Oh dear God, please forgive me for being super-emotional lately. I figured that I have serious issue toward full-of-shit kind of people. Perhaps there are a lot of people like this but for almost a year now I've been friends with this one particular girl who is totally full of shit and make me so sick about it.

I don't know if I'm just overreacting about her being annoying or is she really that annoying to everyone else, but today was the peak of all the cumulation of little eeny-weeny stuff she bothered me the last half a year. First, she had forced me to date her ex-boyfriend--which she dumped heartlessly to be with another guy--and then she "stalked" my life by twitter. Not that I don't want her to know my activities (because that's why I put it in public), but should she discuss every single move that I did? It felt like a psychopath to me.

I tried not to exaggerate anything about this but I think I failed with big zero on this. She annoys me wayyy too much. She always made excuses just to look cool (or in Indonesian slang called "jaim" a.k.a. jaga image) but pathetically, her excuses are always full of flaws and cracks which allow me to be cynical to her spontaneously.

I know that I've been too hard on this, my standards are too high. I follow rules and I protest when things aren't on the right track. I dislike any misappropriation and I keep my own quality (of any thing, especially on things that I do. Well, at least I tried to...) I don't know why but I think my brain is set to complain too fast for such error, especially when it is done by the person who is flawed on my eyes already.

This morning, this girl asked me unimportant stuff such as bus routes. Two days ago, she said she just had a full-day trip by busway and that she was tired so she was gonna skip our reunion meeting. But not too long after that, she said that she couldn't take a bus for she didn't know the route. As long as I can recall, I told her one too many times the routes to go to her office.

Come on, a girl just can't be that stupid, can her? By being full of excuses and lies like this, one just made his way further from trust. I got this reflection message from a friend that I forwarded to her: People who say one thing but do another thing is decreasing trust he may receive. When one is hard to be trusted on what one say, he will be hard to be trusted on other things. (Read Proverb 18:20) Can't she be just the way she is, without any excuses to cover up whatever she is trying to hide, then?

Well perhaps it all had began from her bullshits about the reason she left my friend last year. All that she said was the contrary to the fact her ex-boyfriend (who happened to be my close friend now) said. Perhaps I was being judgmental here, but in fact, the evidences said I should trust the ex-boyfriend. My instinct caught the positive aura of the guy and signalled that the girl's aura ain't right. Perhaps I was wrong. But for me, it's right.

She just sent me reflection message about living without hatred, pride, lies, etc. So maybe she thought I was being negative thinking and peace-less life. God please forgive me but (aaargh!!!) I think she didn't get the point. All I want in my friends circle are true friends, positive thinking people with pure intention for friendship and honest people. And I don't think she meets any of the quality at all. That's why I don't think she's an important person to me anymore.

As I wrote on my facebook profile, "Life is like riding in a bus and I am the driver of my own life. Those who aren't in the same direction please get off ASAP. I don't need rubbish inside of my bus." And I mean it. I collect only optimistic-minded kind of people and those who can give me mutual quality and integrity of friendship because keeping the negatives is just a waste of time and energy.

Not that I never tried to help. I am a very loyal friend, if you'd check with my best friends around, and I have more than 5 of them. It had been proven for more than 10 years now, not that I wanna boast it but I just say that I made the effort. I don't like to leave any of my friend behind and if I can, I wanna bring all of my friend go forward, on vacation, or anywhere together with me.
 
When I've tried enough, and there seems like no progress will ever appear, I save my energy and time for something better and worth more my sacrifice. When I say "I'm done", I'm done. As what Wham! sang for Last Christmas: "... to save me from tears, I give it to someone special." Friendship is not too far different from love relationship because for me, each and every friend I have is special, and I have limited time on earth I should divide into several different
 
So if you really want my friendship, please don't behave like this silly girl I talk about. Give me your sincerity, integrity and pure friendship, and I shall give you the best of my quality to you. I will put you on top on my invitation list, give you first-hand announcement about anything new and give you more opportunity you can ever get from other people (now that I work in a business magazine, I talk like a marketing officer offering cooperation. Lol.) The condition is only one: be true.