their happiness is more important than the 'wholeness' of a family. As long as she has good relationships with both of their parents, she is going to be just fine. More than that, she is learning about life sooner and going to live hers better. Every kids have their own life path, so don't worry about them. For me it's such a bullshit to make the kids as a shield.

2. Status
Okay. This may be important for some people, but-hello-are you a president or something? Most people don't care about status anymore nowadays. Look at Prince Charles who fought for his love and gave up his throne. People understand and respect his choice. It doesn't matter what people will say actually, because this is your life and your heart and your future we're talking about. So it's really up to you, not to the public's statement.

3. Responsibility
You voiced your vow before the witnesses and God, therefore you have responsibility to keep it. I think this is a very logical and a right thing to do. Take example of my own mom. She vowed to remain loyal to the family but she sacrifices her own feeling for it and be miserable at heart, up until today. Such a noble thing to do, especially for the sake of the children's hearts.
   But how about love? How about feeling? How about filling the empty gap inside your heart that needs to be caressed? I don't wanna be like her. I want happiness in my life, no matter how I have to fight against any rules in this world.
   Based on my own experience--when I was at the side who got betrayed and abandoned, I found myself prefer to have someone who truly loves me than to have one who is just keeping his promise and responsibility upon me. With my ex letting me go, although it was so hard for me to accept the fact at first, somehow he freed me to find someone who can love me better and someone I truly deserve.
   I truly understand that promises are made based on emotions, but as the law of nature says: nothing lasts forever in this world. Promises expired the day the love is gone. I can see that vow and promises means nothing but to keep a commitment. Well for me, commitment is bullshit. Love is all that matters. I see how easier and happier a relationship can be done without such commitment as a burden, because when a heart truly loves, a heart commits itself to the one it loves willingly. Confirmation is needed only for the ones who are uncertain and hesitating to keep them in the same relationship.
   Then again, isn't it make you such a hypocrite person to pretend to have a perfect marriage while you are having affair(s) out there? I despise this kind of people and I pray not to become one.

4. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
This is the verse I quote from Bible, Matt 19:6. Apparently I cannot fight this verse, because it is written obviously the restriction of divorcement. But then again, this is a life manual (for some religions) while we have the freewill to make some improvement in certain cases. In this modern life, we need some renewals in every aspect to keep up with the world, as also I see in Catholic by the new Pope Francis. 
   I am not going to discuss religion thingy here, but what I'm saying is, life/nature/God has a unique way to teach us things in our lives, that most of the time surprising for us because it's usually far from the life we'd imagined or planned before. I have a simple clue for you: Marriage should be a gift, not a curse. Love should be liberating, not burdening. You would know if your spouse is the one from God or not by this hint.



Stupidly, people got married based on the dream of a happily-ever-after image or because of the age limit or because of other obligation reason. I strongly say it's a stupid thing to do. Why do people need to be married anyway? Parents (especially the woman side) told their kids to quickly get married before 25, before 30, before their age expired. If I had kids, I would tell them NOT to get married too soon, UNLESS they find someone who completes them, who compliments them, who loves them unconditionally.

I don't say it's going to be easy. But look at our neighbors in USA or Europe. They are the liberated people who fight for their love, not for the sake of a status. As John Lennon said in his song: all you need is love. And love is God. All you need is to follow your heart because it's how God leads you to live this life. I think Lennon was right after all.

I am not a hater or an apathetic person. I hope I will never be. I can say this all because I've been there. I had been in a very unhappy relationship because my boyfriend stopped loving me but we remained a couple for the next 8 months. Those were the most unhappy months I've endured, although I loved him so much. He simply didn't love me anymore and his heart was somewhere else. This was truly a torture for both of us and I knew it was much better for us to go our separate ways. It was the best decision I've ever made.

I really am not advising anyone to be divorced. But if there is no love in the marriage and there ain't no other way to fix it (I assume you've tried every possible way), why torture yourself in such a relationship? I hope I make a point here and I wish you all to have the greatest love in your life and not letting it slip away. May God bless us all!

No matter what religion or belief you hang on to, this guidance is a simple one to follow when we pray. Easy to remember for the kids and a great reminder for us adults!

I think this is a great illustration of John Lennon's song Imagine, and I completely understand about the message now. It's now about erasing heaven and hell and about being atheist, but I think there's a message from our ancestors, too, here. It's about seeing the world and life from another perspective. Fact is, religions had brought so many wars to the world, so why not erasing it to have the peace on earth?

For the past week I've been working on this new community meant to be in Indonesia (Jakarta area for the beginning) and trying to get the first attention via social media. 'Tukar guling' means exchanging, swaps, a barter; a transaction of trading both items instead of money. The idea came from Kyle's experience that made me and my friend think of creating the community in Indonesia for this kind of swapping. Anything exclude the money. I hope this will grow and help lots of people on 'recycling' their unused stuff at home.


The reason we believe in this community so much is to enhance the sense of (especially) individualistic and over-consumptive urban people. With bartering, we appreciate value over price, which is no longer cared among people these days. Also, we meet the real people who will be the new owner of our stuff or the old owner of our new stuff. We meet real people and value real things here!

It had been a week since my last post which means a week that I've been very busy. I had Pélopé bracelets to make, some meetings about the movie project and book project that I'm in, some translation to make, some website design to make and a super fast short story to send for a book competition.

I'm still in Serpong now, staying at Mom's house for three weeks now. I still don't have the urge to go back to Bali yet. I'm enjoying the environment here and the fact that I have things to keep me going. I'm fully contented to know that the things I'm working on are slowly progressing. Lots of new things I get, though I meet only with few old friends. That's enough for now, I'm still gonna thrive!

Last Saturday I went to Jakarta and picked up my cousins Raphael, Manuel and Hizkia and went to Plaza Indonesia to meet Loren and my brother Bent. It was such a rare occasion that all my male cousins and brother could gather like this, and I was lucky enough to be able to join them. My brother is only a year younger than me but my cousins are 9 and 11 years different. Lucky me, I can still catch up with the topics of a college boy's conversation that they were happy enough to have me hanging out with them.

We had lunch at Sushi Tei, then we had some walk around the big mall (that we were lost a few times) and ended up playing bowling at Spincity Bowling Alley. It had been more than 10 years since the last time I played this sport so I needed more warming up to do. I don't really care that I scored the lowest among the boys actually, because I really had fun playing with my family that way. It was such a valuable moment for me to cherish.


Bent was going to watch a movie with his friends that night so after we said goodbye, I led the 4 boys to have dinner at Ayam Malaya Jl. Lombok. It had been my other cousin, Ka Iwan's most favorite place to eat, that I've been sharing with all other people. Most of them liked it, too, because it's cheap and a relax place to hang out, also because it's really that good and unique for a hawker's kind of food.

I dropped my two cousins back home and had my grandma coming with me to BSD (where my mom now lives) that night. Although it was such a tiring day for me, I really enjoyed the day and my cousins' company. It felt special how I had 5 young bodyguards that I used to babysit 15 years ago. They're all big boys now and I love them as much! I really thank God for giving me such a loving family.
:)

Lately I'm fearing of myself becoming an apathetic person. I've been meeting family and old friends and when they're talking about their concern about certain life problem, my response was simply 'it had to be done so' or 'that's the way it is' or 'it'll happen to all of us sooner or later'. And last night, hearing the news about car accident by a 13 years old driving a Lancer, all I said was 'it's karma and a lesson for the father'.

My friend said 'it's tragic', and I realized then how apathetic I am now. I used to be such a sensitive and sympathetic person, but as life 'happened' the few last years, I am now quite surprised to see my responses to all things that happen around me. What do you think about being apathy? Is this a good or a bad thing?

I think maybe I found the pain was too heavy for me to carry when I first experience some 'life reality' that I prefer not to feel at all than being hurt for the second time. Or, because I now understand that each people must experience difficulties in his/her life that he/she could be a better, perfected person.

I found that each pain was the process of being better, and it strengthen us. And I felt it myself, that the pain and struggle I overcame really brought me to a higher level of thinking, with broader perspective and deeper meaning to each event. Therefore, one must past the test of life to be more perfect. If one resist, he/she will not go anywhere but stay stagnant.

As human we need to thrive, to develop, to grow. Time makes us grow old, but it's our own decision to grow up or not. I have a friend who is the same age with me but has the way of thinking of a 20-year-old's. Even a 20-year-old nowadays think like 30s and 40s. But one who denies his/her age will be left behind. It's a pity for me, but maybe she likes it better to stay inside her shell, her comfort zone. It's her choice actually, but I appreciate people who dare to go beyond their line and enjoy the ride better. What about you?

I'm pretty much in love with bracelets (and rings) and recently created my own handmade bracelets under the brand Pélopé. But for watches, there is one brand I really like with its chic leather wrap, chain and charms with the watch itself. I really love this bohemian + vintage style. Actually I nearly worked for La Mer in Jakarta last year if I didn't move to Bali. I preferred Bali, but if I didn't, I would be working for this lovely brand!

Yesterday afternoon I went to Pondok Indah Mall and met my cousin Goldi there. Rachelle picked us up and we drove toward Kemang area, dropping Goldi first at Angel--my other cousin's house. Rachelle and I chilled at Never Been Better, Kemang. It's quite a good place, kind of unique, but not really 'that' special nor extraordinary.

We talked about our (long pending) project and some catching ups about our lives, then my cousins Goldi, Angel and Loren joined us. Not long after, Bobby--Rachelle's husband--caught up with us, too. It was just a brief meeting, but I felt the love so much and I feel so contented. There are friends who stay, no matter how far or long we're apart. Thank God I have her!

Here are videos #46-51. You can check the previous series at their youtube account, facebook group, and website.

FYI there is a blog post competition to win tickets to Hanoi and Chiang Mai by Silk Air. You can click here for more details. Happy blogging!

It was Mom's and Goldi's birthday yesterday, Aug 27. So I departed from Bali on Aug 26, 6;25 p.m. flight to give them surprise. I went by taxi to BSD Square where I knew they were having dinner, and really did surprised them by my appearance at the parking lot just when they were about to leave the restaurant. I was chuckling as they shouted out loud, showing how shocked they were.

My two aunts stayed over while Aunt Siska and Goldi stayed at my house till a little after midnight, after a little celebration of they were turning a year older. Mom was turning 55 and Goldi was 18. It was really nice to be surrounded by the people who love me the most, and it had been 2 months since my last visit home. Family is simply home to me.


We planned to have dinner together the next day, only with Goldi's family and also ours. Ben, Clemy and Fabian could make it, thank God, so we had the dinner at Yeyo, Jl. Senopati. The place was nice and unique, although the food wouldn't be their number one's strength. But the cake shop downstairs, Colette & Lola, was terribly cute!