Maybe this song was made to represent my situation with Yodi, it fits a lot for me!
But I'm not regretting anything cuz everything that happenned in my life must has its own reason(s).
And to meet and know him is one best thing I ever experienced.
"Perfection is boring," said one of make-up artist.
I agree.
People keeps thinking that I’m perfect: I dunno why. But no, I’m not that perfect. And these people who flattered me lately (Yeah of course some people whose names I won’t mention—but meant a lot to me) gave me new perspective.
I think I am really NOT designed to be coupled. I mean, I only love (truly love) three people my whole life: two of my exs and Yodi. But in fact I couldn’t get together with neither. Lessons keep going on in life. I’m always upgraded. But for love, I think it’s enough. I can fall easily to beautiful people but I think from now on I won’t let anyone get too close with me. I’d make exceptional only for my Livia Sutedja and Alex Samosir (the latter is my best friend since elementary school).
So, I think I need long break now: go somewhere quiet, concentrate on my book, take a break from people… lots of thoughts on my head and I need to collect them all and make the perfect combination for my character…
See, I’m not that perfect, people.
And if you wish to get me, keep dreaming. You can all be my friends but not more. Cuz I’m sick of love and about feelings and all those stuff. I just wanna concentrate on my mission: be more social and get the best of my life.
I'm the Angelina Jolie and only my Brad Pitt can get pass thru my thick defence wall. Dunno if Brad Pitt really exist in my life but I don't really care. I am happy the way I am now, the life I live now, I don't really care about whatever people think about me. I'm just gonna live my life my way.
I broke up from my 19 months relationship with Mario. Do I feel sad? Of course: I lost my lover, best friend, protector, supporter; all the things which made my comfort zone.
But the break up brings good things to me: freedom, free choice of my future, and made me realized lots of things… I loved my boyfriend, I’ve learned many lessons from him (how to deal in and to keep a long-term relationship, how to break-up and make-up, how to feel entering a big family as a girlfriend, how to be more organized--but apparently I'm not a well-organized person--, how to deal with someone with completely different world with me), but we’re just not meant to be together and we just better be separated. It was just not working...
Now I’m pretty certain of my own choice, my own life and my real character. I’ve been following his instructions, his wills and ways. But now I can do all things with my own way, the most comfortable way of all.
I’m living my life, enjoying the time of my life now. I’m truly happy, never been any happier… I’ve never felt this free and simply being myself. Life’s still a long way to go, I still have much time to recover, rebuild my strength and character, and decide the best way to live my life.
Lambang: Ikan
Elemen: Air
Warna: Biru, hijau
Bunga: Teratai, Mawar
Hari baik: Kamis
Karakter
Keywords: luwes, pintar menyesuaikan diri, penuh pengertian tapi sering malu-malu, ramah, dermawan, kreatif, sensitif, kurang PD, tertutup, gampang down.
Kreatif adalah ciri paling menonjol dari warga Pisces. Keinginan dan imajinasinya yang tinggi seringkali membuat Pisces tampak unik diantara teman-temannya. Tapi karena rendah hati dan suka gak pede, Pisces gak pernah menyadari bakat besar yang dimilikinya. Pisces juga menyukai suasana gembira dan punya sense of humour yang tinggi. Dalam banyak hal Pisces adalah orang yang toleran. Saking tolerannya, kadang sulit memutuskan apapun sendiri, bahkan cenderung tak punya pendirian. Pisces ingin setiap hal berjalan baik dan setiap orang dapat perlakuan yang sama di atas bumi. Hal-hal yang tidak menyenangkan membuatnya menderita, dan ini mempengaruhi mood si Pisces. Selain hal-hal kreatif, Pisces juga tertarik pada dunia spiritual dan mistik.
Persahabatan
Banyak orang suka berteman dengan Pisces karena punya sense of humour yang tinggi. Pisces takut menyakiti hati orang karena dirinya sendiri pun mudah terluka. Sedikit saja tersinggung, akan susah bagi Pisces untuk menyembuhkan hatinya. Rasa sensitif yang tinggi ini seringkali merepotkan sahabat si Pisces. Tapi Pisces adalah sahabat yang setia. Saking setianya, Pisces bahkan rela mengorbankan kepentingan pribadinya demi sang sahabat. Virgo, Scorpio, Cancer dan Taurus adalah teman-teman yang cocok untuk si Pisces.
Asmara
Sifat manja dan lemah lembut Pisces, selalu menarik hati. Siapapun yang jadi doi si Pisces akan ditempatkan sebagai sosok ideal baginya, dan ini membuat pasangan sang Pisces merasa dihargai. Hubungan asmara Pisces selalu penuh gejolak karena mood Pisces yang selalu berubah-ubah. Warga Pisces sulit ditebak dan selalu membuat doinya penasaran. Tapi Pisces romantis. Saking romantisnya, walaupun hubungannya dengan seseorang sudah berakhir, mereka sulit melupakan sosok Pisces.
Yang Bikin Pisces Gak Happy:
• Orang yang mementingkan otot daripada otak
• Dicuekin dan gak merasa disayang
• Temannya merahasiakan sesuatu darinya
• Dianggap konyol karena percaya hal-hal mistik
• Punya banyak problem
Cewek Pisces
Klop sama cowok :
• Cancer yang sama sama sentimentil
• Taurus yang pinter bikin cewek tersanjung
• Capricorn yang punya banyak kejutan
• Scorpio yg suka melindungi
Tips Nge-Gaet Cewek Pisces
Pas nge-date pertama kali, terserah kamu mau pake baju apa. Kamu yang bikin keputusan sendiri. Musik dan dansa adalah favoritnya doi. Kalo nggak bisa dansa, cepet deh ambil kelas dansa. Cewek Pisces gak peduli tampang kamu plus apa minus. Yang penting hati kamu plus. Kehumorisan kamu diperlukan sama si doi karena dia juga demen nge-joke. Doi juga kurang percaya diri. Jadi dia butuh kamu untuk membangkitkan hal ini. Doi gampang jatuh cinta. Herannya, si doi care sama semua orang walaupun ada yang perlakuin dia dengan gak baek. Kalo mau dapetin doi, coba deh untuk bisa nyenengin doi and be romantic. Dukung doi deh dalam hidupnya supaya dia lebih tau apa arti tujuan hidupnya karena doi tipe-tipe yang moody gitu dan butuh perhatian yang ekstra.
Cowok Pisces
Hepi berpasangan sama cewek Capricorn, Cancer atau Virgo
Tips Nge-Gaet Cowok Pisces
Untuk nge-date pertama, kamu aja yang mutusin pengen ngajak dia ke mana. Doi suka musik dan cewek yang berprinsip. Doi juga bakal nurutin apa yang kamu suruh dia lakukan. Doi anaknya tuh tipe-tipe yang menyenangkan dan bisa kasih dukungan ke teman-temannya. Cowok Pisces umumnya romantis tapi doi gak suka bikin keputusan yang besar-besar. Doi juga gak berapa pinter dalam hal megang duit, jadi kamu yang harus jadi contoh buat dia. Saking tololnya, doi mau mau aja kasih cek ke kamu atau dompetnya kamu pegang. Doi suka kalo cewek bisa romantis dan suka candle light dinner dialunin sama musik yang lembut. Cowok Pisces tipe-tipe yang demen masak dan doi seneng kalo bisa nunjukin kemahiran masaknya ke kamu. Doi selalu tampil dengan pakaian rapih dan gak bakalan pernah malu-maluin kamu di depan umum deh! Kalo cowok Pisces dah menemukan pasangan yang ideal buatnya, dia akan sayang sama orang itu dan cintanya gak akan padam.
Tips Milih Kado Buat Si Pisces
Perhatian, itu yang paling penting buat Pisces. Karena itu biasanya mereka gak terlalu memperhatikan barangnya, karena sudah kerepotan menerima perhatian! Tapi ada yang gak boleh kelupaan, yaitu kartu ucapan yang menyertai kado. Mereka akan senang sekali menyimpannya sebagai kenang-kenangan.
Buat Cewek
Mereka akan terkesan pada kado yang kamu buat sendiri. Apapun bentuknya! Misalnya puisi yang indah ataupun kerajinan tangan hasil prakaryamu. Orang Pisces sangat menghargai usaha dan kreativitas. Kalau bukan hasil buatan sendiri alias beli, berikan sesuatu yang berguna seperti baju tidur yang lembut.
Buat Cowok
Karena umumnya kreatif, mereka juga mengharapkan kado yang bisa menggugah kreativitas dan ada tantangannya. Misalnya Pesawat pajangan yang belum dirakit, puzzle, jigsaw, atau games lain yang penuh tantangan. VCD film favoritnya juga oke. Selain itu, cowok Pisces juga menyukai majalah tentang motor dan otomotif!
When two Pisceans join together in a love match, there is a union of two sensitive and emotional people. They share honest, efficient communication, a rich emotional bond and a deep spiritual connection. They both feel that their precious relationship is the most wonderful thing in the world, and it couldn't get any better. They share a love of beauty and peace unparalleled in the Zodiac, and both are equally committed to maintaining this ideal relationship.
The passive Pisces nature affords this couple peaceful times. However, Pisces can be too easygoing, sometimes gullible, and is extremely sensitive to negative energy. Two Pisces together can become lethargic, lazy or bring out the best and worst in one another. They are often unable to set limits for themselves or others, and can wander off too far in a spiritual direction. Pisces tend to elude any conflicts with a disappearing act, either with unrealistic optimism or by hiding out in a life of fantasy. It is this typical Pisces flexibility that makes both easy to talk to, adaptable to any situation and great friends as well as lovers.
Pisces is ruled by the Planets Jupiter and Neptune. Pisces share a great sense of ethics and values and live life with a philosophical outlook as reflected by the Planet Jupiter. Neptune is in charge of Pisces's relationship with pop culture, abstract thought, imagination and mystery. Pisces is a Sign of service. Each partner showers the other with affection and totally adores any they receive in turn. The giving of fancy gifts, breakfast in bed and weekend getaways are common occurrences in a Pisces-Pisces relationship.
Pisces is a Water Sign. Both partners are only too happy to bend to the will and needs of their loved ones. Pisces are well known for their adaptability, conforming their interests and intentions to the situation at hand. This can be dangerous for The Fish, however, as their sense of self may slide off into the background. The astrological symbol of The Pair of Fishes represents Pisces's dual nature, each swimming in a different direction simultaneously. Pisces must really focus and devote themselves to setting personal goals. It is for the benefit of the relationship that each partner must do their best to encourage one another to succeed.
Pisces is a Mutable Sign. Indirect and aloof, Pisces does well when inspired by a strong initiating force. This couple will normally exist with little or no conflict, and will greatly benefit from putting their hearts and heads together. Fights are few and far between. Both are always there to help one another through trying times or to lend a hand whenever necessary. Their laid-back nature is a welcome aspect for both partners, and this couple feels a great emotional attraction to and deep admiration of one another.
What's the best aspect of the Pisces-Pisces relationship? It's amazing ease with which they get along with one another. They are the envy of the Zodiac when it comes to a peaceful, easy relationship. They are very loyal, loving and mellow and will always be there when their partner needs them most. Together, their bond can appear unbreakable.
Romantic Pisces, you are the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac. You are regarded as the sign of sensitivity and receptivity, and are a true chameleon by being mutable and infinitely complex. Your keywords are communion and vision, and you have the capacity to go beyond this world to the one of dreams and the spirit.
Your ruler Neptune, the planet of confusion and chaos, gets people out of habits that imprison them so that they question themselves and can discover another path toward growth and spirituality. Neptune is also the planet of imagination and illusion, and governs the dream world with all its many facets.
Pisces is the third of the three water signs, which means that you are concerned with the realm of emotion and feeling. You deal with sensitivity, intuition, and deeper psychic aspects of life. You are able to conduct unconscious telepathic communication with others.
Your sign rules the twelfth house of the chart, the sector associated with the unconscious, need for seclusion, and places of restriction. This house describes the wellspring of your being, including psychological problems that you repress. This house is very healing and can promote personal and spiritual growth, once you make the effort to go deeper and face YOUR reality.
Pisces is a mutable sign. You adapt to the exigencies of life and ingeniously melt into circumstances like a chameleon. In your interaction with others, you are personable and compassionate, and successfully connect on a deep emotional level.
Your strengths, dear Pisces, lie in your altruistic and empathetic nature, because you feel the urge to help people less fortunate than you. Your sensitivity and intuition make you a true healer. Your strong imagination and highly evolved creativity predispose you to artistic expression.
Your main weaknesses are that you can be weak-willed, passive, and indecisive. Many times, you prefer to escape reality and indulge in your dreamworld. Chaos and confusion can be present in you, which may frustrate your circle of friends. At the same time, you can be oversensitive
HELL YEAH BABY!
I'm done. Done with the interior design for Business School's Library, with periodical consultations with lecturers, with the sleepless nights, with the previews and final court, with printing and plotting, done with all the tiring days. Done with A grade.
It’s all done. I have S.Sn. degree behind my name now. Yipee-ka-yay!!
Now, I’m enjoying my retirement of being a student. I still have reports to be done but it’s so much better than the last semester’s struggle to finish the design. I still have to make portfolio to apply for a job, but once again, it can be done without being stressed.
And I’m simply happy. My relationship with my family, friends, and lover are great. Now I can manage time and priority for them all without abandoning my tasks, and I feel happy to be balance with them. I’m back to the social world (which I think I left it since a year ago).
But I’m still confused with my future. Whether I’ll stick in interior-architectural business, concentrating on my unfinished novel, or try new world of public relation/journalistic/others. Maybe I’ll stay stick with the interior thing for a while.
And I’m confused with which city will I live in next. It depends on which company would hire me: Jakarta, Bandung, or Bali.
So now I’m gonna finish all the things necessarily be done here in Bandung, prepare for my future, and enjoy life.
On one episode of Heroes series, Mr. Linderman asked Nathan Petrelli whether he wanted a meaning life or happy life. He said it can’t be done both. If you want a happy life, you have to live in present time. Don’t stick to the past or worry the future. But when you want a meaning life, you have to evaluate the past and make plans to achieve the future. So you can not live in present time.
You know what? Meaning life sounds great to have, but to feel joy and grateful, we have to live in the present, enjoy it, be grateful, forgive-and-forget, and let all flow. Doesn’t mean we have to follow the current, cuz only dead fish do that (quote taken from Chicken Soup for Teenage Soul), we also have to have plan and principles. But let God do all the rest, let His hands take care of everything. We have to believe in Him (don’t forget to pray!) and work for what He tells us. Trust me, He’ll give us everything we need just in time.
He never goes wrong. But the problem is, we people are granted with the Free-Will. This make us free to decide what to do, to choose, to avoid in live. So how can His plan happen to us—if we do/choose/avoid the wrong things? I dunno about this, but I believe that whether we did/chose/avoided that wrong options, He’ll give us the best He already prepared for us eventually.
No regret, no worry. Just be grateful.
Can we live like this all the time in this world? I hope I can, and as long as I’m strong, I’ll help you, too, to live like this.
-Michael Bublé
You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And You're the perfect thing to say.
And you play your card, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
Cause you're my everything.
yeah, yeah
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
Cinta…
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita jungkir balik merasakan badai perasaan yang campur aduk?
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita superseneng dan sangatsedih, seperti dua mata koin yang merupakan satu kesatuan—hanya punya dua wajah yg berbeda?
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita ninggalin semua logika, prinsip, dan keyakinan kita hanya demi satu orang yang membawa kata ‘cinta’ ini ke dalam kehidupan kita?
Kenapa satu kata itu mampu membuat keangkuhan terpaksa dirobohkan dan keegoisan dilebur?
Kenapa satu kata itu merupakan satu kata yang patut dibenci namun kita memilih untuk mencinta?
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa mengubah seseorang—bahkan sifat yang setegar batu sekalipun?
Kenapa satu kata itu membuatku sesak napas sekarang?
Aku butuh dia. Butuh dia untuk tetap bertahan.
Cinta…
Kenapa hanya itu yang kubutuhkan? Namun logika menghalangi…
Cinta…
Dapatkah cinta mengalahkan benteng prinsip dan logika—selamanya?
Aku ingin hidup bahagia. Aku ingin hidup dengan cinta. Dapatkah?
Cinta…
Mampu menciptakan banyak hal. Namun juga melukai. Untungnya kita punya Waktu. Untuk menyembuhkan. Atau mengembalikan cinta pada kita.
Semoga cinta selalu berpihak pada kita.
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita jungkir balik merasakan badai perasaan yang campur aduk?
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita superseneng dan sangatsedih, seperti dua mata koin yang merupakan satu kesatuan—hanya punya dua wajah yg berbeda?
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa bikin kita ninggalin semua logika, prinsip, dan keyakinan kita hanya demi satu orang yang membawa kata ‘cinta’ ini ke dalam kehidupan kita?
Kenapa satu kata itu mampu membuat keangkuhan terpaksa dirobohkan dan keegoisan dilebur?
Kenapa satu kata itu merupakan satu kata yang patut dibenci namun kita memilih untuk mencinta?
Kenapa satu kata itu bisa mengubah seseorang—bahkan sifat yang setegar batu sekalipun?
Kenapa satu kata itu membuatku sesak napas sekarang?
Aku butuh dia. Butuh dia untuk tetap bertahan.
Cinta…
Kenapa hanya itu yang kubutuhkan? Namun logika menghalangi…
Cinta…
Dapatkah cinta mengalahkan benteng prinsip dan logika—selamanya?
Aku ingin hidup bahagia. Aku ingin hidup dengan cinta. Dapatkah?
Cinta…
Mampu menciptakan banyak hal. Namun juga melukai. Untungnya kita punya Waktu. Untuk menyembuhkan. Atau mengembalikan cinta pada kita.
Semoga cinta selalu berpihak pada kita.
Dalam diam jiwaku telah terluka memilikimu
Karna ku takkan bisa tuk selamanya menjadi cintamu
Sesungguhnya hanya dirimu, tapi mereka tak mengerti
Dan menentang cintaku denganmu
Ku tlah menyerah slamanya dan mengakhiri kisah kita
Meski air mata membunuhku
Ku memang pecundang sejati yang tak sanggup perjuangkan cinta
Maafkan semua cintaku, ku meninggalkanmu
Janganlah kau tanyakan tentang janjiku yang pernah terucap
Karna semua tlah nyata kini diriku mengingkari
Maybe I’ve made a mistake. I love him so much. But the burden is killing me. I’ve always been in between. I’ve mentioned it before and for so many times. While he gives me the best of him, the pressure of leaving him is getting more a burden to me.
It’s like my ego takes control over my heart this time, it’s like getting revenge after suffering the whole last year. Loving him is easy for me, actually, cuz he loves me so much and that’s all that I need. But again, being in between heart and mind isn’t easy for love stuff. I love him, and everything about him just fits perfectly in me: emotionally, logically. But it’s me who can’t accept all the reality. I’m still battling with my logic: all the family’s expectation in me, all of my dreams and of being ‘me’.
After all I still need to be convinced if he really is my future husband. I need to know whether I can survive this loneliness or not. I still need to know whether I can live without him or not. If I’m dying not to be with him, then I’d know he’s the one for me. All these times I’m still sick of all the pressure and dislikes I have in me.
I really don’t know what to do now. While the feeling’s still so strong, I need something else more than him, cuz in the last year I’m not developing. Instead I am withered and hurting myself. I need to be refreshed. I need Jakarta. I know I can never forget him, for him being the best gift I ever had. But I need to go forward in life. I don’t wanna be stuck in the life of my friends’. I’m sick of the life in Bandung, it doesn’t make me grow.
Actually the last 3 weeks had been the greatest moment I’ve ever had with him. He changed and life’s just so wonderful and I didn’t shed a single tear in 3 weeks (such a record for I’ve been crying at least once a week since June 2006). He’s been so nice and actually his mistake last night was forgiven. But the pressure is just too heavy. The dilemma is killing me. If I’m still with him now, I’d be always haunted with the hope of the family—and myself. But to lose him is something else. He has all the great qualities I’ve always seek in a man. His flaws were forgiven and covered with what he gave me. It just doesn’t feel enough yet. I’m still so sick of the differences. The character difference is nothing compared to the background and vision differences.
Why am I being such a bitch? He loves me the way I am but I still demand a lot more of him. I don’t like the life in Bandung, it makes me sick, really sick. I want new kind of life, the one I won’t get in Bandung. Maybe Jakarta, but I don’t know yet. Why do we have so much difference? Why is he a Chinese and I’m not? Why can’t he be just ENOUGH for me? Why do I want more?
Actually he’s enough for me. But they don’t say so. Said I could get someone better and I know that I can but I don’t want it. I just want him. It’s just he’s not exactly what they expect. He’s not tall, he’s Chinese, and he behaves not like what they want. I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is the pressure. Being with him means I have to suffer half of myself and I’m not quite ready for that.
I need to learn so much more. I need to go out of Bandung to see what I really want in life, so I can see how much I love him, and need him in my life. I need some time to figure out who I really am, what I really want, where I really belong. I need time to retreat on myself and see it all in a different perspective. Said he’s not the best for me. Materially, yes. But emotionally, he’s just the best.
Oh how this hurt me. I know I hurt him too, more than I hurt myself. But I need this to know whether he’s the one for me. One thing I know, when all of his family and mine is gone, I know that he’s all that I need and I can deal with whatever lies between. It’s just I still wanna develop myself and I need to be alone for a moment, maybe a month or so, to figure out everything. I hope I’ll find the answer sooner.
Btw, I haven’t gone to church for more than a month. I need to go there. O Lord please forgive me for being such a sinner! But please tell him that I love him.
Yesterday I was awoke at 7.30 in the morning by phone call. The phone screen put Astarra’s number on it but when I picked up, it was his mum. She asked for my mum and wished to have breakfast together with my whole family.
So the whole family went to Oh La La Café at Plaza Dago by 8.30 a.m. where we met Aunt Rita, Uncle George and Astarra. We ordered pastries and beverages and had great time chat. Maybe it was almost 20 years since my dad met Uncle George and the last time they did, Clemy wasn’t born yet. And I was still a little girl, Ben was still so cute, and I couldn’t remember the faces of that family a single bit.
So the reunion was so exciting (though we haven’t met Astarri and Astirro for them being out of the country now). Aunt Rita gave us so many positive advices, inputs, and courage to get through our lives. I’ve always believed that I am more comfortable being in Jakarta (with its lifestyle) than in Bandung and she made me believe that my belief is true. I mean, I’ve been contaminated by the live and people in Bandung all these times. But I feel so comfortable and found that my world matches hers. I love her kind of life, which is unlike the life I have here.
I don’t want to hope too high. But I hope my life is going to be better and better tomorrow. She also gave us the book of Ir. Ciputra which encourages me more to do what I’ve always wanted to do and pursue my dreams. The consequence is to reach high and give more. This is good motto in life. That way, we are always blessed and never have to worry a single bit.
The morning meeting was great, we shared stories and laughs and I felt refreshed. By the way home, dad’s best friend, Uncle Philip Stokoe, messaged him and asked to have lunch together with the whole family. Another unexpected guest was coming from Jakarta. We went to Paris Van Java by 12 p.m. but they weren’t arrived yet so I had my lunch with Ben and went to Mr. Rei’s place (where I studied the Vector Works software for 10 hours) by 1 p.m. till 7.
The whole day was great. I met such people and realized how lucky I am actually. I wanna get up and build my future. I wanna learn as much as I can, do as much as I can, give people the best out of me. Now my life’s kinda too ‘me’-centric, I wanna open myself to people as what I wanna be when I was younger. I wanna do something good to others. I wanna be useful. I hope I can.
So the whole family went to Oh La La Café at Plaza Dago by 8.30 a.m. where we met Aunt Rita, Uncle George and Astarra. We ordered pastries and beverages and had great time chat. Maybe it was almost 20 years since my dad met Uncle George and the last time they did, Clemy wasn’t born yet. And I was still a little girl, Ben was still so cute, and I couldn’t remember the faces of that family a single bit.
So the reunion was so exciting (though we haven’t met Astarri and Astirro for them being out of the country now). Aunt Rita gave us so many positive advices, inputs, and courage to get through our lives. I’ve always believed that I am more comfortable being in Jakarta (with its lifestyle) than in Bandung and she made me believe that my belief is true. I mean, I’ve been contaminated by the live and people in Bandung all these times. But I feel so comfortable and found that my world matches hers. I love her kind of life, which is unlike the life I have here.
I don’t want to hope too high. But I hope my life is going to be better and better tomorrow. She also gave us the book of Ir. Ciputra which encourages me more to do what I’ve always wanted to do and pursue my dreams. The consequence is to reach high and give more. This is good motto in life. That way, we are always blessed and never have to worry a single bit.
The morning meeting was great, we shared stories and laughs and I felt refreshed. By the way home, dad’s best friend, Uncle Philip Stokoe, messaged him and asked to have lunch together with the whole family. Another unexpected guest was coming from Jakarta. We went to Paris Van Java by 12 p.m. but they weren’t arrived yet so I had my lunch with Ben and went to Mr. Rei’s place (where I studied the Vector Works software for 10 hours) by 1 p.m. till 7.
The whole day was great. I met such people and realized how lucky I am actually. I wanna get up and build my future. I wanna learn as much as I can, do as much as I can, give people the best out of me. Now my life’s kinda too ‘me’-centric, I wanna open myself to people as what I wanna be when I was younger. I wanna do something good to others. I wanna be useful. I hope I can.
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Well not much to tell, but today I feel so happy and light (after feeling so stressed yesterday).
I met my mum's best friend from Jakarta and she gave me and my brother encouragement from her stories of life. She burned our spirit and made us enlightened and brave to move forward in life. She's so kind and high-spirited, I adore her generousity and her will to help us. It really mean a lot to me, especially.
Meanwhile, I'm still on my final project and gonna have a VectorWorks course tomorrow, also with Stella, to help me with computer-based products for this project. I hope it can help me through this semester. I'm so looking forward to move to Jakarta.
Btw, does anybody interested on buying my home? It's so cozy and quiet and the city view to the Bandung valley is so damn beautiful and could be reached within 20 minutes from Simpang Dago. We are moving out of town and we offer you the leisure of living at our home. It's so damn cool to relax in the afternoon/night after a full-day activity.. If you are interested, please call me (you know how).
Last week I watched a television program, some Indonesian infotainment, featuring Peggy Melati Sukma, being asked about marriage and her plan for having children. She said marriage isn’t just about having children.
Reason for marriage should be based on love, to live with the person we choose to be our partner the rest of our lifetimes, not just to make descendant. If so, when the wife or husband get impotent, the couple has a reason to walk away, cheat, or even does the polygamy marriage. It could be going to a very unhealthy relationship.
I agree with her. We get married to live with our partner. We know his/her flaws and can live with that. We know each other’s darkest secret and keep silent of that. We love and live and keep each other happy. We sacrifice and laugh together.
Alex, one of my close friends, said similar thing about get in to a relationship. He said to be in a relationship isn’t just for status or other childish/silly things. We get in a relationship to know how is it to live with our partner, to test how compatible we are before we are get in a marriage. We get along with our partner and try to live with him/her.
In love, there isn’t the winner and the loser. Love is about giving and taking (but more to giving), love is about being equal, neither are the boss and the maid. Neither are the leader and the follower. Both have to fill in other’s lack with his/her gift. Both have to walk in the same rhythm and steps so neither walk in the front and the other’s left behind. Both have to have same perception and goal so they can run in the same path, and focus in the same direction. That way, love can go in smooth way. This can make the bond of love unbreakable and both will be the best partner for each other. This is one step to a powerful love, healthy relationship.
I hope my love life and relationship could always be this powerful and healthy.
I hope you do, too.
I am kinda stressed now..
My final project's second preview deadline is approaching within a month but the layout isn't even fixed yet.. it has to be done at least 70% from all but my work is still around 30% now..
And my uncle's project is just adding more stress here, cuz it takes a long time to be done.. detail things... oh God can I do that all?
And also Tessa's wed and also my oldest cousin's wed which are also within a month (not even a business to me but I'm making a kebaya for the occasions ^^ hope it's gonna be great!)
What a busy month May 2007 is for me!
Need lotsa support and also time, energy and concentration here...
I hope I can do it all in time.. with my best effort..
Lord please help me!
My final project's second preview deadline is approaching within a month but the layout isn't even fixed yet.. it has to be done at least 70% from all but my work is still around 30% now..
And my uncle's project is just adding more stress here, cuz it takes a long time to be done.. detail things... oh God can I do that all?
And also Tessa's wed and also my oldest cousin's wed which are also within a month (not even a business to me but I'm making a kebaya for the occasions ^^ hope it's gonna be great!)
What a busy month May 2007 is for me!
Need lotsa support and also time, energy and concentration here...
I hope I can do it all in time.. with my best effort..
Lord please help me!
Life is a never-ending place to learn. There’s no limit of how much you have learned or achieved in life because there are still so much more. With love, there are even more things we have to learn.
Sometimes we think we’ve achieved enough, we’ve learnt enough. But the fact is, there is never ‘enough’. We are granted with this life and though it’s hard, though sometimes it’s not the same with our perception of the ‘perfect life’ we’ve dreamt, life is beautiful and meaningful.
In problems we’d find the true meaning of our lives, our selves, our mission, our part in this world. In tests we’re formed, shaped, built. With love we’re fulfilled. And though we’d find hard ways, even if it’s a giant rock or even the perfect storm, we can always stand for love. We can always survive with love. We always give chances for love. We learn how to be mature and sacrifice in love and we learn to know ourselves with love.
There are never ‘enough’ in love, for love and love is all that we need.
I need to confess a little thing here, about giving. All these times I thought I gave the ones I love enough from me. But the truth is, I only give them with my own measurement, from my own glasses. So I don’t and refuse to see what they really need from their selves. I was rather selfish. I thought I was the best, I gave the best. But I also have to understand them. To give and understand, I think these are the best duo needed for a good relationship, besides the communication, trust and love it self.
For love, I still need so much to learn. I need to left my ego and let myself fulfilled by love because logic and feelings are speaking of very different languages.
And about friendship, I have to stop to listen to what people say. In fact, I know the person personally while they only see the surface. And I need to left over the measurement and start to see the true self of the person herself. I can not be selfish anymore, because I know the key to true happiness and joy, and I can not abandon the key just like that after knowing the use of it. I have to use the key so it can work and everybody can be happy.
And the key is simple. Don’t judge the book by its cover. Just as simple as reading the book, I can also know and understand a person. And for that, no need self-ego. No need self-measurement and self-judge. Just wear them off so we can see the true beauty of anything in the world.
How beautiful the world is if everybody understands and does this. How peaceful our lives will if we can love each other without demanding with our ego. And for that kind of life, I request you, too, to check on our attitude and behavior to the ones we love.
One last words from me: don’t let real love pass you by. Amen.
Only a day after the party, the first preview of my final project was held. I was so nervous and tense bcuz I didn’t know who Mrs. Irena was. There were at least 4 lecturers to be in the room, 2 were my leading lecturers and 2 others were the tester lecturers. If there were more than 4 lecturers, they would only watch the preview.
I presentated the “Interior Plan of Prasetiya Mulya Business School Library as the Source of Economical Information”. My leading lecturers; Mrs. Rini and Mr. Natsir were very kind, they helped me gathered and processed the datas and prepared me so well for the first preview. I knew one of the testers, Mrs. Yunita was one of the tester whom most of students afraid of. She asked detailed questions and we have to know our project better than her to avoid problems. But Mrs. Rini was friends with her so I knew slightly how she’d gonna ask me.
But the problem was, I didn’t know who the other tester was. Mrs. Irena, her name, was first to be seen on that preview by Mrs. Rini and me. The rumors about her were plenty, but only one point: that she was a very critical lecturer. She asks about anything. And even Mr. Denny (one of the most critical lecturer) and Mrs. Irena’s friends said that they were also annoyed by her questions, they usually couldn’t answer that super critic questions.
And so I gave the presentation, I wasn’t as nervous as when I waited outside cuz I knew my project and got prepared well. Mrs. Irena and the other lecturers smiled and I was relaxed then. Mrs. Yunita began the questions and I could handle them. So then began the questions from Mrs. Irena.
It was so many of them, so difficult to answer and often I had to look at my lecturers but Mrs. Rini looked as tense as I was and Mr. Natsir could only gave me a weak smile. I felt I had given wrong answers, I felt I didn’t answer them well bcuz I forgot to bring all of the datas I had, so I couldn’t answer some of her questions. This lecturer was smiling all the time but her questions were so complicated.
I forgot most of the questions when I got out of the room but thankfully Mrs. Rini had made me notes about the questions, critics and advises. More friends waited outside than when I got in. They asked me how it was and I could only smile plainly and said it was difficult. I was so tense I got so tired and sleepy after that and when I finally got home, I slept for 5 hours to recharge my battery. My boy said I was too tense I lost a large amount of energy. I was more than tense I felt I had failed to answer the questions I could answer if I brought the data that day.
But when I went to campus the day after, Mr. Natsir and Mrs. Rini said I brought a nice presentation (over their expectations) and I’ve answered all questions fine and that all the questions Mrs. Irena said were not in my field. They were more to IT and techniques than an interior design. So I shouldn’t get so worried cuz I could answered all the necessary questions.
I was relieved by their supports and words. They really are the best lecturers and I am so lucky I had them as my leading lecturers. There’re still 3-4 months till my final project judgement, and I’m certain they will help me to reach that point and get over the tiring semester so well. I’ve no worry about failing and I now have new spirit to get over this cuz I have the best supporters around me.
Pray and fight with me this semester, guys, I know we can do all the tests in life if we don’t fight it alone. At least we have to ask God to fight with us. Then God will give you victory at the end, just like when He fought for the Israels thousands of years ago.
GAMBATTE NE!
I presentated the “Interior Plan of Prasetiya Mulya Business School Library as the Source of Economical Information”. My leading lecturers; Mrs. Rini and Mr. Natsir were very kind, they helped me gathered and processed the datas and prepared me so well for the first preview. I knew one of the testers, Mrs. Yunita was one of the tester whom most of students afraid of. She asked detailed questions and we have to know our project better than her to avoid problems. But Mrs. Rini was friends with her so I knew slightly how she’d gonna ask me.
But the problem was, I didn’t know who the other tester was. Mrs. Irena, her name, was first to be seen on that preview by Mrs. Rini and me. The rumors about her were plenty, but only one point: that she was a very critical lecturer. She asks about anything. And even Mr. Denny (one of the most critical lecturer) and Mrs. Irena’s friends said that they were also annoyed by her questions, they usually couldn’t answer that super critic questions.
And so I gave the presentation, I wasn’t as nervous as when I waited outside cuz I knew my project and got prepared well. Mrs. Irena and the other lecturers smiled and I was relaxed then. Mrs. Yunita began the questions and I could handle them. So then began the questions from Mrs. Irena.
It was so many of them, so difficult to answer and often I had to look at my lecturers but Mrs. Rini looked as tense as I was and Mr. Natsir could only gave me a weak smile. I felt I had given wrong answers, I felt I didn’t answer them well bcuz I forgot to bring all of the datas I had, so I couldn’t answer some of her questions. This lecturer was smiling all the time but her questions were so complicated.
I forgot most of the questions when I got out of the room but thankfully Mrs. Rini had made me notes about the questions, critics and advises. More friends waited outside than when I got in. They asked me how it was and I could only smile plainly and said it was difficult. I was so tense I got so tired and sleepy after that and when I finally got home, I slept for 5 hours to recharge my battery. My boy said I was too tense I lost a large amount of energy. I was more than tense I felt I had failed to answer the questions I could answer if I brought the data that day.
But when I went to campus the day after, Mr. Natsir and Mrs. Rini said I brought a nice presentation (over their expectations) and I’ve answered all questions fine and that all the questions Mrs. Irena said were not in my field. They were more to IT and techniques than an interior design. So I shouldn’t get so worried cuz I could answered all the necessary questions.
I was relieved by their supports and words. They really are the best lecturers and I am so lucky I had them as my leading lecturers. There’re still 3-4 months till my final project judgement, and I’m certain they will help me to reach that point and get over the tiring semester so well. I’ve no worry about failing and I now have new spirit to get over this cuz I have the best supporters around me.
Pray and fight with me this semester, guys, I know we can do all the tests in life if we don’t fight it alone. At least we have to ask God to fight with us. Then God will give you victory at the end, just like when He fought for the Israels thousands of years ago.
GAMBATTE NE!
Hey it’s been a while since the last time I wrote here..
Well, I’ve been busy: the final project and presentations, the holidays between. The holidays were fun, especially last week when my best friends and their partners stayed over after the BBQ party at my home to celebrate Ester’s, Mario’s, my, Troy’s and LS’s birthday. It was our 23rd birthday but Troy’s 24th.
At first we shopped at Toko Setiabudhi for food supply then we processed it at my home: chopping, slicing, baking, etc. I made my special strawberry and soursop puddings too (that’s all I can make in the kitchen). We waited for the guests to come (which were only Troy, Irma & Yanto) till we started the fire for the BBQ. But a problem occurred, the charcoal wasn’t enough for all the meat we bought that day. So Ian & Mario went to the mini market to buy them but the mini market didn’t sell charcoal. So we had to wait till Ian’s friends to come but also we had to keep it silent cuz they were gonna make a surprise to LS.
We waited until around 9.30 when they finally came. So the BBQ was started again and the we were full of schaslick, french fries, spicy chicken, sausage, salad and grilled corn. We had LS’s black forest birthday cake and pudding for desserts. After that, LS and friends went to the club (but they ended up in karaoke room) while we just chat and slept by around 2-3 a.m., all of us but Troy in one room; my sister’s room.
When we woke up the day after, we were so lazy and still sleepy to make a move so we were just lying in my room, made fun or just shared stories. But however after lunch time we were all dressed up and after finished the beef and soup we bought the day before, we went to Kopi Selasar and spent our last moments there (but without LS and Ian).
It was tiring but also fun, we had really great time and we realized, the chance to gather like that wouldn’t happen too often, maybe it was only happen once a year if we get lucky. People changes, friends too. Not that the feelings between us would ever change, but the chance would not happen twice. We promised to keep the friendship till the end, till everyone of us would get married, have children, get old, and finally die.
We cherish the meaning of friendship, respect, understanding, love, and togetherness. There are still so many things in this world we have to find, learn, and do (but also we felt so old bcuz of Ester’s wedding and now that she’s pregnant).
We dunno what or where life will lead us to. We are still so young, not even 25. I got a feeling that this would be my last chance to see them this often cuz I plan to discover life in the metropolitan Jakarta. But I really do hope the chance will always available for me to see them all for the rest of my life cuz they really are my best friends EVIL.
Well, I’ve been busy: the final project and presentations, the holidays between. The holidays were fun, especially last week when my best friends and their partners stayed over after the BBQ party at my home to celebrate Ester’s, Mario’s, my, Troy’s and LS’s birthday. It was our 23rd birthday but Troy’s 24th.
At first we shopped at Toko Setiabudhi for food supply then we processed it at my home: chopping, slicing, baking, etc. I made my special strawberry and soursop puddings too (that’s all I can make in the kitchen). We waited for the guests to come (which were only Troy, Irma & Yanto) till we started the fire for the BBQ. But a problem occurred, the charcoal wasn’t enough for all the meat we bought that day. So Ian & Mario went to the mini market to buy them but the mini market didn’t sell charcoal. So we had to wait till Ian’s friends to come but also we had to keep it silent cuz they were gonna make a surprise to LS.
We waited until around 9.30 when they finally came. So the BBQ was started again and the we were full of schaslick, french fries, spicy chicken, sausage, salad and grilled corn. We had LS’s black forest birthday cake and pudding for desserts. After that, LS and friends went to the club (but they ended up in karaoke room) while we just chat and slept by around 2-3 a.m., all of us but Troy in one room; my sister’s room.
When we woke up the day after, we were so lazy and still sleepy to make a move so we were just lying in my room, made fun or just shared stories. But however after lunch time we were all dressed up and after finished the beef and soup we bought the day before, we went to Kopi Selasar and spent our last moments there (but without LS and Ian).
It was tiring but also fun, we had really great time and we realized, the chance to gather like that wouldn’t happen too often, maybe it was only happen once a year if we get lucky. People changes, friends too. Not that the feelings between us would ever change, but the chance would not happen twice. We promised to keep the friendship till the end, till everyone of us would get married, have children, get old, and finally die.
We cherish the meaning of friendship, respect, understanding, love, and togetherness. There are still so many things in this world we have to find, learn, and do (but also we felt so old bcuz of Ester’s wedding and now that she’s pregnant).
We dunno what or where life will lead us to. We are still so young, not even 25. I got a feeling that this would be my last chance to see them this often cuz I plan to discover life in the metropolitan Jakarta. But I really do hope the chance will always available for me to see them all for the rest of my life cuz they really are my best friends EVIL.
