Another Victoria's Secrets: December 2012

Character/Personality

Gems

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Experiences

Katon Bagaskara Show

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Experiences

Back Here

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, by Victoria Tunggono

Blogging Stuff

Merry Christmas!

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, by Victoria Tunggono

Character/Personality

5 cm. The Movie

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, by Victoria Tunggono

About Books

Life of Pi the Movie

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Experiences

Well, here I am, back in Bandung suddenly. Mom called me on Thursday almost midnight, shouting in panic that I had to come to Bandung on Friday, no matter what, because 14th was the last day we could sign the selling contract. The thing is, my work is still not done till end of the year. But I'm resigning anyway.

So I bought the ticket on last minute, packed the most important stuff to take to Bandung, and went by Citilink airlines, arrived in Bandung on midday yesterday. Aunt Agnes and Bent fetched me, then we fetched Clemy who just came from Jakarta and went to see Mom at Cisangkuy for lunch. We went to the notary at 2.30 p.m. and signed the deal.

But the things aren't done yet. We still have some documents aren't done yet and need time to get them from the government bureaus. Then we gotta pack our stuff from the house that doesn't belong to us anymore. And the hardest part is, to find new house immediately. Everybody knows it's not that easy to find a house, because house is a personal thing and different to each person. We just can hope we can find the perfect one in our budget.

Anyway, I can say that I'm leaving my job in Bali just like that. My boss is leaving to France for two weeks and I left before he does. He said he was disappointed (of course he is) but family isn't an excuse to leave job. He said my reasons are bullshit and that I've already planned this thing. He clearly doesn't know my situation and he probably just doesn't care.

Well probably for some people, family isn't really that important. And for people who have money, they can always pay other people to do the packing up, pick whichever house on their budget, and moving-out-and-in can be so easy. For us, it's another matter. Family is important and we need to hold on to each other during life change like this one.

Deep down I keep on thinking whether I'm doing the right thing; to abandon my responsibility in Bali and left them all to Dewi by herself. But all people who know my mother say that I'm doing the right thing because we have to have priority. My mom is a very panicking and stressful person and she needs support from people who are stronger than her, and I am taking the responsibilities not just because I am the first child but also because my siblings are still in their jobs.

I know that most people see me as such an easy going person and seem like never involved in difficult situation. Probably my boss sees me as such an irresponsible person now. People will say how unprofessional assistant I am. I hate to know that people are thinking negatively toward myself. But I know God has His own plan to make me go to Bandung in such rush. I believe He got bigger and better plans for us...

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Experiences

Three Years Later...

via mindbodygreen

Three years ago today my dearest Dad left us forever. It was a really shocking experience but we let him go and we try to understand God's plan on us. Turned out we are much stronger now, both as individuals and as family.

I went to Anna's room last night and together with Rivan each of us told our own stories about losing our loved ones. Anna lost her mother from cancer on 2003 and Rivan lost both of his parents in 2 years time. It really is true that (most of the time) we don't know what we got till it's gone.

I was really lucky because I was my daddy's little girl and Anna spent most of her time with her mother before she went for good. But for Rivan who took things from granted, I know that regret is a really heavy feeling to carry in our lives.

Thankfully I don't have to live with that burden. But for my siblings, they faced the loss with different perspective. They weren't there when he breath his last and the doctor and nurses gave up giving him pumps on his chest. But then again, it is important to know when to let go.

Letting go, is not an easy thing to do. I've been there, too. But with a strong will and persistence, nothing is impossible. In this case, letting go of someone who went for good, is important not only for their souls (so they can go on and aren't longer attached with this world) and also for our own good.

The most essential thing here is to forgive and ask for their forgiveness, so no debt are left between us and them. This sounds so easy to do, but I know for some people it takes a lot more to do. Once we let go, our steps to go forward is lighter, our hearts happier, and more blessings come to our lives.

Anyway, I was gonna talk about the past three years after my father's death. He always taught us to rely only on God, to follow His path and flow with His river. He taught us to prioritize Him above anything else, and He showed us how his faith, hope and love to God had brought the family to the point we are now.

And God is keeping His words. He promised my father He would take care of the family and He does. He proved His power and love by giving us so many more than we could ever think of. He is repaying so many times more of every single deed my father did in his life to the family and also to his soul now in Heaven.

I think this is the true purpose of life. To love and serve God by living our lives well. All good deeds we do to our neighbors are counted and it just adds so many more of our quality as a person and for our souls. At the end of the day, said Mother Teresa, is the matter between you and God. Not with anyone else in the world.

Even though my father didn't leave so many amount of money for us, the most valuable thing he left was what cannot be taken away from our hearts; faith and dignity. We learn to struggle and survive. We had been through laughter and cry, joy and pain, and we are still here, solid as a family tho we are far away apart. We know, with God on our side, there is nothing impossible. And I am glad because my father led us the way.

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Thoughts

Just Another Girl

via machoarts

I am sitting down at a coffee shop now, with Lyssandre here with me. We are busy with our own laptops, as all other kiddos do in modern days. Anyway, Lyssandre went to Tulip last night and reported to me that he met my friends there, asking where I was because they thought Lyssandre and I were couple. And he said, it's weird because no one in Tulip seemed to understand me at all.

Lyssandre said I am quite a strange person of all the people he meets here in Bali. Perhaps he means that I am one of a kind. He said he feels me keeping distance with people--or maybe just with him. He mentions that he feels as if I don't want to be recognized, to be known, to be understood by people around me. It seems like no one knows me well, and I realize he is the first who analyzes me.

This guy is actually really smart. He works with autistic kids, so he knows everything about truth. Interesting, I thought, because all other people I meet here seem fake. They hide their sadness or ugliness behind the fancy dresses and make ups. It's just not really my thing, but Lyssandre said it's so weird to find them seem to not know me because I work and meet with them everyday.

I should be disappointed, actually, to know that even those who I meet most of time don't seem to know me at all. But yes, it is true that I keep distance with people. It's not that I am being so arrogant, but I just don't think it's necessary to open up and explain myself to people who just don't care. And people around me here, they mostly don't care.

Sometimes I find it funny how I let my boss thinks that I am such a hypocrite Christian girl who never goes out on weekends like what he's doing. It's not that I want to lead him wrong, but I don't think it's necessary to let boss to know about my personal life. Even when he asks, he doesn't really care anyway. He listens only for the first sentence I speak and makes his conclusions right away. No long story needed, he's bored already.

Lyssandre said, my way of casual daily clothing is like the way I try to tell people that I can be easy going too, even though I'm actually a more serious and conservative person. It's the contrary to Dewi's more bubbly personality hidden beneath her executive daily outfits. Anyway, people have their own compensation, haven't they? We all have our own place/things to run away and excel/complete in one part of our lives to fill in the lackness/emptiness in other part(s)

And also, by Lyssandre's analysis, I am such a giving person. I tend to learn about people's needs around me and give them what they need. I give compliments to my sanguine friends. I do whatever things my boss needs. I follow whatever things my friends want to do, wherever they want to go, whenever they want it. I follow and I give. Which could be good, he said, but can also be bad.

Yea, I know about it. I just don't think I can trust anyone in Bali enough to let out of myself. I keep it, hide myself behind. But now that Lyssandre mentioned it, I think I've been doing this all my life. My previous surroundings didn't let me be myself, so after tired of trying to become what they demanded me (and everyone else) to be, I just lay low; not letting myself out to just anyone, and keep things in the mainstream way on the surface.

That is, I realize now, why I have this blog. To get away from the demanding world out there and have my own sanctuary where I can put my thoughts and secrets and myself, all freely. I can be open to real human too, but I choose carefully these special people, which I think already many of them (I have many close friends, I believe). But to people outside my trusted circle, I like to remain as just another girl.

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, by Victoria Tunggono

About Friends

Singer Newcomer: Atif Zulkifly

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, by Victoria Tunggono

My Thoughts

Woman's Worth

via fineartamerica

I've been correspondencing to one of my readers (yes it's you, L!), and I was saying to him:
"... maybe there will come one guy stupid enough to love and marry me..."

and he was replying:
"I wouldn't say a guy will be stupid enough to love you, but rather that he will be wise enough.. maybe you are hard to be with and complicated, after all you are a woman and women will always remain hard to be understood by men :) But even though I don't really know you, from what you are writing I think I can see that you are a really nice person and that you have enough to offer.."

I think it's such a sweet of him to say that to me, but I know that guys who are mature enough would agree with him. Before, I was always asking myself why boyfriends were walking away and guys I liked stopped pursuing me. I really thought that I wasn't interesting enough to them, perhaps not feminine or girly or needy or clingy enough to guys.

Now recently there is one man who loves me so deeply and shows me how lovable I am, how worthy I am in his eyes. It surprises me a lot how I need to appreciate and respect myself more and to value what I have better, because in his opinion, I am truly a treasure he just found. Strange enough to see myself from the eyes of someone who loves me so much, and who knows my worth (OK I'm listening to Alicia Key's A Woman's Worth now)

This man I am talking about, he surely is wise enough to love me (using my reader's words), unlike those previous boyfriends I had before. He said he is old enough to know and appreciate what he has and he is being very grateful for having me in his life now. Though maybe the time is not right, I know that this is the right guy for me--who loves me they way he does. If only he can truly be mine... because he cannot.

Well, I am not really concerning about getting married actually, but I'm not closing any door for the opportunity. But then again it's not what I am trying to talk about right now. I was gonna say, how glad I am to know that there are still men who knows their woman's worth; to be wise enough to love and marry her no-matter-what. I'm not being too picky or having too high standard on finding my Mr. Right, I'm just waiting for a guy who sees me this way. I just hope this guy will come soon. Amen.