Another Victoria's Secrets

One Sunday (July 16) my boyfriend came with 2 of his friends to fetch me. We watched the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men’s Chest (for me this was the second time) at Braga 21. There were some misunderstanding but then he agreed to go back to Jakarta that very day (he just arrived that very morning). He is just the sweetest guy ever!

He drove to Jakarta while his two friends fell asleep on the back of the car. Little that I can share with you here in this blog cuz I dunno how to describe it. But one thing I wanna tell you. That Mario is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. He is the most lovable, sweetest guy who loves me. And I just love him so much with all of my heart.
I was broken hearted for so many times. So I make strategies for my own sake. I organize my heart not to fall in love too deep to anyone, not to let my heart plays instead of my logic. Cuz I am afraid of falling out of love again. I am scared of the pain of broken-heart. But this guy Mario just won’t let my mind to control my heart.

Loving him is so easy to make me forget anything about logic. I just love him so much and anytime I start to return to my mind, this guy just do such sweet things I can’t stand to love him more and more and more.

Like last weekend when he fetched me on Saturday morning by 8 a.m. then both went to Bandung with his dad too. We went to church with his mum and big family. I was sort of sick but he companied me till late. Then he drove me back to Jakarta the day after. And still fetching me after work every afternoon and drove me to my aunt’s home then stay till 9 p.m. He even still cares to take me to café at Kemang (my most fave chill out place in whole Jakarta) after work.

Well I know I make you sick to read too much about my feelings toward my guy. I just adore him so much but also so afraid of losing him. I just hope that all the people in the world could feel such loving feeling like what I feel for Mario. That way, everybody would be happier and the world is just gotta be better place. I wish all people the greatest love ever in their whole lives just like I want to spend my whole lifetime loving him…

Aku adalah sebuah kanvas putih yang besar
Hidupku adalah lukisan indah yang digoreskan Tuhan
Setiap detail lukisan adalah keseharianku
Dan hidupku hari ini adalah objek yang belum selesai digarap

Di dalam lukisanku terdapat gelap dan terang
Yang menandakan kenangan buruk dan indah
Tetapi jangan melihatnya dari dekat
Karena yang gelap tak menarik
Dan yang terang pun tak punya arti

Lihatlah dari kejauhan saat lukisannya telah selesai
Maka kau akan lihat bahwa yang terang terasa hambar tanpa yang gelap
Mereka saling menyempurnakan dan membentuk mahakarya paling indah
...yakni hidupku.

So what do you think of the place you are in now? I am now living in Bandung for the last 14 years after being a small part of the metropolitan Jakarta city since I was born (though I didn’t get born there).

Well I gotta admit that I am okay here, I like Bandung very much. But something just told me, this isn’t my place. I’ve always been so not into it. From the first time I was mad that I was ever brought to the city. But the city had taught me much. I’ve learned so many things here, from social problem with seniors to social ballroom dance, from first love to broken heart. And I am being more mature than ever, I grow up and have got all the valuable memories here.

I have all the best friends I’ve ever wanted. But now, things are changing. They always are, aren’t they? So my girls now have their own worlds and so have I. (why do I always mention this anyway?) And I guess it’s now time to leave all the memories in its place.

I always know, that I’d return back to my city one day. With God’s permission, I’d enter the gates again. Just like what God said to Elijah in book The Fifth Mountain (Paulo Coelho). ‘You shall not leave the town until you learn to break down and build everything from zero again’. That’s what the book said more or less.

So I think I’ve had enough now. Everything just feels so right to move back again. I’ve learned the break downs and I’ve rebuilt myself into a better form. I’ve all my duties (almost) done here in Bandung I guess.

But still I dunno, whether Bandung or Jakarta the better city? Bandung has the familiar, friendly, cozy and cool city. I know best the places, people and got used to the surroundings. Here was where I’ve found my sweet memories. Here was where I love the cafes in Rancakendal and all along Dago. I love the weather, the streets, the beautiful big trees, the situations.

In Jakarta, with all its hot-steamy weather, crowd and criminals, high-lifestyle and tough competition, I just feel more alive there. They are just more dynamic and live. More tense mean more productive. I always know that I’d work in Jakarta, though the idea scares me too. Anyway, if I could enter the company I’d practicing work for soon, it means bright future for me, and it means I should really move out.

But live in Jakarta mean starting from zero point again. Buy/rent new house or an apartment? Have car or have to sell/change it? And my relationship with my boyfriend.. How is it going to be? LDR-forever? Big plans to arrange from now, big changes are gonna happen to our lives. The family just doesn’t really grow in Bandung. We need metropolitan scene to bust up our spirits maybe. This is so confusing anyway. Maybe we’d just have to ask God for whatever He wants us to be.

Meanwhile, I gotta spend my ‘last year’ here in Bandung for the best. So when I’d leave, there’s nothing to be regret, just to be kept in mind. And I could give some visit whenever I miss my beautiful city later. It’s just a 2-hours ride anyway. I know I’m gonna miss her. But hey, this is life. Everything changes. The only thing that doesn’t change is the Change itself.

And like what Han said to Sean in film The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift, that when you make a choice, there’s no turning back. We have to move on. And change is one way to get to the top. I’d take the chance—and the change.

Yesterday, July 1, 2006 was the date of my close friend Marissa’s wedding day. I helped her all day, became her bridesmaid (She had booked me from a year ago). So I was on my final project for this term the all day before, and I just finished my work by 3.15 a.m. when Marissa morning-called me and reminded me to be in the salon by 4 a.m. So I took bath and went right away there, my father dropped me in the salon.

I was all tired and sleepy. I got bags under my eyes, blackened circles around there. My face was not fresh. But they washed my hair, blow-dried and rolled it, and they put heavy make-up on my face and they did my hair… and voila! I was all brand-new looking early in that morning. I looked like an artist. The hairdresser said I looked like some Pond’s model.

Well, the day continued, we moved to Savoy-Homann Hotel to prepare and I fit in to my bridesmaid dress (but it was more like a gown). We arrived at the church (some Protestant church) by 9.30 a.m. and the ceremony touched almost all of us. I even cried though I told myself before, it was silly to cry on a wedding matrimony.

Then we went back to the hotel and had some lunch, got to know Philip’s family (there were 8 uncles and 2 aunts of his with their own spouses and kids) and I befriends with his cousin Taressa, a 9-10 years old girl who was pretty and smart. We walked around the building, combed all the sections together, from the bride-and-groom’s hotel room to the ballroom together.

They also retouched my make up and redid my hair so I looked fresher than before. But one thing I missed was the chance to take a nap. I haven’t slept at all in 2 days so I really needed a rest. I only got 5-10 minutes of nap in the sofa then I’d have to continue helping the family. The tea-pai tradition was waiting (it was new Chinese experience and knowledge for me)

And finally, the night came (I took another 10 minutes of nap in a chair) and the procession began. It was pity that my family missed the part cuz they came late. But it was all great and I could see that the couple was happy. They are deeply in love and that’s the whole point of this party.

I know some of the guests. There were my schoolmates Lisa, Vicky and Atika, Alvin and Charlie. And also there were my former neighbors, the place I knew Marissa for the first time. The little girls, Taressa and her other little cousins were stuck to me (I was more a babysitter than a bridesmaid). There were also little boys, 5-7 years old cute cousins of Philip. They were all pleasant and beautiful kids.

The wedding organizer was Think Org., and some of them were my friends. There were Eric and Anton that I knew. And a guy who really wanted to get to know me but I forbid him. I am taken, boy =)

The wedding singer was Gail, some artist from my former school. And he sang beautifully but he didn’t recognize me. When he realized the bridesmaid was ME, he bowed deeply to me from the stage. I was kind of honored, especially when he said I looked very beautiful last night (who doesn’t like a worship??) and we talked a bit after his performance, took pics together and I introduced him to my sister. He was surprised that I know he’s married and that I know his newest (and his only famous) single. The title is ‘I Love You It’s Not Forever’.

So finally the party was over by 9 p.m. and we were all tired (especially me—I got all my body ache) but so happy at the same time (and I promised myself I’ll make my wedding day even better than this great day. I already have some plans in my mind ;-p). And when I think about the day, I thought the idea of a marriage again.

It was so different when the MC called Marissa as Philip’s wife. Not his girlfriend anymore. Of course she is. But it just sounded weird and new to me. That Marissa has turned to be Mrs. Philip. And soon, my beloved friend Ester is going to be Mrs. Adjie (Boyang’s name). And then, all the other friends will come afterward. Then in its time, it’s gonna be me.

I dunno what to feel about this. The wedding is all happy and exciting but also scary and depress me. I still dunno what I want in life. I can’t differentiate my want/will with what I need/must. What I want to do and what I have to do. But I believe God will guide my path. I pray for the newly wed a beautiful and happy marriage forever and ever. And for myself, the right path to everlasting happiness =)