Another Victoria's Secrets

Following my post up from two years ago about the 12 houses of astrology (click here), I made myself (and my baby niece's) astrology chart so I can remember and track them easier. This table really helps me to understand myself better, and also answers the questions of why I do the things I do.

Affirmation Card based on this

If you want one, contact me for your own personalized astrology chart. I make them in both English and Indonesian. And anytime you need to read the complete description, click here.
Just equip me with your place, date, and exact time of birth. And you can put your own image for background. Just make sure it is at least 2550 x 1870 pixel large.

Design A

Design B

Design C

Price:

• USD 10.00 for the chart and affirmation card as the images shown above (choose between Design A, B or C.)
• USD 15.00 for the chart, affirmation card, and a small book of description of each sign/house (45-55 pages).
• If you want a printed copy, ask me for details (only for Indonesians.)

All of these will be delivered to you in soft copy; you can print them out up to size A3.
Copy this form below and fill them in for me:

Nickname:
Full name:
Place of birth:
Date of birth:
Time of birth: (a.m. / p.m.)
Language: (English / Indonesian)
Background image: (Design A / B / C / custom)

Ini adalah kalimat milik adik saya yang sering saya kutip. Awalnya terdengar lucu, memang. Tapi ketika saya pikirkan lebih mendalam, ada banyak makna yang terkandung di balik celetukan spontan adik laki-laki saya ini. Selain adik perempuan bungsu yang sering muncul di sosmed saya, ada laki-laki yang lahir di antara kami. Si anak tengah yang malas diikutsertakan dalam foto-foto selfie.

Kami tiga kakak-beradik tumbuh di lingkungan keluarga yang didominasi perempuan: dengan ayah yang sering bepergian ke luar kota semasa hidupnya, otomatis rumah tangga dipimpin oleh ibu kami. Dan hubungan beliau yang dekat dengan empat kakak-adiknya yang semua perempuan, lengkaplah pengaruh kuat feminisme di keluarga kami, walau kemudian jumlah (sepupu) lelaki yang lahir di keluarga ini membuat imbang kedua gender secara kuantitas.

Bisa kalian bayangkan betapa ramainya suasana kalau sekeluarga ini berkumpul: obrolan hangat para tante yang sibuk memperhatikan perkembangan para keponakan berakhir wejangan-wejangan jangan begini, harus begitu, dan sebagainya. Saya menganggap semua ini bentuk perhatian mereka. Tetapi untuk adik laki-laki saya, perhatian mereka malah membuatnya jengah. Akhirnya, adik saya sering menjawab petuah-petuah mereka dengan kalimat "Nggak ada yang 'harus' dalam hidup ini."

Para perempuan kakak-adik ibu saya ini, yang saya panggil 'auntie', adalah perempuan-perempuan perkasa yang berhasil bertahan hidup tanpa sosok lelaki dalam hidup mereka. Walau kasusnya berbeda, saya bisa melihat betapa karakter mereka dipaksa menjadi dominan karena tiadanya / kurangnya peran lelaki dalam hidup mereka dalam 10 tahun terakhir. Mungkin dari sinilah karakter kuat saya terlahir; saya banyak belajar dan/atau mencontoh dari mereka.

Beberapa minggu silam, ada masalah yang mempengaruhi seluruh keluarga kami. Dalam kepanikan kami berkumpul untuk membahas dalam rapat keluarga. Dan sebagai tetua di keluarga, tante-tante saya secara dominan memimpin rapat. Tetapi ada hal yang ganjil dalam rapat ini. Metode yang selama ini diterapkan selama bertahun-tahun dalam keluarga tidak akan dapat menyelesaikan permasalahan yang baru ini. Dibutuhkan cara baru untuk mengatasi masalah baru (sayangnya saya tidak bisa menceritakan lebih detail jenis masalah kami.)

Untungnya kehadiran adik ipar saya memberi angin segar untuk keluarga kami. Mungkin ini adalah rapat keluarga besar pertama yang ia hadiri walau dia sudah dua tahun lebih menikah dengan adik saya. Malam itu ipar saya mengingatkan kami semua: tidak ada manusia yang sama. Kita semua punya waktu dan jalan masing-masing. Dan hal ini tidak bisa dipaksakan.

Ada orang yang bandel semasa mudanya, tetapi menjadi orang sukses di masa tua. Ada orang yang hidup baik-baik semasa mudanya, lalu 'belajar bandel' di masa tua. Ada yang harus melewati berbagai masalah, ada yang hidupnya tampak lancar-lancar saja. Semuanya dalam porsi dan jalan masing-masing, tergantung yang ditentukan dan disediakan oleh Tuhan. Semuanya tergantung pada misi jiwa masing-masing.

via pinterest

Saya tahu hal ini; saya telah melewatinya selama bertahun-tahun terakhir. Saya melihat betapa saya, si 'hopeless romantic pencari cinta' (yang kata ibu saya "tidak bisa hidup sendirian") ini bisa menjomblo sampai bertahun-tahun sampai bertemu orang yang saya rasa tepat untuk mengisi kekosongan hati, dan membandingkannya dengan adik perempuan saya yang sangat mandiri dan tidak terlalu pusing masalah cinta tapi malahan dengan mudahnya menemukan 'jodoh' dan menikah di usia 27 tahun. Usia yang saya jadwalkan untuk pernikahan saya sendiri, tapi rupanya Tuhan berkehendak lain. (Saat ini saya berusia 33 dan masih 'belum siap' untuk menikah.)

Saya dan adik saya terpaut empat tahun, tetapi banyak orang yang bilang wajah kami mirip, hampir kembar. Kami besar di rumah yang sama, mengalami didikan yang sama, pendidikan yang sama di bidang desain interior, dan pemikiran serta selera kami banyak yang sama. Tetapi tetap saja jalan hidup kami berbeda. Rupanya dia lebih cocok hidup berumah tangga, sementara saya sibuk menciptakan karya dan terlibat hal-hal sosial lainnya.

Jelas, kita tidak bisa memaksakan pemikiran kita pada siapapun. Ada tante saya yang bekerja selama 27 tahun di satu perusahaan sampai mendapatkan posisi tinggi dan akhirnya pensiun, dan ada ibu saya yang menjadi ibu rumah tangga di usia 24 tahun dan aktif berkegiatan sosial selama hidupnya. Jalan hidup mereka berbeda, dan tingkat kedewasaan spiritual mereka pun berbeda.

Tetapi ketika ada pembahasan masalah di keluarga, kalimat yang paling sering saya dengar adalah "harusnya begini..." dan "harusnya begitu...". Setiap orang punya pemikiran masing-masing, sesuai dengan pengetahuan dan pengalaman masing-masing, yang akhirnya membuahkan idealisme masing-masing. Lalu bagaimana dengan kata "harusnya" tadi?

Saya belajar banyak dari buku dan film yang saya tonton, kebetulan saya penggemar berat buku dan film. Saya menemukan bahwa hubungan yang paling indah dan berhasil adalah ketika kita tidak lagi mempermasalahkan yang "harusnya" (yang muncul dari ego) tetapi dengan mendukung apapun yang tengah dialami oleh keluarga / pasangan kita. Dalam banyak kasus, tindakan menghakimi atau menasehati dengan "harusnya" ini berakhir dengan salah satu pihak menjauh karena merasa tidak didukung, karena pihak yang satu hanya berpatokan pada idealisme yang tidak bisa diaplikasikan pada permasalahan yang dihadapi.

via blogspot

Balik lagi ke lirik lagu The Beatles yang klasik: all we need is love. Dengan cinta yang tulus, kita bisa mengesampingkan ego (yang adalah melihat dari kacamata diri sendiri) dan berfokus pada individu (yang menempatkan diri kita di posisi orang lain atau dikenal sebagai empati.) Seringkali kita merancukan toleransi dan cinta. Toleransi adalah sebuah sikap yang "memaklumkan" tindakan orang lain. Tetapi cinta kasih menerima seseorang sepenuhnya, secara utuh. Sebaliknya, permakluman akan berhenti suatu saat ketika mencapai sebuah titik yang tidak lagi bisa ditahan.

(Kalau mau membahas ini di ranah kebangsaan, saya memang kurang suka kata-kata 'toleransi antar umat beragama'--buat saya yang lebih layak adalah 'mencintai sesama anak bangsa' sehingga kita tidak saja memaklumkan keberadaan satu sama lain tetapi menerima sepenuhnya dan merasa saling memiliki sebagai anak-anak satu bangsa. Sepertinya dengan begini rasa kebangsaan lebih mudah dibangun.)

Kembali ke permasalahan keluarga tadi, rapat malam itu awalnya dipenuhi dengan idealisme "harusnya" khas para tante saya. Tetapi apa yang kemudian ditawarkan oleh ipar saya sungguh mengubah pandangan dan suasana di keluarga. Ipar saya kira-kira mengatakan begini: "ketimbang merasa kecewa atau menghakimi, sebaiknya kita merangkul yang sedang bermasalah dan mempraktikkan cinta kasih."

Kebiasaan kami mengatakan "tuh kan" memang tidak ada gunanya dalam perkara apapun. Lalu bagaimana kalau memang prediksi kita terbukti benar? Jika sudah bisa memprediksi sebelumnya, kenapa kita tidak menghentikan yang buruk itu sebelum kejadian? Kalau tetap yang buruk itu kejadian, apakah "tuh kan" dan "harusnya" itu bisa menjadi solusi? Lalu bagaimana caranya memulihkan keadaan?

Pada dasarnya semua kembali ke cinta kasih. Seperti film Frozen yang sangat menyentuh saya waktu adegan Elsa menemukan cara mengendalikan kekuatannya: tindakan cinta selalu lebih kuat daripada ketakutan. (Ketakutan menimbulkan kemarahan; kemarahan menimbulkan kebencian; kebencian menimbulkan siksaan.) Jadi, lebih enak kalau kita penuhi diri dengan cinta dan sebarkan cinta itu pada semua orang di sekitar. Betapa damainya dunia ini jika kita bisa seperti ini ya!

Satu pelajaran lagi yang saya dapatkan dalam rapat malam itu: orang yang melakukan kesalahan memang layak mendapatkan hukuman, tapi sebaiknya hukuman itu bukan datang dari kita. Hukuman akan datang dari Tuhan sebagai Yang Maha Kuasa menurut ukuranNya sendiri. Bukanlah hak maupun kewajiban kita untuk melaksanakan penilaian itu.

Sebaliknya, kita, sebagai anggota keluarga / pasangan / teman, sebagai sesama manusia yang penuh keterbatasan, bertugas hanya memberi cinta. Orang-orang yang tersesat tidak membutuhkan tudingan atau penilaian. Mereka membutuhkan cinta dan dukungan untuk kembali ke 'jalan yang benar'. Ketika mereka tampak paling tidak layak dicintai itulah saatnya kita mempraktikkan perintah Tuhan untuk mengampuni dan mencintai. Dan ini bekerja di banyak tingkatan.

via tumblr

Saya teringat kisah sebuah suku di Afrika yang, ketika ada yang berbuat kesalahan, menempatkan orang itu di tengah desa dimana seluruh warga datang mengerumuninya. Selama dua hari itu warga akan mengatakan pada orang itu semua kebaikan yang pernah diperbuatnya. Suku ini percaya bahwa setiap manusia datang ke dunia dengan kebaikan. Pada dasarnya setiap orang hanya mendambakan keamanan, cinta kasih, kedamaian, dan kebahagiaan. Tetapi kadang untuk mencapai ke sana ada saja yang berbuat kesalahan (dan ini manusiawi.)

Suku ini melihat kesalahan itu sebagai permintaan tolong. Mereka bersatu untuk mengangkat orang ini, untuk mengembalikannya pada sifat alaminya, mengingatkannya pada siapa dia sebenarnya, sampai dia ingat sepenuhnya mengapa dia sementara itu terputus dari kebenaran bahwa "saya adalah orang baik".

Shikoba Nabajyotisaikia! 
Nabajyotisaikia, adalah pujian dalam bahasa Afrika Selatan yang artinya "saya menghormati Anda, saya menghargai Anda. Anda penting bagi saya."

Shikoba, sebagai balasannya, berarti "Jadi, saya hadir untuk Anda."
Betapa indahnya contoh ini untuk ditiru!

Saya tumbuh besar di lingkungan yang percaya bahwa pelajaran paling penting di dunia ini adalah iman, pengharapan, dan cinta kasih. Dan dari ketiga hal ini, yang terpenting adalah cinta kasih. Jadi saya mencoba mempraktikkannya dalam kehidupan saya sehari-hari, terlebih karena saya baru saja belajar membedakan tindakan yang berdasarkan kasih dan yang berdasarkan ketakutan (baca di sini.)

via ftd

Satu pelajaran baru bagi saya di sini (sementara teori lama menyuruh kita menegur sesama yang berbuat kesalahan): kadang tindakan menegur bisa dilakukan tanpa kata-kata. Menegur sikap seseorang yang kita nilai salah, bisa dilakukan dengan memberi cinta dan dukungan, yang semestinya membuat mereka sadar sendiri akan kesalahan mereka. Akan jauh lebih dahsyat efeknya kalau seseorang 'bertobat' atas kemauan sendiri ketimbang karena merasa terpaksa, bukan?

Saya juga tumbuh di lingkungan yang percaya bahwa khotbah (baca: menasehati) adalah tugas imam di rumah ibadat. Di luar rumah ibadah, tugas kita adalah mempraktikkan khotbah imam dan perintah Tuhan dengan perbuatan baik yang diharapkan bisa menjadi contoh bagi sesama. Saya percaya bahwa perbuatan baik, sekecil apapun, tidak akan sia-sia. Artinya, pasti ada buah hasilnya. Saya juga percaya kalau semua orang bertanggung jawab pada kata-kata dan tindakannya masing-masing. Kalian juga bisa setuju dengan saya, tapi bisa juga tidak. Dan saya tidak punya kuasa apapun untuk memaksa kalian.

Jadi, nggak ada yang "harus" dalam hidup, kan?


*) Image via livelifehappy

I was talking to my best friend last Monday (after like months) and this time, our theme was 'change'. As a Sagittarian, she loves being in her skin so much and simply believes that people don't change. But as life happened, she started to question the statement. Being 32 now, she has now changed and see that people actually do change, whether if they want to or (in most case) if they have to.

I have a Sagittarian aunt and she, too, believes that people don't change. Whenever she had a chance to do so, she refused and chose to stay the same. Now that she is above 50 and she had not changed so much since she was in her youth made her certain that people don't (just) change (which assured me that Sagittarians don't like/want to change.) But clearly, my dear friend just proved that people can change.

I'll explain this a bit: (most) Sagittarians are not really considerate people and all they like/want is to have fun. But now, circumstances had crushed my friend's little bubbly world and had reshaped her into a new person: she is now more aware of the things that happened around her and far more considerate than ever (I have known her for almost 15 years now, so I know.)

As she has been too comfortable of being herself for over 30 years now, the change had made her feel uncomfortable. It's like having a new personality and she misses her old self. She was questioning herself: Have I pushed myself too far? She knows the changes have made her a better person. But is this for real? Should she wear this 'new personality' for good?

I think I've changed way too many times now (if you've read this blog since 2005 then you know how much changed I am.) I was a weak person then and life happened and here I am: standing strong on my own built ground and let no one telling me I can't. I know where I am going, I know my virtues and strength, and I don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. But my journey wasn't smooth and easy. It demanded tears, sweat, and blood (to be a bit hyperbolic.) And it required a determination of a student to learn and cope with the lessons from the Universe. I am willing to thrive, so I am willing to change.

So if you are dealing with so much pain that pushes you to your edges, and requires you to change, just do it. Because life is all about learning and paying karma, and we need to change to get to the next level (to stop the same situation from happening again and again.) If you keep dealing with the same situation, only perhaps in different cases, it means that there is something that you need to learn from the situation and need you to change in order to accomplish it, so you can move on.

I really don't know how many times I had changed. The 'change' here means the way I see the world/situation/case, how I deal with things/people, how I see myself. I don't change my character -- I enhanced it instead, I make myself stronger yet still gentle. I don't change the goodness in me, I don't get bitter; I just add wisdom and patience to it. I think it's some of the lessons we need to learn in this life.

I remember the first time I had to change (mostly involving love and current partner) and I strived so much to get through it but eventually I thrived. I didn't recognize myself at first and it felt weird to be the 'new' me, but I got used to it and I feel better. After that, the changes get easier. Each time, I just have to accept the situation, accept the way I am, and surrender to the Higher Force and go with the flow. Sometimes, I insisted to stay on my ground, but I know that in time I have to take the leap to get to the higher level.

Change is not an easy thing. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying (if you don't, ask me) but I know, everybody will need to change at some point of his/her life. And I know that I have to change again some time soon, perhaps sooner than I thought. It scares the hell out of me too, but my faith is larger than that. Let's see if we (you and I, and everybody else) can get thru this. I know we can. Because as they said: every next level of your life will demand a different you. And the only way to get there is by the change.

The only way to accept new things is by emptying your cup, let things go (read my new article here) and the only way to go higher is by learning new things. It works the same with your study or career, and so does it with your life. So don't be afraid. Embrace your fear and anxiety and just believe that everything will be okay. You'll survive this, and the only thing you'll lose is the unnecessary baggage that you need to leave behind. And be ready to get renewed: not as a different person, but a better version of yourself. Are you in for this?


Image via twimg.

If you are going through a difficult time in your life, please remove the suicide option from your list of solution. This phase you're going through isn't easy, I know. But you'll get through this too, I promise. Meanwhile, there are things you can do, actually. Keep following here:

1. Get Outta There!

If wherever you are makes you feel stuck, get out! Anything that keeps you from happiness, get rid of it! You deserve to be happy, to enjoy life, to be loved. And if you've been this introverted person who doesn't go out or just closing yourself off from others, that needs to be changed. Going out can make such difference, because our house/room is bordered with (at least) four walls and sometimes it keeps us from being positive.

This can also means to quit a job, quit a negative circle of friends, quit things that don't work out for you. You are the captain of your vessel and you have every right to determine which are the best things for you. Stop listening to those comments or complaints they attack you with. Stop following the tight diet and extra fashion rules that make you feel even more unpretty than ever. Stop watching the news if that bothers your head and disturbs your peace.

Stop consuming the alcohol/drugs because all they do is creating illusion and temporal excitement for you. They don't solve your problems and you're just running away of what you're supposed to face with. Stop it.

You need to figure out all the negative aura around you and start avoiding it. Just leave. (This doesn't mean to leave your responsibility!)


2. Seek God

Although I'm not always religious, the feeling of knowing that there is a Superior being watching over you can help a lot. I was taught to see God as a father figure, so it really helped me feeling close to my God. I dunno what religion/faith you are, but you can always create a figure if you don't like all the existing ones. Seek for God. Try find it by attending mass/prayers, listening to religious teachings, reading the holy scriptures, and discussing it with the people around--find at least 10 teachers so you can get better image of God.

Sometimes people seek God in the wrong places (watch this movie). And today it's not really that easy to find God. There are so many teachings, religions, sects. I 'found' God from church and books. It's not just from the religious books but also from other books. I read everything, especially about spirituality. I don't know which one suits you better because each of us has different ways and capability. But to me, it's deliberating to know that we have such hope for a better ending,

But what's most important is that you try all methods before giving up just because of a little disappointment that things don't turn out the way you expected it. You need to understand that God works in different way than what we know. Unlike in school, God put test first, lessons later. So don't lose faith, keep on going, just move forward, and one day you'll see what's all that fussy are about.


2. Seek friends

I know real friends is not easy to find. You may have 1000 friends on Facebook, but zero in real life. I am a social but timid person. I have so many acquaintances but only several I call friends--whom I go to whenever I feel most depressed. It's true when they say friends can make life a little bit less stressful. A problem shared can instantly lighten up your burden. So find a friend and share things with them (but don't rely on them to make you happy because they're also human and you can't depend on human no matter how special they are for you.)

I met my best friends when I was 26 years old, after I lost my father and dumped by my boyfriend (who promised a marriage months before). In the midst of my despair, two girls showed up and proved their friendship by being there for me, support me, and . Cheryl and Rachelle were the very first girls I call my best friends. When I moved to Bali when I was 28, another one showed up. Her name's Ana (tho I knew her for 10 years already that time).

Hardships really meant to filter things for you. The good ones stay, the rest will be gone. So if you haven't found a true friend now, don't worry. It's not that you've traveled the world to seek one, right? Your best friend might be there already, only you're too busy to notice him/her. Just keep looking for them. You may need more than one friend in life, because sometimes there are everyone for different reasons--it's okay. Just have someone around, at least.

And if you don't have any right now, you can always contact me. My socmed accounts are applied everywhere on this blog. Feel free to talk to me if you need it!


3. Seek for shelter

It's like building a fortress to hide every time the depression attacks. I seek for shelter in music. Listening to calming indie music makes my brain relaxes and my tense loosen up, especially as a lullaby before getting to sleep, because depression comes mostly at nights, like the monster under the bed.

If things become so unbearable, I seek greater protection (read: distraction) by watching movies. We're lucky that movie streaming and cable TV program are much easier to access nowadays. I watch mostly comedies to wash away any negativity and feeling much better after that. Avoid melodramatic romance flicks or European indie movies if you're feeling depressed because it could make things worse. Seek for anything fun and upbeat to at least make your aura clearer.

Build yourself this 'runaway' thing you can do every time you feel desperate, just to distract your mind from the desperation and to find excitement to this life again. This can be anything, but to me listening to music and watching movies are the easiest to do especially when you're home alone.


4. Seek love

It's not about finding someone to love or to date, but about finding the love for yourself. This isn't an easy task, because to some people we are our own greatest critic. We often feel like we're not enough, unloved, and unwanted. Most of time we fall for the negativity--it's easier to take. But we must fight it. Seek for positivity instead!

We learn from Frozen the movie, that fear makes everything worse, and love is always the answer. Love is hard to explain and sometimes be mistaken with lust or obsession. Love it way greater than that. Love is about receiving all the blessings and compassion from our surroundings, receiving what God has given us. Love is all about accepting who we are, all our flaws and mistakes, our body shape and its imperfection, and be grateful about it. Love is letting go and moving on. Love is having the faith. Love is the 'even though', not the 'because of'. Love is all about accepting, not expecting. Love is about being grateful and thankful. Love is about giving, not taking. Love is all that, and more!

Remember that Pooh said to Piglet: "If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you." (A.A. Milne)


5. Seek for purpose & motivation

Most of us don't know why we are born. Mark Twain said: Pinterest as the best place to seek for motivation whenever I lack of it. Reading those encouraging quotes could really brainwash you to be a positive person.

Another option is joining mailing list, group, motivational seminars, or anything that can bring you positive energy. Avoid being alone. I know how being alone can really lead to thoughts of suicidal. Even until now I still get desperate at nights, especially when I have no one around. It's not that you can't be alone, but if your mind is still full of negative thoughts, hang around with energetic people can help. They said 'fake it until you make it', and so must you. Train your mind to think positive until one day it works automatically.

Making short-term goals is also a method to distract our depression. Make long-term goal in life and short ones to make it easier for you to achieve it. And once you accomplish something, give a little reward to yourself for appreciation. It may look cheesy, but your soul and subconscious mind will thank you. Build yourself around this self-appreciation that will eventually build your self-confidence. You can do it!


If you're reading this and still feeling unworthy, don't stop here. It's not an instant thing. Everything in life must go through a process and you are in a process too. Below are more encouraging quotes to help you go through this moment. Bear with me here:

1. Never compare yourself to others.
2. Believe that you are enough.
3. Never set your standard too high. Be easy on yourself.
4. But don't sell yourself to other's standard.
5. Be flexible.
6. But have your grounds and don't let others dictate you.
7. You are the captain of your life.
8. You have control over this life.
9. But there are things you can't control. Accept that.
10. Remember that everything happens for a reason. If it happens, it has the reasons.
11. Know that we can't control what happens for us, but we can control how we react to it.
12. Know that sometimes things can get out of control and it's okay.
13. Nothing and nobody is perfect.
14. Accept your flaws.
15. It's okay to make mistakes, as long as we don't dwell in it.
16. Know that what matters is how we fix things.
17. Avoid melancholy, depressing songs.
18. Avoid any self-pitying songs.
19. Listen to a more calming, relaxing music.
20. Listen to an energetic, upbeat music.
21. Read books.
22. Be active in an organization.
23. Be part of a movement.
24. Learn to dance.
25. Move your body and do that workout.
26. You don't have to fit in the society.
27. You are who you are. Don't try to be someone else you're not.
28. You are unique. Embrace that.
29. Give something to those who are in need.
30. Remember that we are not tested for more than we can endure.
31. Remember that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
32. Know that worrying doesn't solve anything.
33. Know that true warriors face their problems, not runaway from it.
34. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing something about that.
35. Stop acting like you are a victim of a situation and grab control over it.
36. Don't believe everything you think at night.
37. Not everything you hear is true.
38. Never beg for love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely, it isn't worth having.
39. Someone who really loves you will fight and do anything to be with you.
40. Forgive yourself. Again, and again, and again. Do it until you find that peace.
41. Let things go. Sometimes it can make your burden lighter.
42. Move on. The past is dead, and all we can do is move forward.
43. Brainwash yourself with encouraging quotes before sleep.
44. Practice yoga in the morning and set goals for each day.
45. Do good deeds. Helping people out can make you feel better.
46. Remember that your story isn't finished. You are still in the process of making
47. God has a plan for you. Trust Him.
48. Your parents do love you no matter what. Send them love today!
49. Don't wait to be loved. Love first, and you'll be amazed at what you get.
50. We have the free will.
51. But everything in life has its own consequences.
52. Nobody can hurt you unless you let them to.
53. Anyone trying to bring you down is already below you.
54. If you feel injustice, it's not your fault. It means you have to learn to stand up for yourself.
55. Speak up.
56. Sometimes you don't get the closure. Not for now, but you will. Just keep going.
57. You are responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel.
58. Not everything you feel is permanent.
59. Time will heal.
60. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error.
61. You can say NO without giving an explanation.
62. You deserve to be happy.
63. Happiness is a state of mind.
64. The comeback is always stronger than the setback. Take your time.
65. You are capable.
66. You owe no one to prove anything to. Just do your thing, ignore the others.
67. It's not easy, but it's not impossible either.
68. Never regret something that once made you smile.
69. Surround yourself with people who push you to be your best self.
70. Know when to quit something.
71. Some things have to finish to allow something else to start. And it is always a better one.
72. Travel. It will open your mind.
73. Take that vacation offer. You deserve it.
74. Learn something new everyday.
75. Go someplace new every once in a while. It doesn't have to be far. Just new.
76. Know your worth. (Then add tax.)
77. You are special. There is no other person like you. You are someone's favourite!
78. Eat that cake. You don't have to stay in a diet that makes you suffer.
79. Train your mind to think happy thoughts.
80. Smile. It's contagious!

I will keep updating this list, feel free to copy-paste and do anything to keep yourself motivated. Do comment if you have something good to share. Let's spread the love and positivity!


*) Main image was taken from Pinterest

This morning we're all shocked by the death news of Chester Bennington. This happened to be the second suicide case I heard this week. The first one was a local guy named Oka, ex of a socmed celeb, who took his life due to his incapability of paying his debt. I wasn't sure about that because I'm not really interested on the news. But this news today about Linkin Park's lead singer, really tickled me.

What's really bothered me is that he hanged himself on his late best friend's birthday. Chris Cornell, lead vocalist of Soundgarden and Audioslave, also hanged himself just recently on May 18, 2017. He was 53 when he died, and Bennington was 41. Both are said to kill themselves due to depression. It's just kind of sad, isn't it?

The ironic part is that Linkin Park had taken part of most of our teenage years, when we struggled fighting the puberty and rebellious spirit. Bennington's music had spoken on behalf of our unsaid emotions. His music represented our hold-up anger, depression, anxiety and desperation. He had helped us get through all those horrible years. So it's so sad that he couldn't survive his own demon.

In Bennington's case, it could be that he was inspired by Cornell's death. But it's just a terrible thing to follow! You don't need to follow that path. Suicide doesn't end your problem. Your life here may be ended, but your spirit and soul would suffer for the unfinished business you got in this world. If you could think outside the box, you'll see why or how or whatever it is that you've been questioning for.



I was in that phase too. I hated life, I hated people. I hated the fact that my parents had to move to Bandung in 1992 and I had to adapt to the unwelcoming new town. I felt that my true friends were in Jakarta, but it wasn't the time of telecommunication and social technology so we lost contact. I didn't like the people in Bandung because they were being too exclusive for me. I wasn't and couldn't be like them, so I didn't feel accepted as a person in the society. I had to be like them or else I wouldn't have friends.

I was mad because my parents didn't have enough money to send me to Jakarta or Canada (where my grandaunt was) for school. I even blamed my grandpa for bringing my grandma into Indonesia, the place I don't feel belong to because I always think differently. I was bullied in junior high school just because one of the most-wanted seniors liked me. I didn't feel safe growing up in that town. I felt like everybody was my enemy. The girls in my peer hated me because I hang out with the boys. (Well, I hang out with them at first place because the girls didn't make me comfortable--too much gossiping and comparing and competition and all those too girly stuff I didn't get to. Meanwhile the boys were all about fun and laugh--of course it was easier to hang out with them.)

Going on high school wasn't easier. My new school was Chinese majority, with a totally different new values I had to adapt with. If blending wasn't easy in junior high then high school was worse. I couldn't follow my fellow schoolmates' taste in fashion or value in life. It was those times when you are judged by the size of your bust and it was uncomfortable. I was once again an outcast. I had an identity crisis by trying to follow the current, but still, I was stranded.

I remember well those afternoons after school that I'd be crying at home for having no friends at school. I was 13 back then. I remember the feeling of wanting to die and how I said to my mom how I hated her for giving birth to me (I know it's such a cruel thing to say to a mother) and that all I wanted was to die. I had those moments when I was considering to kill myself because I couldn't stand the pain. It wasn't a physical pain, but for people who feel so deeply as I do, the struggle is real. And it could be too consuming.

I was lucky that my parents fed me with enough religious teachings from Catholic background that I survived that time because of the fear of eternal sin for taking my own life. Then when I was 14 I was introduced to series of church retreat and prayer fellowship. It really helped me going through the teenage life, because they brought us closer to God, to get to know more about the Gospel, and to have faith and hope. I was saved, once.


But it wasn't the end of the story. I still didn't like living in Bandung, but in my college life I was introduced to Paulo Coelho's books. The first that bound me was The Alchemist. Then, I found The Fifth Mountain, from which I was highly encouraged. The book taught patience and endurance, of the prophet who was forced to stay in a city he didn't like, just because he had a task he must fulfill before he could go out from the city. I took it that I had a task in Bandung so I bore with the challenge and tried my best to serve others while I could.

At one point I was introduced to Betty J. Eadie's Embraced By The Light. It talks about reincarnation, after life, and purpose of life. I was enlightened. I knew now that we human are just a small thing in this big universe, but still each one of us has purpose. I guess it was the turning point of my life, that I knew life isn't as small as what we think. Our brain and knowledge may be limited, but this universe is not. It's just wonderful to know the secrets this world is hiding, what's missed by our eyes and ears. I guess knowing this helped me much on thinking big, on seeing the bigger picture--that we are part of a bigger plan.

Once I figured this out, I tried to search for the root of the problems. It seems that childhood education and affection hold important keys here. Good parenting is crucial. Still, no matter how good the parenting is, each kid is different. Some is stronger, the other is weaker. We just have to know which one is us/our child. But to take it further back, I think children who are born in a happier family tend to be happier in life. So it's important to maintain love and harmony in your family.

I guess that's why I refuse the requirement of labor. I don't think I could take all the responsibility of being a parent. Not that I'm not capable physically, but more mentally. An old friend said, I'd make a great mother. I guess it's true. But being a mother isn't always giving the best for her child. It's also doing good for herself. A good mother and a happy mother can be two different things. And I know--don't ask me how, I just know--that I'm not gonna be happy being a mother. I can't accept the idea of it. It really doesn't suit my soul, so I'm dropping off that option.


I know that life can be so depressing sometimes. Life can be too heavy for us. But it will all pass. Nothing in this life stays the same, and so is depression. If only we can learn to stop a bit, look around and be grateful for the littlest things around us, life can be so much easier to bear. And I knew I wasn't the only one wanting to suicide, but I survived the depression. You must know that you're not alone. If you're struggling with this, read my next post here and help yourself. Remember, you're never alone!


*) Main image taken via wordpress

I can't remember if I've posted a similar thought before, but at this age--with lots of references from people's experiences and of what I've gotten through before, I would write this topic again. Sometimes I wonder how easy it is for some people to get married and stay in marriage no-matter-what. Sometimes I wish I could be that simple too, as people say I'm being too picky, thinking too hard, analyzing too much, feeling too deep.

Well I can't be them and they don't have to be like me. But here are the things I'm considering on choosing "the one"--which may either inspire you or just to get you on my mind. In general, these are the points that I would ideally seek in a person to be "the one". There might be more, but at least these are what I think most important for me:


1. You got the chemistry
They say, people can learn to love one another. I say it's partly true. Because before you can love one another you must first get the chemistry--or a push from within, whatever your term on calling it. Your energy must first be aligned and they are in the same frequency with you. I guess love comes in so many forms. People love in their own ways. I can always tell from first sight/meeting, but sometimes our opinions get clouded and we might have realized things after some time. It's okay. But you must at least have the base then work things out from there. What's not okay is when there's no chemistry involved at all. We can always try to rekindle the fading flame, too, but it would need more effort. It's important to follow your heart. If you're not sure, try to trust your gut.


2. Your signs & elements match
Some people don't believe in zodiacs, but for me it's important--tho it's not crucial. Why do I bother with such thing? I must say, the zodiacs, Chinese horoscope, and those stuff help a lot in understanding people. In relationship, it's never about you, but "us" and in order to get there, you must always give effort to please your partner--which means you must truly know your spouse. Well, the sign's traits is a way to help you here, but remember a person would have a sun sign, moon sign, rising sign, etc that would make a person can be so complicated. This is not an exact knowledge, but more as a reference (also check this out). So use it well!


3. Your virtues & interests are alike
One of the important key to keep a relationship is mutual interest/passion/hobby/activity. Anything that you can share together, spend time with, create memories with, or build something with, is worth doing. You don't have to be exactly the same persons with the same hobby/job/friends circle, but to doing fun things together can indeed increase the bond between you. Plus, you don't have to go to other people to tell your stories to. The more you do things together, the more successful your relationship will be. The same thing goes with your virtues. It's much easier to be with someone who thinks more alike you, values more or less the same things as you do, goes to the same worship house/worship the same God with you, and so on. You can still have different opinions, of course, but isn't it nicer to be with someone who is as clean-freak (or messy), as caring (or careless), or as witty (or serious) as you are?


4. You share the same goal(s)
What is your life goal(s)? Life is short, but a lifetime is certainly not. I think it's always worth it to wait for a person who share the same perspective in life. I don't agree if a marriage stops one from being themselves, or if it makes one has to sacrifice their dreams. Just because you love someone, you don't have to break your wings--or burn yourself. We must categorized goals, dreams, and wishes differently, of course. What we must keep is the most principal things for you; like how many children to have/go childless, to be a full housewife/be a working mom, etc. These things are crucial, while dreaming about living in certain area of the town is not. You must know which things you can let go and which ones you keep in life. And to have a partner who'll support you, or even better, join the struggle with you, is a gem.


5. You can communicate
And this point is the most crucial of all. You can ignore the four points above if you can at least have this, because what's the point of a relationship if you can't communicate at first place? Communication works in many levels, by the way--ranging from light to heavy topics. You have to be able to talk about your day, about political/serious matters, and most importantly, about your feelings. It's okay to talk (or speak the love language) differently, but as long as there is a way of communication, and an effort to understand each other, you'll be just fine. If you can't get your thoughts heard, or if they don't want to know what's in your mind at all, then it's not a worth relationship to be in. And to be able to communicate is a hell fun way to spend your life with a person!


I personally think finding a person who has all the points above is worth the wait. So I'm being patient here, and I hope--if you haven't met the one--you're being patient too!


*) Image via stylecaster.

They said Pisces is the most caring sign of all the zodiacs (admit it, it's true). But sometimes, it seems like we don't care at all--tho it's so unlikely for us. Well, being a super-caring person can be tiring sometimes, especially in times when we feel like we need love but don't/can't find it anywhere around.

In fact, all a Piscean wants is to love and to care. That's why we need to love ourselves first. And in order to have that kind of self-love, we must surround ourselves with positive people, aura, environment--the list goes on and get rid of those who threaten our well-being and peaceful mind. Actually I don't know if these work for all Pisceans or just for me, but I guess it's related with me being a Pisces woman.

So here's a list of the 5 kinds of people that we must stay away from:

1. Those who constantly seeking our attention
Yes, we do love to give attention to people and it goes the same to everyone (at first). But as I said, it goes the same, so we can't focus on just one person way too long or too much. If the effort is mutual, it can last a lifetime as friendship--or partnership. But if all they want is our attention without giving anything back, or if what they want is just too much, we will avoid them. Like a fish, when you hold one too tight, it would try to find a way to swim away (and never to return.)

2. Those who don't get us
I believe that intelligence has been installed in human brains from birth. So stupidity annoys me a lot. I do have a lot of tolerance actually, but sometimes, when reaching a certain point (eg. if I have to explain something for multiple times without any significant result), I might just lose it and the only way to react is to walk away--because I know that dealing with stupid person is a waste of time. I'd much rather focusing my energy on something else.

3. Those who simply annoys us
This usually happens to the new people we meet. In just a short time (or--in some cases--after a while) we'd know how we feel toward them and we don't like them/don't want to keep them as friends/don't see any benefit for us to keep them in our lives, we'll simply ignore them. It's not that we're really that savage, but knowing we have that loving and caring nature, we just don't want to give a chance for them to take benefits from us and to waste our goodness on someone who doesn't deserve it.

4. Those whom we know would get hurt
I've been friend-zoning so many people in my life. I keep the souls/characters I like as friends, tho I know there could be a possible romance in there somewhere. But I can look far and beyond what most people don't, and I'd know whether I'm just using this person or if I truly love them. And I know which people worth keeping as a BFF and which one would last a summer love. We don't want to risk ruining it, to possibly hurt them (that would eventually hurt us for having hurt another), so usually we'll keep a distance with them for some time to let things to cool down and would be back in touch after a while. (read this too!)

5. Those whom we love but cannot possess
We believe that "love doesn't mean to possess", that love endures through times and will always stay no matter what (if it's really love), but the feeling we got for not being able to be with the special one tortures us, big time. That's why we choose to let them go, having a faith that if they truly belong to us, they'd come back one day. (And time is just a game of mind that is also a test to our patience, hope, and faith.) So tho it hurts so much to have to let go, we believe keeping them around isn't a better choice--especially for the emotions in daily basis. Plus, it's a good reason to let someone else who worth more to enter and colour up our lives, isn't it?


*) Image via twimg

via syracusenewtimes

LOL. Yea this f*cked up my brain too. But I'm curious nonetheless, to get to know myself better especially. (And you might want to grab a pen and paper to write down all the results:)

via pinimg

So I start to search on--at first--my Moon Sign. It is what influencing my emotions, my personal needs. It is what my heart goes for, my emotional instinct; my inner emotional self. I checked mine here and apparently my Moon Sign is Virgo (Virgo Moon looks to the little things in life for their happiness and security).

Meanwhile the Mercury Sign represents communication; how we reason things out and about our awareness and intellect. Surprisingly, my Mercury sign says I'm an Aries (quick thinking):

Likes intellectual competition, can easily become involved into an argument. Thinks and speaks quickly, easily grasps an idea but can be too impatient to adsorb a concept of a significant complexity. Has an aversion to long-winded explanations. Likes brevity and simplicity. This type of Mercury is very good for brainstorming. Sharp, penetrating mind that can often be used as a weapon. Likes to speak truth and criticise. Not sensitive to emotional nuances, can be quite abrasive. Quick reaction, good in extremal situations.

My Mars Sign is Scorpio (loves good challenge). Mars reflects our action and sexual energy. It is how we are driven to reach our goals. Maybe this also answers how compatible I am with my Scorpion friends. I checked my Mars Sign here or here.

Venus Sign is how we treat love and money. Perhaps it's more of a wife's department, LOL. Well maybe that's why they correlate women with Venus, because Venus is the Goddess of Love in Roman Myth. My Venus Sign is Pisces (dreamy, soft-hearted charmer). Check yours here.

Meanwhile Rising Sign is the first impression we tend to give to others on personal level (check yours here). It is how we act in front of the public, the mask we show off to other people, how the world see us. My Rising/Ascendant Sign is Taurus (steady and capable, stable and responsible):

Tranquillity, joy of life and sensuality are essential to you: you are a simple and quiet nature. You find happiness easily because you are not competitive, your relaxed attitude and your common sense invariably lead you towards fulfilment, even though you are not the number one, even though you do not move in haste. Constructing is important to you. Your patience and your persistence yield strong, steadfast, sustainable efforts that can withstand any pitfalls. You are gentle, with a slow thinking process, but once you have opted for an orientation, nothing, nor anyone, can make you change your mind. You loathe changes in general and once you have taken the few major unavoidable decisions in the course of your life, you are on track.

With this Ascendant, you come across as loyal, steadfast, strong, patient, enduring, persistent, attached, sensual, realistic, constructive, tenacious, with a strong need for security. But you may also be stubborn, rigid, possessive, materialistic, static, slow, and you may bear grudges.

via pinimg

For additions, Jupiter Sign is associated with luck and good fortune (find yours here). My Jupiter Sign is Capricorn (Jupiter in Capricorn meets good fortune when they are ethical, mature and act with integrity). Saturn Sign is the things that challenge us to grow up (find yours here). My Saturn Sign is Scorpio (impatient! LOL).

Uranus Sign represents change, innovation, technology and discovery, Neptune Sign is guiding us to our destiny, and Pluto Sign is connected to transformation and life challenges (find yours here). My Uranus Sign is Sagittarius (strong on intuition), my Neptune Sign is Capricorn (reserved and refined, especially in areas related to control, power, fame and success), and my Pluto Sign is Scorpio (ruled by strong emotions).

As for Midheaven Sign (also known as MC/Medium Coeli, or the tenth house sign), find yours here. It relates to your career, reputation and social standing; it is what guides you to your professional achievements, responsibilities and life purpose. My Midheaven Sign is Aquarius (loves learning).

via blogspot

So if I read myself based on the image above, it'll sound like this:

I am a dreamer, and stability is what makes me feel emotionally happy. But I express my needs and thoughts in a direct way. When it comes to love, I will be compassionate, but when I get angry, I become vengeful, so don't test me!

via magickmillenial

While according to the image above, my personality would sound like this:

I am a dreamer, but my emotions are rather composed. I think in a direct way, but express my energy in a brooding way. In love, I seek stability. I take on the role of the owner.

via whicdn

Another blurb here saying:

I come off as careful and cautious; My character is imaginative; and my inner soul is analytical and practical.

Wow. Now, how about yours? It's super fun to know, isn't it? I made a table to make it easier for me to check my signs here. Check it out and tell me if you want one, too!

the entrance, garden and playground

After giving two 50-minute classes for Dyatmika Junior High School last month (that I shared my experience of being a writer to those 14-year olds), I took another challenge to teach primary school kids art. The summer program started earlier this week at My After School Club, with Master Art theme for the week. I taught 2-D and 3-D arts with other teachers in the first 2 days.

I was scared at first, knowing nothing to handle 6-12 year olds (that are not my cousins) but they gave all teachers small seminars of children psychology and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. That, combined with my experiences with my younger siblings and cousins as I grew up--and my general knowledge of psychology--made me pretty much well-prepared for the teaching. The reason why I'm taking this freelance job is not about the money, but the idea of helping shape good characters for the kids through playing.

waiting area

The Club aims to bridge the problems that working parents have with their growing up kids. School usually ends at 11a.m. to 1p.m. and children wouldn't have adult supervisions until the parents go home, so they could come to the Club instead. It is not an extra-curricular or course program. It is a place where kids can have healthy lunch, get helped with their homework, and develop their art and nature skills with light practices. There will be no extra lessons for them, only creative and active ways to kill time and to get them away from gadgets.

kids are meant to play actively outdoor

The implementation of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People will also be applied here through daily and casual interactions, that we all aim to shape future leaders from their childhood moments. I think this is the main reason why I'm supporting this program, although I'm only active for their summer program for now. I want children to spend their time learning by playing, being active, proactive and creative, blend in with nature, before time will come and introduce them to the real world, technologies and problems.

the art room--they also have the music room

This is a CSR to me, as an act of giving back to the others of the blessings that I have for having happy childhood, although I didn't have all the facilities the children have today. Plus, I guess I'm doing pretty good with children, thanks to the experience I had with my younger cousins back then. Of course, being a teacher is never a one-way education. Being a teacher--next to being a parent--is a privilege to have us taught simple things from the kids.

explore new things and don't be afraid to get dirty

Through my 2-days experience I already witness the 7-8 kids play, get excited to some things, lost interest and tired of other things, get competitive, accusing the others to cheat, being accused of cheating, play fair, laugh, cry, get mad at each other, comforting the ones who cry, take sides, not taking sides, make up with each other, following instructions and requests, being responsible and other things.

library and indoor playroom

If there are things that I learn from these kids is how easy they are to let go of anger within half hour in order to be able to go play again. How they cherish the fun more than holding grudge, is one of the best things we can learn from them. Letting go, based on my own experience, is one of the hardest things any adult can do in life. I guess it's good to have interactions with kids from time to time, to rise our inner child and just let loose. Although being a regular teacher is never on my plan or intention, it is fun to do this once in a while.

Should you be interested to register your kids to the Club, contact them here, or visit them at Jl. Hayam Wuruk No. 93, Denpasar, Bali. Their Summer Program is still going for 2 more weeks before the Lebaran (Eid Al-Fitr) holiday and 3 weeks after. Then, they will begin the after school club for the new semester. Let's give children the childhood they deserve!

I had a tarot reading the other day, the first one in the past seven-eight years, perhaps. This tarot was special because the cards are from wayang characters and gave me new insight about life and myself in general. So I got this Pergiwa-Pergiwati as my main character card. I had never thought of these characters before, but now I do. These girls are twin daughters of Arjuna, whose guardian is Bathara Baruna (God of Seas) and turned out it is quite similar to my horoscope sign: Pisces (twin fishes).


Pergiwa is faithful, gracious, patient, quiet and always polite, and finally married Gatotkaca, son of Wrekudara (Bima). Pergiwati is loyal, honest, restful, quiet, always polite, easy to love and not easily offended, and she married Raden Pancawala, son of Puntadewa (Yudhistira). Both are indeed (more or less) the traits of Pisces women.

painting of Gatotkaca and Arjuna's twin daughters - via setkab

So, just like the twins, I have two choices in life, to be more of Pergiwa or Pergiwati. I would have to choose between Gatotkaca or Pancawala--just like the case I've been dealing with lately. The next cards I drew were all related to Mahabharata epic, either by coincidence or not (but I believe in the power of tarot, so for me it was not), and got an Arjuna-Banowati (and Gunungan/surprise) card for a choice (which should be a match) and Wrekudara card for the other choice.

I was so glad to get the Gunungan card, not just that it contains surprise, but actually a hidden treasure beneath

I guess I'll stick to my Arjuna-Banowati cards (choice) for they're already a match. As how their love story went, I know my life would not be that easy, but just like their true love, I'll live it with inner peace and comfort in my heart. So I know, I'll be just okay. By the way, tarot is not something reliable, but good to know for comparison or explanation of something you're dealing with that you can't solve alone. You can have it "just for fun" and discover how true it could relate to your problems!


If you are interested to have your situation read, come to: 

Teras Omah Yado
Jl. Yado I/E8, Radio Dalam, South Jakarta
and pay for IDR 70,000 per tarot session