Another Victoria's Secrets

A Night Walk

I went to my ex-colleague's wedding last Saturday morning at the MBK church. Maya was married with her 9-year-boyfriend Erwin and that felt sooo sweet.. I met my other colleagues there, more than them who I usually meet in the Senci meetings and it was nice to see them all.

I got another wedding (a 10-years-relationship's wed) to attend that night in Bandung but couldn't manage to get there cuz I still have things to be done here in Jakarta (for Vicky + Atika, I'm sorry I couldn't make it there.. But I sure do hope for the best for you both!)
And I still got three more friends who are going to be married in a month from now and this made me thinking. About marriage.

You see, there are lots of reasons to or not to get married. I've found lots against it (not having to have babies and get pregnant and raise them with tender-loving-care stuff, not having to worry about how to pay the kids' school but can do the budgeting for Hawaii's vacation instead, to have more time for myself, to have more freedom, to explore more beauties in the world, etc--yea I've been scared to death by the idea of a marriage) but haven't find any to stand for it (except that if I had found the perfect one). Maybe I have to start gathering the pros now. Meanwhile, I'm gathering reasons to pick on someone over the millions out there.

So, to be sure he/she's the one (and the 'why you marry them'), you gotta check:

that he/she loves you. Unconditionally. From the heart. For who you are, just the way you are (right...) They say you'll know it thru their eyes. I guess you'll just feel it when you meet the 'one'.
that he/she's ready for such a big commitment and is mature enough to deal with many of life problems. Yup, this matters.
that he/she listens to your heart; whether you're worried, happy, scared, excited, disappointed.. anything. They gotta 'hear' you even when you don't say it with words.
that he/she considers you're perfect, even when you have so many flaws, imperfection and weaknesses.. and they're willing to accept and balance them with their strength. That's how you're completing each other.
that he/she is a good companion, great discussion mate, that you both have an advanced communication skill, cuz in a relationship, communication (and understanding) is everything!
that he/she has the same purpose to be married with you, the same principal and belief, the same ideals on anything, the same perspective to avoid a divorce (these stuff here are main reasons for people to get divorced.)
that he/she knows well how to make you laugh or stop your tears. This is important, cuz like it or not, there are shitty things happen in life and you're gonna see your partner everyday!
that he/she respects you, your decision, and supports you. And tells you when they think you're taking the wrong way. And still supports you, no matter what.
that he/she can handle you at your worst cuz marriage is about comfortly being yourself everyday, completed with the love of your life.

Well, I guess this list is still gonna be added once I find something new about the topic. Meanwhile, maybe you can help me adding up the list..

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, by Victoria Tunggono

About Books

Blink!

[my ex-colleagues: Joe, Lanang, Lazu, Ito, Edwin--Dedy, Maya, Wisnu, Angger]

I went to Senci again last night by the invitation from my ex-colleagues. They were calling a usual meeting at the Food Court after work and I joined them at around 7 p.m.

There were Wenny and Bobby, Angger, Wisnu, Maya and Dedy, Edwin, Ito, Joe IT, Lanang and Lazuardi. Winny came late when Wenny and Bobby were already going home. It was a bigger group than the last one, and more fun bcuz we discussed some fun things about the company and our plans ahead.

Mas Wis and Winny drove me home. Then I called Mario cuz I cancelled the plan we made earlier. We then discussed about the new book he bought (which was actually a quite old one but we never bought it 'til now), Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.

It's about what we thought at the first sight about something is always true. That even though we don't realize it, our subconscious mind knows it and reacts to it.

I have an experience about this, when my subconscious mind played so strong in some condition I was having with one person. It first came on our first meeting, I felt something strange about this girl. Maybe in the way she walks. Maybe. But it the strange feeling felt stronger when she led me across the street. But I didn't think further about this, maybe that was just her habit.

Weeks passed and we became closer. But something in her made me still felt weird about. I dunno why, but I can't trust her. Dunno how many times she had to explain to me how pure her feelings and affection to me, I still can't believe that it was pure for friendship. Dunno why but my heart says no, it refuses to listen to my logic; to her words.

I don't say that she wanted to do something bad to me. No, she was a nice friend. She gave me nice things, care and attention. But kind of strange how I could refuse those nice treatments, cuz I'm quite a friendly and open person.

Everytime that she came near me, I felt a strange urge to get pissed or disgust or any other weird feelings. It wasn't fair, cuz she'd been acting nice. But hell, she'd been pain in my ass.. I was annoyed by her nice treatments and what my heart said about it.

I dunno about losing a friend. I never did it in purpose. But I think God has His own ways to keep me from evil's hands, bad influences, and all the other negative sides. I dunno about the truth about her, whether she had some purpose on me or just wanna be friends like what she said, but I think God has a plan why I had to meet her then refused her to be my friend.

At the time I thought, she was too much demanding, even tho she didn't ask for any real thing. But her possessiveness and 'proposal' to be my lifetime friend, it really can't be done like that. I was avoiding commitment and she asked for one, as a friend. It's something so unusual, rather weird, that she asked for my commitment and permission to be a friend.

I would think that she's a bit abnormal, not saying about anything else (you think about it yourself) but definitely she's not a type of a friend I'd like to have. Cuz in my world, friendship is about the strong bond of feelings between two hearts, not about a force in a commitment. Friendship is what you naturally feel about someone, but not being asked by some permission.

I'm not regretting anything about that. I just felt sorry that there was a girl who can't be my friend. It wasn't becuz of something that I want, but my heart just said no. I usually don't do this and always try to think positive (Joey I listened to you), but it happened to me like this so I must believe that there was something not good from this girl.

Otherwise, I've always knew from the first time that another girl should be my friend. Her name is Luppi. We've clicked on September 2006, and I knew this one's a potential girl friend. But things got worse between us. Things between her and my cousin and all the bad labels about her from people's views.. it influenced me to stay away from her.

But now I know that I shouldn't really care about what people said but listen to my heart instead. They said the first girl was a nice girl but see what happened between us; they said Luppi was not good enough because she has weird way to do things but see, she's a good friend and we can deal with those circumstances.

If that's how the 'blink' thing goes when my subconscious mind detect something wrong in my way, I guess I still have that little voice inside my heart telling me things, and for that I have to thank it, and I guess I have to sharpen it everyday.. So I can see the more beauty of this life.. and the blessings God has given me..