... but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down," sang Chumbawamba years ago. And I sing their song now for I get knocked down few days ago when my latest ex called me and said sorry that he hurt me months ago. After three months of no goodbye, he came suddenly with sending text said "please forgive me".

I called him after that, demanding explanation and what I got was a story about him and the other girl he was with for the last 3 months. Okay, that hurts, I should admit it. I cried a river and had some hard time to get back in shape. After some curhat sessions I did with some of my girls, I was recovered.

Yesterday I decided to forgive him truly, some integrity that Cheryl recommended. And it truly worked for me, that I decided to be his friend instead of his ex. I called him again and we explored the past, finding where did it went wrong and where did we lost each other.

We shared our pains, the same feeling toward different persons, but there I found my strength back. I found my solution here, by talking about my feelings and pain with him, and I was healed. By the end of our conversations, we could share some laughter and it really was a deep relief.

But then I thought about why he lost interest in me. It was because I got mad often and he didn't like it. I remembered that I was once a lovely, gentle girl before this strong, independent, bold woman emerged from within. I used to be the type of a girl he would love, but now I became a 'monster' of too tough a woman for him.

As what Yodi said the other day, that we are products of our parents, I am too, a product of my parents. I used to be much more like Daddy but Mom's character influenced me more nowadays. She taught me to be in control, not to be dependent to anyone, and to get whatever I want whatever it takes. And remember that I went to Catholic schools where rules are to be obeyed.

Can't blame anyone here. I am my mother's daughter and my ex was being him. Perhaps a too-mature me don't match a too-immature him, but that's the way it is and it didn't work out the way we expected. That's the reality I need to deal with and leave behind, while another path of future is waiting. This is part of my life story, but as always, a lot of things here are learnt well.