Another Victoria's Secrets

Life is a never-ending place to learn. There’s no limit of how much you have learned or achieved in life because there are still so much more. With love, there are even more things we have to learn.
Sometimes we think we’ve achieved enough, we’ve learnt enough. But the fact is, there is never ‘enough’. We are granted with this life and though it’s hard, though sometimes it’s not the same with our perception of the ‘perfect life’ we’ve dreamt, life is beautiful and meaningful.

In problems we’d find the true meaning of our lives, our selves, our mission, our part in this world. In tests we’re formed, shaped, built. With love we’re fulfilled. And though we’d find hard ways, even if it’s a giant rock or even the perfect storm, we can always stand for love. We can always survive with love. We always give chances for love. We learn how to be mature and sacrifice in love and we learn to know ourselves with love.

There are never ‘enough’ in love, for love and love is all that we need.
I need to confess a little thing here, about giving. All these times I thought I gave the ones I love enough from me. But the truth is, I only give them with my own measurement, from my own glasses. So I don’t and refuse to see what they really need from their selves. I was rather selfish. I thought I was the best, I gave the best. But I also have to understand them. To give and understand, I think these are the best duo needed for a good relationship, besides the communication, trust and love it self.

For love, I still need so much to learn. I need to left my ego and let myself fulfilled by love because logic and feelings are speaking of very different languages.

And about friendship, I have to stop to listen to what people say. In fact, I know the person personally while they only see the surface. And I need to left over the measurement and start to see the true self of the person herself. I can not be selfish anymore, because I know the key to true happiness and joy, and I can not abandon the key just like that after knowing the use of it. I have to use the key so it can work and everybody can be happy.

And the key is simple. Don’t judge the book by its cover. Just as simple as reading the book, I can also know and understand a person. And for that, no need self-ego. No need self-measurement and self-judge. Just wear them off so we can see the true beauty of anything in the world.

How beautiful the world is if everybody understands and does this. How peaceful our lives will if we can love each other without demanding with our ego. And for that kind of life, I request you, too, to check on our attitude and behavior to the ones we love.

One last words from me: don’t let real love pass you by. Amen.

Only a day after the party, the first preview of my final project was held. I was so nervous and tense bcuz I didn’t know who Mrs. Irena was. There were at least 4 lecturers to be in the room, 2 were my leading lecturers and 2 others were the tester lecturers. If there were more than 4 lecturers, they would only watch the preview.

I presentated the “Interior Plan of Prasetiya Mulya Business School Library as the Source of Economical Information”. My leading lecturers; Mrs. Rini and Mr. Natsir were very kind, they helped me gathered and processed the datas and prepared me so well for the first preview. I knew one of the testers, Mrs. Yunita was one of the tester whom most of students afraid of. She asked detailed questions and we have to know our project better than her to avoid problems. But Mrs. Rini was friends with her so I knew slightly how she’d gonna ask me.

But the problem was, I didn’t know who the other tester was. Mrs. Irena, her name, was first to be seen on that preview by Mrs. Rini and me. The rumors about her were plenty, but only one point: that she was a very critical lecturer. She asks about anything. And even Mr. Denny (one of the most critical lecturer) and Mrs. Irena’s friends said that they were also annoyed by her questions, they usually couldn’t answer that super critic questions.

And so I gave the presentation, I wasn’t as nervous as when I waited outside cuz I knew my project and got prepared well. Mrs. Irena and the other lecturers smiled and I was relaxed then. Mrs. Yunita began the questions and I could handle them. So then began the questions from Mrs. Irena.

It was so many of them, so difficult to answer and often I had to look at my lecturers but Mrs. Rini looked as tense as I was and Mr. Natsir could only gave me a weak smile. I felt I had given wrong answers, I felt I didn’t answer them well bcuz I forgot to bring all of the datas I had, so I couldn’t answer some of her questions. This lecturer was smiling all the time but her questions were so complicated.

I forgot most of the questions when I got out of the room but thankfully Mrs. Rini had made me notes about the questions, critics and advises. More friends waited outside than when I got in. They asked me how it was and I could only smile plainly and said it was difficult. I was so tense I got so tired and sleepy after that and when I finally got home, I slept for 5 hours to recharge my battery. My boy said I was too tense I lost a large amount of energy. I was more than tense I felt I had failed to answer the questions I could answer if I brought the data that day.

But when I went to campus the day after, Mr. Natsir and Mrs. Rini said I brought a nice presentation (over their expectations) and I’ve answered all questions fine and that all the questions Mrs. Irena said were not in my field. They were more to IT and techniques than an interior design. So I shouldn’t get so worried cuz I could answered all the necessary questions.
I was relieved by their supports and words. They really are the best lecturers and I am so lucky I had them as my leading lecturers. There’re still 3-4 months till my final project judgement, and I’m certain they will help me to reach that point and get over the tiring semester so well. I’ve no worry about failing and I now have new spirit to get over this cuz I have the best supporters around me.

Pray and fight with me this semester, guys, I know we can do all the tests in life if we don’t fight it alone. At least we have to ask God to fight with us. Then God will give you victory at the end, just like when He fought for the Israels thousands of years ago.

GAMBATTE NE!

Hey it’s been a while since the last time I wrote here..

Well, I’ve been busy: the final project and presentations, the holidays between. The holidays were fun, especially last week when my best friends and their partners stayed over after the BBQ party at my home to celebrate Ester’s, Mario’s, my, Troy’s and LS’s birthday. It was our 23rd birthday but Troy’s 24th.

At first we shopped at Toko Setiabudhi for food supply then we processed it at my home: chopping, slicing, baking, etc. I made my special strawberry and soursop puddings too (that’s all I can make in the kitchen). We waited for the guests to come (which were only Troy, Irma & Yanto) till we started the fire for the BBQ. But a problem occurred, the charcoal wasn’t enough for all the meat we bought that day. So Ian & Mario went to the mini market to buy them but the mini market didn’t sell charcoal. So we had to wait till Ian’s friends to come but also we had to keep it silent cuz they were gonna make a surprise to LS.

We waited until around 9.30 when they finally came. So the BBQ was started again and the we were full of schaslick, french fries, spicy chicken, sausage, salad and grilled corn. We had LS’s black forest birthday cake and pudding for desserts. After that, LS and friends went to the club (but they ended up in karaoke room) while we just chat and slept by around 2-3 a.m., all of us but Troy in one room; my sister’s room.

When we woke up the day after, we were so lazy and still sleepy to make a move so we were just lying in my room, made fun or just shared stories. But however after lunch time we were all dressed up and after finished the beef and soup we bought the day before, we went to Kopi Selasar and spent our last moments there (but without LS and Ian).

It was tiring but also fun, we had really great time and we realized, the chance to gather like that wouldn’t happen too often, maybe it was only happen once a year if we get lucky. People changes, friends too. Not that the feelings between us would ever change, but the chance would not happen twice. We promised to keep the friendship till the end, till everyone of us would get married, have children, get old, and finally die.

We cherish the meaning of friendship, respect, understanding, love, and togetherness. There are still so many things in this world we have to find, learn, and do (but also we felt so old bcuz of Ester’s wedding and now that she’s pregnant).

We dunno what or where life will lead us to. We are still so young, not even 25. I got a feeling that this would be my last chance to see them this often cuz I plan to discover life in the metropolitan Jakarta. But I really do hope the chance will always available for me to see them all for the rest of my life cuz they really are my best friends EVIL.

I want to be like my idol: Angelina Jolie. She’s beautiful (no explanation about this), sexy (especially her thick lips but I don’t want that kind of lips, I’m satisfied with mine), charming (or to be more accurate, tempting?), independent (look at how she drives an aeroplane), has a wide knowledge (I think her character as Lara Croft had brought her to the different world outside America and opened her knowledge awide), and has a super-high passion of life (maybe my opinion about this, too, is influenced by Lara Croft). She’s just unique. Something special inside her just makes her different from other Hollywood stars. She’s an extraordinary girl.

And those tattoos, I’m certain she was one who inspirate me to make myself one. But unlike her, the dragons are outdated when I made the tatts and I personally like butterfly and the heart shape and also the tribal style. So instead of making such exotic images, I made something more personal to me, something that can describe ‘me’ through images.

I once liked Jennifer Anniston. She was my goddess of beauty icon. She has the nice smile, represents the image of ideal woman, and has the perfect hair style. And not long after my admiration for her, she got the sexiest man alive: Brad Pitt. It completed my admiration toward her. But then, I got bored. Her appearance, her husband, her life, all of them made her a boring profile and made me had to change my idol to Paris Hilton (for her style—head to toe—and her multination hotels), Mandy Moore (I fell in love with her since A Walk To Remember and especially in How To Deal for her girl-next-door thing), Gwen Stefani (I’ve always her fan since Don’t Speak for her bold style) and… Angelina Jolie.

I forgot when I first noticed her. But I like her more and more since Tomb Raider, Original Sin, and how I heard she’s the spokeperson for UN. And how she adopted kids (I’ve always thought I’d adopt a kid or two in the future cuz I don’t wanna have my own babies) and how a perfect independent woman she was back then—exactly the way I wanna become.

Then there was the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith which I thought was a perfect pairing combination of the actors: my most favorite male actor and my idol actress. Just like me, Brad Pitt changed his ideal woman for his life, too, to her.

What I really love about Angelina Jolie is, she’s always looks elegant and casual at the same time, looks so comfort with herself, loves and cares her kids so much, and—not like any other woman—seems so confident with herself, not really cares whether she has Billy Bob Thornton or not beside her. She seemed so comfort with herself. She could be anything, anyone, be anywhere she wanted to.

Maybe that’s what Brad Pitt saw in her, the extra-confident woman with great passion for life, someone who is comfort with herself but doesn’t place herself over anyone else. She really does something to the children, to the world. She makes the world a better place with true actions.
I was interested in boy-scout thing when I was about 5-6 years old. I quit then, but it didn’t stop me to like social life or to help people around me. I liked the UNICEF once when I was a kid. Long before my dad joined one of UN’s organizations, I’ve always interested on UNICEF, WHO, WWF (I don’t really like animals but I support the organizations that protect them). And now, I know I’d have something big with UNICEF in the future. I hope I’d be able to do ‘miracles’ for those children, to give people something they never or lack of having.

Angelina Jolie’s style (appearance-style to life-style) has been the ideal style for me. But I’d do it all with my own way. I’m not a big star or married to Brad Pitt like her. But I’m sure I have something special inside of me that I can give to the world. What is it? I dunno yet, but I’d give my effort to achieve the goal. I really hope I can get to that point. That way, I don’t have to regret of not having the ‘normal family’ like any of my friend’s gonna get.

Kenapa first love selalu special bagi kita?

Karena:
1. Ini PERTAMA kalinya kita ngerasa deg-degan, senyum-senyum sendiri dan jadi bahagia tanpa alasan, cuma karena orang itu ada di dekat kita,
2. Kita BELAJAR bahwa makhluk/kaum yang selama ini menyebalkan selama masa kecil kita ternyata bisa bikin kita kacau di dalam hati, dan sejelek apapun dia, buat kita dia sempurna,
3. Belum ada orang yang pernah bikin kita semenderita dan sesenang ini sekaligus, dan belum ada TRAUMA dalam diri kita sebelumnya.

Tetapi jatuh cinta yang kedua (second love) mengajar kita tentang hidup, real life that isn’t as beautiful as what we’ve always dreamt of.
Second love mengajar kita untuk bangkit dan memulai kembali. Kita punya pengalaman dan memperbaikinnya. Kita bertahan dan mempertahankannya. Second love menyadarkan kita bahwa dunia sangat luas dan tak berakhir ketika kita patah hati.

Namun true love adalah cinta yang sesungguhnya.Di mana kita sudah banyak belajar dan mengenal cinta. True love adalah bentuk sempurna dari cinta. True love membuat kita melupakan first love, second love, dan other loves in our lives.
True love mengajar kita memisahkan past-tense dengan present dan future-tense. True love membuat hidup kita bermakna, walaupun dengan first love kita merasa sudah hidup, true love memberi makna pada kehidupan itu.

Dan true love simply never ends.

I think I have problems with trusting new people. The last days of year 2006, I’ve given my trust to 2 of my new friends but they ended up disappointed me.

The first one was a girl whom I believed could be one of my best friends. But after 2 months of recognition, she disappointed and humiliated me. I still care for her, about her future and life, but I don’t really wanna know what she’s up to, her latest job or whatsoever. I’ve offered my time but she rejected it by saying she has no time for me bcuz her boyfriend is 24/7 being beside her. It’s unbelievable and so disappointing. I still reckon her as my friend, but no longer on my top list.

The second new friend was a boy. He’s 2 years younger than me and offered a job. I took it but it turned out that that caused a new problem. I was wrong, I took the job bcuz it was interesting and could add some taste in my resume. It was a clothing store with concept of a candy shop. But I took it with my final projects have to be done. So I was fetched by deadlines and the projects came up disappointing too.

It was not due to the projects. But the boy was so green at this field. He didn’t give me the part as our first agreement but he changed it as he liked it. It was disappointing that in the end he gave up talking with me and ‘gave’ me to his partner. And he gave me lower than half of the first agreement but still arguing I put too high price. Hey if you don’t want to give me the number I asked then DON’T make any agreement at all. He lowered my honor anytime we meet. This is so unprofessional.

This was a lesson for me. But the boy seemed so defending I couldn’t make any contact with him again since the money matter. This is a very sensitive problem—the money and friendship. So guys, I gotta advice you to ALWAYS make a written agreement on any business you do, even it was with your own family or even siblings. It’s a crucial thing that could help you later. And, never trust a new friend so fast, they could manipulate you… even she’s so kind or he looked so true.

Well, we took our lessons and move on. New year 2007, we hope for better living, better lessons and better way to live.

I never regretting the quick holiday I took though it meant truancy. I went to Jakarta with my classmates, it was an instant plan, and suddenly I was in Delia's blue Innova car, sat beside Kebo who was driving and talking with Laura, Shirly, Tessa, Jeremy and Erwin. We arrived Jakarta by midday and had lunch soto at Kelapa Gading before took a quick trip at Mal Artha Gading.

After shopped and met Laura's boyfriend, we moved to the next stop, EX Plaza. There, we again had quick trip to the whole building and interiors. After that we came to Senayan City for another quick trip. We had dinner at food court with Mario too before split. The group went back to Bandung that night while I went to Iwan's home to stay over the night.

Mario fetched me again the day after and we killed time at his place Around midnight, Mario dropped me off at Lita's. We girls stayed awake till 5a.m, talked bout stuff happened lately. We discovered some truth and message of those cases. We studied the purpose that lies beneath those, this is our favorite, to discuss things and examine it to the very root.

It was Sunday when Mario met Lita's parents and he took me to MTA to see movie but the ticket was sold out and we ended up combing the mall store to store, window shopped in the whole mall building until Ian came and joined us for some time. After dark, Mario took me back to Lita's and again we discussed things till it was 3a.m – paused with sleep and continued it before and during breakfast.

Lita took me to MTA again and we had some mall-girl time. Ian fetched me in the afternoon and we drove fast to the airport to fetch Livia back from Swiss. I was so excited to see her again. I dunno how many times I did this, I've been to the airport to see her departed for so many times and finally now to see her arrived home.

We reached Bandung near 11p.m because the traffic jam was hard. But I'm glad I did the trip, the whole trip the last 4 days. Cuz I got the lessons and messages from my and my friends' problems and I feel refreshed. Maybe you don't understand this but for me, going to Jakarta for once in a while is really a refreshing thing.

It’s like a curse. Or a gift, I’m not sure.
The thing is I’m always in between. I’m a product of mixed English-Chinese-Bantenese which each has different culture, taste, habit, priority and way of thinking.

And I’m just traveling between Jakarta and Bandung, living in both cities like a wanderer. While I’m in Bandung my soul, heart and focus is in Jakarta and vice versa.

Now I took a test about masculine-feminine brain, and the result is I’m just in the border between two brains. That means I’m good enough to think like a man and do things like a woman. This is a benefit, but it’s confusing though.

I am so COMPLICATED, I knew this since forever. I have girl friends but I like to hang a lot with boys. I have friends in Bandung but Jakarta can always make me wanna come back in every chance I got. I have Chinese offspring friends, native taste and Western thinking.

Gosh it would be a lot easier if you are a true Chinese offspring or pure blonde or very native cuz being in between like me always emerged confuses, hesitations and dilemma. You’d know where your place is while I’m still wandering finding the right place for myself.

Not that I don’t have home or true friends or even lover. I have all those. But I always find difficulties on knowing who I AM, where I have to be, how I am supposed to do, which group I have to inhabit in.

Like now I found this Capoeira kids from Unpar are fun to be with, I fall in love with the acrobats/sport/martial art and all those Brazilian folklore songs. I even learned how to hit the atabaque, the drum special for Capoeira music. It’s like finding the part of you you’d never know you lose but you just love it like it had always been in your blood. But it’s just opposite the world I am in all these times. All the friends I had.

This influence the way I act but my guy just has his own ideals and I’m struck by them. Well maybe I dramatized this a bit but hey if you are me, you’d understand. I have a free soul inside here, wanting to fly happily in the blue sky, try any possibility I could have. But again, the golden cage just caught me here, limiting my moves.

I love my guy, he’s the best. But the things between us are just TOTALLY different. I can adapt, of course I can. But can he? Can he understand all my friends, my habits, my nature character and let me be just the way I am? He says he can, but in fact I’d just struck by the rules again. And those rules are tying me, caged me, though they are made of golden or diamond. It just doesn’t work here, in my head.

Another dilemma, I think God put that little word to go on with me on the day of my creation. Maybe this is the way I’m living my life. Others live in fight, struggling for what they want. Some live in hesitation, hatred, hate, in need of admission, but I live with DIFFICULT CHOICES and DILEMMA.

How about you???

Finally the modeling sessions are over. I am now busy with other stuff: completing projects and take care of my relationship. This isn't easy pals. My boyfriend just told me there's a good book called Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Allan and Barbara Pease. Well, if you are in a relationship then you have to read this stuff.

The book tells us all we need to know about our opposite sex. About their nature characters to their sex habits and needs. By knowing these, you can help yourselves in the relationship you are now in. I am still working on the book and the practicing my self but also have so many things to do and much thinking inside of my head.

My best friend is breaking up from her 14-months-relationship and my other best friend is still dunno what she's up to in life. It's actually not my problems but when it comes to a girlfriend, it became her problems too (just read the book I recommended).

While now I am working on a project given by Licky, it's kinda motivate me to keep being in this interior designing world. He's making a new concept of clothes store, talking about candy all over the shop. This is something new and refreshing beside all those distribution store (distro) all over the country and factory outlets in Bandung. I hope I can help Licky and his friends to make this dream come true.

This is fun. I gotta new activity now being a model. Wow!

Don’t think of professional model or something, no. I am just being a model for drawing model classes. Not bad I earn lots of money here though I have to stay still waiting for the students to draw me. This is funny how 20-25 students draw my figure, my face, my gesture. The results were various. Some drew me really good I’m surprised how imaginative these young people are. They are about 3 years younger than me. But some drew me so bad I wanted to mad and laugh but that’s okay cuz the good ones are quite pleasing.

The bad part is that I had to sit in some pose in more than 1 hour. In the first meetings they made it 2x1 hour per class but now it’s the second week, they made it 1x1.5 hours per class so I had to find the most relax pose I had to be in for the next 1.5 hours. If not, I’d get numb in legs or hands and butt.

The funny thing is I can see various persons. There is a girl who always wears orange. She’s like the Orange Girl but not like one in Jostein Gaarder’s novel. She wears orange shirt and orange shoes and orange framed spectacles with orange bag and orange wallet and orange cell phones. The only thing that isn’t orange in her is only blue jeans. But her drawings are good.

The other funny student I notice is a boy with curly hair and odd body figure he looks like a joker in kingdom if he wears joker’s costume. He’s good in drawing but he always put his tongue out while he’s drawing he looks so funny to look at once in a while.

The other students are just ordinary. I can see their characters by their drawings and outfits. This is fun but also boring and made me sleepy. The money is worth it so it’s just okay with me. Haha…

So Bandung has another newcomer in entertainment business. The place called Paris van Java at Jl. Sukajadi. It's an open space with luxury bistros and boutiques which mostly are branches from Jakarta.

The huge stores like Carrefour and Sogo stay in the left side while the new theater with 9 huge studios, Blitz Megaplex, balances the right side. Restaurants and cafes like Javana Bistro, BMC, Oh La La, Zenbu, Red Bean, Hot Shot, Gelato Bar stand in line fencing the area, connecting the Carrefour and Blitz Megaplex buildings. My most favorite resto is Zenbu that serves great Japanese food with elegant minimalist interior but in reasonable price. It's nice to sit outside enjoying the cool night breeze of Bandung, the hanging parking lights and fashionable people who walk along the way.

Basically, the place is awesome though it's not totally open yet. People are coming already and feel satisfied though it's still half made. The concept is new and promising, it's like combining Cilandak Town Square, Dharmawangsa Square and Bandung location, contour and climate. So I guess I have new place to go beside Ciwalk on weekends.

To Jakarta people, this place is highly recommended, especially when it's completely finished. You gotta experience this yourselves!

We all woke up by 6 a.m. the morning after, Oct 26th. We took bath, had breakfast and left Iwan, Lita and Steve at home by 7.30. We had to fit the 6 of us in the Jazz car so we folded the backseats that the baggage became bigger and we put mattresses on it and the 4 of us (Ben, Clemy, me and Mario) sat on it the whole 5 hours trip to Pelabuhan Ratu.

We arrived by 12.30 p.m. and checked in for room 308. The room was family size, 1 king size and 2 single beds with beautiful view to the ocean over the bay. It was really nice. The other families were Uncle Hari’s plus his friends Pak Hari’s and Pak Frans’, so we were all 30 people total.

We had lunch at Uncle Hari’s land half an hour from Bayu Amrta Hotel where we stayed. The guardian prepared us fresh fishes and squids for lunch and it tasted great. After lunch the kids (that means me, Mario, Ben, Clemy, Hizkia, Loren and Angel) went up to the hill and took some pictures there. The view was even greater than the view from the hotel.

The weather was getting hotter so we went a bit higher and found a coffee stall and had some liquid to freshen us. Then the guardian took us even higher up to the hill through rocky and burnt field. It was 4.30 p.m. and it felt like being on top of the world. I swear it felt great being among nature.

When we got back to the hotel it was almost 6 p.m. The kids are playing PS2 and billiard and we killed time at the lobby. The lobby was like big balcony facing the harbor opposite the bay. The wind was fresh and not fishy or sticky. I like the cool night breeze there.

We had dinner at the restaurant and a local girl singer companied us during the feast. I made duet with Aunt Magda then with Clemy singing some songs but I didn’t found any of my fave songs in the list so I didn’t perform solo. Then Mario took me to the bay and we shared some moments together. It was simple yet wonderful. There were also fireworks at the harbor so it completed the romantic nite.

My best friend Lita, her boyfriend Steve and my cousin Iwan came to stay over last Wednesday, Oct 25th. They arrived in Bandung in the morning and came to fetch me at home. We stayed for some minutes before we went to fetch Mario at his home then went for shopping.

We visited all distros in Jl. Sultan Agung. From Soul Artist, Omuniuum, d’loops, Vocuz, Evil and the last one was BlackJack. Each of us but Iwan bought 1 item. I had a grey long shirt with picture of a skull and roses in the front that I wanted from quite a long time. Mario liked an exact the same baby-blue-and-navy-blue-hue jacket with the one I got from Close-Up Planet quiz but we all recommended the other one similar to Heineken label. He finally bought it.

Ester and Boyank couldn’t go anywhere cuz they were working at Paskal Hypersquare so we had lunch there and Iwan finally got a shirt. Now everyone had shopped that day so we could all go home and took bath.

Mario was staying over too so he took his stuff while we were preparing ourselves. He also picked Irma and Yanto up on the way back to my house so it made us 3 couples plus Iwan. Too bad Luppi is still in Hong Kong, Ester was working and Livia is in Swiss. If not, we could make 6 couples of my dear friends.

We headed for Ciwalk and had dinner at Platinum, wore our new clothes and took a tour trip around Ciwalk for Lita. It was getting late and we moved to Congo Café. We had some hot chocolate until 12 a.m. enjoying the beautiful view of Bandung city and playing cards.

It was quite a long time since I stayed over at Lita’s place and it was the second time Lita stayed over at mine. We had chat but not for a very long time, we fell asleep by 2 a.m. (we usually up till 4 a.m. talking about everything needed to discuss)

I really love my friends and I thank God for giving us chance to meet like this. The plan was screwed at first cuz my family was staying over on the time Lita planned to come but in the end it was okay to delay it for 2 days. And it was always been pleasure for me to have friends staying over and gather like that. I’m so grateful that I have such wonderful friends whose all in couples now. So happy for all of us I hope God always bless our relationships all.

My best friend’s 23rd birthday was unexpected. We didn’t make any plan we were just happened to meet in Ciwalk that night on Oct 21st. I was with my man Mario and we met Ian and his gang: Miming, Robby, Mika, Babi, Oky, Tikus and some girls. Then Ester and Boyank came, also Irma and Yanto. We had late dinner at Food Court but it was not really good.

I and Mario met a LOT of our high school friends there, included Dewi and Irma, the girls from Mario’s past. I was a bit jealous but hey he’s with me now so it wasn’t necessary. The girls have their own partners too so why should I be jealous?

My brother and his friends joined us so it made us a big party to sit and relax in Embargo Café. I asked for 20 seats to Abang, the Embargo owner cuz t was kind of difficult at that time, the place was full and we were overloading.

So we were chatting, played cards, meeting old friends. For me, I got pleasure of meeting old pals like Jejenk, Cumin, Audry (whom Ian’s cousin actually), Gama and Helmi. Later Mario said Helmi is still in love with me but I don’t really recall that. They were teacher and student of break dance but in the end the student won the girl’s heart so the situation was a bit absurd. Helmi is a good guy, my former crush before I met Mario, but it was never love between us, it was just a crush.

We took some pictures and suddenly it occurred to me to give Irma a birthday surprise. So I asked Abang whether he had any cake and candle. He promised the cake but instead of cake he borrowed us a bottle of whipped cream. So when the clock hands got close to number 12, I and Mario went inside and Abang gave us the ‘tools’. He opened the backdoor exactly behind Irma’s seat.

I held the tiramisu cake and sang a Happy Birthday while Mario sprayed the whipped cream on Irma’s hair. So it became some chasing game of spraying whipped cream for some minutes before we finally eat the cake. It was delicious and was compliment from Abang.

Well, it wasn’t a perfect birthday party but for a sudden plan it was okay. Actually, it was unforgettable for her. This was her first birthday with boyfriend and whipped cream. We gave Irma her present and hoped it completed her day.

I just joined this Brazilian martial art just today. Luppi wanted to join and she asked me too. So I said yes and we came to the campus by 6 p.m. There we saw people in whites moving like dancing with the rhythm of the drum. It’s just like in Tekken video game, the martial art Eddie using. Or like in other movies I watched, it was beautiful and looked difficult.

I and Luppi then changed clothes and the practice began. They have a unique greeting and always start everything with prayer. They taught us the basic style of caddera and ginga and hole and others. It looked difficult at first but they taught us step by step so it was much easier to follow up.

I start to fall in love with this stuff. You know I joined Tae Kwon Do more than 15 years ago when I was only 7-8. I had to quit becuz we moved to Bandung. And you know that I love dancing. Any form of dancing, from waltz to salsa, from jive to break dance. And I watch any dance movie Hollywood ever produced. It’s just the chance I don’t have all this time to do one.

I hope I can do this for a long term, since this is the only martial art I join and the only active sport I have. I don’t think jogging, aerobic and yoga included to active sports. I mean, the three sports I said was to defeat ourselves. But in capoeira, we do this in solo, duet and in group.

This is fun. Here I get new activity, new knowledge and experience, new people to know and new spirit for life. Btw, “Capoeira” is a lively Brazilian martial art that combines dance, acrobatics and music with fighting techniques. Capoeira is a fun and exciting sport. It is a mixture of body and soul, fighting and dancing, of music instruments and voice requiring the use of mental physical and emotional agility. The emphasis is not on how well you sing or perform but on how much energy you commit to trying.

I told you I have new friend. I can say she’s now one of my closest friends, and to be shortened, she’s my new best friend.

I haven’t known her for too long. I met her at school and suddenly she became my family member (remember the quote that says friends are family we choose?). She blends in well with my blood-family and my best friends too. She has almost the same interests with mine. And now she’s the only live object I look for every time I reach the campus building.

The problem came when I start hear people talking about her. Now that I am close to her I care to hear every word about her. Not that I am looking for rumors but they just seem to find its way onto my ears so I can hear them.

People’s subjection toward her isn’t a good one. Even people around me had warned me becuz our friendship is too sudden and instant. But I tried (and still) to look in the depths. Face and appearance could lie but soul can not. I try to keep cool and not judging anything too soon. I want to know people to their deepest soul so I should not hear the dogs’ bark out there. Not that I am so crazy in love with this new girl and stop listening to the world but the world don’t know her well and so do I. I keep and save all the opinions about her but I try to be not objective about this.

I know now part of her past, not a good or perfect one. I was once like her when I lost my direction in life. All people experience this too, aren’t they? So why judge others when you know nothing about them? I don’t think it’s a wise act to do. And we all deserve to have the same chance to live life, to have friends, to have fun, to express ourselves, to do something wild once in a while, to seek true happiness and meaning of life, to bring out the best in us, to be happy and peace in life.

And remember that there is no such coincidence in life. People come in our way to teach us something. They are whether here to help us or to give us chance to help them. I still have to be careful in steps that I make. I shouldn’t trust anyone too early. I learned this from experiences, especially toward new people I don’t really know (yet). But giving our love thru real actions are way better than standing behind the back talking and give pity to others.

So I’m gonna stand still and keep my friendship with this new girl. I don’t care what people think about her. I’m gonna give her a chance to find her own happiness and for this I think I can offer her my friendship. I did this too before, to one of my best friend, and see what? She isn’t as bad as what people think of her. She can be a good girl when her surroundings support her and I think my new girl now deserves the same chance.

How difficult it is to be a human? How many rules we have to obey in life? I found this kind of difficult to live in my neighborhood. I have some friends who have some issues. Actually everybody have issue, including me. But this time is the peak of all the entire 3.5 years of friendship we have.

My classmates are kind of troubled persons. We have some ridiculous periodical ritual. We tend to inclusive one of us for some time due no reason. This is funny and so childish, but this is us. I’ve had my own time being the inclusive member but I never took it too personal or too much to think about.

Now they are at their peak. I try to be in neutral position because they are all my friends after all. Now I have to think and act maturely. The class has turned into 2 groups. The one don’t like to be talked behind and the other one is the one who always find trouble for herself (of course in every war there’s always 1 person with special intention in each side and people who are in their party are influenced by their thoughts)

So I take one lesson here. That to live in small town like this we have to keep our mouth and not to speak about other people. But it’s kind of hard to hold our passion to gossip or comment. Well, hard doesn’t mean it can not be done. And we have to not putting our nose to neighbor’s cook. It’s like getting involved to people’s problem and it’s so not to be done here.

People are sometimes too busy commenting about others they forget about their own appearance in other’s eyes. They forget to look into themselves in the mirror and this is the bait to another commenting. Well it just looks so hard to live in my neighborhood.

I tried to investigate to the very root of all this weirdness. I bet there are no other classes like ours in any side of the world. When I figured this out, it all came with the ‘wrong’ perception from one of us. She tends to get all things as competition, she has fights uselessly for unimportant things she calls battle field. I mean, it is normal to do our projects the best. But I made my own projects in my best and not to be the best in class. When there’s ambition, anything can rule and evil comes. But she does all the projects with spirit to win the competitions. The result, she disappointed for not becoming number one.

This triggers her ego and this little disappointment has turned over to jealousy and this isn’t healthy, I’ve felt this awkwardness from years ago but I kept it for myself and my best friend. We never confronted her because it’s gonna be useless to tell a wall about its niche in one side. She is a bit stubborn, FYI.

But now she has made some problem with another girl who is frank to tell people and not gonna think twice to confront anyone who messes with her. So then the war begins, the water in the kettle is boiling.

Why being so childish about all this? To smile every time the other is wounded or to talk about other’s without knowing the truth is a very contemptible thing one can do, especially to friends they have known and be together in the same class the last whole 2.5 years.

At first all I did was just smiling when one side complaining about the other. But this can’t take too long, something hotter is coming however. Now we all have to make move and the first side had invited us all to a gathering next week. The other side had told their (I mean, she and her party) grudges to the other side.

I told them that this class is not a battle field or beauty pageant competition. We aren’t rivals, we are all friends. So why not to care more about other’s goodness and care less about their faults. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, at least once. No people are as holy as God and even saints did sins in their old lives. People have their own issues and they all fight to beat them to be a better person.

So stop exploiting other’s flaws. Check ourselves before try check your neighbor. And put hatred and jealousy and hurt feelings away from us. We wanna make this world a better place to live, not to be more difficult. I think they just have to learn to be mature. And to take note that people are varied from races, religions, characters so with interaction we are all learn to face various kind of people. I hope this class is getting better I’m kind of tired to hear all the grudges every time I meet one of them.

Got too much information in a long day could be quite a burden and tiring. Like a computer that hangs becuz it receives too many orders and tasks (I took this analogy from Mark Haddon’s novel about an autistic boy ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night-time’. Perhaps we should really learn to study details from autistic, sometimes they can describe about something with excellent precise details).

I passed one such day today (this blog was made on Sept 21, 2006). I followed one yogi-pilates class this morning with Mum and Luppi. Then I came to campus by 10 a.m. for team discussion and my lecturer gave me and Tessa some job.

I got the first nag from Tessa during lunch. This was an issue about a troubled girl in our class. That quite made me upset by what she had said but well it wasn’t my problem anyway. So we continued killing time by checking out photos of ours at Singapore. I ran down for some fresh liquid and met Terry with his problem. I tried to help but the fact was sort of bothering me—though it wasn’t my problem at all.

Time for Tessa to leave and I was alone. But not for too long, cuz I met Luppi and the boys outside. We talked—which were more of listening to repeated Anang-KD’s song ‘Tak Pernah Menyesal’. Then it was 3 p.m. already and I went for my class.

We were dismissed before 5 p.m. and I went online for hot spot at Food Federation in GWM campus building. When it got late I moved to SGS building and finished my Jostein Gaarder’s ‘The Ringmaster’s Daughter’ book. And I waited there till after 6 p.m. when finally Ben came.

But before that I had to figure out another friend’s issue. Not that I buy it but it was kind of overwhelming to know people’s bad stuff all in one day. It was kind of proving that no one in this world worth trusting. Especially new people we met. Best friends and family are different subjects. Yeah I think I got too much information today—though you would say ‘what should you care about it? That’s their problems, not yours!’ But somehow they got passed my ears and delivered to my brain and got processed and kept in a memory file somewhere in this head. Somehow these are new information to be sorted about.

At home Clemy asked me to tell stories, gossips, news, like any hot topic to hear. The freshest story I got today was about the issues. So I went there burst out anything I got today and I just felt so sick after that so I turned on my DVD player and watched some movies to help me feeling better. The result was kind of helping—along with 4 bars of Beng-Beng chocolate of course. But I still had to throw these up to somewhere else. And it’s nowhere but to Mario’s ear. So I called him and blabbing and then I got all this just better. Cuz I finally share ‘the burden’ with someone I trust.

And I dunno why this came today but I guess some good news also coming my way. My dean just messaged me and offered me another referenced job. Well perhaps we call it as a ‘promotion’ in working world. And I said yes and this is good though I dunno yet what should I do for it.

But today I had such day by listening to people’s issues and taking 2 jobs from lecturers which were all new tasks for me to hold. Just enough for today I hope tomorrow everything just gonna be better…