Another Victoria's Secrets

I went back to Bandung again last Monday and met my junior high friends at Green Cafe for a small reunion I threw due to Toba's last night in Bandung before he went to Belitung. This was our first reunion in 2011 after our last meeting on Syannie's wedding day on September 2010. Some things are just never changed, like the friendship... and the people in it.


The next day I was meeting Ester in Hummingbird, having our long girl talk for couple of hours and then meeting my friends Cheryl, Dimas, Otto and Ryan at Toko You. Wednesday, I went with Mom a whole day and meeting the same friends that night, spent time in PVJ and to the OJ's Tavern. I finally went to Soreang to take care of my expired driving license on Thursday which took half a day journey and the other half sleeping--and went back to Jakarta today.

From the whole five days vacation I had, I met this fantastic guy I want to tell you about. It's kind of weird actually, that we are actually schoolmates from elementary and junior high schools, only he was my senior. And we met with each other for dozens of times, remembering the many and close mutual friends we have these whole 15-17 years. We met again at OJ's Tavern on my previous holiday set, just before the Easter week.


To make the long story short, I'm just gonna tell you how I feel about him. We've spent so many hours together for the last 5 days and I've got to know him much better when he drove me the whole long (but not winding) road to Soreang on his birthday. I found him very interesting from the first time we met again, listening to the words he was saying, which sounded very nice to my ears. He was talking about life, the topic I'm always interested about.

I always love people who can make me think when we are conversing, not a monologue or one-way discussion. I love people with extraordinary brain and lovely thoughts and I see all of it in this fantastic guy. I really don't know how or where we are heading, me and this guy, but for one thing I'm sure: I can not lose him. He should be either my life partner or best friend... let's find out which one life leads us to. :)

I just went home from Taman Ismail Marzuki, where they played the Ali Topan the Musical, based on '70s novel and movie "Ali Topan Anak Jalanan". The reason I watched it was because that I've been wanting to watch a theatrical drama since a long time, and that I promised Lisa Depe to watch her performance.

So I went there with Alex and got the ticket bought by Atri and enjoyed my first drama musical experience from the tribune seat (luckily, we got the front row.) The show was divided in two intervals with 13 scenes total. I must say that I enjoyed the show very much, especially in the second interval. But the lacking I felt the most was from the main character itself.

I knew about Dendy (vocalist of Mike's) from Nimas before and I agreed that his figure is perfect for the role. Too bad, Ali Topan was described as a long-haired rebel, something that became the most critical part of all the show. If only the director wanted to try a "new face" of Ali Topan and Dendy didn't have to wear a wig, the show would be nearly flawless.


Apart from the appearance, I was entertained by all the dancing and costumes, and amazed by the voices of all singers, especially Trie Utami, Kikan, Dendy, and (of course) Lisa Depe. I don't really know the other singers, and for me, these four were the best of all. Too bad, Sita Nursanti and Tike Priatnakusumah didn't sing too much, tho they acted superbly.

Anyway, I was so excited to watch this show and definitely gonna come for more theatrical show in the future. I would say thank you to Indonesian artists who made this happen, and hope they can compete with Broadway soon. I would certainly support local art. C'est tout trés magnifique!

Laugh at me, but I just watched the most waited movie (but I missed it on theaters): Black Swan. It was a truly brilliant art of work, a marvelous masterpiece, le magnifique. I was totally absorbed into the movie and amazed by all Portman's total act there, for her exquisite ballet moves to her hard struggle on turning into perfection.

By the end of the movie, as I exhaled the remained emotion, I realized that in life sometimes we must get thru that phase, too. The phase that is so painful, asked a lot of sacrifice, requires rivers of tears, and dilemma, and a battle against ourselves... leaving our pure, innocent, idealistic life behind into a more loosened up, wild, but flexible... just to reach perfection.

This life--like in the Swan Lake where we are the main role--is the routines and practices toward the performance day. The stage will be our judgment day, and the audience will be God Himself. Thru the routines--our daily life--we are given chance to practice, perfecting our moves, so that in the final show we could give our best and amaze the audience.

I remembered my life for the past few years. I saw a lot of tears and groans, tightened fists and trembled jaw, wounds and scars, battles and struggles... as the thorns of 'black swan' started to grow inside of me, pushing to get out and release itself. I should say that it was all hard and painful, but now that it finally came out, I would say it's all worth it. All I can feel is peace and perfection.

I don't say that my life is that perfect already, but in the field that I've been struggling with since my adolescent years--love--I would say that it had reached its top. But if other people go tumbling down, I won't. I am going to keep being on top, or better be, to go way more up. Only, the ground I am standing on won't be just another mountain's earth.

To go farther beyond mountain, the only way up is by flying high. Or step on the clouds, if possible. I am relying myself to God now, keeping my heart glows by His love only, not mere human's. When you have reached the position I am now, you would understand what I am talking about.

Like any other normal female parent, my mother is worried sick of me being still single at 27. She keeps buzzing around my head about finding the perfect guy, possible Mr. Right, future husband. I dunno why but it all just way behind me now. I am not sick about love or avoiding it, I simply left it. Love doesn't sound that yummy anymore to me, but power and money do.

It is not about being materialistic. In this world we see how different issues indicate in which level a country is at. Developing countries deal with poverty stuff and love affairs, while developed ones deal with getting more and more power. I, so do I assume, had left the developing stage of my life. I am developed now, and wanting more power for a perfect final show.

Please pardon my arrogance I've put for the last few months. I know that I am being such a pride person, but I try my best to keep stepping on the ground. It's just that life isn't really that friendly and I need this cockiness to deal with certain stuff to survive. I am not sacrificing my love life like most people thought. It's just that it doesn't really matter to me the way it used to be.

I know that this stage isn't my own. But as long as no one want to get on, I would take the lead here. In this stage of life, I take full control of my part, and trying my best to perform quite a show. I also know, that the stage will not always be mine and someday I will have to step off. Until then, my friends, I am gonna shine on.

Due to my blog theme's error, I redesigned my poem blog into this. Please pay a visit, I hope you like the poems as well. Enjoy! :)

Poems by Victoria Tunggono. Design by Plumrose Lane. Powered by Blogger.

Here is another topic I was discussing with Lita the other day: that one should be able to laugh at his/her own mistakes. Most of the time we are being too hard on ourselves. Perfection is a must and little stuff sweats us.

Lately I figured that my life is so much easier to bear and fun to live with. I realized that I am so much influenced by Cheryl's easy going and Rachelle's silly characters. They both played a major part on my healing phase after my breakup with Ara last year.

Lita said I look so much fresher and stressless. Rachelle said I am so much of myself now, after years acting limited due to my exs' tight rules and rude behaviors. More friends BBM-ed me and said I look different, fresher and younger in my latest BBM display picture.


Recently I met a friend who is so tight about acting perfect in public. She mocks at people but refuses to be mocked. Of all people, she acted hyperactively at one moment and I purposely recorded it in a video and posted it in facebook.

She sent me personal message instantly, asking me to undo the post because she couldn't stand the mocks she would have to face. Perhaps this was my fad, but I can't stand looking at someone's fake attitude or if they are being unfair with people. When you taunt someone, you should be sportive enough to let them taunt you back.

I know that she wants to look flawless in front of the guy she likes--who doesn't like her back, in fact--but if you are able to do something, you should be able to take responsibility of it, no matter how despicable, humiliating, silly it was. You should be responsible of all things that you do or say.

So when you do, I can see that you have accepted yourself the way you are. You love yourself and not being too hard on yourself. This kind of people is the one who can enjoy life and feel happy most of the time, because they have found the secret key of life.

Most people think that when they try so hard to keep people from laughing at them, they are safe. What I saw at around me lately, those who can laugh at themselves are ones who aren't laughed at, because people can see how they can accept themselves. But if you can't laugh at yourself, people will do it to you.

Laughing at your own mistakes or foolishness is another way to show how much you can accept yourself, appreciate yourself, love yourself. I used to be confined for the attitude and manner my ex thought was shameful. But it was me being cheerful, witty and active. I couldn't act myself back then.

Thanks to my girls Cheryl and Rachelle, I am now back the way I used to be. They taught me not to be too serious about life and little things. They taught me how to laugh at my own mistakes, accepting silly things I did or could do, and make life just easier to bear. This is part of accepting and loving myself, too.

In the end, this is all about appreciating life and God's gift. Life is short and full of problems. But if we take it lightly, with graceful manner to God and others, and take full responsibility of all things that happened in our lives--regardless if we meant to do it or not--we could see that life is simply a beautiful gift God has given us. So spend it wisely, guys!

I had dinner with Lita tonight at Kemangi, Pasar Puri Indah. We had been vacuumed talking for few weeks and we just made up for the missing details lately. She was glad that I now look fresher than before, no more black circles around my eyes. She is looking as thin as before herself, but these are just some little details we've been missing.

Our conversation was basically about me and my surroundings, thanks to her who always concerns about me. We were talking about how I am now changing into a choleric person. This was quite a surprise to her, my Mom and myself. I was a sanguine-phlegmatic, and sometimes a melancholic (mostly because of being a sensitive Pisces.)

I've been discussing this with Mom few weeks ago, about me being a choleric who knows what she wants, takes control and determined to reach the goal. I am now an ambitious woman who doesn't have time to take care of unimportant silly things, who sets plans and strategy to achieve it, who tends to right the wrongs and not afraid to confront with people when she thinks she is on the right way.

After some discussion, I finally found what had changed me this way. My relationship with my last two exs had helped, but mostly it was because of my dad's death. As the first child, I feel the urge to take care of the family. I need to support Mom and siblings and find money to survive. I took the responsibility, tho some might say it's the curse of being the first child, but I enjoy this a lot.

I love being where I am now--powerful in taking decision, in taking control of my surroundings and also my heart. I love having so many friends who love me but can not influence me the way they used to make me feel inferior. I love being superior and comfortable in anywhere I am going, no matter how secluded or crowded it is.

Anyway, both Lita and I agreed that people can change. Lita is changing as well. She isn't as dominant as she used to be now that she is getting married. She needs to adapt with her fiancé and deal with her new status: a wife. It's kinda funny that she is more a calm and patient person now and I take control. We are at the same point then, now that we are influenced by each other's "former" characters.

For some people, being the first child is kind of torture or curse. But for me, it is fun to take care of people I love and those who need my help. I love the feeling of being needed and love it when people appreciate my help. I don't mind helping, as long as the person worths the help. But maybe it's part of me being a "newbie" choleric, to sort what kind of people I can help and not giving it unreasonably. Maybe someday I'd change again, but for now, this suits me best.

Perhaps, condition as well that made Mom the person she is now. She needed to take care of her three little children alone while Dad was in USA for his master degree. She was changed into a choleric due to situation and had taught me the hard way of living to prepare me for such situation. And she was proven right, her lessons are learned well and useful for me now. So I thank mostly to my lovely strong yet gentle Mother. Love you, Mom! <3

Last week, everything felt like "the last" for me. Last days of March, last time I'd see Tessa (my Binus schoolmate) and last moments working at office. So as goodbyes had to be said, I also had to finish some stuff. It was another tiring days to continue the recent week, but I could say I am glad it had all finished and passed.


On Wednesday I went to Gandaria City for Tessa's farewell meeting. At Eat & Eat there were already Anna, Mega, Ferlyna, Slamet, Hansen and Tessa. Not too long after that, Oleg came up. We had dinner there and moved to Oen Pao, Radio Dalam till midnight. Garth joined us, as well as Cheryl. It was a nice little reunion plus farewell.


The next day, me and colleagues went to Urban Kitchen, Senayan City, for farewell lunch. This time, it's for me. We went back to the office, I got some stuff to be done, and after dinner at Pati Unus, we said goodbye (tho I was still at the office till 9 p.m.) I went to Immigrant that night with Herdi, joining Kenneth, Rachelle and Nimas who were already there. Cheryl and Dimas caught up with us.

The next day, after finishing some stuff, I went to Tryst Living by 5 p.m. with Clemy to catch up with Achel and Nimas. Cheryl and Dimas were already there too. We had some chit-chat with Yopie and Reza there, and got a portion of potato salsa Yopie had prepared for me. How nice of him, lol. At 8 p.m., we moved to Warung Pasta to rejoin Cheryl and Dimas, this time with Kireina and her friends.

Finally, after weeks of restless nights, I was done with some stuff and said goodbye to another. Life is all about changes and uncertainty indeed. For one moment I was working in an office, befriends with some people, but the next moment I was an independent designer, befriends with other circle of group. Life goes on, but we left footprints along the way. The most important thing is, they all stay inside of my heart.

I went to Bandung last Saturday morning with Aunt Dewi and Oma, arriving at the town by 11.30 a.m. and headed straight to home. We were a bit surprised by the many renovation Mom had made in the house, but thankful for it made our house feel more inviting, warm and airy.

We didn't really go anywhere during the short vacation. We just enjoyed the renewed house, relaxing in the back terrace, looking at the city view far below, and discussing stuff we missed out, for it had been more than 1.5 months since I met my Mom and more than 2 months since our last discussions.

Late at night after 5 p.m. mass and dinner at Kopi Progo, my cousins Hizkia and Ray came with their friends to play card and to stay over. We had some chit-chat before I fell asleep by 2.30 a.m. and they went home the next morning at 8 a.m.

After hot shower, I prepared for my old friends to come. Ester arrived around 9 a.m. with her son, Hayden. Some minutes after, Irma came. This was like a little reunion because I hadn't met Ester since Irma's wedding on October last year.

Later, Kak Royan, our neighbor, came with Dewi, her sister-in-law and Lintang, her daughter. Lintang, being 5 y.o, was 1.5 years older than Hayden and Mom thought it could be funny to make them two meet. But then Hayden became uncomfortable and asked to go home. So by 12 p.m. my house was back silent.

It was nice to meet both Ester and Irma, my lovely friends during my adolescent years. But now things are changing and they have families and I have my different life, and things aren't the same way again. I had changed, but friends are always there all the time. Weird, tho, but it's life. Nothing stays the same.

By 4 p.m. we packed and fetched Ray at Hizkia's kost. We had early dinner at Madamme Sari, Kartika Sari Dago, before heading to Jakarta. I fell asleep during most of the trip because I had lack of sleep lately. We arrived at Jakarta by 9 p.m. and that was all about my little vacation home.

I have some issues about this vain thing for the past few months. First issue. A guy--call him Andy--is so dumb he made a girl at work--Mary--who was willing to help as a friend at first time became so impatient about his stupidity. One day, they are working together for an expo and for some point, he pushed Mary's patience to the limit and it was exploded into a serious anger.

While Mary was tremendously mad to Andy because he didn't prepare well and he failed to pay attention to what she had noted down for him three months earlier about the exact same thing, Andy thought Mary was jealous of a girl he was talking about over "In A Rush" song played earlier that day--while Andy sadly thought, "She was jealous of herself." Mary was the girl in his song.

Second issue. A girl--call her Kin--quietly likes a cool guy--Jack--she met at work. One day, Jack quit the job and disappeared, leaving Kin fitful with her own feelings she thought they have in common. "We love and understand each other and we had passed all the chit-chat phase," she said. The fact is, they had never spent any time together outside of the office.

Both of them thought the persons they like are liking them back, without no utter proof. It was all due to their delusional mind and being such smartasses. The consequences are their obvious disappointment by acting childish at office--slamming stuff, avoiding people, skipping deadlines. They are not just annoying by attitude, but also adverse the colleagues. Made people had to cover up their failures as a team while they are not the only ones who got problems.

What happen with Andy and Kin, actually? They both are spreading God's words, boasting their church-based lives, talking about theories but none are applied in their real lives. They are both talking too much but what they do everyday is just way far from what they told us to. They are negligent at work, ruin people's mood and made people think twice about their personalities.

Not that I--and most of the friends around--am being judgmental about them. But what they said out loud are just tickling us to keep in mind and curious to see the proof... and disappointed when we see it isn't as good as when it was still in form of words. Reality isn't as good as fantasy and it ain't easy either. But at least we can all talk based on reality.

Minus side of both Kin and Andy is that they are tend to preach people about the theories they (might had just) found and thought are good for life. They are correct about the last one, but the thing is, their preaches are annoying if they can not implement them in their own lives. People would see it as bullshit, that they are fake and insincere.

One thing I want to underline here: Never be a smartass when you don't even know what you are talking about. If you want to share your limited knowledge with your surroundings, share it with an attitude, not as the person who thinks-he-knows-all, so people won't judge you. Remember that you are being monitored by people around and every of your words are remembered.

As what I wrote about another "fake" people (click here), you are obligated to prove all the fact of the words that came out of your mouth, otherwise you might be called a fake person. Perhaps this Andy and Kin aren't fake, but certainly still need a lot to learn in life. Yet I have no time telling and nurturing them while they thought they knew all the life formula already. There is no use throwing pearls to pigs (Matt 7:6). It is utterly useless.

I think people need to start to separate personal and professional problems, leaving personal matters at home and leaving work stuff at office. Don't mix them around or you would be pain in the ass for your colleagues. Be respectful and do not act selfish, especially to those who come to work properly. When you aren't working professional in a teamwork, most likely you could be a "public enemy" and be kicked out soon.

Both for Kin and Andy, they also need to separate their hallucination, delusional thinking with real life. Things are need to be proven right before you can take a conclusion. And just because the person they like are friendly to them, doesn't mean that he/she likes them back. If the person really like them, I am certain there would be some proofs or real stuff to prove their feelings.

Still for Kin and Andy, I would say: "Grow up! Get up! Get real!" World doesn't revolve around you guys. You aren't the only ones who got problem, and your problems aren't the heaviest of all. People are dealing with problems everyday and it should be a learning process to make one more mature. Don't walk in the same place, you need to step up higher. Every decision you make in mind should bring you someplace, and it's better be nearer to your goal.

So, for friends out there, I can only suggest you to be modest when you think you don't know anything. Empty your cup so you can hold up more water. Never stop learning, even from people around you, even if they are not lecturers you adore. Never adore a person too highly, for it could be your point of falling. Listen more, talk less. God created your two ears and one mouth for some reason. Lastly, you are not the poorest, saddest person in the world. Period.

I hope this message is delivered ;)