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Unlike physical organs, the broken human's soul and heart cannot heal as fast and the treatment is not as simple. As complicated as the nervous system and organs in human body can be, human's soul and heart are much more complicated. And what is not seen is always the hardest to understand, as humans also have their own free-will and wild imaginations that are different to each of us.
Last night I spent over one hour reading the open letter from the Stanford rape victim to her rapist. It is a heartbreaking yet powerful letter of over 7,000 words that explains what happened to every details, including those that are usually unable for us to put in words. The victim, having her name kept secret for her privacy, has taken the case so bravely, maturely and fairly. She had dealt with her fear, loss, disgrace, for over a year and won. As the law gives light punishment of only 6 months in jail, she sends a letter through the judge so everyone can at least know how it is to be at her position.
We all can see how luxury and lenience will never raise children in a good way. The rapist, Brock Allen Turner, is a freshman and swimming athlete that is said to have 'so much at stake' as this rape case come to the surface. Both of his parents wrote letter as they are trying to get Brock away from punishment and explained how it made their kid lost appetite and spirit to go through the days. Both of the parents, and their son as he said in his defendant's statement on the court, are failed to see the case as a sexual assault that has ruined a girl's life. They consider it merely as a 20-minute actions that had ruined Brock's life and blame it on the campus drinking culture. They don't consider anything about the victim as in their mind their son is the victim here.
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If they put it that way, I will say that I am agree with that. Brock Turner is also the victim, of bad education from his parents, which lacking of common sense and conscience any parent can teach their child. Brock, being the product of his parents' thinking and teaching, is suffering narcissism or histrionic that think everything is about himself and fails to see the case from other angles. Until the end of the court that lasted over a year, Brock consider his fault in this case is for too much drinking and that rape is a casual sexual promiscuity and felt nothing of guilt whatsoever. Clearly, this fact urge anger from people who has common sense.
In Indonesia, mass rape cases are happening more often than ever. One case inspires the others. Earlier this year, a 14-year old girl raped by 14 underage students and ended up killed. A Manadonese girl raped by 19 men and ended up losing her mind. Another young woman was gang raped by her new younger boyfriend and 3 other young man and ended up killed with a rod hoe inserted as deep as 60 cm through her vagina. There are other similar cases happened in the past few months in Indonesia which makes to the 7 most brutal rape cases in the world of all time.
So who do we blame for rape cases? Most of the society say it's the victim's fault to dress up with such an outfit, to drink, to wander alone, to be out alone at night, and many others. But the fact is they are raped for being a woman. No matter what age, race, skin colour, religion, social status, education level, the dress they are wearing, women get sexual assaulted. Yes, some men suffer the same case, too. Those who are helpless and defenseless are more likely to be victim of this despicable crime. In Indonesia, most sexual assault cases happen to girls wearing hijab or the students of a religious leader.
I read in an article that rape happens as a proof of superiority the performer need to feel. It is the lack of self esteem and self confident of the performer. Also, the lack of the medium to channeling one's desire that urge the act of rape. A swimmer athlete friend of mine once said, sport makes him horny more than he thinks other normal guys do, and he needed to learn to distract the urge by doing other things. Luckily, my friend has good control of his desires. But I think maybe that's what happened to Brock Turner. He might feel horny most of the time because of the swimming and didn't learn (or taught to) divert the urge to something else. The lack of respect toward other people (as we can see from the case, it's not only women he doesn't respect but other people in general) didn't stop him from quenching his lust.
via GIPHY
I think what people also need to know is the difference between sexual promiscuity that happen with consent from both parties and sexual assault that happen with force. What includes to rape or sexual assault is any action that contain sexual part(s) that happen when at least one party is unconscious or wasted, when one of them says no, when one of them doesn't approve or being defenseless. Also, rape is rape. No matter how "hard" or "light" the case is. The damage it causes is the same. It ruins both of the victim and performer lives. It takes more than just physical damage to them.
Respect is another case one really need to understand. Respect contains of respect to the others and respect to oneself. Clearly we don't see any respect shown from the Turner family as all they can think of is their son. They don't respect the victim's right at all. They don't respect justice and the court as (clearly) they are paying high for the lawyer to get Brock away of the punishment. And they don't respect themselves as they incidentally and shamelessly show how low mannered and shallow minded they are from the parents' letters and Brock's attitude toward this court. They may have money, but they don't seem to be people who take responsibility on their actions, regardless how drunk or confused they are upon conducting it.
I don't understand if there are people out there who still don't understand how to respect other people's body, including their private parts. People need to know that touching people you don't know can be considered impolite, let alone forcing yourself into them. Even when someone is having an erection, it doesn't mean he can just penetrate it into any hole available. It doesn't work that way. I wonder why some men just can't get this: just because they have penis it doesn't mean that he can thrust it into any vagina around.
Another thing I want to highlight from the Stanford rape case is that "The Probation Officer has stated that this case, when compared to other crimes of similar nature, may be considered less serious due to the defendant’s level of intoxication." Well back again to the image that began this post: rape is rape. No matter how "serious" the physical damage is, the internal damage is the same. The victim will have the trauma and lost her (or his) self esteem, self confidence, self worth, feel lost, and the worst case of all, lost her (or his) mind, if not suicidal. There ain't no excuse or exception for sexual assault case. Rape is rape. And it is not accidental. Even if it is not planned, it takes a decision to penetrate a penis to a vagina (or other hole.)
The society holds important role here in shaping the characters of its people. In the neighborhood where respect is implanted, boys will learn how to respect the others, no matter who or how or what they are. In the environment where women are considered as the citizens number two, boys grow up to look at women as objects and think they can do whatever they want to them. Our sons need to learn that women are creature made equal to them, even respect them more because women are the ones who bear and give birth to children--and that all boys are born from a woman. All boys need to know that assault is wrong, every type of it. Not only because it is a crime, but it is simply wrong in every aspect. There is nothing is right about an assault!
And the most importantly, all people need to understand the deeper meaning of love. That love is not just the feeling they have for their partner or family, but it should exist in every heart toward everything in this world. The love for themselves means to accept their flaws and celebrate their strength. Love for others means to care for their needs and respect them as they are, and to know that every life matters. Love for the nature can form in how we take care of our environment; the animals and the plants; not littering; and saving energy. Love for life means giving thanks and being grateful for what we have, and not feeling jealous at other people's green grass. Above all, love for God will make us do all of the above automatically because we know all the creatures in this world and all the blessings we have in life are given by God. By loving God, we know we should take good care of this world, including the humans, even if we don't know them, and treat them just how we want to be treated.
I guess it doesn't take a genius to know and understand what I'm trying to say here. It's all common sense and a matter of respecting people. Unfortunately, most people still find it's hard to have a clear sight on this case and still blaming it to the alcohol or the woman's dress or them being alone or simply the fact that women are the object for a rape. Let's help creating a better world to live in by teaching men that they are not the offense, and women are not the defense. All people are equal and have their own tasks and roles in life. As Obama said: It's up to all of us to put an end to sexual assault, and that starts with you. Share this idea with as many people if you think we can all make the difference from even a simple thing. And I am recommending everybody to read and share the Stanford rape case victim's letter, to truly understand what is happening to the victim in a sexual assault, and to teach our children to avoid it to ever happening again.
