Another Victoria's Secrets

via lawpracticetoday

A friend posted this link of "11 Women On How They Knew They Didn't Want Kids" on her Facebook timeline (Huffpost). Surely I was tickled to click on the link and read the article. Overall, this article speaks up what I have in mind. Having this idea of being child-free since before my teenage years, I haven't really speak up about this but only to my closest circle.

Like those 11 interviewed women, I have more or less the same experience on the issue, being told that I'd change my mind eventually when I get older, that somehow a right man would change my perspective, etc. But no, it's not like that. For me, I've had this idea since my early school years, after all the doll-playing time were done.

I realized this even more in high school years with my first boyfriend, when I was daydreaming about what it would be like for me and him in the coming years, and I didn't see any kids there. I knew it wasn't how he wanted it. We got separated anyway, and so with other guys after him. I had never met a guy who would accept my condition not to have kids, that's why I had to prepare myself for not getting married--ever. This was the reason why I can bear being alone for so long, because children is my number one allergy in future planning (and most Indonesian men want kids).

Researches proved that 67% married couples experience a big drop in marital satisfaction after having children (Happify). And for my personal reason: I want to be with the guy who loves me just for me (now I'm being truly selfish) that he won't be using me as a 'machine' to deliver children only for their satisfaction, etc. It's not that I'm really that anti-kids, no. Children love me and I love them. I just don't want the kids to be mine or be responsible on their lives--too big a responsibility and too much a commitment for me, I guess.

"You'll make such a wonderful parent," my best old pal once said. I knew that, I always have. I know all the dos and don'ts when it comes to educate kids. I've helped taking care of my cousins who are 9-13 years younger than me so this isn't even to be questioned about. I don't need to prove anything about being a good parent or not. It's about not wanting one to be mine. It really is that simple. I simply don't want to have kids.

Trillions of people would question me, as their most happiness is having children or looking at babies. But this had never been my hobby, let alone a dream. I don't want to ever have to get pregnant and deliver a living being; I don't want to take care of and raise them; I don't want to be involved with any parenting thing--No. I don't want any of that. This seem really hard to be taken for most people, but I know this is what I always want.

One of my thousands of reasons is that I don't want to bring kids to this corrupted pathetic world. My other reason is that I prefer to take care of existed neglected children than to bear any more innocent soul into the world. In other words, I would rather to adopt kid(s) than to give birth to one if I'd ever change my mind. I thought this is much more a noble thing to do than to deliver them but not raising them right.

And if you have such a unique, one-of-a-kind, strange requirement of a future childless marriage life, you'll have a list of priorities for your spouse-to-be like I have. This one "silly" wish to be child-free seriously takes a great deal of effort for me on finding "the one", especially here in Indonesia. I've met a lot of great guys I'd have to leave just because of this, but this don't make me change my mind (of not having kids) at all.

I'd rather be with someone who shares the same value with me than to sacrifice my "freedom" just to keep the guy I love. Love, as we all know it, is just an illusion that our emotion creates to make us do silly things (but you know I'm such a lover tho). Love comes and goes, but life goes on. For me, a relationship must be based with love and at balance between emotion and logic.

I actually had never really believed that I would ever meet a guy who would meet this quality that would also match to my character and traits--it seemed too good to be true for me. But just as I was thinking about writing this, this guy appears in my life, as perfect as I wanted him to be--plus for not wanting kids as well. Children takes the most important place in any relationship/marriage, and a decision on not having any is just as important. I really am glad that I've found someone who shares the same vision with me although we had just met.. let's see how this one will turn out (;

hadn't played billiard since 2013 in Bali

I would rate my last July 2015 as my most active month ever. In just one month I could finish my writing for 2 request books, had a more intense muay thai practice at my complex's sport club, had 2x archery at Senayan, shooting at Blok M Plaza, billiard and karaoke at Q Billiard, and--for the first time since perhaps 2010--I had swimming in the 20x40m olympic size pool at Damai Indah Golf.

team archers from my elementary schoolmates

These kinds of physical activities aren't likely my style, but I was damn bored since my sister's wedding, having no feasible goal in the mean time. I have my projects deadline all July, but writing in my room was extremely boring especially when I had just recovered from 2-weeks of bed resting due to my cough & gastric illness. So I did some refreshing instead.

swimming pool at Damai Indah Golf & Country Club

Actually I'm liking my new activities. Who knew I could be good enough at archery and shooting? I got my bull's eye shot at my second practice with grade schoolmates last week (the friends I hadn't met for 17 years before and one of them I just met last week which made it 23 years of lost contact). And I just found my swimsuit back so I could say yes to swimming invitation now.

at muay thai practice

I don't know if I'll keep doing this for the rest of my life or if this is just temporary until I get my muse back and get on my track. But physical activities really help me getting my spirit and feel alive. I know I can't go back to my valley of sadness and should only go forward and reach higher. And meanwhile I'm trying to recollect myself back, from saying yes to all these new challenges I know that I can do all things in the world. Maybe so should you! (;

via pinimg

Today, for the first time since 2013, I met this old friend of mine at PIM. We got busy with our own problems and decided to meet up today and talked about many things. He is now married to a woman he used to tell me as his crush and we were really that caught up with our own worlds that I couldn't even attend his wedding. But what I love about true friends is that they remain friends with us no matter how long we don't meet or talk with each other.

So I met Alexis Pompink (an architect) and his wife Winny (an interior designer) today and chill at Starbucks Food Hall. Winny was doing her job at a table with her laptop while Pompink and I talked. We used to have this hours of talking and it was always the great, constructing, mindful talk as it was today. So we shared our lives for the past 1-2 years that we lost from each other.

To my surprise, Pompink told me he was kind of jealous at me. This is something new. I mean, look at him, already married at his own expense (which could be considered one of the indicators of being success here in Indonesia) and doing all his job under his own company's name, etc. While I am still single, still living at my Mom's house and do not have anything valuable whatsoever to be boasted about.

via pinimg

But Pompink gave me a whole new perspective in life. He doesn't measure success by wealth but by achievements. And this achievement doesn't always in form of award-winning or any performance. He sees my achievement from the book I wrote, from the adventure and experiences I had (since Bali, and so on) and from what I have done for my family (spending more time, taking care of each of them). He counts my closeness to my young cousins and what I had done for them (which can't be seen to others) as something precious.

I was touched. Seriously. This was one of the best things people ever said to me--to see the unseen kindness and listen the unspoken words. I had never seen my dedication to my family as something to be proud of, but my now-married friend just reminds me of how valuable the family bond is. He sees it as something instead of nothing.

I guess my perspective on life is changed once again. And I'm thankful for having such a great friend as Pompink. And tho we don't stay in touch constantly, I know he's one of the best friends I can always count on. I'm so happy for this revelation and for meeting Pompink and his wife today. Thank God!
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