This is actually the holy week for Catholic and Christian people, but I don't feel like it. I think I'm skipping Easter this year, the one thing I've never done in my whole life. I just don't feel like it.

Maybe because my heart is so weary now that I don't feel like doing anything or meeting anyone, including my close friends, even though I am currently staying at Serpong, a 15-30 minutes drive to Jakarta.

It's actually torturing me, because meeting friends had always been a very good healing treatment to me for years; but the series of events that happened lately in my life had been so weird I couldn't tell anyone about it--no one would understand, let alone give me an advice for solution--that I feel so distant to people right now.

I also realized this since a long time; that people change. I change, all the time. And my situation had never been so complicated before, nor the references I've read/heard/watched before. I just feel so lost and alone at this moment--and I tend to pull myself out of the crowd, even to be more lonely, in this kind of situation--, and hoping that things will get better soon.

I know that the best way to deal with difficult times is to surrender to Him, but I am also a human who have feelings. Perhaps I shouldn't feel at all because emotions are deceiving. Maybe it's just because of the PMS--I just hope, O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless not...