Should there be the cruelest person in the world, emotionally, it's gotta be me. I mean, really, I've hurt my lover's feeling for so many times as if I'm a heartless creature.

I learn now, that in every relationship there are problems, controversy, and many other pebbles along the way. But the worst thing could happen here is pride. I am a selfish person, still. I am not completely ready for a relationship and this would bring me nowhere with anyone I'm dating.

Perhaps someday I'll understand. Someday I'll be selfless. But now my ego plays hardly dominant in me and controls my brain. It's pathetic, I guess. I'm in pain for the troubles I caused myself into. It really shouldn't be this hard, this lovey dovey kind of things.. why should it be?

Guess I need to cool it down a little. I'm still afraid I'd end up doing this over and over again the rest of my life. If only the man of my life had a super huge and patient heart.. but human has limits. And I can't persuade one to continue to love me all his life. I gotta let go.. or learn to be unselfish.

I still have to decide.