Another Victoria's Secrets

Gosh I’ve finally finished the book Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. I started the first page months ago—about mid March and I’ve pending reading it till today. The book is good but (don’t mean to be proud, but) I think I’ve had it all inside. Like what Ryan always said, I’ve had all the answers within me. I just need help from others to find/realize it.

I am so happy yesterday. I went with my mum, sister, Irma, Icha, her mum and her fiancé to fit the bridesmaid’s gown.
I am going to be Icha’s bridesmaid in her wedding next July 1st. This is an exciting moment, though it will be pretty tough day for me since I’d have my final projects right before the momentous day.

Later after the fitting, we were all going to Icha’s new home. She’s not staying there yet but the house is pretty much cozy and nice. It locates so far from my house but that little house is filled by nice furniture and pretty big for the newly-wed-soon couple.

So happy to see her with such great life, remember that her life as a kid and teenager never been so lucky with economy and situation, without a dad figure, and with so many pressures from her own family and friends. So I can say she’s so lucky to find this Philip guy and their future together soon.

I pray for her happiness in the rest of her life and also I am so proud to be the bridesmaid, of all other girl friends she has, I am the one who never contacted her first time. I was the one who never visited her or just to care asking about what she up to. But she chooses me. I am so glad and honored to play the important role in her most important day in her life.

Also I am so happy to find the fact that my dearest friend Irma finally finds the guy who truly wants to be with her. Irma is loved and she has found a boyfriend. This is her first boyfriend and I am so happy to know she has one now. I’ve met the guy and he is okay. He wants serious relationship with her and I hope he means it. If he doesn’t, then he’d deal with me.

Yet other happy news came from Jeremy. He has found a girl he loves, a girl I think could help ‘change’ him to a better person. I am his best friend, more like a sister but it’s not me who can do big things to him. I am sure this girl can make him stand still, stronger and higher than before. I believe he can be a really good man if he has the right tutor to lead him.

So everyone surround me is as happy as I am now. This completes my resolution in the beginning of the year. This completes my happiness this year. I’ve always tell Irma that our togetherness would soon be end and we’d find our own path to choose in life.

Ester starts the first move. She is now busy for her wedding singing job and her own wedding preparation. Livia is preparing her return to Swiss and Irma has a man to stand beside her where I can’t replace. Jeremy has a girl who can teach him simple little things he usually ignore or underestimate. Tessa got her future husband who loves her who is also handsome and rich and a good man. Lita is as happy now with her sweet Steve. And Ryan, the big guy who helped me find myself, he’s now graduated and ready for the new life in USA.

It’s like a happy ending in a story and if this were a movie, it should stop here, right now when everything feels so beautiful and perfect. I guess another level in my life waits for me and I would enter a brand-new situation soon. Perhaps it’d be the working-life or I dunno what. But whatever it will be, I am so much grateful for what I have now. There is no regret and no turning back. I am proud for who I am now, for whatever it took to get me here and I am so thankful to all of my ex-lovers who taught me hard things that made me really grateful when I find my current lover. That I know God loves me so much, He never fails. Like the song by Kahitna, “,,cinta takkan salah,,”. It’s all wonderful in time.

And just like in the movie, I want this to be our memory that will never be forgotten. Who we are now, what we have now, it’s all part of God’s plan on us. I hope whatever trouble or hard days waiting for us in the future, we can always remember these days. As I am so glad we’ve had our girl’s-time together all along January till March this year, I never feel sorry that we are separated by our own business now. I’ve had enough to go on. I’ve had my memories and so much love from my best friends. I’ve got my lessons well. I think this book should over soon and I should start new pages of blank sheets for the next serial.

Amen.

I’ve had a terrible nightmare last night. It was so horrible I couldn’t get it out of my mind. So I was in the scene where I saw people around me just like in a theme park, but then they put a man who’d been in a hot steel cage for 3 months (it was all felt so real I even got the details of the scene) and he’d been baked there!! His skin was already white it was ripped by the hot steel.

Then came 3 other man and they were wrestling in that fried steel and I knew 2 of the men. They were my SMP mates. The baked one was someone who was kind of close to me during last semester. It was so terrible, he chased me to another scene, where suddenly the background changed and I was in a queue to someplace. Every ‘theme park’ has its owner and so did this one. ‘The owner’ was this malevolent man, who ordered something to people there. I don’t remember what the order was but then he shot a toddler just bcuz she was crawling over to another place. The sibling of the toddler got over to her and got shot too. It was so horrifying!

And that was the time when I was awoke by around 2 a.m. Somebody had just called me and I was still half asleep. The voice in the other end called my name. But I (still) don’t know who he was. He mentioned a name… I guess it was Ferry or something, it was kind of equivocal. I tried to find any name of Ferry in my memory, and I guess he was Andre’s friend. When I asked him about this, he hung up.

The result wasn’t delight. It made me so scared I messaged my guy right after. At that time I was full awake and I just realize, the voice in the phone line was so scary, he asked a favor from me cuz he was in trouble. But he hung up so I couldn’t know any more about that. And I don’t want to.

Suddenly some old scenes flashed in my memory. I remembered the scene when my late friend Sendy died. It was full of fear, desperation and evil so thick surrounding us. It was so scary and it sucked happiness from us. just like the figure of Dementors pictured by J.K. Rowling in Harry Potter’s serials. It was the scent of hell.

That was why I was so scared last night and I moved to my Mum’s room. I’ve never been so scared in my life ever but last night. My guy called me just before I entered my Mum’s room. Thank God I needed to hear his voice. I was thinking about possibilities, the connections between the dream and the peculiar phone call.

It could happen that this Ferry guy needed a help from his evil business so he randomly called me in desperation and the dream led me to the phone call and I was to pray for him. (I was too scared to call him back and offer my help. I was so enough of dealing with Andre’s gang. It was full of evil things and I don’t like it.

Well I dunno if God has another meaning of the dream. Perhaps the devil tried to try me last night. But if it was the scenery of Hell, I promise I won’t ever do any sin that could deliver me to that horrible place. Believe me being in such place without love was so scary and desperate.

What a terrible nightmare I had. But thank God it was just a bad dream. In fact I am still surrounded by people who love me. And I am so grateful of that.

I wish I’d still have spirit for tomorrow’s work. I’d have a group work for marketing class project. I am so tired tonight, so exhausted. But I am glad Mario called just now. I miss him so much.

Say I have the best boyfriend in the world!!
He said he wouldn’t come to Bandung last weekend. He had lots of work to be done and I shouldn’t come to Jakarta either. So I made plan with my friends instead. Livia and Ian fetched me to spend the Saturday night together also with Tommy, Anita and Toge at Ciwalk.

I kept messaging with my guy while dinner and after that. I took no suspicious that he’d come cuz he said he was on the way to Puri Mall, Jakarta, with his gang. But when I was talking with the girls at Ciwalk 21 later by around 9 p.m., somebody covered my eyes with hands, and guess who? When I took the hands off and turned my head to see who, he happened to be my guy!

I was so excited and surprised and I just couldn’t hide my feelings. At first I screamed and I hugged him and I couldn’t stop smiling that night. I was not only happy but overjoyed.

So we spent the night together with other friends, karaoke at NAV Dago. I was so happy even we spent the 2 hours with my juniors at high school. Cuz my guy was right beside me. If he wasn’t there maybe I’d feel stranded there with all of my brother’s friends.

And for the closing song I requested “I’m Falling in Love” by Melly Goeslaw and I thought the song was really compatible with our condition.

…
Andai saja aku pengantinmu
Bahagia pasti di hati
Rengkuh aku bersamamu
Malam ini milik berdua

Dan ku tlah jatuh cinta
Ku wanita dan engkau lelaki
Perasaanku berkata
I’m falling in love

Sang cinta mendekatlah
Malam menyanggupi jadi saksi
Hati kecilku berkata
I’m falling in love…
I’m falling in love
…

The day after was Sunday and he fetched me at church which I went with my family. We went to his house then we fetched his cousins and nephew before we went to Lembang. We spent the day at the mountain and we had fun at La Oma. By evening we reached the town and we got time for ourselves dinner at Warung Lela after chilling and played with the little boys.

I had fun with his family, I start to feel being a part of them and this made me really happy. I never got along with my exs’ families—really being a part of them—until now.

And for our times together, we know it’s only 1-2 days a week—and not every week we could meet. We know we had to sacrifice our times, money, and energy to meet each other. Mondays mean tired and sleepy for both of us. But we love each other so strong we don’t care about that.

I’m really afraid of losing him. But I took the opportunity to love and be loved and be happy. I really pray for our twosome. I hope we could last forever... I never wanted to sacrifice my ego for any guy before. But for him, I think I will.