Another Victoria's Secrets

Why do I always run away ?
From all the good things that happened in my life... From all the comfort and luxuries that spoiled me ?
Why do I always seacrh on danger ? On all risk ? On all of the worse than ones that I've got ?
I am a mad girl.. trying to see the World, try to reveal the Future, try to understand every language that is exist in this whole universe, even ones that is not spoken...
Who am I, to do so ? Who am I, to be allowed to know such things ? I must only know a few, so I must not be worry and hesitating about anything... but my mind always races with time, I wanna conquer every peak of the mountains... I wanna see the world to smile at me. I wanna be on top of it. I want power. And I think I am now being too ambitious to have it all..
While God say I must stay and enjoy all of my treasure now, I am looking for the slightest chance to increase it. I want things. I want to possess them. And I'd be a greedy girl, wouldn't I ?
And the Karma still rules.
What do I believe ? The joy of today's pleasure ? Or the eternity of tomorrow ?
And do I really believe in Karma ? Or the world's pity on me ?
What a strange world we all live in...

I really can not understand my heart, like it has its own mind.. not mine...
I don't know.. The wind is getting stronger as I travelled miles from the firsth path I begin more than 21 years ago of my journey of life..
Now I have to face many different kind of people, troubles, problems, situations, conditions, and choices. Decisions to make are the hardest of all.

I have always come to a point where hard decisions were to make. There were always more than two. Usually 3. Well, how could you choose between two very divine men, and make it more screwed with the third party !!

So I don't know what you will say. Most of you might think that it is better to stick with whom you have now. But how about the scent of the past ? Even the slightest scent of the old days still made me confused... even they were not good enough for me anymore... still I wanna taste the sip of yesterdays... living it up for today... and not to worry about tomorrows...

Well we'll never know what faith will lead us to... We'll never know with whom we would get married.. And I just dont wanna know about it.. I dont wanna think about it now. Cuz I am living my life for just today. And go with the flow.