Another Victoria's Secrets

via syracusenewtimes

LOL. Yea this f*cked up my brain too. But I'm curious nonetheless, to get to know myself better especially. (And you might want to grab a pen and paper to write down all the results:)

via pinimg

So I start to search on--at first--my Moon Sign. It is what influencing my emotions, my personal needs. It is what my heart goes for, my emotional instinct; my inner emotional self. I checked mine here and apparently my Moon Sign is Virgo (Virgo Moon looks to the little things in life for their happiness and security).

Meanwhile the Mercury Sign represents communication; how we reason things out and about our awareness and intellect. Surprisingly, my Mercury sign says I'm an Aries (quick thinking):

Likes intellectual competition, can easily become involved into an argument. Thinks and speaks quickly, easily grasps an idea but can be too impatient to adsorb a concept of a significant complexity. Has an aversion to long-winded explanations. Likes brevity and simplicity. This type of Mercury is very good for brainstorming. Sharp, penetrating mind that can often be used as a weapon. Likes to speak truth and criticise. Not sensitive to emotional nuances, can be quite abrasive. Quick reaction, good in extremal situations.

My Mars Sign is Scorpio (loves good challenge). Mars reflects our action and sexual energy. It is how we are driven to reach our goals. Maybe this also answers how compatible I am with my Scorpion friends. I checked my Mars Sign here or here.

Venus Sign is how we treat love and money. Perhaps it's more of a wife's department, LOL. Well maybe that's why they correlate women with Venus, because Venus is the Goddess of Love in Roman Myth. My Venus Sign is Pisces (dreamy, soft-hearted charmer). Check yours here.

Meanwhile Rising Sign is the first impression we tend to give to others on personal level (check yours here). It is how we act in front of the public, the mask we show off to other people, how the world see us. My Rising/Ascendant Sign is Taurus (steady and capable, stable and responsible):

Tranquillity, joy of life and sensuality are essential to you: you are a simple and quiet nature. You find happiness easily because you are not competitive, your relaxed attitude and your common sense invariably lead you towards fulfilment, even though you are not the number one, even though you do not move in haste. Constructing is important to you. Your patience and your persistence yield strong, steadfast, sustainable efforts that can withstand any pitfalls. You are gentle, with a slow thinking process, but once you have opted for an orientation, nothing, nor anyone, can make you change your mind. You loathe changes in general and once you have taken the few major unavoidable decisions in the course of your life, you are on track.

With this Ascendant, you come across as loyal, steadfast, strong, patient, enduring, persistent, attached, sensual, realistic, constructive, tenacious, with a strong need for security. But you may also be stubborn, rigid, possessive, materialistic, static, slow, and you may bear grudges.

via pinimg

For additions, Jupiter Sign is associated with luck and good fortune (find yours here). My Jupiter Sign is Capricorn (Jupiter in Capricorn meets good fortune when they are ethical, mature and act with integrity). Saturn Sign is the things that challenge us to grow up (find yours here). My Saturn Sign is Scorpio (impatient! LOL).

Uranus Sign represents change, innovation, technology and discovery, Neptune Sign is guiding us to our destiny, and Pluto Sign is connected to transformation and life challenges (find yours here). My Uranus Sign is Sagittarius (strong on intuition), my Neptune Sign is Capricorn (reserved and refined, especially in areas related to control, power, fame and success), and my Pluto Sign is Scorpio (ruled by strong emotions).

As for Midheaven Sign (also known as MC/Medium Coeli, or the tenth house sign), find yours here. It relates to your career, reputation and social standing; it is what guides you to your professional achievements, responsibilities and life purpose. My Midheaven Sign is Aquarius (loves learning).

via blogspot

So if I read myself based on the image above, it'll sound like this:

I am a dreamer, and stability is what makes me feel emotionally happy. But I express my needs and thoughts in a direct way. When it comes to love, I will be compassionate, but when I get angry, I become vengeful, so don't test me!

via magickmillenial

While according to the image above, my personality would sound like this:

I am a dreamer, but my emotions are rather composed. I think in a direct way, but express my energy in a brooding way. In love, I seek stability. I take on the role of the owner.

via whicdn

Another blurb here saying:

I come off as careful and cautious; My character is imaginative; and my inner soul is analytical and practical.

Wow. Now, how about yours? It's super fun to know, isn't it? I made a table to make it easier for me to check my signs here. Check it out and tell me if you want one, too!

the main gate

It's been almost two months and I didn't have time to write about this before but yes, I went to Soundrenaline 2016 this year. It was on September 3-4 at GWK and I got my 2-days ticket from a friend. I went with my vlogger friend Adit Comma on the first day and he made a vlog about that day you can watch below (I appeared there on minute 9:58 onward):


But tho I came with Adit, we went separate ways that I was watching the bands all by myself for hours. I saw Shaggydog at Louder Than Ever stage, RAN and Naif at A stage, Stars & Rabbits at the Avolution stage, and back to Maliq & D'Essentials at A stage. I met several other friends at the gig (Chika, Willy and Hans Aditya), although there were more who said they were also attending but I didn't get meet. The venue was too packed, although there were 4 different stages!

Jarwo Naif

David Naif (this shirtless act made so many girls went crazy)

I was so lucky to get this guitar pick that Jarwo Naif threw out at the end of Naif performance!

Stars & Rabbit

Kalula and Andi /rif

I couldn't afford being in the crowd too much I finally went to the Go Ahead stage below, just in time for Soundrenaline Project featuring Andi /rif, Kalula and Kikan singing. The crowd was getting crazier as Temper Trap was performing that night, but we called it a day and we (Adit and me) decided to go home as the band was starting their gig. It was the right decision, however, because my other friends who stayed till the end was stuck until 4 a.m. to get home!

Base Jam Reunion--our pop hero in the '90s

I came again the next day, just in time for Base Jam Reunion who played at the Avolution stage. I met a friend, Hans Aditya, again and we headed to see Efek Rumah Kaca performing at Go Ahead stage below. Then we headed up to Louder Than Ever stage to watch /rif, some other local bands, and then spent more time at the Go Ahead stage with Tulus, Kahitna and finally Bloc Party performing.

Efek Rumah Kaca

I didn't get to watch Simple Plan, the main guest star for the second day. I was already too tired but felt happy anyway for I met more friends there: David, Egi, Jojo, Rama, Ratu and Ical (who were actually working at the event). The whole 2-days gig was the longest music concert I've ever been (I don't remember about the 2012 Java Jazz but I guess I went only 1 day there) and also the best one because I like most of the line up (viva la '90s!). I dunno if I'd want to go to another 2-days gig it's too exhausting. But I'm so up for more live music concerts! Yay!

Wanda Hamidah and me at Kebun Bistro, Ubud

Never had I imagined that the opportunity of being a speaker at Erstwhile book launching I agreed on could grant me a new friend. Especially because that new friend happens to be the beautiful actress / politician Wanda Hamidah. I mean, I meet celebrities quite often but not all are friendly enough or even willing to be friends with just anyone, right? And the celebrity I mean here is specifically an A-lister.

As I said on my previous post, I was scheduled to pick Mbak Wanda up at the airport at 10:45 a.m. and we headed to Ubud right away. The two-hours road trip made us chat a lot and we even shared room to prepare for the 3:30 p.m. event. After the event we spent time together browsing through the festival, had dinner and some coffee at Kebun Bistro. At 9 p.m. she dropped me off at the hotel while she went on to her hotel.

During the 10-hours encounter we shared stories as she told me hers. It hits me that a person as beautiful and smart as she also suffers from pain. She also had dreams that didn't come true: to study abroad and to become a diplomat. She--just like all of us--also had moments of heartaches, feeling secluded from the world and had no money to continue with life (and she had three kids at that moment). She had to struggle between the social pressure of being a socialita and public figure with her right for happiness and freedom.

After getting divorced from her first husband, she found someone who has good looking, good manner, good job, and follows the same religion as she does. But when there's no feeling involved, all those physical things don't mean anything. Eventually she met a guy much younger than she is (10 years younger and still struggling to settle with his profession), with totally different family background, race & religions (he's a Chinese/German & was a Christian while she's an Arab/Betawi & is a Muslim), and very different kind of profession (he's a chef). But the chemistry is there. You all know where it all leads: a marriage.

I personally share the same principal with her: we believe in love. She told me that love is a blessing. To be able to feel something is already a blessing. I guess she is right. We must embrace love. I used to think too much about life, love, and marriage in particular--which perhaps keeping me from getting married. I guess I weighed my decisions too much on my unnecessarily overthinking thoughts.

Mbak Wanda told me that as long as there is love, we'll be just fine. Even if we argue everyday. Even if the marriage / togetherness would only last for five, ten years.. So be it!  It's not the numbers that counts. It is love that matters. It is better to have maybe five years full of happiness than to be married for a long time with someone so logically perfect (or according to what's good in the eye of public) but with no love.

She is now happily married to Daniel and has a cute one-year old son Kai with him. She is now doing things she likes and doesn't really care about what people say (which to me is the best kind of freedom). She is becoming a yoga instructor, taking the next step of the workout she's been doing in 15 years. She travels with Go-Jek everywhere in Jakarta and isn't ashamed to be seen riding on motorbikes while her friends are driving cars. She wears only basic make-up and dresses up the way she feels like it; she saves the budget for beauty salons for traveling around the world with her kids. She opts for practicality and she's currently living her life to the fullest!

That night I felt lucky. Not just that I had a rare opportunity to get up, close, and personal with one of Indonesia's most beautiful celebrity, but I also get to privately listen to her life story and love advice. I looked at this woman who just turned 39 last September 21 and see a strong mother of four. Her oldest is 14 years old girl and youngest just turned one (and she gave birth to them all normally without the C-section operation!!) She had been through a lot; she had her moment at the peak, down to the bottom, and made her way back up again.

I am not a person who follows gossips and I barely hear about Wanda Hamidah before last weekend. But every time I see her flawless face on my social media timeline now (we added each other's Instagram accounts) I see a tough person who is not afraid of failures because she knows she would get back up again. I see a humble woman whose smile is carved from a lot of pain. I see so much power a woman can have, because she makes her own choices and she makes the best out of it. I see in her imperfections of life which makes her even more beautiful.

Maybe that's why people say our 30s would be much better than our 20s. We learned, make decisions, make mistakes, fell down, but we get back up again and learn from our past. We forgive people and we forgive ourselves. We carry the lessons all our lives to make better decisions, be better person and go higher, and we spread kindness because we know it's the only thing that brings warmth to our hearts.


The next day, Sunday October 30th, I met with Mbak Wanda again. This time she was with her friend's family. We met for a brief moment that day because I had another event to attend in Jimbaran and she had a plane to catch to go back to Jakarta that night. But the fact that she was willing to meet me again proved that she wasn't just bluffing about being a friend to me. I feel I am so lucky to find friendship in this strong, humble woman; and I look up to her strength, wishing that when I turn 39 I'd inspire other people through my works, my belief and my love.

Thank you for the lessons and friendship, Mbak Wanda!


P.S. I had thought about writing this blog the night of our first encounter but then today as I already began writing it I saw there's a competition running at www.bloggerperempuan.com so I put this article in. Lomba blog ini diselenggarakan oleh BP Network dan disponsori oleh L’Oreal Revitalift Dermalift. Kalau mau ikut lomba juga, klik di sini.

Here are the clips of 'Erstwhile: Communion of Time' book discussion by Joseph Rio Jovian Haminoto that was held in The Elephant, Sanggingan, Bali on October 30, 2016 (story about it here). Check it out if you want to be inspired!

Wanda Hamidah, Sonia, J. Rio J. Haminoto, me, Ananda Sukarlan

I never thought I could be so lucky when Joseph Rio Jovian Haminoto, the author of historical novel Erstwhile, contacted me on Sunday last week. He asked me to be one of the speakers on his book launching on Saturday, October 29, and I said yes. I approved because of few things; I know exactly how hard launching a book could be (finding people who are willing want to moderate, talk and discuss your book); I read and really do like this book; and it's a reason for me to attend the UWRF16.

So I said yes to him, not knowing the other guest stars at that time, but happened to be the famous Indonesian master pianist Ananda Sukarlan, and--I found out just a day before the D-Day--the beautiful, smart Wanda Hamidah. After some arrangement it was decided that I had to pick up Wanda at the airport at 10:45 a.m. and we headed to Ubud rightaway.

We had lunch at Nasi Ayam Kedewatan Warung Mardika, and had a rest at the d'bulakan hotel Rio had arranged for us. At 2:15 p.m. we went to Desa Visesa to pick up Ananda Sukarlan and his partner, then went on to The Elephant for the event. The place has an extravagant view of the green Campuhan Ridge and it was already packed with people who gathered for the book launching.

Mas Chandra, Mbak Wanda and me before the session

At around 3:30 p.m., as scheduled, the program opened by Sonia, one of the curators of UWRF, and then Wanda read the synopsis. Then I talked about the book from the perspective of both a reader and the writer of Gerbang Nuswantara. After me, Ananda gave speech about the possibilities of this book from the perspective of a musician/music composer. Then some of the audiences were asked about their opinions, too.

The event was a success from my point of view. There were press attending also, and the audiences who never heard about this book said they were interested to read about the book--which is a good thing. I don't know when Metro TV would broadcast the program but I'll let you know when they do. I guess before that you all need to read this book as well.. It's highly recommended!


Check the videos here.

Adit, Dita, Juno, Cecep and me

This trip was from last week. Just after the Balangan trip, we went on another trip the next day. As Shasya went home the night after Balangan, the remaining group was Adit and Cecep. But Adit got his best friend Dita and her Korean friend Juno along with us. So the five of us went far to the easternmost regency of Bali: Karangasem.




First, we stopped by at Taman Ujung. It is the magnificent water palace built in 1909 by King of Karangasem, I Gusti Bagus Jelantik or Anak Agung Anglurah Ketut Karangasem. Dutch architect van Den Hentz and Chinese architect Loto Ang worked together with an undagi (calling for Balinese architect). The water palace belongs to the palace but they allow public like us to come and visit.



So we walked around the 10 hectares land that has a big rectangle pond and a house in the middle of it. There is also a post on the higher part of the garden where we can see the view of Mount Agung, eastern sea and the whole complex of the water palace. We should climb hundreds of stairs to get there (you can see me taking all those stairs on the clip below) but the sight is extremely rewarding.



After spending two hours at Taman Ujung, we went on to Amed. We stopped by at Sunset Point on top of the cliff after the Jemeluk Bay, and moving on for our initial destination: snorkeling. There is a vintage mail post drowned about 50 meters from the shore and we could peek into the corals and fishes through the goggles.


It was a nice experience--and I'm saying this because I'm not a fan of underwater world. Perhaps if you love the seas so much you'd spend hours inside there and find more stuff than what I saw there and you could say it was marvelous. I spent only about 10 minutes in the waters and it was too late for snorkeling. The best time to do this is in the morning with lots of sunlight that gets into the water. Please don't blame me.


Anyway, check the clip below to see how Taman Ujung and Amed look like from up above:

Lately I've been traveling with a poet/videographer friend Putu Aditya Nugraha. He is a Balinese 'social media influencer' who just started his vlog--or travlog as it is a travel vlog. So we had fun and he documented all of our trips on videos. It is also a way for us to promote (Balinese) tourism--that Bali isn't just about beaches. This one, though, was from our trip last week to Balangan Beach, Ungasan, South Bali. We went with food blogger Shasya Pashatama and another twitter influencer Cecep. Enjoy the clip!

I forgot to announce it here; my friends and I managed to settle a new web containing information about Bali and how to survive living there. The target is domestic (Indonesian) immigrants or backpackers, that's why it's written in Indonesian. But if you wanna ask anything about it in English, just send email to balihacks@gmail.com.

Basically it's all based on our experience being immigrants in Bali as well, so we'd like to share some info with the newbies. The web was launched on October 22, so it's just a week old now (;

Check it here.

This island is my home.

Since 2012 I've been going back and forth from Jakarta to Bali, trying to settle down on my own. Yes, I much prefer to live in Bali, but somehow I still have some kind of emotional bond with my hometown that made me have to go back to Jakarta once in a while. I don't really have much here except that I rent a studio apartment to stay and a motorbike to get me places. These have made me claiming Bali to be a place that I call home.

I may not get to live here forever either; who knows where life would lead you to, right?
But having to always missing Bali every time I'm away makes me ask myself this question: why do I love Bali so much? What's keeping me in this beautiful island? Why does it always calling me to come back, even that I didn't grow up here?

So I'm listing my reasons here, of why Bali is such a home for me:

1. Every place is within reach: the city, beaches, mountains, lakes, cliffs, forests, rice fields, waterfalls, temples.. I can simply ride a motorbike within 2 hours to get to every tourism destination and don't even have to stay over the night if I go early in the morning. And it's easy to rent a car if I'm not in the mood for a bike ride. Also, they're affordable!
2. Everybody is here: the local Balinese, migrants from all over Indonesia, tourists from all over the world.. It's the best place to meet everyone and learn about the world from them. Plus, almost everyone is going for a holiday or work in Bali, and eventually you'll meet your friends or reunite with old mates here. One can never be lonely in Bali.
3. Everything is so serene: Most of Balinese are Hindu and the religion taught peace, karma, and love. I think these are the foundation to such peaceful life--the peace that starts from within. Although it's not so good when it comes to business (that people are so slow here) but it's good for soul (and heart) repairing. The 'Bali therapy' is simply what tired souls need.
4. Freedom for everyone. I just feel free from any judgment, moral obligation, or any social system that applies in both Jakarta and Bandung where I lived. I can wear any outfit that I want, from bikini and flip-flops to evening dress and high heels. I can stay single and befriends with anyone, I can go all week or stay at home.. But most importantly, I'm stress-free!
5. I can focus on myself. Being away from the family means more time for myself. It's not that I don't care about my family; in fact I care too much that I need the space and time to be on my own to keep my balance. I am a loner sometimes, and I need my solo moment once in a while. Being in Bali, with all my physical, emotional, and social needs fulfilled, is a blessing.

via wikihow

Great friendship is certainly a place where you can talk, discuss and have fun about anything together. You can read how to keep the friendship here. But from my own experiences, here are the 5 reasons why cross-gender friendship is failing.. or 5 things to avoid if you want to keep your heterogeneous friendship to go on:

1. Undetermined feelings

For me it's easy to know the difference between friendship and love: if you want to fuck their mind/character/soul but don't want to deal with any of their physical (body, family, occupation, social status, financial condition, and so on), then s/he is your best friend. In the opposite, if you just want to fuck their body and not their soul, it's clearly just lust and does not worth any of friendship or serious relationship. Once you can recognize your own feeling toward them, you can set boundaries and define how you treat them--as friends.

2. Undefined positions

Now that you know your feelings, you have to let them know. Make clear boundaries, treat them right, or even discuss it with them. Never flirt or give false hope. If the other party is the one who has feeling more than friendship, make sure they got the message and give them time to neutralize their feeling. If you're the one who like them more but they consider you just as friend, get yourself some distance and get new circle of friends until you are certain you have a mutual platonic feeling. If you can't get rid of that feeling, it's going to be hard to maintain a friendship.

3. Physical touch

Avoid unnecessary hugs, embraces, or any kind of touch. Limit it only for greetings and not more than that. Avoid sensual touches, even when they are crying their heart out. Don't lend them a shoulder to cry on if you know it could mislead their feelings. Show or tell them your empathy to their situation in a proper amount but don't get carried away. Give the logical or emotional solutions they need, but don't give the kind of touch they crave for. Let them seek for it someplace else; not from you.

4. Romantic situation

Don't go to romantic places or intimate situation together. If you want to have a one-on-one conversation, do it in public places or if it's at either one's house, do it at the living room or kitchen, and make sure there are other people around. If things are getting hotter, simply leave the room. Keep yourself away from them for a while if you must. Do anything that can keep your relationship as casual as you can by giving time and space to keep it cool.

5. Excluding your partners

If either or both of you have significant others, acknowledge this friendship to the partner(s) and include them in it. If your partner doesn't approve, tell your friend about the condition so they could at least make an effort to win your partner's heart. Or vice versa: try to befriend your friend's partner if they tend to be suspicious on you. True friends should always have each others' back, even when they need to be away from their lives for a while. Don't worry about that: the people who really care for you won't leave your life no matter what!

Again, I'm writing this post in Indonesian. Also, it's the translation to my previous post. But this one is re-written for my Indonesian fellas.

via quora

Ini adalah kerisauan saya yang lain tentang perilaku 'tipikal' di Indonesia. Beberapa bulan silam, saya bertemu dengan seorang gadis berusia 26 tahun yang baru pindah dari Jakarta ke Bali. Mimpi yang mendorongnya pindah ke Bali sesimpel "menemukan pria bule yang bisa memberinya bayi blasteran yang lucu". Sayangnya, hampir semua wanita muda Indonesia pindah ke Bali dengan impian serupa. Tidak semuanya, tapi hampir semua yang saya temui.

Ini juga bukan salah mereka sepenuhnya, tentu. Kebanyakan lingkungan pergaulan di Indonesia membesarkan anak gadis mereka untuk segera menikah dan memberi cucu bagi orang tua. Sementara kebanyakan memenuhi harapan ini, ada juga yang tidak cukup beruntung menemukan calon suami di usia muda. Banyak gadis yang merasa tidak cukup cantik untuk mendapatkan pria lalu 'kabur' ke Bali yang terkenal sebagai tempat menemukan cowok bule, karena mereka juga tahu betapa para bule itu mengagumi wanita Indonesia yang eksotis.

Saya kehilangan respek saya pada gadis yang saya temui ini, atau mungkin kecewa pada cita-citanya. Banyak kasus pernikahan yang gagal karena alasan-alasan seperti ini: menikah sebelum usia 25 tahun, segera memberi orang tua cucu, mencari suami ganteng supaya bisa dapat anak yang lucu, 'memperbaiki keturunan', dan seterusnya. Siapapun yang mengajari konsep ini pada para gadis, saya ingin bilang: itu bukan jawabannya. Hal-hal ini bukan jawaban untuk kehidupan bahagia yang penuh makna. Cinta, kasih sayang dan perhatian adalah jawabannya.

Ketika orang menikah karena 'sudah umurnya', hanya demi punya keturunan, atau kebetulan ada bule yang mau... apa yang akan terjadi jika pernikahan itu tidak bahagia karena tidak ada cinta yang mendasarinya? Apa yang akan terjadi jika pasanganmu tidak bisa punya keturunan--dan kalaupun kalian punya anak, apakah kalian siap menjadi orang tua yang baik? Dan bagaimana kalau bule itu hanya memanfaatkan kita demi mendapatkan hak kependudukan WNI?

Saya tahu, saya sangat sinis dan skeptis mengenai hal ini, tapi ini benar terjadi di depan mata saya. Saya tidak bilang kalau semua pernikahan antar ras hanya berdasarkan 'mutual benefit' atau dengan tujuan yang menguntungkan kedua belah pihak. Dalam beberapa kasus, saya bisa melihat cinta sejati dan saya berbahagia bagi mereka yang menikah atas nama cinta.

Tapi bener deh, itu hanya karena mereka mujur menemukan cinta di dalam diri seseorang yang kebetulan bule. Itu tidak berarti kamu harus iri atau melakukan apapun untuk mendapatkan kehidupan yang sama. Ini sama saja seperti membeli sepasang sepatu trendi yang tidak nyaman dipakai tapi kamu tetap memakainya supaya terlihat modis. Beneran, saya sungguh muak dengan orang-orang seperti ini.

Ayah saya seorang 'blasteran' ras Banten dari ayahnya dan Inggris dari ibunya. Hal ini memberi saya seperempat darah bule yang cukup membuat saya berbeda dengan orang lain di sekitar saya, terutama dari jenis kulit saya dan cara saya berpikir. Terlihat menarik memang, tapi hal-hal ini menjadikan masa kecil saya penuh tantangan, karena di Bandung tempat saya tumbuh sejak usia 8 tahun mengharuskan orang harus berpenampilan, bersikap dan berpikir cenderung serupa. Untuk waktu yang cukup lama, saya merasa tersiksa dengan 'hukuman' ini.

Tapi toh saya berhasil melewati itu semua, dengan kasih dan dukungan dari keluarga--terutama orang tua saya. Saya cukup beruntung memiliki mereka yang peduli akan kesejahteraan dan kedamaian pikiran saya, walaupun mereka juga tidak sempurna. Kami belajar dan mencoba menjadi lebih baik setiap hari.

Tapi kenyataan yang saya dapati dari sekitar saya adalah, orang-orang lebih terfokus pada memiliki anak lucu (yang pastinya lebih lucu kalau blasteran bule). Akhirnya yang kita dapatkan adalah anak-anak berwajah menarik tapi karakter atau jiwanya tidak. Saya tahu ini karena pernah berkencan dengan salah satu dari anak-anak ini. Dan kita semua tahu beberapa selebritis Indonesia yang dibesarkan seperti ini: wajah rupawan tapi otaknya kosong. Saya mengasihani mereka, tapi untungnya masyarakat kita masih sangat menghargai wajah-wajah yang cantik dan ganteng.

Anda mungkin heran kenapa saya begitu peduli soal ini sementara saya sendiri tidak punya anak. Yah satu hal yang pasti, saya tidak perlu punya anak untuk membuktikan apapun pada siapapun. Saya seorang egois yang tidak (atau belum) mau membagi waktu dan perhatian saya pada anak-anak sementara saya masih ingin berkarya lebih banyak lagi. Dan poin kedua adalah: orang-orang dengan karakter lemah akan memberi kita banyak masalah. Salah satu cara menghindarinya yang paling mujarab adalah dengan mendidik mereka sejak dini.

Kembali ke persoalan menikahi bule 'hanya untuk punya bayi lucu', saya ingin menarik topik pembicaraan ini ke akarnya. Kebanyakan orang tua jaman sekarang (termasuk ortu dan kakek-nenek saya), tidak punya pengetahuan mendalam soal nenek moyang atau sejarah, budaya dan peninggalan sejati bangsa kita. Kebanyakan dari kita terpukau dengan gaya hidup modern kebarat-baratan yang membuat kita lupa kulit. Dan kebanyakan dari kita menganggap para bule itu lebih keren dari Indonesia. Tanpa cinta pada negara ini, kita cenderung menerima bulat-bulat semua yang para bule itu berikan pada kita. Tanpa mengetahui identitas sejati bangsa ini, kita kekurangan prinsip dan akhirnya kurang mampu menanamkan nilai-nilai ini pada anak kita.

Sebagai imbasnya, para perempuan yang merasa kurang 'laku' di antara pria Indonesia akan mencoba peruntungan mereka dengan pria asing yang lebih menghargai perbedaan dan lebih tertarik untuk mempelajari budaya Indonesia. Hal ini bisa menjadi hubungan yang menarik jika dilakukan dengan benar. Tapi yang terjadi kebanyakan adalah para perempuan ini terlalu mengagungkan pria-pria asing ini dan rela melakukan apa saja untuk menjadi istri mereka dan punya bayi dari mereka.

Saya melihat banyak orang seumuran saya, sebagai 'blasteran' yang sangat rupawan tapi tidak cerdas, karena orang tua mereka tidak terlalu mempedulikan perkembangan karakter mereka. Sayang aja, kebanyakan orang yang hidupnya 'hancur' adalah orang-orang dengan wajah paling cantik/ganteng. Identitas, harga diri atau karakter mereka kurang terbentuk.

Apakah ini yang kita inginkan untuk generasi penerus? Di TV kita menonton wajah-wajah indah, yang kebanyakan hasil dari pernikahan antar ras. Tapi kita juga bisa melihat betapa rendahnya kualitas pendidikan dari acara TV itu. Yang dipedulikan hanya penampilan dan gaya. Kehidupan orang kaya yang diumbar berlebihan padahal semuanya palsu.

Kita dibuat lupa, bahwa yang lebih penting adalah apa yang ada di dalam otak dan hati. Kita tidak perlu anak-anak bodoh bertampang keren. Dan kita juga tidak mau generasi cerdas tapi tidak berhati. Jadi sepertinya yang harus kita pertanyakan adalah: apa benar anak-anak lucu adalah satu-satunya yang kita inginkan untuk membentuk sebuah keluarga? Atau cinta sejati kah yang kita cari?

This post is actually dedicated for my fellows Indonesian so I'll write this one in Indonesian.

via firsttoknow

Tabel di bawah ini saya buat sebagai bentuk protes saya terhadap pola berpikir dan bersikap masyarakat Indonesia dewasa ini. Lahir sebagai anak generasi '90an, saya yakin bukan hanya saya yang punya pola pikir memberontak dari norma budaya yang sudah mendarah daging dengan 'basa-basi busuk' yang belakangan sering kita sebut 'kepo' ini. Kepo, atau dalam bahasa Inggris disebut nosy, adalah perilaku super penasaran akan apa yang terjadi di dalam hidup orang lain.

Terus terang, sudah lama saya kesal dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan basa-basi yang isinya hanya untuk mengorek kisah hidup sesama yang menarik untuk dibahas, tapi ya sebatas itu saja. Kebiasaan mayoritas manusia Indonesia yang 'mendengar untuk menjawab' dan bukan sebagai 'mendengar untuk mendengar' menjadi latar belakangnya. Jelas, tujuan dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini hanyalah untuk mengomentari, bukan memahami alasan di balik jawabannya.

Hal yang paling mengganggu saya akhir-akhir ini adalah soal anak. Memang, tidak semua orang tahu bagaimana pandangan saya terhadap anak. Tapi saya suka anak-anak. Saya sudah menggendong dan bantu mengasuh adik-adik saya sejak saya berumur 4 tahun. Saya merayakan kelahiran bayi, senang menggendong beberapa bayi, gemas akan tingkah laku mereka yang lucu. Tapi itu bukan berarti saya mau dan harus punya anak sendiri.

Kebiasaan manusia Indonesia yang suka 'kaget' dengan foto-foto bayi membuat saya sering kesal. Terutama ketika saya mengunggah foto menggendong bayi sepupu jauh saya tempo hari.
Mungkin banyak orang yang baru pernah memegang bayi ketika punya sendiri, atau waktu keponakan lahir. Yang harus diingat adalah, tidak semua orang begitu. Menggendong bayi bukan hal baru bagi saya, tapi saya paling sering mendengar orang berkomentar 'wah sudah cocok gendong bayi', lalu pertanyaan yang mengikuti biasanya 'kapan punya sendiri nih?'

Hal ini sangat mengganggu otak saya yang setengah kritis. Kalian tidak kenal saya dekat, tidak tahu seberapa sering saya sudah menggendong bayi (yang merupakan hal biasa buat saya), dan bisa-bisanya berkomentar 'sudah cocok'. Memangnya ada orang yang tidak cocok menggendong bayi? Bahkan Presiden Putin yang terlihat dingin saja bisa menggendong anjing dan menurut saya itu hal yang normal. Manusiawi. (Seakan selama ini saya tidak manusiawi ya.) Lalu jika saya cocok menggendong bayi, haruskah saya punya bayi sendiri? It doesn't work that way, people.

Dan yang paling mengganggu saya adalah, kenapa harus bertanya 'kapan punya sendiri' seakan itu adalah sebuah keharusan dalam kehidupan manusia bahwa di suatu saat semua orang wajib punya bayi dan satu-satunya pertanyaan adalah kapan hal itu akan terjadi. Mungkin 99% orang di dunia mengikuti sistem ini, tapi bukan berarti yg 1% tidak hadir di dunia ini. Ada orang-orang yang memang sama sekali tidak tertarik sama urusan anak, ada yang suka anak-anak tapi tidak mau punya anak, ada yang tidak mampu punya anak, ada yang belum siap punya anak. Kenapa harus kita urusin?

Lalu, ada banyak lagi pertanyaan kepo yang saya tidak tahan mendengarnya, baik ditujukan pada saya maupun pada orang lain di sekitar saya. Ketika ada yang ulang tahun, permintaan 'makan-makan donk' kerap mengikuti, seakan si empunya hajat wajib menghamburkan uang untuk menjamu semua orang, termasuk yang tidak begitu dekat (kalau memang dekat biasanya akan diundang atau tahu diri tidak meminta diajak makan.) Mending kalau punya kado untuk yang berulang tahun ya, yang minta makan-makan ini biasanya cuma ingin makan gratis saja. Sementara di luar negeri, ketika ada yang berulang tahun selayaknya teman-teman yang urunan membuat pesta, jamuan makan atau kejutan untuk yang ultah ini.

Lebih dalam lagi mengenai kasus kepo ini, saya selalu melihat orang-orang kepo sebagai manusia-manusia tidak bahagia. Bagi saya, kehidupan mereka begitu membosankan dan menyebalkannya sampai harus ribet ngurusin kehidupan orang lain. Mungkin mereka ingin punya anak tapi tidak bisa, jadi penasaran siapa saja yang senasib dengan mereka. Menurut saya, pertanyaan kepo seperti ini hanya membuat orang memandang kasihan pada si penanya yang mungkin tidak ia sadari.

Beberapa, memang punya anak dan bahagia dengan hal itu, tapi salahnya mereka menyamaratakan bahwa semua orang pun harus mengalami hal yang sama untuk bahagia. Tidak. Tidak semua orang kunci kebahagiaannya terletak pada anak, Kawan! Tolong jangan disamaratakan bahwa semua orang punya pola pikir, prinsip hidup dan tujuan yang sama dengan Anda. Manusia diciptakan berbeda, dan ketika kita menghargai perbedaan itulah keindahan hidup bersama tercipta. Jika Anda menyamaratakan prinsip hidup semua orang dengan prinsip Anda, artinya Anda memang tidak peduli dan tidak (mau) memahami orang lain di sekitar Anda. Alias, Anda hidup di dunia Anda sendiri!

Saya yakin semua pertanyaan kepo ini bukan dengan tujuan buruk. Masalahnya, kebiasaan ini sudah mendarah daging di negeri Indonesia seakan hal-hal ini memang wajar dipertanyakan. Sebagai orang Indonesia berdarah seperempat bule, saya punya cara berpikir lain yang tidak cocok dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan mengganggu seperti ini. Walau untuk sebagian besar ini merupakan bagian dari 'perhatian' terhadap orang lain, bagi saya jika memang benar ada perhatian yang tulus, bentuk pertanyaannya akan berubah dengan nuansa kedekatan yang bisa dirasakan. Jadi, pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini memang terdengar sangat basa-basi.

Baiklah sekarang kita lihat dari sudut pandang lain yang bukan saya. Bagi beberapa orang (dan menurut saya ini terjadi pada kebanyakan manusia Indonesia yang sering galau), pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini mungkin tidak dirasa mengganggu seperti yang saya rasakan, tapi lebih buruk lagi, menekan perasaan mereka secara tidak disadari. Bagi orang-orang yang tidak pede, belum menemukan jati diri, tidak punya prinsip, masih ikut-ikutan arus, pertanyaan-pertanyaan kepo bisa menjadi tuntutan hidup yang mereka pikir mereka harus penuhi. Social pressure, bahasa Inggris-nya.

Alhasil, mereka galau ketika belum punya pacar, ditinggalkan kekasih (yang menyebabkan banyak lahirnya lagu-lagu alay mengasihani diri sendiri), belum dikaruniai momongan, bertambah bobot tubuh, lagi jerawatan, dst dst. Padahal, jika mereka sudah tahu apa yang mereka mau lakukan dan capai dalam hidup, mereka tidak perlu galau. Sayangnya kepercayaan diri dan keteguhan hati masih menjadi hal yang jarang bisa ditemui di Indonesia. Atas dasar itu mungkin saya ingin jadi pahlawan yang melindungi orang-orang yang masih mencari arah hidup ini dari social pressure tadi. Kalau bisa, jangan sampai pertanyaan kepo Anda menjadi sumber ketidakbahagiaan orang lain.

Dari situlah saya terdorong untuk membuat tabel perbandingan antara komen kepo dan komen keren yang mungkin bisa sedikit menginspirasi dalam mengubah cara bertanya, cara berkomentar dan cara menyikapi kondisi seseorang (terutama yang kita tidak kenal dekat). Saya harap tabel ini bisa setidaknya membuat hubungan sosial dalam pertemanan di Indonesia ini terasa sedikit lebih nyaman, terutama bagi orang-orang yang mendapatkan 'perhatian' kalian:

(klik tabel untuk melihat lebih jelas)

Silakan di-save atau share jika kalian setuju. Let's make this world a bit better to live in together (;

women-only home spa

Actually I'm still on my recovery phase from the typhus + dengue fever combo I got last month. But last Tuesday I felt fit enough so I decided to go on a trip to Mengwi. The next day I got so limp, weak and exhausted. I tried ordering a home massage from Go-Massage application but couldn't get any masseuse. I really needed a massage so I browsed online for another option... which led me to Wangi Spa, a home spa only for women.

I ordered for an hour of full body massage and another half hour of reflexology. Within an hour after my phone call, a masseuse came with her massage kit: a big stone bowl for hot water feet bath; a plastic box containing portable speaker, aromatherapy container, lotions and oils; a mattress and its cover; and a hot water flask.

She started by giving me a disposable panties and a batik cloth to cover my body while she lit the aromatherapy candle and play relaxing music from the speaker. Then, she washed my feet in the stone bowl. It's like having a reflexology parlor in my very own room. I then laid on the mattress and she started the massage. It was a perfect 1.5 hours as I expected it to be, and even better from other massage centers because I don't have to ride home after. The best thing is that I could fall asleep right after the therapy!

After it's all done and my body was all refreshed, the therapist even gave me a bottle of jamu kunyit (turmeric drink). The prices are IDR 135,000 for a 90 minutes body massage and/or reflexology, while a 60-minutes body scrub is only IDR 85,000, plus the masseuse transportation. I'm super relaxed and refreshed after the therapy and definitely would be their loyal customer. You should try it!

via slodive

"The people you know, you'll know them for life," Dad used to tell me when I was in junior high school. I had some problems with the people in school; bullied and vilified. Junior high school in Bandung was the toughest school years for me, despite the fact that I hated my family's decision to move to Bandung in 1992 from my huge-but-warm Jakarta, the city I always call as home.

My Dad's words are the first to hit me in the past month, as people from the past keep on coming back to my life; my ex, his friends, my junior high schoolmates, and even my neighbour in BSD City I haven't keep contact since last year. I went to Jakarta for a 'recovery' from the typhus + dengue fever I had, and after I was strong enough to go I revisited those people.

Some people, tho, belong to be in our life forever. Like my schoolmates/old neighbour/family friend The Setiawans. I guess my childhood in Bandung felt much better and easier to bear by having them. When Andrew got married in Bogor I went there with Mum and Aunt Lena and it just felt like home to me; the warmth of family-friendship from the four brothers I consider my own.

Then I had my last week in Jakarta full of meetings (and spared me no rest at all) with my muay thai fella, a few of junior high friends who are in Jakarta, my colleagues in Brilio.net, my new friend Zia from Cosmo Girl, my ex's friend, my elementary schoolmate on his wedding, and my cousins. While there are so many new people in my life, the people I've known but lost years ago are coming back.

"Life is like a moving wheel," Dad also said. "Sometimes you're on top, the next you're at the bottom. That's why you should never despise people. One day they're annoying, the next day you're the one who needs them. You don't wanna be the one to beg for their mercy in your difficult times."

I'm keeping my old man's words by heart and I think they keep on proving their values in my life. I was bullied and vilified in junior high school. Alienated for being different in my high school. Ignored for being minority in my years after graduation in that town I've left for good. But the people I knew from my 20 years in Bandung kept coming back and they all offer nostalgia to what I better leave behind.

As I'm meeting these people from my past, I see my past reflected. I see how different a person I've become, how different my life values had changed. And somehow, there are people who keep bringing pain, bitter memory I don't think worth fixing, the past I've learned so much from but better to be left behind. There are people I better exclude from my life.

Life works in such funny way that you could never understand and you keep learning from it. For the past week I've been visited by another old friend from Jakarta. He's the guy I've always enjoyed talking with, the one who first showed me the greatness of being Indonesian, the one who always gives me different perspective on seeing things, the one who I can always rely on when it comes to friendship.

It's been more than 3 years since the last time I met him, and before that perhaps another few years. But every time we meet, it feels like years had never went between us. I guess that's what distinguish true friends from acquaintances. In life, especially after 30, we tend to be more selective when it comes to friends. You'll just know who your friends are by recognizing what you feel when you're around them.

via venturesafrica

Most of us are packing for traveling, but there are times when we need to pack for hospitals, and here's the list of what you should bring to stay for your recovery:

1. Clean, loose and comfortable outfits for 4-5 days
2. Underwear
3. Facial wash
4. Facial towel
5. Basic make up, to make you look (and feel) fresh!
6. Toothbrush, toothpaste and mouthwash
7. Dry shampoo
8. Comb or hairbrush
9. Body towel, although you aren't likely to be allowed to shower with an IV tube attached on your hand
10. Slippers/flip-flops, opt for easy-to-wear footwear
11. Socks for sleeping, in case you need extra warmth
12. Easy-to-digest snacks, in case you get hungry between meals or if you don't like the meals they serve
13. Big bottles of mineral water, because you'll need to drink a lot
14. Book for reading, writing or coloring
15. Insurance card and number

Surya Husadha Hospital Denpasar--view from my room

This was my first time ever hospitalized. It was all began Sunday night last week, July 24, that I went home from meeting some Bandung friends at Canggu. I was shivering and my body got high fever. I slept it over and the next day woke up so heavily with terrible headache, nausea and ache all over my body. I had a masseuse came over for a whole body massage, then got Mom's friend, Tante Sisca, drove me to a clinic for a check up.

The doctor gave me medication and had me rest for the next two days, only that my nausea got worse. I saw my skin turned red and my tongue was white. My sister warned me: it could be the symptoms of typhus. So I went back to the clinic all by myself that night and had the blood test. The result came out at 9 p.m. and it terrified me: a positive 4 (out of 10) for the typhus, while my Thrombocyte was as low as 121,000 (the normal amount is between 150,000-400,000).

first time got infused

So the next day, Thursday July 28, I went to Surya Husadha Hospital at 10 a.m. and registered myself in. I had to wait for the doctor at Observation Room, and after my internist, dr. Jaowenny Lolo came, I still had to wait until 4 p.m. until I got a room. It was a sharing room of 2 but I was alone that afternoon. At 10.30 p.m. a man (diagnosed with diabetes) checked in as my roommate, accompanied with 2 ladies who slept on the carpet they brought along. They were so loud, had a supper picnic in that room, and didn't stop talking until 12 a.m.

I woke up the next day at 6 a.m. as nurse woke me up for the blood pressure, blood sample and breakfast. And my neighbor was already so loud, which became worse as 3-4 more of them came at 8 a.m. and they literally didn't stop talking. I had to yell at them to shut up to make them silent because the nurse's warning couldn't silent them. Visiting hours start at 11a.m.-2p.m. but they seemed to be illiterate. Even more men came at 3 p.m. and I had to shout to them for the second time to make them quiet! What ignorant people they are!

waiting at the observation room

My mom and sister came at 5.30 p.m. on Friday and I thanked God for that, because I was so tired of doing everything by myself since Sunday night. My loud neighbor and his ladies groupie was moved to other room and I got my peace. At 12 a.m. that night I got an upgrade room for my own and I had better sleep since. I got my mom stayed over on the couch and it was really nice having her around.

I stayed in the hospital for a total of 5 nights until my platelet went back to normal and the nausea gone completely. The typhus bacteria (Salmonella typhi) infected my intestines and they said if the treatment isn't thorough, it can relapse and I really don't want that to happen so I stayed until doctor said I could go home. The most horrible things are to have the IV tube attached on my left hand and that I couldn't wash my hair.


But I was glad with the choice of hospital I got. Surya Husadha has the best, pretty and friendly nurses, and they serve yummy food (opt for the soft rice instead of the porridge!) and the room price is relatively affordable. Thank God that my office paid for an insurance to cover 2/3 of my bill there (I upgraded the room so I had to pay the difference.) But more or less my stay in the hospital was quite pleasant, I must say.

Plus, I got visited by friends. First, Andi, Nita and Adit who came on Saturday morning. Then, our family friend Nadya, her husband Cahyo and daughter Tori came in the afternoon. Both of the group really brought laughter and joy to my room and I felt much less sick. This is also the first time I ever got visited. Ever!

the coloring book Nadya bought to kill my boredom

I have some tips here if you get sick while you're on your own:

1. Listen to your body. You will always get alarm when you're too tired, hungry, or need rest. Don't neglect the signs and wait until it gets worse. Take as much rest and eat healthy and regularly to avoid hospital. (Now I can say this.)
2. Always check your symptoms via Internet: you might get sick without having to get high fever like I did. My highest temperature was 36.7C degree--not even 37C--so always be aware with the other symptoms and go to doctor right away. 
3. Be sure which doctor/hospital/clinic you're registered by the BPJS or which one your insurance would cover. If you can't drive/ride by yourself, take public transportation to get you there. Be sure your health insurance card, ID, and policy are within your reach and bring them in your purse.
4. Pack your stuff with change clothes and underwear for at least 4-5 days, toothbrush and mouthwash, face wash, socks and sweater (and eye mask if possible.) 
5. Bring snacks such as biscuit and big bottles of mineral water, in case you don't like the food they serve, get hungry between meals, and simply to hydrate yourself.
6. Bring book to read/write/color on because there will be times that you'll get bored but can't sleep. Or bring any distraction as you wish.
7. Always pay attention to the infusion (it's best if you have someone stay over to check it every once in a while, but then again you can't rely on people. Always check it yourself): nurses might get busy with other patients and you must check the tube all the time: don't let it get dry and don't let bubbles get in.

Being hospitalized is really sucks, but if you have to, just go for it. At least they take care of you with medication and healthy food. It's always better than having to take care of yourself, so always make sure that your insurance is active and ready to use. And most important thing is, keep being healthy and keep your environment clean!