As more of my friends are getting married lately (it's been at least one couple per week since the beginning of September), more were dead, as well. Last Saturday my Mom's cousin, Uncle Nico, passed away due to his lung disease, then Reynato, cousin of Yodi, Yoan and Andy, passed away from the HIV last Monday. The latest was Uncle Johnny, cousin-in-law to Mom, died last Tuesday after his several times' dialysis.

I watched this movie with my sister last night: A Little Bit of Heaven. Marley (Kate Hudson) was diagnosed to have an ass cancer and living her last months of life with the most valuable things in her life, after having just fun all her life before. Then the question came to me: if you were at the Marley's situation, would you hold on to love, or push it away in case to "save" someone's heart?

Further more, if you were Julian (Gael García Bernal), would you stick around the one you love, or leave them to face the death alone? Maybe I would try to keep love away to keep the one I love from getting hurt if I were Marley, but if I were being Julian, I would definitely stay around. But then again, it's such a lie that people can keep the one they love away, so even if when I'm at Marley's situation, I guess I'll give in to love eventually.

I am now more or less at Julian's position, loving someone who is slowly dying. Terrible things is that he pushes me away from his life and didn't give me any chance to make us both happy (for I'm pretty sure he's feeling the same way). He's trying to "keeping people's life safe" by not being near him. WTF. I mean, how can you save someone's life when you are tearing your and their hearts apart?

I'd follow Julian and Marley here, holding on to love, no matter how small time we have, but it's not the quantity that define how great a love is. Love is whatever you are feeling about a person, regardless how dull the future on being together seem to be, regardless how the rest of the world are against it. Most importantly, love can not be pushed away. The way one feel it is the way it is. We can't control it.

I am wondering where life would direct me to after this. If I'm about to stick around this dying guy, would it really ruin my world? Would it damage my life? How if it makes my life worthwhile instead? Why don't we just take the chances and see where it lead us to? Why are we so afraid of the unknown? Guess we'll never know until we try, right?