I had dinner with Lita tonight at Kemangi, Pasar Puri Indah. We had been vacuumed talking for few weeks and we just made up for the missing details lately. She was glad that I now look fresher than before, no more black circles around my eyes. She is looking as thin as before herself, but these are just some little details we've been missing.

Our conversation was basically about me and my surroundings, thanks to her who always concerns about me. We were talking about how I am now changing into a choleric person. This was quite a surprise to her, my Mom and myself. I was a sanguine-phlegmatic, and sometimes a melancholic (mostly because of being a sensitive Pisces.)

I've been discussing this with Mom few weeks ago, about me being a choleric who knows what she wants, takes control and determined to reach the goal. I am now an ambitious woman who doesn't have time to take care of unimportant silly things, who sets plans and strategy to achieve it, who tends to right the wrongs and not afraid to confront with people when she thinks she is on the right way.

After some discussion, I finally found what had changed me this way. My relationship with my last two exs had helped, but mostly it was because of my dad's death. As the first child, I feel the urge to take care of the family. I need to support Mom and siblings and find money to survive. I took the responsibility, tho some might say it's the curse of being the first child, but I enjoy this a lot.

I love being where I am now--powerful in taking decision, in taking control of my surroundings and also my heart. I love having so many friends who love me but can not influence me the way they used to make me feel inferior. I love being superior and comfortable in anywhere I am going, no matter how secluded or crowded it is.

Anyway, both Lita and I agreed that people can change. Lita is changing as well. She isn't as dominant as she used to be now that she is getting married. She needs to adapt with her fiancé and deal with her new status: a wife. It's kinda funny that she is more a calm and patient person now and I take control. We are at the same point then, now that we are influenced by each other's "former" characters.

For some people, being the first child is kind of torture or curse. But for me, it is fun to take care of people I love and those who need my help. I love the feeling of being needed and love it when people appreciate my help. I don't mind helping, as long as the person worths the help. But maybe it's part of me being a "newbie" choleric, to sort what kind of people I can help and not giving it unreasonably. Maybe someday I'd change again, but for now, this suits me best.

Perhaps, condition as well that made Mom the person she is now. She needed to take care of her three little children alone while Dad was in USA for his master degree. She was changed into a choleric due to situation and had taught me the hard way of living to prepare me for such situation. And she was proven right, her lessons are learned well and useful for me now. So I thank mostly to my lovely strong yet gentle Mother. Love you, Mom! <3