Another Victoria's Secrets

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I re-watched the 2011 flick The Adjustment Bureau last night, just to remind myself of why I really liked the movie because I couldn't remember the plot. And there it goes, the story came back to me: I see this movie as a reminder of how my life has been. It may not include men in hat and Doraemon's dokodemo doors (the pink Anywhere Door), but I can relate to the message this movie is implying.

In the movie, Thompson told David that he was supposed to reach his maximum potential, possibly his soul mission, if he wasn't with Elise. It's the same way with Elise: she could be the best person in her field should he live apart from David. Yet, the lovebirds choose love over going after their dreams. It's romantic, really. But the question is: is love alone enough?

Harry Mitchell, one of the guys from the bureau, told David that he couldn't be with Elise because she is enough. She would make David feel so complete that he didn't have to run for presidency and so with Elise--she wouldn't want to pursue her career in dancing if they were together...

(I actually don't agree with this concept. People in love would--if not should--encourage each other to become the best version of themselves. If they don't have kids, for example, they can do even so much more! But that's another argument to make for another day.) 

Well I can't help but wonder if this is what happens with my life now. Should I find someone suitable to marry, I wouldn't be fit to go on with my life task... or whatever 'they' had prepared for me.

At the end of the film Harry said: Most people live life on the path we set for them, too afraid to explore any other. But once in a while people like you come along who knock down all the obstacles we put in your way. People who realize freewill is a gift that you'll never know how to use until you fight for it. I think that's the chairman's real plan. That maybe one day, we won't write the plan, you will.

It's about free will, or what Thompson implied as "the appearance of free will." I feel that I no longer had the choice since 2012, when this inter-dimension journey began. It had given me the 2015 "Gerbang Nuswantara" book, the 2018 "Candi Nuswantara" sequel, and finally, hopefully, the 2020 "Jagat Nuswantara" as the trilogy's final. It had also delivered me meetings with wonderful, great people along the way. And, all the experiences, the knowledge, all the treasure nobody could ever take from me.

But in return, it seems like 'they' take away my permission for romance. I could say, the last boyfriend I had was in 2010, which ended with misery that he double-timed me with 3 other girls during the last 8 months we were together. It wasn't that I became traumatic or something like that, but all the other guys I met after that were all disasters, unavailable, or simply what they call as 'karmic relationship'. So I took the message well. I'm not even looking for a relationship now. I'm so much married to my job.

This isn't a ranting or nagging or that I'm complaining. I'm just saying that this movie The Adjustment Bureau hit me so deep, that made me first somehow understand why I'm not allowed to be in romantic relationship like other 'normal' people. I don't know where I'm going after this, but I know I'm going to do something larger than life.

Not many of us would understand spirituality, and not many have time/energy/interest to read books or attend classes to learn about one. But you know what? There are easier ways and packaged in lighter forms for us to understand more about spirituality; and you may have even watched them!

Now is the time that you dig back your flick collection and watch them all over again - this time from a different perspective!


1. I Origins

Director: Mike Cahill (2014)

2. Kung Fu Panda

Directors: Mark Osborne, John Stevenson (2008)
Who doesn't love Po, the big-sized lazy panda who dreams to be a kung fu warrior? He entered the Shaolin temple under the guidance of Master Shifu. Po's journey can reflect on our own life journey. At one point, we would be partnered with people who seems like they already achieve a lot in life and master their skills while we're just getting started. But it is when we seek within us that we can find ourselves. Be the best part of ourselves by finding the inner peace - of course by practicing and after series of failures. But it's always worth it to try and try again, isn't it?

3. Doctor Strange

Director: Scott Derrickson (2016)
With a little imagination and reasoning, there are lots that you can learn from this movie (I wrote some about it here.) But really, the spiritual world is more or less described in this movie: about controlling our own mind, opening up portals to other dimensions, astral projection/out-of-body-experience, and to 'bend' the parallel universe. The movie may exaggerate it a bit for it's a fantasy genre from Marvel comics, but the writer(s) surely want to tell you some secrets in a more popular/fun way.


4. Lucy

Director: Luc Besson (2014)
This may not be the first time that you heard of how we human hasn't make use of our brain to its maximum potential. Most people use not even 4% of their brain capability, and we never wonder what's available behind that border we set ourselves. Lucy shows us the things we may achieve when we breakthrough and reach a higher consciousness. It's not about being an USB hard disk for sure, but the capability to overcome time and space, and the data we all keep in our DNA.


5. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Director: James Gunn (2017)
Another Marvel movie in the list, and I know this one is the least popular. But look at how Star Lord found out who his father is. Ego was a form of consciousness that manifests itself into a planet and at one point decided to manifests itself into a form of human. Let's put his evilness aside and focus only on the process of creation. Then imagine if that's exactly what happened with you when you were materialized in this world. Would it now make sense?


BONUS: Cloak & Dagger

TV Series - Season 1 (2018)
This is a Marvel series that you may never heard before. But from the whole eight episodes of first season I learned a lot about realizing our own potential that is different from the others; about duality that we cannot avoid: light and dark, fear and hope, good and bad. The series shows us what the humans can achieve once we overcome our weaknesses. Those who survive can be hero to others, and it's all about choices. It's all about embracing our humanity and overcome the obstacles.

I've been watching some of Marvel's newest series for the past months and something clicked me last night. The Inhumans I watched earlier didn't really taught me of anything but I could see the resemblance with Indonesian myths of the god and goddess of Moon: Batari Ratih and Batara Kamajaya. As a couple, they are known as god and goddess of love, ruler of the Kahyangan Cakra Kembang with the gate located on the Moon or what is called Chandra in Sanskrit.

What kinda hit me was that Blackagar Boltagon, being the king of the Moon, could not speak for his voice alone can destroy everything in front of him. His wife / interpreter Medusalith Amaquelin is the one who is more vocal, more known to people--as also the character of Batari Ratih. Perhaps that's why Batara Kamajaya is almost never surfaced, rarely mentioned, and unknown to many.

via deviantart

Last night I finished another season of series: Cloak and Dagger. Now speaking of the mortals (unlike the super-humans in Inhumans), I can relate more to the character of Tandy Bowen or known as Dagger. She had her 'life' taken away from her when she was 10 and she has been living life in bitter ever since. She's quite lucky to be born white and has pretty face so people would have a nice first impression on her--and she is making the most out of it. But later at night when she's alone, she is tired with life. I guess therefore she was given to see hopes to keep her going.

On the contrary, Tyrone Johnson or Cloak had everything gotten better in his life since the accident when he was 8. He has been trying his best to fulfil people's expectation of him, especially for being black in an exclusive private school. But despite all that he is brave. He dares to face his problems instead of running away like what Tandy usually does. Sometimes he second-guess himself, sometimes he's looking at the wrong direction. But he is brave, thus he was given to see other people's fears so he can be even braver than before.

The pair characters are completely opposite. What Tandy sees and fears aren't visible for Tyrone and it's the other way around. Their skins and family background; the way they see things, think, act; and even the gifts they are given... everything are just totally different. But that's why they are compatible, for being the exact opposite of each other. And that's why they need each other.

via CBR

I started another series too, Jessica Jones. It's an oldie (2015) but I never watched it before. She is another Marvel's superhero who is retired from her days of being cheerfully helping people under the identity of Jewel, and lives her life now just to get paid to buy more whiskey; to survive just another day. The series highlighted her adult life after the traumatic phase where she was made to do unimaginably horrible things by Killgrave and thus her second revival began.

These movies about superheroes made me realized one thing: these super people are actually mere humans. They may have something greater than most of people, something the creators exaggerate and call as superpower, but they all have emotions, flaws, and traumas. They were damaged, but one thing that made them superheroes is that they don't give up. They still fight to do something, if not for others then for themselves first. They believe in the greater good, and they also believe in a better tomorrow. And they fight for it despite the bitter life they have to live with.

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Cloak and Dagger especially shows me (one of) the struggle(s) superheroes had to face: their own fears and weaknesses. They are forced to push their limits and to choose between giving up or fighting back. In one of the scenes our heroes talk about why they are not given what they want but instead something they didn't think they needed, because they are ought to thrive, not to just stay in the comfort zone with their limited knowledge. They need to change the direction and push their boundaries instead:

Tyrone: "If I had a knife, Detective Connors would be dead and buried."
Tandy: "If I could travel anywhere, I'd travel anywhere but here."
Tyrone: "Maybe that's why we got what we got."
Tandy: "Or we didn't get what we didn't get."

via nerdist

I ain't saying that I'm (trying to be) a hero whatsoever. I just learned a lot from their stories. And it kinda related with what just happened here. Last weekend an old friend came to visit after we'd lost contact for five years (and another five before.) He was someone I hung out with 12 years ago. We first met each other like 14-15 years back. But since the first meeting we already knew that we weren't in each other's plans. We don't belong in each other's life. But somehow we are kept in each other's hearts. And our meeting last weekend proved all that.
At one point a question occurred to me; the what ifs--which led to dozens of alternate endings I could picture in my head. All of these years, and the feelings remained. But we were young and I didn't dare to take the leap. I was the one who chickened out and ran away. I was the one who was hiding in the dark, just like the teenager Tandy Bowen did. I was faced an option but I chose the other way which led me to the life I'm in today.

via medium

He showed me pics of his three children, and how well his life is now. I truly feel happy for him and proud of how great a father he has become, but I also know it's that one thing that keeps me away from people most of the time, including him. He loves kids and wants family. I don't. I must admit that sometimes it troubles me to see how different I have been from most of my childhood friends. All of the achievements and families; and how far I am from all that. It reminds me of one of Paulo Coelho's book title: The Winner Stands Alone.

But then again it's all about the choice and consequences. Perhaps once upon a time in some incarnations ago we were couple. Perhaps in one of the multiverses he was mine and we could be together. But this is not DC Comics so it ain't happening. And in this lifetime and universe I'm given and/or choosing the other way. So I gotta let go of it--all the what ifs and if onlys--and just do my own thing. Focus on what I have instead of what's not in my path to have.

via brainyquotes

And now that I've chosen mine I must also deal with the aftermaths. I must endure all the pains and the couldn't haves. In Cloak & Dagger series, Season 1 Episode 9 "Back Breaker", where Father Delgado described in class what makes a hero. Every hero goes through the same path: they answered the call, met the mentor, and battle the Threshold Guardians. Then Delgado said: "... something knocks them down, hard. The hero regresses, they lose everything. Became less than they were when we met them. Because well, if a hero wants to be an actual hero, he has to be born again. From nothing."

So it's normal to have ups and downs. It's human to go through a regression. We are human. But we don't play the victim. We are not one and it's our call to decide what's allowed to happen in our lives and what's not. We choose to stand up and be the hero we need because nobody is doing it for us. We must become our own saviour first, then help the others if we can. Because this world need heroes. And we are all super humans inside, if only we recognize our strengths and talents, overcome our fears, and train to be better to win the battle.

I was talking with my best friend Rachelle during my stay in her house last weekend and we discussed names. She has a sister who is named after two great European queens, Regina and Elizabeth, while Rachelle's name was taken from French. Her sister's behaviour is like a queen, she said, while Rachelle loves everything about French: its architecture, culture, fashion, and style.

I just realized this: every baby must have chosen his/her name and whispered it through their parents' ears. This must be it, because my name wasn't given by my parents; a Polish priest told them so before my parents even knew they were pregnant with me (Mom was only few weeks pregnant by that time.) I suppose it must've been me telling Pater Glinka of the name I chose -- and I told him because he was the one who could 'hear' me (he had sixth sense.)

I went home from Rachelle's house on Sunday evening and spent the next day watching movies, to continue the first few episodes of The O.C. we watched together. So it was peculiar to come upon this series Victoria on ITV instead. I didn't know they were making this series (I knew there is Emily Blunt's Young Victoria.) It took only few seconds for me to switch from The O.C. to Victoria because clearly, apart from having my name written on it, I do love watching kingdom-based movies much better than about the wrecked teenage life.

So there I went, watching the whole eight episodes of the first season within a week, and fixated by the charm of this lovely film about Queen Victoria. Before this week, all I know about her was as simply as that she once ruled England and her time was called the Victorian era. But watching the film now got me better understanding about her.

via mirror

You don't have to ask me about the setting. I love all kingdom-setting movies, especially for the fashion and manner. Although I may find it's boring sometimes, but imagining to be living in that time makes me excited. I love the dresses, especially the 1700s-1800s dresses -- and this movie's particular off-shoulder gowns. I even have this Victorian Lady Barbie, the only surviving Barbie doll I keep for the past 20 years.

And I love the cast. I love that Jenna Coleman got the role. She has the perfect height, face expression (not to mention that she is pretty), and I love her deep and authoritative voice. And her chemistry with the Prime Minister Lord Melbourne (yep, I now have a crush on Rufus Sewell.) Aaaaand, of course Tom Hughes as Prince Albert. I wondered when did I see that face and just realized he was in Cemetery Junction and I had a huge crush on him back then. So, yeah, I love all of the cast of this film!

The more I watch, the more I found connection between me and the queen, besides that we share the same name. In Indonesian, Ratu means Queen. And in Bantenese tradition, women of royal blood are named Ratu while the men named Tubagus. So basically we share the same name and title: as the female ruler (who inherits the position by birth.) Not that I'm saying I'm a queen in real life/kingdom. I just carry the royal blood from my ancestors.

It was surprising for me to learn that Queen Victoria herself didn't like children (contrary to the fact that she gave birth to healthy nine kids) and much preferred to work instead of spending time in the nursery. I love children. But to have my own will be a burden because I've no interest nor passion at all to spend time on their well-being and give the right amount of affection to those little humans. I just think that it's gonna be a waste of my time and energy. But she had to have children, while I don't.

It's not that I'm saying I'm the incarnation of Queen Victoria. As far as I see it, I guess my soul understood the life I was about to have in this incarnation -- all of the tasks and obstacles -- and she saw a lot of resemblance with Queen Victoria's character, thus she picked that name. I'm glad that the queen had a merciful, gentle, and authoritative personality, and she was open to learn new things. I guess I have these qualities.

Some things I found we share in common are our love for art, and our gentle hearts. Tho we think in different methods, there are lots of similarities between Gemini (the queen) and Pisces (me!) We also might seem unattached from the outside, but we keep those we love close and around, tho we keep physical contact at minimum. We dislike our childhood nicknames and prefer to be called as simple as Victoria (but in Indonesia 80% people call me Veronica instead--thus I prefer Tori than Vicky.)

I hope I can live as big as she did, and have my name written in the hearts of those around me even after I'm long gone, just as she had. And the one thing that she confirmed me, is to wait for a Prince Albert to come my way, rather than to marry without love. Perhaps this is one of the most similarities I get from her name -- or an affirmation that I shall be loved and to always have companions, now that I may only have 20 years together with 'Prince Albert' (check out Lord M, John Brown and Abdul Karim, if you get what I mean.) The great queen is now my great inspiration.


*) main image via cliqueimg.

My aunt had been talking about this movie for ages but I just watched it last night. I don't think many of you have watched it too, knowing that this is an Indian movie (but with minimum epic Bollywood style!) I had underestimated Aamir Khan's previous hit movie 3 Idiots (that I became a fan of), so I knew this movie should be good--but I always forgot to find it anytime I wanted to watch a movie. But last night, I finally watched it and felt so grateful I did. (FYI, this movie is India's third highest grossing film worldwide!)

The movie plot starts with an alien--later called PK, mistaken from the word peekay (drunk)--who arrived in India to study this planet but got his remote control stolen so he had to stay and adapt in the world's most dense, heterogeneous, developing nation. In his search he had to learn about people from the scratch: about human nature and their need to seek and praise God. The movie is all about religion and its importance, but also criticize the ways some religions 'contact God's wrong number' and drive their followers in the wrong direction when religion is made a tool for some party to gain wealth.

I like everything about this movie: the plot, the message, the casting, the chemistry, the costume, the setting--everything! I love the girl playing Janggu (Anushka Sharma) for being so flawlessly beautiful with her pixie cut hair that already shows her rebellious soul, Sarfaraaz (Sushant Singh Rajput) for being Janggu's compatibly handsome boyfriend, and of course, the weird-looking alien PK (Aamir Khan).

I really think everything is well-thought in this movie, unlike the infamous Indian movie style that sometimes 'so out of the box' it drives us crazy. Everything in this movie is proportional and natural (well except for the Belgian grandpa who speaks Indian on the first scene). Just another reason to be a fan of Aamir Khan! (And you should watch his latest movie Dangal--he's being all-out there!)


I think this is the kind of a movie everyone should watch. The two-and-a-half hour movie gives us details on PK's progress in search of this God from zero, with some witty touches here and there, and a bit of satire on daily habits found in India, like losing sandals in temples--they're shown explicitly so even those who couldn't 'get the hint' would understand the message. The movie duration may be lengthy, but one thing I assure you: you won't get bored watching it.

PK is us when we first came to this world: naked, pure, know nothing about how things work here. We then learn from our surroundings; adapting with the culture, the language, and later the life principles. First we copied the others, we drink what is offered. But like PK, we must too be critical about life. We must ask ourselves if it's reasonable or are we doing it merely because of our fear and just because we want the reward promised in Heaven? And is it done in the right way that would give benefits to the others, peace for the world--or does it bring hatred and war instead? Are we doing it right?

The movie is a reminder to us that there are many religions, teachings, ideologies, sects, cults, etc. in this world and each of it claims to worship the right God in the rightest way. And sometimes, having too focused on this, we forgot the true essence of worshiping God. Sometimes it all became too fleshy, too materialistic, and made us feel the most righteous of all. It would drive us to arrogance and--worse--fanatical and hypocritical. This movie would definitely open our eyes and broaden our mind.

The movie also reminds us to always differentiate which God we are praising: is it The One who created us, or the one we created? The comedy drama goes way deeper than it shows: it really triggers us to reach within and ask ourselves: is the image of God that we have in mind is really the God that is out there?


I guess not just in India and Indonesia, this movie could relate to everyone in this world, especially now that we've become too attached with labels and could be too hardcore and would go to the extremes. We need to reevaluate our values in life: is it really that important, these labels, that made us gods to our neighbors and judge them by what we see? Since when we're so knowledgeable about everything, when what we really know is just a tiny dot in this universe?

The movie speaks about humility, humbleness, sincerity, pureness, love, and most of all, our relationship with God. Although there is a UFO and alien in this movie, the movie isn't about atheism or science. It combines the facts with the human need to find God within ourselves--and to not merge our beliefs with our social lives. What we believe--our religions--is private. Don't let it interfere with--or hold us back from--the people we love. It's something that is hard to understand, especially here in this eastern part of the globe.

Ironically, while the innocents could teach us so much about true love and purity, as Janggu said, what we teach them to be human is how to lie--although it's for the better good, although it's a sacrifice for a beloved one. Sad, but true. And it's really a part of being human we sometimes learn the hard way.

So, if you haven't watch this movie, you really should! Even if you're already so broad-minded. Even if you don't believe in God. And especially if you think you're already the most righteous person in the world.

I am so happy because I just watched the first two episodes of American Gods series last night, which is adapted from the same titled novel by Neil Gaiman. The story evolves around Shadow Moon's life after prison, which became stranger and stranger each day, starting from his wife Laura's death--to weird yet powerful people he's meeting along his employment to Mr. Wednesday.

Tho it's dark and so much grotesque, I find the story interesting because it's talking about the old gods VS the new gods we are adoring. Thousands of years ago we may worshiping a line of gods and goddess, no matter where we are, because they ruled and had the power. But tho the world is changing and we're so much 'developed', we still adoring and worshiping things--only in different form than the old gods/goddesses. The new gods now are technology, television program, video game, and so on.

I'm taking this idea in my own perspective: that we are forgetting those who helped our ancestors in their time, forgetting those who helped us built our nation, and replacing them with new-found culture of futurism, technology and westernization. Apart from the filthy works the gods are depicted in this movie, I still believe that they did what they had to do in that time.

Although most of Greek/Nordic gods-goddesses are depicted as narcissistic and selfish beings, I believe many of them aren't behaving that way. It's just that we human don't know so much about them that we often view them from one side and judge them from where we see it--but how do we know more about them?

Well this is just a thought about how I see our relationship with the old gods: we know nothing about them, only heard of them from some tales, some myths or sayings. But one thing that we can prove from these legends: that once upon a time our world believed in gods and goddess, that they were being forgotten by younger generations, and that this world is still need worshiping something in exchange that we mostly don't realize.

via deviantart

Back to the film, I feel happy with this series. Especially because I like the guy playing Shadow Moon, Ricky Whittle--he's much better than how I'd picture him in my imagination. I like most of the casting, except for Bilquis, whom I expected would be more pretty and seducing as the Goddess of Love would be--but maybe in this time of crisis for the old goddess, it's okay that Yetide Badaki plays her. It's not that she's not beautiful--it's just that her natural expression is mostly too dark and sad for a Bilquis in my mind.

Well I don't really recommend this film for everyone. Not many can take so much blood and darkness on scene, but lovers of Hannibal would love this flick--especially because it is created by Bryan Fuller and this is his first series after Hannibal. And Neil Gaiman has a reputation of never disappointing his readers, making his films always as good as the books (remember when he created different plot for Stardust? I think it's good to avoid having bad film adaptation from a book!)

So yeah, I'm rating this film 10 out of 10, for all the details and the whole imagination-coming-to-life, although the film is admittedly much darker than how I thought it'd be. I just really can't wait to see Easter and the epic war in the end. So excited!

I just finished watching NBC's This Is Us, all the 18 episodes of Season 1. Have you watched it? The series revolves around The Pearsons. It's a fresh family drama of a unique composition with the perfect father/husband figure, a struggling mother/housewife and their unique male/female triplets. The family consists of a broken-homed guy trying to get out of his parents' house, a beautiful star-wannabe pub singer housewife, an super-good looking yet underrated actor, an overweight daughter, and the successful interracial adopted child. And most of them share the same birthday.

Just reading the first paragraph above must've given you a headache of how complicated a family situation can be, huh? Well, you just have to watch it to understand, and I'm not going to spoil too much about it. I just wanna say that I enjoy the series so much, tho each episode brings me "waterwork"--as Ana would say it. My BFF / ex-roommate Ana recommended it to me few months ago and we first watched it because we are fans of Gilmore Girls (which first brought us Milo Ventimiglia--read this) and Mandy Moore.



As we all know, there are no such perfect family. Each family has its own situation, problems, flaws, yet goodness in it. At the season finale, Jack Pearson said to Rebecca Malone not to worry because their kids will make good decision, bad decision and even a decision that will surprise people in their future. “We’ve shown them a healthy marriage. This is just gonna be a blip on their radar years from now,” he says. “How they turn out, that’s bigger than us.”

I guess it works the same in every family. Parents are responsible for showing (not just saying) their kids the good things, be the good example for the next generation. But whatever comes out of that is up to the them. Some people worry too much about how their kids would turn out to be. Some are worried that they would die and buried alone. Some other want to have kids so they would have a guaranteed BFF for life.

But then again, sometimes life don't go as smooth as how we planned it. We forget that children are also human being who have their own will, wants, needs, and plans. We cannot force our broken dream or unfulfilled wishes to our child. And most of times our ego and ambition clouded our better judgment for things, including for our own children.

In the past 15 years I've heard so many family problems from people around me and I could make my own conclusion. Of all the reasons, marriage failure or divorce is caused by one single, big reason: the marriage itself. Most people got married for all the wrong reasons that they'd live unhappy and sometimes ended with divorce. Furthermore, it leads to children feeling left behind and broken inside. Many parents don't (or can't) prepare them to stay soft in the harsh world, to stay strong in hard circumstances, and to stay positive in the negative environment.

When I see my friends' marriage cases, most of them (most, not all) got married because they feel unfulfilled in their own family. Lack of mother's attention or father's affection came first on the list. Most of broken-home child friends I have dream of building their own happy little family, promise to give their children everything they have, and most often than not, they focus more on the dream rather than on the most important fact: the person they are marrying.

For three hours few days ago I sat listening to my friend's story, of which I saw the beginning and have to witness how a "wrong marriage" would end after 10 years and 3 kids. For this particular case, I can't judge her for I'd known what made her took the decision to get married. It was not for love. It was the condition. I can't blame her because I was not in her position; all that I can do as a friend is to support her. But I learn a lot from her.

She admitted to me that she didn't listen to all of my theories about life and marriage before because unlike me, she dreamed of getting married young. Unlike me, she yearns for having her own babies, building her own family. Yet, she forgot the quality of the man she's building her home with. She ignored all the compatibility factors, focusing only on the man's willingness on making her his wife and other materialistic/mortal elements.

[I, on the other hand, dream of building my own empire--not home. I'm looking for a qualified king material to rule the world on my side, not a boss or a slave (well the 'world' here may be as absurd as my imaginative fantasy, yet it's still a 'world'). I cannot tolerate "basic" people who are too "physical" and "materialist". I'm not an easy person to handle, so I'm taking my time to see who'll show up and staying for the task. God knows how patient I am.]

In the mean time, when watching This Is Us, I came to notice how different characters people of the same birth date could have. While being the perfect husband/father, Jack doesn't inherit it to his biological kids. Oddly it is Randall who got all of his adopted father's brilliant quality. In the contrary, Kevin and Kate are struggling to gain their own confidence, to get on their own ground, to find their life path. They were knocked down for so long post their super-dad's death that they couldn't stand up on their own feet for over 20 years.

People take grieve on loss differently, I agree. Those who has solid ground could get back up faster than those who doesn't have one. I think this is the importance of parents' role here; to give their kids a solid ground and a vivid dream; to guide their path and light their way; to monitor and not controlling; to advise and not demanding. It takes a lot to be a parent. I hope everyone is aware of this fact and do their job well here because shaping our kids are much easier than to mend broken people.

This Is Us also teach us to be brave, kind, strong, confident, faithful, forgiving, righteous, and love unconditionally. I love all of the drama they are serving because it isn't too much, it's human and happens in our daily lives. Over all, I guess this is my most favorite drama series of all time. Bravo, Dan Fogelman!



P.S. My favorite characters are Jack Pearson and Beth Pearson. Maybe because I've known a person like Jack before, and I just love Beth's hairstyle (and her being a witty and supportive wife.)

Have you watched the La La Land? Well I watched it for the second time last night with my mom. I didn't want to, because I knew it'd make me emotional again, but there weren't much choices for her but the action movies she doesn't like. So we watched the award-winning movie together.

Watching the movie for the second time makes me look at more details and simple things that I forgot from the first watch, just like the mentioning of Indonesia that I didn't remember before. And just returning from Universal Studios Singapore made me realize that one of the settings was around a studio, the Warner Bros.

But the main thing that makes this movie special for me (and being reminded last night) is the story. It talks about dreamers, about making their dreams come true, about choosing between lover vs ambition. It made me really think: what do I value more in life; is it more to keep the love of my life, or to have the life that I've always dreamed of?

If you ask me the question, my answer would be to have my love forever in my arms. But in reality, I just realized, it doesn't go that way. The older I get the more I realized that most of my childhood plans don't work out. I dreamed of getting married with the first and only guy I date--but life happened and I'm already on my eleventh guy now at the age of (almost) 33.

Instead, my younger sister got married first almost two years ago, and I'm still single now. In fact, almost all of the theories and principals I had in mind when I was a little girl had changed now into the opposites. I've realized many years ago that life isn't as pretty as those fairy tales or Disney princess' stories. The happy-ever-after kinda life, I know now, happens just for a glimpse, for once in a lifetime, and could live forever only in our minds--just like Seb and Mia's fantasy when Seb played their song in his club at the end. Sad, isn't it?

But I'm a dreamer. Boy, I'm such a terrible dreamer. Deep in my heart I believe that I'd have that kind of ending; the happy-ever-after one. I know that I deserve such happy ending. So what if my last boyfriend chose his career over me, just like Mia chose to pursue her dream, got married with another man, and left Seb with nothing but his own dream to chase? Well, I might be Seb here, and I know I'm gonna have that club of my own. But unlike Seb, I believe I'll have another Mia in my life.

The last paragraph might sound delusional or like a denial, but I prefer to think of it as hopeful. At least to keep me going on for now. For the past two years I'd been lamenting my fate for being so unlucky with love life and repenting on why did he left me. But the movie--despite depicting my story in a grand musical way--reminded me that I, too, have a choice to make in this life. I have the power to rewrite my story, to reset my destiny, to change the plot anytime that I want.

Most people, after experiencing such great love and have lost it, choose to give in to life and surrender to the system: find any next eligible one available, marry them, have kids, and die old. I guess I'm never a fan to that theory. Maybe I'm really born a rebel. I prefer to experience greatness than mere goodness. Maybe I'll end up just like Seb: having my dream comes true for my career, without a family to build. I guess a family is not necessary to make, isn't it?

La La Land movie reminds us about choices in life. We are always offered with options, and each has its own consequences. It's just which consequence we want to live in better. And when we're the one who have to accept the other one's choice, we still have choices on how we'd live with that option. Because life is all about choices and consequences.

Don't look at me that way. Yes, I watched the movie. It was last Monday, and it seems like I still can't move on from that. Well, I actually do. But the movie brings many thoughts that bother me. As a '90s kids of course I watched the first movie AADC. I was as old as Cinta's character in the movie: at my last year in high school. The simple story plot and the natural acts made this a good movie. They were the trend that brought back passion in cinema life to Indonesia filmmakers. Plus, unlike other quality romance drama movies that I watch that mostly came from Hollywood, this movie sets in the familiar city that I've lived in. But I didn't have a life anywhere near Cinta's so the movie wasn't really memorable to me.

So when they were so hyped with the sequel--14 years later--I wasn't really eager to watch it, too. But eventually, after hearing so many testimonials from friends, and that I got a free movie ticket, I watched it anyway. And, as everybody else who watched this, I was emotional too. Perhaps because Cinta's life is more applicable to my life: an person of art, single in her 30s, traces of past love that can't seem to be done, my love for both cities Jakarta and Yogyakarta, and all other details in the movie that are close to my life. I even watch the AADC movie again to make a comparison.

What I noticed is that they care about every single details that I often found in most Indonesian movies that sometimes don't make sense at all or not applicable in daily Indonesian life. For example, they repeat some details from the AADC in AADC2: the phrase Cinta said about how annoying Rangga is when he's confused; the expression of "Lalu?" (and then?) they both shared of asking the next step; the way Cinta erased her bight-coloured lipstick before both dates with Rangga; the speeding up on the highway to the airport and the "failed" effort to relive the scene in the airport (which is a good thing)... Although you don't really notice them at first, if you watch both movies in an adjacent time you'll appreciate these details more. And the most important thing is the same people behind the soundtrack music, that strengthened the character of the movie.

Through this sequel I got to reflect on my own love life in the past 14 years. Unlike Cinta, I don't have a Rangga figure in my life. But I saw how much progress I had made. All the mistakes in my life, the stupid things we did in the name of love, or the pride we held that kept us from love.. I guess just like Cinta and Rangga who are more mature than how they reacted in AADC, we also have wiser ways to settle for things in life.

As a fan of the movie, I also regret the fact that Dian Sastro didn't end up marrying Nicholas Saputra. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wish for that. But also I realized that Dian Sastro is not Cinta, and Nicholas Saputra is not Rangga. It's just that the filmmakers are so good at delivering perfect scenes that makes us convinced that this story could be real. (And if you do this could be real, stop that thought now. It isn't real. Don't daydream about it because it's a made up story. But if you want to get something out of it, take the lessons instead).

So I guess the fever of AADC2 will soon be over as the movie is taken out from the theatres. As real life is happening now, we need to get back and focus on our lives now. But good thing about movies are the messages they are giving us. Through the wide screen at least we can try reflecting by looking at our own lives in different perspective, to appreciate every little detail (as how I admire how detailed the movie is done for Indonesian production), and perhaps to give soundtrack to our daily life for the fun of it. At least watching this movie triggered me to writing poems again... Thank you, AADC2 team! (;

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Have you watched "Into The Woods"? I just did. It is an almost 2-hours musical movie about the classic tales of Cinderella, Jack & the Beanstalk, Little Red Ridinghood and Rapunzel combined. The first 60 minutes are about it. At first, as you may also, what interested me was the movie theme, then the casts (Meryl Streep, Johnny Depp, Emily Blunt, Anna Kendrick--but I just found out about them during the watching).

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The second hour of the movie, anyway, is more a reality than the tale. Life lessons are everywhere in this movie, taught us that there are more than just "happily ever after" in every tale ever told. I'll list down the messages down here. But my most favorite quote came from the witch (I had guessed this from the beginning but being drawn into the story that I forgot I've suspected this to come out).

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Long story short, people were starting to blame each other for the misery they were into, and ended at the witch, blaming her for cursing the baker's family at the first place. Then, the witch stood up for herself, saying (or, rather to singing in this movie):

Told a little lie, Stole a little gold,
Broke a little vow, Did you?

Had to get your prince, Had to get your cow,
Had to get your wish, Doesn't matter how...

.. No of course what's really matter is the blame
Someone you can blame...

You're so nice. You're not good, 
You're not bad, You're just nice

I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right. 
I'm the witch. You're the world...

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That last sentence struck me right on. I guess this is what the problem of our society now. The society prefer people to be nice, although it's not always good or bad. People like what is nice. And this, is suitable with the new motto I hold in the past two years: "to be right first, then to be good if possible".

via disneyblogs

The world has been so greedy, wanting this and that and not caring about the consequences. The society has been too blind to like only what's nice, what looks great and forgetting about what it truly is inside/behind. And when things get ugly, the easiest way to do is to blame it on someone. People has been refusing to carry on their own burdens, to take full responsibility on what's happening in their lives.

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People had been so mislead by what the society had set for the standards. Roots are forgotten, history are bent. Boys nowadays are mostly raised to be charming, not sincere, while they suppose to be gentlemen who protect the women (both the prince and the baker). And for all girls, remember that every prince will try their best to get you by his side, but what happens once they got you is what's much more important to count.

via disneyblogs

via disneyblogs

Ah, there are too many lost people now. "What is right became wrong, and what is wrong became right in this era," said a pemangku (Hindu priest in Bali) once when I visited him in Kuta, early 2013.
Anyway I compiled some of the lessons from the quotes of this great movie--tho the messages were scattered from the very beginning to the end of the movie--but here are my favorite ones:

via disneyblogs

1. Wishes come true, not free.
2. Do not put your faith in a cape and a hood. They will not protect you the way that they should.
3. Sometimes people leave you, but no one is alone. No one leaves for good.
4. Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor.
5. Take extra care with strangers, even flowers have their dangers.
6. You've had an "and" when you're back to "or" makes the "or" means more than it did before.
7. Careful the things you say, children will listen.
8. Something always happens after "Happy Ever After".
9. Agony is different to everyone.
10. Sometimes the things you wish for are not to be touched.
11. But if life were only moments, then you'd never know you had one.
12. Witches can be right, giants can be good. You decide what's right. You decide what's good.
13. Hard to see the light now. Just don't let it go. Things will come out right.
14. Never trust a wolf under any circumstances.
15. Though scary is exciting, nice is different than good.
    
    

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From each of the characters we can learn a lot. From Little Red for girls to be careful of the traps of men getting what they want by being (or seem) nice. From Jack to listen to the mother and to not steal. From Cinderella to be realistic about life, that the dreamy-kind-of-life isn't always applicable or fit with who we really are. From the Baker to not run from responsibility though the road might get bumpy and everything seem so scary now. And from the Witch, being ugly and scary, is mostly mistaken by the society because people rarely see what is underneath.

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So, there you go. My newest top favorite movie. You should all watch it, too--I promise you there are more that you'll get than the boredom from the musical. And I wish more children are watching this and get many lessons from this, because I also do!

This week I incidentally watched two movies about real scientists. First, it was Theory of Everything about the legendary theoretical physicist, cosmologist and author Stephen Hawking (now 73 years old). This movie doesn't only shows Hawking's life at his twenties and how he got his first disease but also a very great love story of him and Jane Wilde, of which I'd say very beautiful to have such kind of love in life.

The second movie I just watched last night was The Imitation Game, a movie about Alan Turing, the famous pioneering computer scientist, mathematician, logician, cryptanalyst, mathematical biologist, philosopher and marathon & ultra distance runner during the WWII. Contrary to the first movie, this one talks about the struggle of the British to win the war and Turing's invention of the earliest idea of what we call now as a computer. The professor sadly ended his life in 1954 due to his post-war breakdown. Tragic story, indeed, that had been kept by the government for 50 years.

the casts and the real characters: Felicity Jones, Jane Wilde, Eddie Redmayne and Stephen Hawking via image

Both of these brilliant men are (was) British and both movies are adapted from biography books. Hawking's book was written by his first wife, Jane Wilde, while Turing's by Andrew Hodges. Both made huge differences in the world and both have (had) defects in their physical bodies (Turing was homosexual--which brought him into his suicide at the age of 42 because it was illegal in UK).

Alan Turing vs Benedict Cumberbatch. Not similar in any way but Cumberbatch proves he's a great actor via media4

I love both of these movies and both of the casts, Eddie Redmayne and Benedict Cumberbatch are really into the characters. It's really nice to have them reliving the two big scientists to the audience. These kinds of movies really giving us knowledge and inspire us to explore more, create more, and be grateful more. Thank you, both to Professor Hawking and late Professor Turing, for your inventions! _/|\_

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Do you believe in reincarnation?
Is it related to your belief?
Does your religion against the idea?
What if the science can proof the otherwise?

But most importantly, what if today's researches could finally relate science with beliefs/spirituality? This movie is talking about a random test done by scientists couple that lead them to a huge discovery of the relation between science (which are based on facts/data) and spirituality (which relates to human's soul, feelings and subconscious mind).

I myself do believe in reincarnation, now that I have seen the proofs for the past 10 years. I remember I used to argue with a friend about this and I insisted that there aren't such thing as reincarnation. But from Paulo Coelho's books and testimonials or stories from around me, I slowly started to believe in the idea, especially when a man told me who I was in my last incarnation.


Now if something like this occurs in your life, whether you're a scientist or a religious person, would you change your belief? Would it affect your perspective on seeing this life? Would it trigger more the curiosity in you about the mystery of life? Or would it be just another movie/discovery/news that goes by and forgotten in your already busy life?

And if there are proofs/facts/data that connects the never-ending debates between science and religion, shouldn't it be a great thing to discover? That we could finally find the answer about life mystery? I have found recently the data that is indeed shocking but so true that it works on researches and experiments, but really changed my belief on almost everything in life.

But as Ricky Gervais had said: "Beliefs don't change facts. Facts, if you're reasonable, should change your beliefs." No, I never lead anyone into atheism like Gervais did. I simply want people to see the greater truth, the one hidden behind religions--but not that God isn't there--the one that had been there all along, written/drawn/encrypted on manuscript or other ancient artifacts, the proofs that had been there way before religions existed. Why not grounding our beliefs from the origins--the original one?

I'm not going to discuss about that now, but I put it in my novel, Gerbang Nuswantara, all of the facts that could trigger your curiosity to find out more about Indonesian original history/culture/data. For me, this movie is another great mind-opener--just like Lucy--on the greatest knowledge we're not told. Yet. But it really is a mind-opener.

I like almost all of the quotes from this movie, especially the one that said "eyes are the window to the soul"--that specific quote we're all already familiar about--that is literally proven in the movie. Because I experienced it too when I met my current boyfriend. It was at our very first meeting that we knew we've known each other since forever. And that we are each other's true love & soul mate, and that we could see it in each other's eyes.

Maybe that's why I love this movie so much. Because it's mind-opener. It gives proofs. And it relates to my own personal experience. Now I am curious to have my eyes scanned and see who I was in my past life(s)--in a scientific way. Not that the past mattered, but I always believe that the past holds the key to our future (and the knowledge).


Anyway. Some fun facts about the movie (taken from IMDb):

1. For a brief moment in the opening credits only the letters I and O are shown in the movie title. This gives "IOII". In binary the number 1011 translates as eleven which is an important number throughout the film.
2. In the ending Salomina completed a test and scored 44%. The test involved 25 questions from A-Y. 44% of 25 is 11. In the beginning of the film, 11 is the number that brought Ian and Sofi together. This is a well thought out scene which shows the directors use of fore-shadowing.  
3. Salomina's score of 44% is 11% above the average score of 33% which is yet another occurrence of "11" in the story.