Another Victoria's Secrets

I think most of you already know that I'm now officially an aunt. My baby sister gave birth two months ago and that means I have 'my own' niece (not my cousin's kids which made me 'second aunt' or something..) This kind of changed our lives a bit, if not all over. Now we go to Baby/Family Room in the malls, looking for cute baby clothes in the stores (and online too), and just like that, our worlds revolves around the baby.

But the next thing is, the suggestion/question from people around for me to have my own baby. "Makanya cepet nikah biar punya bayi juga!" (Go on and get married so you can have your own baby!) is the most common sayings I get for the past two months now -- even from my aunt, which disappointed me the most (I mean, all these years, even my socmed friends have learned of who I am and what I want, but my own aunt fails to recognize that LOL.)

One thing that people often forget to ask is: do I want my own kid? Most of people assume that when we hold a baby it means that we want it or that we need to have it. Last month I met an old friend in a wedding and we discussed about babies. She asked me this naïve question: but can we not have kids? She says, the people here in Indonesia expects everyone to have kids, so it's just out of question to not have one. People would gossip and mock us. She asked me: is that even an option for us?

aunt-and-niece bonding time

So that event, and an interview I had with a nice Brazilian writer for her book project a day before my trip to Gorontalo 3 weeks ago (read this), made me question myself again: do I really not wanting kids? Because the baby hype in my family is getting so frenzy that even my 22-year old cousin discussed it with my mom few days ago. She asked me: what if one day your husband leaves you and you are left alone and have no one to run to? If you have kid, you'd at least have someone you can rely on.

The question hit me louder than ever -- maybe I had never thought seriously of this. But then again, on my way back home that night and on the times I spent before sleep, I was thinking: well I've been thru the worst loneliness in my life, during the past 7 years I spent since my ex Ara was breaking up with me in the worst possible way and crushed me (not just to pieces but) into dust inside; all those lonely and painful healing years I had in Bali... I mean, how much worse can my loneliness be?

I'm still lonely af now anyway, and having kids doesn't guarantee your happiness or of your pension years or that your spouse would stay forever, should you have one. The most important thing is that I'm happy, aware and content, of who and where I am standing right now; of my decisions. I guess that's what really matters, isn't it?

Meanwhile to find a boyfriend is getting really hard these days. I do Tinder, tho I almost never go on a date in the past half year. The second Tinder date I've been to, which just happened two weeks ago, was so ruined as my date (a 38-year old guy; 5 years older than me) who seemed to be a good, nerdy guy (following my sis' advice to go for 'good guys' instead of bad boys LOL), turned out to be an *sshole after finding out that I don't want any kid.

So he thought I was an 'easy' woman that he tried to get on second base with me and offered to get me pregnant before wedding. What a jerk! I'd go back (I'd even run) to loneliness happily if that guy is the alternative. Srsly!

I know she's gonna be cool just like her aunt. LOL.

Well, I still question myself about my will on this baby thing from time to time (I gotta keep updating, ain't I?) And the answer lies the same: no. The Brazilian writer, on the interview and in the questionnaire, asked: what if one day you change your mind (and the time is too late to have a kid)? But then, I already have an answer for that: I can always adopt and it shouldn't lessen the joy. Because if I can love my niece so much as if she's my own, I sure can love other kids the same, can't I?

Today my mum and I went to Bogor around 8.30 a.m. via Parung. We arrived in Bogor at 10 a.m. but I got so hungry despite my toast breakfast earlier, so we stopped by at Starbucks Taman Yasmin for a quick quiche bite. The route directed by Waze led us to a detour out of town and we arrived in the KST building at 11.30 a.m. It was 1.5 hours late from the appointed hour. (Hating Waze so much already!)

KST Building on Jalan Surya Kencana

the façade

you'll see this old house just before 1O1 Hotel on the right side

The KST building belongs to Keluarga Serumpun Tirta or Kioe Seng Tong community, the extended family of mine from my father's line. It is the house of my ancestors, of Tunggono's blood line. My grandpa was the 16th child of the first Thung (Thung Bouw Lim was the first of 13 siblings.) So I'm the fifth generation in this community of hundreds or maybe thousands. Well I don't keep count.

a pretty vintage door handle

 

my great great grandfathers's clock

the building was built in 1904

le foyer

swinging chair for meeting table

these people are from my level of generation genealogically, but not age-wise. LOL.

lobby area, facing the busy Chinatown street

you can see this room if you take a peek from the street

one of the antique Chinese-style chairs

second layer of le foyer

I went here the first time in 2008 with my dad (read this), and never been back but a little peek of the façade when we had the big family reunion in 2015 in 1O1 Hotel right across the street (belongs to one of this family.) All these years, the committee had been planning and done doing renovation on the old house (it was built in 1904) and today was the inaugural ceremony and thanksgiving for the successful renovation. The building does look much better than before (check this out.)

stepping to the next room, 12 pictures of the siblings are put on both walls (fourth sibling died young and didn't have pic)

my ancestor was the one on the far right pic; the first son of 13 siblings

I love this antique corner bench

the main bedroom of Mrs. Thung. she 'still' uses this room sometimes.

'meja abu', table of the ancestors

the descendants pray and serve food for the ancestor's spirits

the serving stays as long as the ancestors 'want' it, until we draw two coins and both facing different ways

big red candle for lots of fortune for the descendants

I didn't ask why the cups are more than 13 here

another antique Chinese-style furniture

The Tirta family is a well-known name in Bogor (found out about this few months ago -- and one of the family is married to current mayor of Bogor), especially in the Chinatown. But way back up, our ancestor was once Bantenese, who lived in disguise as a Chinese to avoid the chasing by Dutch Trading Company (the VOC). The descendants remained known as Chinese to most people, but we also hold the names of Tubagus (for men) and Ratu (for women) as our royal titles.


Check out this article above by Azmi Abubakar. Below is the translation.

"Chinese" descendants of the Sultan of Banten

.......Thung Ho Boen a.k.a. Tubagus Muhammad Hidayat, descendant of the famous Prince Mustofa Abdul Hamid, who was famous as Kyai Tapa. In the lineage of the Kings of Banten, Kyai Tapa was on the 9th lineage.Kyai Tapa was a patriot who were pursued by Dutch Company. This figure then disappeared and declared run to the area of Bogor's Chinatown, then famous by the name of Thung Sian To

.......In his disguise, Kyai Tapa became a hero in Chinatown with the title of Mayor Jangkung (The Tall Major)... However, his true identity eventually smelled by the Dutch. For the salvation of his posterity, Mayor Jangkung fled to Mecca and died there in 1752.

......Accustomed to have lived in the Chinatown environment, the descendants of the Sultanate of Banten from Mayor Jangkung line continued to live in the area ...His grandchildren mingled and married Chinese girls, such as Tubagus Abdullah bin Mustofa - the grandson of Kyai Tapa --- married to The Song Nie. The couple and the subsequent have distinctive Bantenese name, but also has Chinese surname / she of THUNG ... those who died were always buried in the Chinese family's grave.

......The elder of the Banten family, represented by Ratu Euis Sufiati, have stated that "the descendants of Mayor Jangkung should be accepted as a family that has been sinking." Ratu Euis was the first to put her fingerprints and gave testimony .....

......I found the history above when reading Tempo on 8 November 1975, in the news column "Law", regarding the lawsuit from Drs Tubagus Robert Tirta Setianegara, who tried hard to release a letter of his citizenship because he had the genealogy list from Sultan Syarif Hidayat Mahdum of the Sultanate of Jati Cirebon & Banten .... There were 5 people from Pandeglang, Sukabumi and Serang who deliberately brought before the judge to give testimony about the truth of the genealogy

.....Read more, I photograph the news.

.....I am reminded of the comments on my post some time ago, from a journalist and author of several important books about the history of ethnic Chinese peranakan (cross-bred), Bang Iwan Ong Santosa, who said that the family "Thung" is a respected family in Bogor ..... hopefully this can be a significant addition :)

.......Breaking News!Friends of Bang Tan Margaku, provides important information about the location of the tomb and the Chinese name of: Tubagus Abdullah bin Mustofa or Thung Tiang Mih.I have included a picture of the headstone.

Thank you!

Collection of Chinese Peranakan Library.

So there you go, the solved mystery of how my Chinese face has a Bantenese title (prefix) on my British name and Javanese surname (the British name was given by a Poland priest but my grandpa did marry a British girl when he studied in 1930s -- who became my grandma -- and when the government requested Indonesian name for all citizens, my grandpa chose Tunggono despite the variations of Tirta that his other kin chosen.) Quite amazingly confusing, huh? LOL.

the dining room in the back

breakfast area with vintage Chinese-style armoire

one of the rooms in the back area serves as pantry

one of the rooms at the back area with cupboards for dishware

the dining room; the arched passages on both sides has swinging doors access to the front area

another vintage armoire from last century

the swinging door that connects front and back rooms

beautiful iron 3D painting set

the backyard is still messy, but we're working on it

this man comes once a week to take care of this house; the toilet and shower are separated from the main building

I met just some of the big family -- only 50 (out of hundreds) people came -- but this time I could talk with more of them as we've met and saw the faces more often. I think I came to represent my dad. He liked this kind of gathering so much and going there reminded me of him so much. The event ended by 1 p.m. but it was raining hard so we had to stay until 2 p.m. I didn't mind, really.

some of us

I really liked the renovation, with antique furniture and fresh paints. There are lots of lighting they put there and the green sills made it really fresh for the old house. I just love the lobby area / front room. It is designed to welcome people and it has lots of seating to accommodate family members to mingle and chat. I just love the furniture it has there. A pair were birthing chairs (back then people give birth at home), made out of wood and rattan with arms that can be tilted to support the mother's legs. And those were made in 1858!

a peculiar antique lazy armchair that used to function as birthing chair

the pivot screw wrote 'Nederlandsch Indie 1858'

the arms can be tilted to support the mother's legs while giving birth

Mom and I had coffee break at Roti Bakar Eddy -- the first place we found in the midst of traffic jam -- and took the Parung route to go back home. It was a long 2-hour drive, but maybe it felt so tiring because we spent almost 4 hours driving in the morning. I always like meeting new people, and I'm glad I'm part of this big, diverse community (we have different religions in here; Islam, Christian, Catholic, and Buddha... but none of us care about the differences; we are here for the similarity that we share; the blood line and family bond!)

Just pray for my upcoming project for them!